Justin Timberlake has been forced (forced I tell you!) to cancel two of his upcoming shows due to vocal strain. Apparently touring for several months straight has hurt his vocal cords. This seems to be a fairly common problem for performers, which always makes me wonder why they don’t schedule more time in between each show to rest. If I made the kind of money Justin makes, I’d wrap my throat in a warm velvet pillow soaked in honey at all times. They say honey is good for the throat. I’m guessing if it’s good in it, then it’s good on it, too. Though that might just be because I want to put honey on Justin Timberlake. Moving on.

“Justin Timberlake has been ordered to rest his voice.

“Timberlake’s strained voice is the result of his performance Sunday at MTV’s Video Music Awards in Las Vegas and months of touring, Jive Records said in a statement Tuesday.

“A doctor ordered several days of vocal rest for Timberlake, forcing the 26-year-old singer to miss shows in Sacramento, Calif., on Monday and San Jose, Calif., on Wednesday.

“Tour promoter AEG Live has rescheduled the shows for Sept. 23 in San Jose and Sept. 25 in Sacramento. Timberlake wraps up his FutureSex/LoveShow tour this month.”

[From the Washington Post]

That sucks, though that still leaves Emmy night free, thank God. Even though I previously reported/hailed that Timberlake and Andy Samberg were going to sing “Dick in a Box” at the Emmys, details have still not been finalized. The pair won a Creative Arts Emmy in the “Original Music and Lyrics” category this past weekend (see, there is a reason for the Junior Emmys after all!) at which point Andy Samberg said the pair haven’t even been asked to perform the song yet. It’s possible the original E! News story was wrong, but it’s also possible Samberg was just grumpily saying that they haven’t been asked – a lot of sources beyond E! have been reporting that the pair were asked to perform, but ran into a snag, refusing to censor the lyrics. Fight the power! Unless it means you can’t perform at all, then compromise it all so we have a reason to watch the Emmys!

“An off-color ‘Saturday Night Live’ video featuring Justin Timberlake and strategically placed gift boxes was honored at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards.

‘(Blank) in a Box,’ last December’s fake music video performed by Timberlake and ‘SNL’ cast member Andy Samberg, is about wrapping a part of the male anatomy and presenting it to a loved one as a holiday present.

“‘I think it’s safe to say that when we first set out to make this song, we were all thinking Emmy!’ Samberg said in accepting the award Saturday for best original music and lyrics. ‘The other thing we were thinking was, “Hey! Here’s this young up and comer, Justin Timberlake, who is clearly very talented and could clearly use a break,”’ Samberg said. ‘So, Justin, if you’re out there, congrats to you, kid.’ Timberlake was elsewhere Saturday: He had a concert scheduled in Tacoma, Wash. But his tour takes him to Los Angeles on Primetime Emmys night, raising the possibility he could perform ‘Box’ at the ceremony.

“As Samberg arrived at the creative arts awards, he told The Associated Press that he had yet to be asked by the TV academy to perform the song with Timberlake on the Fox broadcast – but he was willing, he said.”

[From the Associated Press]

I pray to all deities that Andy Samberg is just being coy. If I have led any of you astray, I apologize. Awards shows annoy the crap out of me (on principle – you’re acting, people, not moving mountains) and I think “Dick in a Box” is the only thing that can get me through. I’m not one for censorship, but couldn’t they just say “Junk in a Box”? It’s better than no box at all, am I right? The Emmy people can’t possibly want Samberg and Timberlake to censor more than that, otherwise you’d take away from the very essence, the very “boxiness,” of the song. Whether you’re religious, spiritual, or whatever, I ask you, dear readers, to pray to your deity/non-deity/animal of choice that this song will be performed on Emmy night. If not, I will walk around New York with a box taped to my crotch until Christmas.

Picture note by JayBird:

Here’s Andy Samberg with Maya Rudolph at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Images thanks to PR Photos.