A couple of weeks ago I covered an interview with Connie Britton on Busy Tonight. Connie, 51, said that she’s single and looking and that it’s really hard to find a decent guy. She was hoping for a meet cute on a plane. If a gorgeous, famous and successful woman like Connie can’t find a good partner what are the chances for the rest of us? Well this made me more depressed. Debra Messing, 50, is also looking for a boyfriend. She asked Ellen if she wouldn’t mind setting her up with someone. Before they got into this they discussed the new year’s resolutions Debra had made on the show about a year ago. Debra had wanted to meditate more (she sort-of did), exercise daily (no), hang out with her girlfriends more (she did) and be open to dating more. She said “I have been open” and the audience busted out laughing.
Ellen reads: “Be open to dating more”
I have been open no one has asked me out on a dateWhere are you going? Are your girlfriends all single?
They’re all in relationships.Do you have single friends?
No. Are you good at setting people up?I have set so many people up. Tell me what you’re looking for
Really smart, really funny, cares about the world.Do you care if they’re in the business or not?
I’d rather not but I’m openWhat about age?
I am open 10 years either way
As I mentioned in the Connie Britton post, this is a good way to meet someone if you’re famous. (Connie and Busy said that dating app for famous people is crap, incidentally.) You just make an announcement on a show and hope that the right person hears it. Again, what the hell do everyday women do? I met my boyfriend online but it wasn’t easy. The pool is so small and dirty, frankly, around our age. That’s true even if our age range is wide like Debra’s.
Here’s Debra’s interview!
Lol, oh man, I wish I could just do it like her! I hate dating apps, I’m not photogenic whatsoever and it feels so untrue to myself to be judged by my looks only. But all the straight guys I know in RL are either married, getting married, in a longterm relationship or absolutely not compatible. And I’m of that age where it takes a while for them to get divorced again too. I do have a wide age bracket (Parks and Rec rule) but it still seems to be impossible.
“it takes a while for them to get divorced again too”
Funniest thing I’ve read in a lonnng time. Thank you!!
I don’t get this “it’s so hard to meet a good man” thing. One of my good friends is in her mid 40s and the woman has dated like a fiend since her divorce. I had a couple of dates post divorce before I settled down with my fiancé. I had male coworkers in their 40s ask me to set them up – I don’t see a huge shortage of men. Yes, men at this age are most likely divorced and come with a history, but that’s just the result of living a life.
The thing that surprised me is how much more the men want to settle down…it’s like every man over the age of 45 wants to lock it in and get married. While I’m sure there are men who want to play the field and date around, that’s not been my experience at all with men once they reach a certain age.
Do you live in a big city though? I’m in a rural-ish area.
Ah yes, good point. I do live in a big city and the ratio may be slightly skewed more male (lots of oil and gas).
Even in a big city dating is f*cking hard. I’m I live in a small, but bustling city in between New York City and Boston and I have had NO luck. It can be really discouraging and I’m just tired.
Haha! I live in a rural area and a few years after a divorce I was looking to date a bit -not necessarily get married again but have some male companionship on weekends when my kids were with their dad. I had some ground rules: no tobacco, no killing things for fun, has a job, doesn’t live with his parents, doesn’t drink to excess on a regular basis, and has most of his own teeth (I was 30 at the time). Doesn’t seem like too much, but it eliminated every single man in 4 counties. I did the things I liked to do when I could, took up line dancing because I could go alone, and enjoyed my kids. Eventually at 42 I met a local guy who was 10 years younger who loves to dance with me, see movies, chop the wood and he has learned a thing or two about cooking. He would do anything for my children. I often wish that I could tell my younger self that he was going to come along!
I think it’s the “good” part that’s hard to find. I’m in that age range and in a medium sized area, and there’s always a lot of guys online, but good ones…
And IMO, it seems like many divorced guys that age are looking to get married again quickly so that they have someone to take care of them again.
EXACTLY!
Most middle aged men are looking for a wife/mother/personal assistant. Especially if they’re divorced.
I live in a major city, so I’m definitely not in the right age bracket (too old, too fat, too smart) so I don’t get a whole lot of attention, but when I do it’s rarely from a man I’d seriously consider for anything other than dinner & drinks.
I second this comment, although I also live in an area where men outnumber women. Maybe there’s something to that!
I’m in the mid-forty’s range. I’ve dated a few age appropriate men but they were nightmares for different reasons. And they did want to settle down quickly, not to mention the control issues. The younger ones are coming out of the wood work and I’ve enjoyed their company immensely.
What I enjoy is that I no longer follow that life checklist – husband – check; house – check; kids – check; career-check; etc. I’ve done those things so now I get to do what I want. Maybe if and when I want another mate, I may have a difficult time finding one. But for now, I’m livin my best life.
I do live in a large city btw.
I’m 45, happily married any polyamorous. I’m not a supermodel but I can take my pick from guys lining up to date me. I’m into younger guys though – 10 to 20 years difference. I don’t really see the issue but I’m also not looking for a life partner.
(This was meant to be a reply to LTs post)
Same age, same issue. Combined with living in a very small town where everyone is paired off, was so much easier to be single when I lived in a metro area. Dating wasn’t any easier, but at least there were a lot of other people in the same boat so I wasn’t always the only singleton at functions, could always find someone to grab dinner with, etc. Things that I never appreciated til I moved.
My spouse didn’t come home last night (voluntarily) so I’m contemplating being single in the near future. Mid40s with kids I don’t feel like much of a catch.
@Babs,
I’m sorry. Obviously I don’t know the situation, but I’m also divorced with kids, so I get that part. I’m sorry – be kind to yourself today.
Aw man. I’m so sorry, your night must have been a bundle of nerves.
Just because he may not appreciate your worth, don’t think for a second you have no value!
@ Babs, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there. It’s miserable. As a previous poster wrote, “be kind to yourself today”.
By the way, I guarantee you are a great catch for someone!
I’m sorry Babs.
You have to do what’s best for you and will make your life good, whether that’s being single or not. Good luck to you.
Hope you’re doing ok Babs. Someone else’s ugly behaviour doesn’t make you unattractive or worthless – ever!!! I recommend dogs, they are loving & loyal and apparently it’s a good way to meet people/men. Praps hubby needs a trip to the vets.
*hugs*
My dog is better company than most, actually all of my ex boyfriends. That’s Debra Messing!! Didn’t recognise her.
Why has she messed with her face? Nowadays everyone does that’s and they are starting to look the same – the same raised eyebrows, Apple cheeks, big lips, thin pointy nose. Ugh!
yup, filler face!!!
I mean, I’ve seen worse but she is right there at that point where it looks too obvious.
I am really bummed about her face. I don’t understand why people can’t see that that type of work looks very odd, and also makes you look like everyone else who has done the same work.
I have always wanted a nose job, but then I see when they don’t turn out well, like DM’s nose here. It looks all stubby and Elizabeth Olsen-y. I guess it’s technically more attractive but idk, I feel like she looked better before.
Question : does every plastic surgeon only have one choice for a new nose? Every frigging actress/celeb has the SAME DAMN. NOSE…its creepy lol
It really is! So bizarre.
OMG – THIS! What the heck happened to her nose? I wasn’t even sure it was her at first.
I think she’s done…something, but I’m not sure it’s her nose. She was pretty vocal about not doing that not too long ago.
I’ve always thought she was so pretty, and I’ve always been jealous of her hair!
I’m going to hug my oversized, bulbous nose a little more tightly tonight.
She doesn’t look like Debra Messing in these pics, she looks like one of the people who used to be on The Five* (on Fox News)…the one, I think, who has now hooked up with the still-married Trump spawn and took her off somewhere to kill magnificent wild animals just because they could.
Sorry, DM, but why did you have that done to your face? Just be you, OK, not some plastic surgeon creation.
*Argh, it irritates me that I know that, but my elderly mother loves to watch that, and when I go to visit her, I ‘get’ to watch it too.
Wow! She looks stunning.
Val Kilmer is apparently available!
Gah. Her nose. Her cheeks. Her face. Why? Her old nose was so lovely and distinguishing.
As for the dating thing: Kill two birds with one stone. Go back to school. Do a course or two at the Uni. Men will fall out of the classroom. Age-appropriate ones too. 😉
She should stop with fillers, she dont need them
She looks like lar flynn boyle on the header photo…not a compliment
Thank you kind CB’ers! I have two wonderful kids and two very loyal dogs so I will definitely be okay no matter the dating scene should I end up there eventually 😘
Both such smart, successful and gorgeous women. Men should be lining up to date them. I really wish It wouldn’t be that hard.
Her face looks like it is about to fall of. And she is pulled to tightly she looks constantly surprised/excited.
Debra Messing is not the sweet person she tries to project on TV. Talk to the men who know her and it will answer why she can’t get a date.
AMEN!
If you want to meet several people and get out of the house with no expectations, online dating is good for that (even though you still have to filter out duds and creeps). But to actually find a partner is not easy. It’s funny when I read comments like “my friend went online and dated like crazy” because that means she isn’t finding someone to have a relationship with. I have met two different boyfriends online, and I am still friends with them. However, I don’t know if I can deal with the online world anymore now that I am in the older category. The main reason is that most men my age post that the age range they want to date does not include women their own age, and I mean that literally. If they are 49, their age cutoff is 48, but more often than not, it’s well below that. And truly, there are men that age who will post that they want to meet women from 18 – to whatever random number they decide is acceptable without being too close to their own age. Yes, old freaking men include women who just graduated from high school in their potential pool. And while I think people are entitled to go for what they want, I get so skeeved out that I start to get turned off by men altogether. So, I prefer to be offline for now so I don’t have to see their evolutionary missing links in my face all the time. Lol.
Nail on the head! It’s one thing to “date”, but it’s another thing to find a potential serious partner online.
In this day & age, it’s harder to find a mate as we get older because of the baggage we bring to the table & the attributes we desire in said partner.
I got divorced at 34 and my entire family wasn’t supportive. My parents desperately wanted me to go back because “he’s such a nice guy” and my brother told me statistically it would be hard for me to find someone. Gee, thanks. I knew 6 months into dating him that I wasn’t his priority. It was my first relationship and 10 years later I finally had the courage to leave. There wasn’t anything really wrong but I just hated feeling like I wasn’t important. And I knew if we had kids that all the responsibilities would fall on me. I didn’t want that.
I didn’t worry and instead just spent time doing what I wanted. Traveled a ton and worked on getting my confidence up. It wasn’t about feeling confident for a mate but it was more about getting in the headspace that I might be alone and to be okay with it. One day I was at my local venue blues dancing and I catch the profile of a man I had never seen before. And it hits me. This is the guy. I’ve never had that feeling before but I just knew I would end up with him. That was nearly 9 years ago. We’re now married with 2 kids. I live in a big city though… good guys are out there.