I know this post will probably get three comments, but I love writing about Ethan Hawke. He’s one of my crushes, and I swear to God, he gets better and more interesting with age. I didn’t even like him that much in the ‘90s! But now I love him. Ethan is still getting a lot of attention and hype for his lead role in First Reformed. I saw it, and it is… not for everyone. I liked how quiet the film was, and his performance is very quiet and interior too. Like, I think if you enjoy thoughtful, contemplative films about religion and the environment, you should see First Reformed. If not, just skip it.

Anyway, Hawke spoke to Vulture recently about First Reformed, because he’s still Oscar campaigning (plus he’s promoting his role on Broadway in a revival of True West, just FYI). As many of you know, Hawke has probably never given a one-word or even a one-sentence answer to a question. He speaks in huge paragraphs in every interview. It’s his thing, and it’s sort of charming. You can read the full piece here. Some highlights:

The connection he felt to his character, Rev. Toller: “First off, I come from a long line of very serious Christians. My family were Quakers who came over on a couple boats after the Mayflower. My grandparents and my mother and my father are all extremely religious people. There’s a slight scowling glance that might sneak out in regards to when a young person says they want to pursue the arts, you know? ‘Cause he might be choosing to live a frivolous life, that might be their first assumption. I see a real connection between that life and the artistic life. The artistic life tends to function at its highest when its really deeply connected to an awareness of your own inner life, whatever that word means. You study great painters, or great poets — W.H. Auden or Egon Schiele, Nina Simone — artists at a great level tend to connect their work to something spiritual.

Whether his own faith was questioned by ‘First Reformed’: “No. I think what a great writer does when they’re on their game is give voice to something a lot of people are feeling. There’s a tremendous amount of anxiety in the air, a lack of political and spiritual leadership. Fear collects in your chest. Even working on True West right now — Sam [Shepard] really writes a lot about the masculine war with itself on a personal level. When it’s amplified, it’s exactly what we’ve done to the whole world. Beating up women, beating up the female part of ourselves, beating up the planet, beating up Mother Earth. All that stuff is very much on Shepard’s mind as he writes about these self-loathing men. A lot of men’s only manifestations of masculinity is their wallet or how many people are afraid of them, you know? And that’s not leadership.

He used to journal: “I did, meticulously, every day, from when I was about 16 until I was about 44. And then — it’s kind of a funny story, but it’s true — someone stole my journal… Like at an airport, yeah. About five years ago. I left my bag for a minute, and somebody went in my bag and stole my journal. It freaked me out. We live in such a weird time where it’s like, Oh my God. I’m going to have to read my journal on the internet. This is going to be hugely embarrassing. Remember when that would happen in high school? Somebody’d keep a journal and somebody’d read it out loud in the lunchroom or something, just humiliate another person. Well, I was just incredibly petrified of who this person was that stole my journal. And I just stopped keeping a journal. I tried to start again, but I have not been able to do it. One funny thing that is different today is that we write so many emails that all of my emails to my friends turn into de facto journals. But I miss my journals.

Whether he ever rereads his old journals: “I haven’t in a long time. When you’re going through really hard times — when I was in my early 20s, and when I went through a divorce — a journal is incredibly helpful to make sense out of your thoughts. Sometimes your thoughts need to be controlling you, and keeping a journal helps you understand how much you’re repeating yourself, how much you’re … I don’t know. I’ve always found it extremely helpful.

[From Vulture]

That’s interesting about his post-Mayflower-Quaker descendants. Honestly, if you know anything about the Quakers in America, it sort of makes sense that Hawke is the way he is… sort of. It’s also interesting that he journaled for such a huge chunk of his life – I experimented with journaling (or “keeping a diary”) when I was a teenager and I would hate to look back at that time. Plus, I just got bored with myself, although I can see how it can be a very reflective way to organize your thoughts if you’re going through a hard time. Who has Ethan’s stolen journal? Will it end up on the internet at some point??

Photos courtesy of WENN, ‘First Reformed’.