One week ago, Chloe Dykstra published her Me Too essay on Medium. She described her toxic, abusive relationship with an unnamed older man, a man everyone knew was Chris Hardwick. Hardwick released a statement last weekend which was basically like “as a future father, I would never abuse a woman but Chloe cheated on me.” It was seen by many as yet another attempt to gaslight Chloe. Hardwick’s various shows and appearances were either canceled or put on pause while everyone reassessed in the wake of Dykstra’s essay. Hardwick tried to “prove” that he wasn’t an abusive, toxic douche by giving some of Dykstra’s old texts to TMZ, which was another awful move. The Wrap did a story about how most of Hardwick’s current and former coworkers believe Chloe’s claims and that Hardwick was a douchebag to work for and with.
The latest act of the Make Hardwick Great Again comeback is a statement from his wife, Lydia Hearst. Lydia is 33 years old (Hardwick is 46) and they got married in 2016 and sold/gave (?) the photos to People Magazine. Lydia wants you to know that she doesn’t believe Chloe Dykstra.
Lydia Hearst has broken her silence about the allegations surrounding her husband Chris Hardwick.
“This is not a statement in defense, this is a statement of defense,” Hearst tells PEOPLE in an exclusive statement. “Defense for all the women who have been sexually abused, raped, trafficked, and tortured; defense of all the people who this movement was started for. Over the last year the #MeToo movement has rightly aimed a spotlight directly on women whose stories needed to be told. As someone who has been involved in toxic relationships in the past, I know first hand the importance of sharing these stories and do not take this situation lightly.”
“I have made the decision to come out in support of my husband not out of obligation, but out of necessity to speak the truth about the person I know. Chris is nothing but loving and compassionate and is the only person who has stood by me, never judged me, helped me heal, and feel whole. To defend my husband would be giving credence to any of these accusations. I will not do that. Chris Hardwick is a good man,” she adds. “I remain in complete support of my husband, and I believe that the truth will always win. #TimesUp because I know my truth and I believe in due process.”
I go back and forth on a lot of this stuff when it involves the wife/girlfriend of someone being accused of being a predator or abuser. There’s a lot of “she should have known” which just reads to me like people are trying too hard to blame a woman for a man’s abuse. Who knows what Lydia Hearst knows, and she’s not responsible for what her husband did or did not do before they were even together. All that being said, her statement made me angry – it’s one thing to not say anything, it’s one thing to say “I choose to believe my husband.” She’s going with “he never abused ME, therefore he could never abuse ANYONE.” And that’s awful.
Chloe also released a statement a few days ago too:
Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. pic.twitter.com/giXmp2wb9V
— Chloe Dykstra (@skydart) June 20, 2018
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Boy, he has a type.
A man can act differently with different women. I’ll bet she’s seen his controlling tendencies, though.
Oof you’re not kidding. 13 yrs younger and very skinny – I point this out only bc Chloe discussed her anorexia while dating Chris.
The pictures I looked up after this story broke seem to suggest Lydia’s gotten even thinner since dating/marrying him. She looks worryingly frail these days.
And yes, he does have a type. They could be sisters.
I grew up with an abusive dad. I’m not trying to speak for all abuse survivors, but I gotta say, abusers don’t change. Even if he’s not abusing his wife physically, even if she doesn’t recognize it as abuse herself, the chances are good that she’s being abused somehow.
I love how those defending statements (mostly) women release are all like “The Me Too movement is amazing and has done a lot of good. I fully support rape survivors and believe women should be believed when they come forward with their stories. This particular b!@tch is full of sh*t tho, ignore her”
I think this girls story could be true and Lydia still wants to be with her husband.
I think at this point, there needs to be a discussion about what men who have been accused of #metoo violations should DO to redeem themselves. can they be rehabilitated? can they change? do we WANT to see them become better people or we just want to them fail and be punished indefinitely by the public? honest question here.
I imagine we do not WANT these men to continue to be abusive monsters, especially because these men are often in current relationships with other women when they are accused. We don’t want history to repeat itself against their current spouse.
I do not believe naming and shaming the abusers will stop them from abusing. It’s obvious the #metoo movement is a punitive one, we want these men to pay with their careers and reputations but I don’t think it will save the next women they get involved with from getting abused. Maybe they get better at hiding it or turn to emotional abuse that doesn’t leave any evidence but naming them and shaming them ruins their careers yes but I believe it will not “cure” them as abusers.
I’m just trying to constructively ask, what happens next after #metoo? what should these men do to atone for their abuse? to become better people? to change? do we even want them to change because I think i see a lot of women that have a “lock them up and throw away the key” mentality about men accused in the #metoo era. Can these men even be rehabilitated and become good members of society? I’m not sure myself about the answers to any of these questions
I think you make a good point, but I also think that some sort of accountability has to take place before you can get to that point. I’m not someone who “cancels” another human being, but I think the person need to acknowledge what was done and move toward changing in some way. Lashing out at the person you abused (like Hardwick has done) is… not that.
I see a lot of these men’s knee jerk reaction is to deny and justify their actions by undermining their victims.
@stacey
The problem I see with your statement is that is still focused on the abuser and not the victim. It isn’t our jobs to rehabilitate men. They have to want to be better human beings all on their own. They made a decision to abuse and mistreat women and they have to own it.
This need to make excuses for men who enjoy far more privilege in our society than women is a part of the larger problem. It ALL belongs on their laps and it their JOB to improve their behavior and make amends. They know what they do is wrong, yet they only stop when they are caught or called out.
I choose to focus on the women whose lives have been destroyed. Can THEY heal and move forward?
Metoo has been used wrongly a few times but it was by men with an agenda and those cases are very rare. There are always going to be some cases here and there however they are uncommon and not worth trying to create a cover for the guilty.
I have seen men ask to be forgiven, but they are only saying it to save face and have shown no real achievements to lend credence to their pleas. Lip service is useless. So far that is all that has been offered.
No, they cannot change, because they don’t believe they are wrong. It is a mindset, a deeply rooted one. They cannot be rehabilitated, so outing them is to warn other women, not to force them to change. An abusive mentality is cultivated by many, many factors, from what the abuser observes as a child from family members, to who they associate with and are influenced by during adolescence, and messages from popular culture. I think it’s inherently based on a sense of male entitlement. We are chipping away at our culture’s embrace of it, but we still have a long way to go. Someday, when greater equality has been achieved, domestic abuse will be rare.
“I fully support the movement and the women and blah blah blah EXCEPT when it comes to MY man. Then you can all just fuck off.”
Yes. She’s believing women…except when a woman is talking about her husband.
I mean, I get it. She’s happy (hopefully, I truly hope he doesn’t treat her the way he treated Chloe) and loves the guy and doesn’t want to believe it. I’m sure her head has been filled with his version of what happened. To be told otherwise is jarring, and I don’t really know how you craft a statement to say that, but there has to be a better way than this.
I mentioned this elsewhere, but I sincerely think Chris is probably abusing his wife in some way. Unfortunately, it may not be as obvious as physical or sexual abuse, and it’s not likely she’s able to recognize it right now.
As others have stated on the other stories, I truly believe he treats Lydia better because she holds more power in the relationship. I think that he does believe he loves these women, including Chloe. In my experience, if you ask an abuser if they love their spouse, they’ll say yes of course and honestly mean it, but their idea of love is obviously totally screwed up. (Obviously only my experience and i understand that not every abuser is like this.)
Anyway, I think he probably treats Lydia better because she holds more power but his true idea of love is super messed up and is probably dependent on how much control he’s given within the relationship.
I’m of the same mind on this. It feels like he sees Lydia as a person more than a possession like he did Chloe. It doesn’t mean Hardwick isn’t still controlling in many ways, but I think there’s more respect for Lydia.
The question is have any other women come forward that he dated? It could also have been a symptom of that specific relationship. Hard to believe, but sometimes a toxic relationship breeds toxic behaviors.
Exactly, abuse is a power thing thus the wife has more power because of her family name.
I’m going to use a line from one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies…”Sid & Nancy” in which the magnificent Andrew Schofield, who played Johnny Rotten to PERFECTION…said when faced with similar BS with the WORLD’S MOST PERFECT SNEER….
“How lovely for you…”
Oh my…I had the same thought, the same scene, and delivery.
I can’t with CH. I just can’t.
ISN’T IT HIS DELIVERY OF THAT LINE PERFECT FOR SO MANY THINGS!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!
Like her mother, Patty, I think Lydia has the ability to construct a narrative which suits her after the fact. (Patty’s excuses for her SLA participation are riotously funny.) Of course he’ll be nice to Lydia – she’s filthy rich, from a powerful family. He’s the hanger-on here.
I believe Chloe . . . and think she’s either extremely dumb or insecure or thirsty & overly-wowed by proximity to fame & money to have fallen in line with Hardwick’s “rules” within 2 weeks of their first date, which is what she said she did.
The female tendency to such fast over-infatuation or immediate falling-in-love despite warning signs is not a sign of a healthy personality. Read “The Cinderella Complex.”
Abusive partners know how to pick up the ones that will be easier controlled. Chloe for sure has her own issues, but that doesn’t take his responsability because she was more susceptible to fall for his game.
Also, there’s something to be said for how the “rules” were brought up. I didn’t read her full statement, so she might have addressed this, but I would guess it wasn’t introduced as “these are the rules you’re required to follow.” It was probably more subtle than that and more manipulative. I had friend in relationship were the the guy made a casual suggestion, it wasn’t too big a deal, so my friend went along, and then before anyone realized what happened, she’s calling him for permission to go to dinner with her friends when he was out of town (as in, she wasn’t canceling plans with him, just needed permission for how to spend her free time).
So my guess is that it might have started 2-weeks into the relationship, but it probably wasn’t so blatant at that point.
You’ve just described a woman being kidnaped at gun point, beaten, held prisoner and raped as “riotously funny”.
ikr? Kind of scary and sad how casual it was.
Nope. And nope. No matter what these people say, we really have no ideas what goes on behind closed doors. A few off-the-cuff comments on blaming/painting Chloe as somewhat complicit in abuse in this thread and I’m not having it. I believe Chloe.
As for Lydia, indeed, she does have a very powerful, wealthy family. Does that shift the relationship dynamic with Chris? Yes. Does that affect Chloe’s experience. No.
she has no upper lip. thats all i got.
All of this is a mess and it’s clear that this man found a wealthy partner after much avaricious climbing. All of this aside, we shouldn’t make fun of people’s (especially women’s) appearances. I have a thin upper lip too, should I go out and get injections and implants like the plastic women we make fun of everyday? No. We are all individuals and look however we look and we should be respected regardless. Our looks are irrelevant.
It’s pretty gross what a social climber he is. And since she comes from money Lydia can do better
No one talks about Chloe’s connections either. Her dad invented the lightsaber, for goodness sake! Hardwick got the nerd cred for dating her. Total climber.
@beatrix calm down. its just an observation.
@beatrix This! Tearing down women’s looks helps no one.
beatrix, this comment would be really useful over on the Ben Affleck thread. Cannot believe the amount of people brutally slamming Lindsey’s looks. I guess her looks are fair game because she’s dating a douche?
She’s a very pretty girl, she was striking in Gossip Girl, I watched it when I was a teenager and she made a brief appearance at the end of one episode, still remember it ’til this day. Thin upper lip or not, her beauty is undeniable.
Irrelevant note, blonde Lydia Hearst circa 2009 reminded me of Dakota Blue Richards.
HAHAHA HAHAHA
I have absolutely no problem believing she hasn’t seen this side of him because he’s sucked up to her and her money from day 1. She’s also been fed whatever his story is about Chloe, and believes it. I don’t think they’ve been together very long, have they? I wonder if her perspective will change at some point.
Lydia probably gets treated really differently…. people can be assholes to some and angels to others. This makes this story more important that guy who is always loving to you was a monster to someone else
It’s possible that he was awful to Chloe AND he treats Lydia better. Though apparently no one clued Hardwick on to the fact that the more he tries to fight this, the worse he makes himself look.
Anything is possible but the common denominator is the abuser. He controls the dynamic because abuse is all about power and control. It’s very unlikely that if he abused Chloe as she described, that he’s not doing that to his wife. What really opened my eyes was the Duluth Power and Control Wheel, every girl should be shown it by the age of 12 and reshown it in high school.
Chloe has proof right? The text messages from tmz were confusing
Yes very???
Meh, didn’t he try to blacklist her in their industry? Maybe she thought she needed to grovel. He also sent a long and rambling post and she sent back a bunch of short responses. They were confusing but not damning imo.
I’m sure if she does have proof, she will end up releasing it. Hardwick is a workaholic and will do what he needs to do to defend his career.
If she does have proof, I wish she would just come out with it. I have a lot of problems with some of her language in her Medium post (most specifically that she “let” Hardwick “sexually assault her” which makes absolutely no sense) and before we torpedo someone’s career forever it might be nice to know for sure that she’s not some whack job. Because I looked at her videos from her “Cool Story, Chlo” channel on YouTube and she seems a little… off. Like, dying for attention and needing to record/post her every single thought/activity kind of off. So if she has texts, videos, whatever, out with it! You can’t just drop a bomb like that and walk away. Because the video she made after the hospital incident she described in her Medium post completely contradicts everything she said. She goes on and on about how wonderful Hardwick was during that ordeal. She also felt the need to document her entire hospital stay for her channel. Which I know everyone does now, but I just find to be so desperate and attention seeking.
What on earth did Lydia see in him?
I really doubt that he will ever treat a Hearst bad. She is the billinonaire and he is a social climber. He will not want to lose that. I had no doubt that Chloe’s allegations are true because I have already read rumors about him being a jerk. After that, his ex co-workers and current co-workers backed up her allegations as well. Chloe just gave an insight of what she went through. I don’t know how there are people out there having doubts.
I don’t like assuming but I am not surprised she is in full support. I bet she’s scared of him if he’s doing the same stuff to her. Or he treats her totally different. He has a type because they could be sisters!!!
“Wealthy, privileged white women ignores all obvious signs to throw over people under the bus for her own comfort: a 2018 story.”
Omg. Thank you. This sums it up perfectly.
HA!
I get where she is coming from. She is married to this man. I know my husband and I know he is a genuinely good man. If someone came at my husband with accusations like this I would defend and support him 100%. Period.
Except that Chloe’s accusations are publicly supported by numerous people who have worked with him, suggesting that his behavior was nothing unique to this one woman. She’s not defending her husband. She’s defending herself from the self-awareness it would take to examine how her immense privilege may have protected her from the ugliness of the man she married.
Are they? Can you share some of the links? i’m genuinely surprised to hear that because I had not seen anything but Chloe’s post and Chris’ texts from TMZ. My head has been pretty far into work though so maybe I missed it?
You know, you can Google it. And it’s all over the place – he was not very nice to work with.
“I get where she is coming from. She is married to this man. I know my husband and I know he is a genuinely good man. If someone came at my husband with accusations like this I would defend and support him 100%. Period.”
This scary coz this sounds like the kind of women who let their husbands abuse their kids.
Sorry i have expectations for my man to be a good person and not just good to people with more power
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theverge.com/platform/amp/2018/6/15/17469022/chris-hardwick-nerdist-chloe-dykstra – Here’s one article
My partners have to be on the same page with me morally. I’ve known too many abusers who know how to be kind to the right people and treat everybody else like trash. Yes, I would question even my partner.
As in love as I am with my husband (after a lot of work to get to our happy place) I would not. I would want some facts. I don’t think it would ever be an issue because he isn’t that kind of man but I wouldn’t dismiss someone outright without doing a little research of my own. Not about something like abuse. I trust him and love him but no one ever truly knows the mind and heart of another so I would quietly support without thinking I know all.
I most definitely wouldn’t make some public statement for someone Chris H when there is plenty of proof he is a racist scumbag. He can be a racist but abuse is just one step too far for Lydia? I have no sympathy for her.
Her self-involved statement proves she and Chris deserve each other.
I hope that’s how she really is – publicly supportive, but keeping a close eye on their relationship, and aware of warning signs. It has to put a kernel of doubt in anyone’s mind, to be confronted with that.
@DO
You would have to be an idiot to blindly support anyone. That is the most cultish thing I have ever heard. When fathers are convicted of molesting their children, I’m sure the wives felt as though they were marrying good men, and never thought they were marrying pedos.
@DOT
You would have to be an idiot to blindly support anyone. That is the most cultish thing I have ever heard. When fathers are convicted of molesting their children, I’m sure the wives felt as though they were marrying good men, and never thought they were marrying pedos.
Men like that don’t change. She’s in it, too.
He likes them young, thin and of a certain social status. I hope that his wife keeps herself safe.
Who cares about these sociopathic narcissistic jerks? Ignore them. He’ll get his. Maybe it will take 5 or 10 years for him to abuse her and for her to endure it and finally leave. I have a feeling we’re gonna find out sooner or later. Probably later in view of the way theyre currently closing ranks. Typical abusive and enabling behaviors.
As for the person who accused me in another thread of “armchair psychiatry” and “triggering” comments: I know first hand about the abuse of narcissistic, sociopathic, personality disordered jerks. My family has a few and I married one. This led me to work in domestic violence programs helping women of various socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds into shelters.
I don’t claim to know everything abiut these issues, but I do largely know what I am talking about.
Who cares about these sociopathic narcissistic jerks? Ignore them. He’ll get his. Maybe it will take 5 or 10 years for him to abuse her and for her to endure it and finally leave. I have a feeling we’re gonna find out sooner or later. Probably later in view of the way theyre currently closing ranks. Typical abusive and enabling behaviors.
As for the person who accused me in another thread of “armchair psychiatry” and “triggering” comments: I know first hand about the abuse of narcissistic, sociopathic, personality disordered jerks. My family has a few and I married one. This led me to work in domestic violence programs helping women of various socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds into shelters.
I don’t claim to know everything abiut these issues, but I do largely know what I am talking about.
I do stand corrected about Ariana Grande’s fiance’s self ackowledged diagnosis. (Forget his nane at the momrnt since I no longer watch SNL regularly.)
I didn’t realize her fiance has a diagnosis of anything. I sort of ignore them. lol
But I just wanted to say don’t let anyone change what you what to say. It isn’t like we don’t have life experiences enough to have some opinions about things without being professionals.
My view is if someone doesn’t like my style or Celebitchy personality they are free to keep scrolling. It is their problem to solve; not mine. Sometimes we hit someone’s nerve and that again it is their nerve problem; not mine. I try to be considerate, restrained and thoughtful. I do my best. As I think many people on here do as I think you do too.
I know who I am and my worth as you know yours. You know you do good work with people and have experienced personality disorders. It isn’t like you have the power to have anyone committed for a 5150 psych hold or can harm someone.
Maybe that person was just having a crap day or is just simply grumpy. Who knows? You put a lot of thought into your posts and even if we don’t agree at least you have a point of view. 🙂
Ok, and just because he’s a wonderful husband to you doesnt mean he wasn’t a terrible boyfriend to Chloe.
But I totally get her supporting her husband. She married this man and vowed to stay beside him for better or for worse. And if she did put out any kind of message that seemed to support Chloe, then she would come across as a terrible wife and probably chastised for it in the media.
If I were in this position, I would want to support my husband and make known that we have a happy, healthy relationship, but also make clear that my experience doesn’t discredit someone else’s experience with him in the past. There’s nuance to situations like these. She can support her own relationship while still being open to the fact that her husband wasn’t always so great to other women as he is to her.
I had two colleagues married together. She would tell us horrible stories about him abusing her in all the possible ways. BUT he was perfect to others. His friends adored him, his subordinates respected and feared him in the context of work. I worked closely with him for a while and he would respect me and what I had to say no matter how crazy I got (work does that to me). It took us years to get to really know him. He couldn’t hide his true nature forever. What I noticed though was that he feared authority and strong people. He even told me once in a joking way that he learned to behave around me pretty soon as I wasn’t up for nobody busines. He also respected other females working with him but only the really strong and fierce ones. He would turn really mean to the weak ones or the one who accomodated him.
Because I noticed this early on I belived his wife but many didn’t and after they separated many blamed her for ending a “perfect marriage”.
Not trying to blame “weak” women here just wanted to point out that some of us are more tolerant, docile and abusers prefer that and try to use that aspect to their advantage. His wife may be rich and powerfull but if he is who most people have described he will show his true colors even with her sooner or later. Wait and see.
I was in an abusive relationship for years and he beat his ex gf as well…we had similarities in that we had very strong intense agressive personalities. We are not docile woman but both had different reasons for tolerating the abuse as long as we did.
We compared notes and noticed that when we had challenged him when he treated us unfairly (cheating lying for example) and it infuriated him and often triggered intense physical abuse. I think male abusers have mommy issues.
I didn’t realize Lydia was his wife. She looks just like Patty.
I believe Chloe. And there may be some truth to what Lydia says, I just hope she knows she can get out and everyone will be supportive when it all goes south.
Who’s to say he didn’t write it for her, and force her to put the statement out. It wouldn’t shock me. I hope not of course, but …
This was my take on it as well. That its possible he is just as controlling with Lydia as he was with Chloe. How bad would it look FOR HIM if his own wife didn’t release a statement supporting him?
Maybe I’m reading too much in between the lines, but I don’t see where she’s saying she doesn’t believe Chloe. She also explicitly says she’s not defending Chris.
I read the sentence, “This is not a statement in defense, this is a statement of defense,” and I think, “So, are you saying he’s pressuring you now and releasing this statement is your way of getting him to leave you alone?” As I read her full statement, I feel like she might be trying to say that he was abusive to her in some way in the past and they’re working through it. Saying she’s supports him doesn’t necessarily mean she is buying his explanations. It could just mean that she thinks he has changed or can change.
Haven’t read all the comments first off. I have followed them for a while. All of her pictures are with family, herself, him, or her and her cat.
Excellent resource for anyone wondering if they are in an abusive relationship. It’s not always obvious, and often there’s a lot of denial. http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/
Chris Hardwick’s exes are siding with http://comicbook.com/thewalkingdead/2018/06/28/chris-hardwick-two-ex-girlfriends-speak-out-defense-amid-abuse-a/
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