We discussed breastfeeding on the Hilary Duff post yesterday. I appreciate everyone who was willing to share their story, whether you loved it or didn’t. Lauren Conrad also addressed breastfeeding this week on her podcast Lauren Conrad: Asking for a Friend. Lauren announced she’s pregnant with her second child last month. During her podcast, she opened up about the challenges she had breastfeeding her first child, Liam. She had such a low milk supply that eventually, she just had to stop, something that made her feel like she was a bad mom.
The “most difficult part of becoming a new mother,” according to Lauren Conrad? Breastfeeding.
During Wednesday’s inaugural episode of her podcast Lauren Conrad: Asking for a Friend — which featured author Leslie Bruce, who wrote You Are a F—ing Awesome Mom — the lifestyle guru and former reality star opened up about the pressure she felt to fit the mold of a mom who experienced nursing as “the most natural, beautiful thing in the world” after welcoming her son Liam James, now 22 months.
“I felt like I was failing at something that should come really naturally and it was really difficult for me,” said Conrad, 33, admitting she “felt ashamed” and “like a bad mom” because she couldn’t produce enough milk for her son after he was about 4 months old, even after trying a myriad of would-be remedies like lactation cookies, teas and pills.
Conrad recalled having a “really sad half-full frozen bag of breast milk” in her freezer that, even though she couldn’t use it, she couldn’t bring herself to toss it in the trash because she had such a low milk supply.
“It had a tiny little martini glass drawn on it because it was from the one time I had a martini and I couldn’t give it to him,” she said. “So it just sat there next to the Popsicles, mocking me. Besides that, I had nothing, and I couldn’t keep up with [Liam’s need].”
I have three close friends who were unable to produce enough milk to breastfeed. It was torture for them from the aggravation of not sating their baby to the anguishing decision to stop and the guilt that followed. It broke my heart to see what they were going through. Each one echoed Lauren’s comments about feeling like a bad mom or a failure. It’s such a deeply personal experience and sometimes words aren’t enough to alleviate these complex emotions. If anyone here is currently going through this, my heart goes out to you. I can tell you that two of the friends I mentioned went on to nurse their second children for a year with no problem – and one of them had twins the second time around. So I hope Lauren finds peace with this second child, whether it’s nursing or knowing that she’s still a terrific mom regardless of how her baby is fed.
The martini milk in the freezer struck a chord with me, like a little tainted hair shirt in a baggie. Like Kaiser, I am in awe of Lauren’s accomplishments as a businesswoman and on a personal note, I love her fashion line. It baffles me to think someone as successful as her would beat herself up in this way. Second babies can be entirely different experiences than the first. I hope Lauren chucks that martini milk baggy immediately and revels in everything she’s doing right.
Mm’kay – time for baby Liam pics!
Photo credit: WENN Photos and Instagram
i have PCOS and that apparently interferes with your body producing enough milk. After I had my daughter I didn’t produce enough milk and it dwindled day by day. I feel for her. I wanted to breastfeed so bad and couldn’t. It does make you feel like a failure
I completely relate to this. I couldn’t successfully breastfeed. I went to lactation consultants, breastfeeding support groups, but it didn’t work out for me.
Thankfully, my children are now twelve and ten and thriving.
For some reason though, I still feel bad about not breastfeeding and wonder if I gave up too soon. Even though in my logical mind I know that’s not so.
My doctor made me feel better when she said, “why do you think they had wet nurses back in the day?! Breastfeeding doesn’t always work for everyone.”
My advice to new moms is, try your best to do what you think is healthiest for your baby and for you. Educate yourself, get help from the experts available to you, but stay flexible and forgiving. What works best for one family isn’t necessarily what works best for another.
I had the same issue. I couldn’t produce enough milk for either of my sons. I tried everything – and even had a lactation expert come in and still had to give up breastfeeding. When my youngest was still in the hospital he ended up with crystals in his pee and the nurses supplemented that was scary. My boys are 16 and 11 now and I still feel guilty. My youngest has several serious food allergies which breastfeeding is supposed to prevent so I feel really guilty about that.
I’m currently going through that. My daughter is 3 months and I am not making enough to fulfill her needs. I had a high risk and complicated pregnancy and due to it, she was born early and with some issues. She only gained 5oz in the past month so we are now having to supplement with formula (which I am totally on board with, it’s just funny that the “mom guilt” which you always say you’ll never have slowly creeps in). All I want is for her to be a normal, healthy and happy kid no matter if I am able to supply her fully. But it does get to you. She has trouble latching on and the nipple shield helps but she gets tired and gives up when not enough comes out. I’ve tried so many things and pumping around the clock and nothing works to produce more. I totally understand how Lauren felt. Hope the second time around it’s a better experience for her.
You’re doing a great job Bela with those efforts. The same happened to me with my firstborn. He was so tiny and I kept trying but when he was 2 months old he weighed not even 8 pounds yet and we switched to formula with me still pumping and trying to produce. I took everything to help, all suggestions. Fenugreek, drink a German beer a day- Were the weirdest ones to me in 1998. Thankfully he is turning 21 this year, healthy and huge. At 2 months he was given formula. When he didn’t gain we mixed 1/2 tsp of rice cereal mix into the formula once each day, By his 1st bday he was off the growths chart and is still gorgeous.
It was such a struggle and nurses, friends, family’s comments and well meaning advice didn’t end up helping me to produce milk nor help baby to latch/nurse.
Being a mother is so personal. Best wishes and hugs to all the moms who try to make it work each day.
Thank you! It’s so nice to hear other moms who went through the same thing. My baby girl is 3 months and at 7lbs 2oz so we are hoping that at least when it comes to gaining weight, that the formula supplement helps. She has a few issues due to my complications and being born early but if at least we can get her weight on track, I’ll feel like we’re succeeding. It’s interesting, we’ve gotten positive and negative comments from family and friends and it’s such a bummer. As parents you try your best and it would be nice if people understood that. Like you said, being a mother or parent is personal and sometimes we need to make decisions that are the best for our kids that may not always be what others agree with.
I wish moms weren’t made to feel guilt and shame because of BF issues. Society really does a frakking number on female egos…how pregnancy should be, how you should mother from infancy, what your baby’s milestones should be and when, how and when to educate and enroll in extracurriculars (but not too much cuz that’s bad too), and on and on and on it goes… shouldn’t we be focused on breaking THIS wheel? Yes. I have GOT brain lol. Many of you might remember a time when our mothers were chastised if they DID breastfeed. Judging others is such a lazy way to live. Grow a pair and focus on self growth. Embrace our sisters and praise choices.
^^^THIS
Whether they have difficulty producing milk or not, American women (except celebrities and other wealthy individuals) are set up for failure when it comes to breastfeeding. The maternity leave in the US is a joke and any woman who is somehow able to bf for the recommended time is a hero in my book. To add insult to injury, women are then criticized and condemned for using formula. Take a look at what other countries are doing for women America (UK , Canada, western Europe, etc.)
I know this is going to be a wildly unpopular comment, but it’s only my personal (and possibly irrational) take, so here goes: whenever I see a photo of a celebrity or wealthy influencer breastfeeding, I don’t see it as someone trying to “normalise” it. I see it as almost smug. “Hey there, look at me BREASTFEEDING. I’m amazing, right?”.
Yeah, we get it. You can breastfeed, big deal. We know that breastfeeding is a natural thing to do, but it shoving it in our faces like that also inadvertently shames women who can’t or choose not to. I don’t bat an eyelid at a woman breastfeeding in public or anywhere for that matter. But when people go out of their way to post breastfeeding pics, it just rubs me up the wrong way. It almost feels like we’ve been so saturated with celebrity breastfeeding pics that the tables have turned now and there’s a push to normalise bottle feeding and to let women know that it’s ok, and to not feel guilty.
Sheesh, I’m not articulating my thoughts well at all here.
(remember, that’s just how it feels to me, I’m not saying that’s how it actually is).
I hope your comment doesn’t turn out to be “unpopular” – your points are valid and in keeping with what I was thinking as well. Celebrities and others with unlimited resources have an advantage over the regular population with conventional jobs which provide pitiful mat leaves and other forms of support.
Shoving their ability to breastfeed it in other women’s faces via social media is not productive and does everyone a disservice. Maybe change the message to “I am fortunate that I have a lot of support and resources available to me (lactation consultants, unlimited time off work) so I can breastfeed & bond with my baby. Let’s vote someone into office who supports changes in the workplace to help women & families”.
I don’t take offense to your comment, but I think there’s 2 issues here that you may be conflating. One is breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding. The other is normalizing public breastfeeding. Celebrities/influencers posting public BF’ing pics are purportedly trying to normalize it so that we aren’t all relegated to sitting on a public restroom toilet feeding our babies or dealing with side eyes from strangers. But b/c they are celebrities, they’re not just normalizing it they’re making breastfeeding look “fashionable” which can make those who can’t do it or chose not to to feel bad or guilty.
I don’t think the answer is to stop trying to normalize public breastfeeding and I appreciate women who do that. Maybe it would be nice to see a celebrity casually posting a pic of them giving their baby a bottle while out to brunch too? To eliminate some of the shame some may feel about that? I don’t know – it’s tough all around being a mom when everyone has an opinion on everything you do.
Not a mom here, but sending hugs to all the women who feel like they aren’t doing enough due to either supply or other issues. You carried your baby through 9 months and brought them into the world! You love them and meet their needs. Whether breast or formula, as long as your babe is fed you are doing exactly what you should. ❤️❤️❤️
I switched to formula after two weeks and refuse to feel ashamed. It was the right decision for me and I’m enjoying my daughter’s babyhood
This whole BF vs Bottle fight is so irritating. From my viewpoint, I was able to BF for about 16-18 months. Easily. My bewbs were like “THIS IS OUR MOMENT”. However, I am also shamed into not sharing this info very much bc it may make other moms feel ashamed that they COULDN’T BF. For real. This happens. I am shushed. So not only does this weird judgey conversation hurt bottle mamas but it makes the majority of us non smug BF mamas feel weird too. Can we just acknowledge that we should do our best to raise happy, healthy, KIND children? Sheesh.
As an african mum i chew raw groundnut which is called peanut for 3days and drank palmwine.well is common here in west africa( i mean d procedure)
I’m starting to think motherhood is just one endless long stretch of feeling guilt over one thing or another. There is a lot of opinions and interference from busybodies, but at the end of the day I think we are our own worst critics.
For anyone experiencing mom guilt over anything, take heart, you are a good mom. You are feeling guilty because you want to do what is best for your kid. Take it as a sign of how much you care. Then try to set aside those feelings of guilt and enjoy the time you have with your kids, because it goes fast. The best thing you can do for your kids is be a happy and healthy mom.
As a mother of a 2 year old with another one due in September, Lauren’s story resonates so hard! FED IS BEST. Mothers, do what works for you, your baby, your family. Breastfeeding is great when it works, but the benefits of breastfeeding in the developed world are so minuscule that no mother should be shamed for her choices. My personal story: I was able to successfully breastfeed my son for a year because 1) I’m privileged to work for a great company that gave me five months of fully paid maternity leave (so enough time to establish breastfeeding); 2) once I returned to work, my company had a gorgeous ‘mother’s room’ where I could pump in peace; 3) I had straight up luck that my baby latched, I had no supply issues, didn’t have PPD/PPA, or any of the million things that could impact that choice. I’m going try to breastfeed my second, but if for any reason it doesn’t work for us, I’ll formula feed. Hell, I was 100% formula fed and aside from an addiction to celebrity blogs I seem to be doing okay.
I feel for mother’s who go through this. I have a two month old and while I have an oversupply problem, I was having breastfeeding issues. My babe was colicky and slipping off my nipple, he didn’t have a good latch and would always end up screaming. I finally had him assessed by a paediatric dentist at 5 weeks – turns out he had four mouth ties! We had them released and what a difference! I now know that this is super common but often undiagnosed and can cause low supply from poor latch.
Now I’m on an elimination diet to try and find out if that will help his colic and so far it’s done wonders!
Babies are hard!!
I had the same problem with my first born. My breasts hadn’t changed at all during the entire pregnancy and labour had to be induced due to preeclampsia. In the end, we spent 3 or 4 days in the hospital being shamed by nurses until a lactation consultant arrived and said, “Oh, I can tell by your breast shape that you’ll never produce enough milk.” So I cried because I felt like a failure even though I hadn’t actually done anything wrong. I still went home and breast pumped constantly in hopes it would change something. No luck. Fortunately my mom encouraged me to stop when she told me she was only able to breastfeed me for 3 days and then had to stop for unrelated medical reason. She pointed out that I turned out just fine and she was right. Still, I got a lot of shame from people who felt that I wasn’t doing the right thing, that I was just being lazy, or that the lactation consultant wasn’t really an expert or something (or that I had misunderstood her. Even a year later, I was still getting comments about it a year later.
My experience was so upsetting that I didn’t even bother trying to breastfeed my second. My birthplan for the hospital staff was very clear: “If anyone even tries to talk to me about breastfeeding or if a lactation consultant comes anywhere near my room, I will be f*cking angry and I will not hesitate to show it. You have been warned.”
It’s nice to see so many women here talking about their experiences. It’s good to know that I wasn’t the only one going through this type of thing.
I had such low yield for my first child, he was readmitted to the hospital at 3 days old because he lost so much weight. I should have listened to my gut and given him formula, but instead he had no food for over 2 days, with the Drs saying it was normal. In hindsight, I know now what I should have done; nourish him and not judge myself, in the end that’s all that matters. At 13, he’s taller than me now, still the regret lives in me. I did not make the same mistake with the second.
She shouldn’t beat herself up! Way too much mom-shaming out there, especially the overzealous breast is best folks. They make
me crazy! I breastfed my first and third children, but had to supplement my second child with formula because I just didn’t produce. No guilt about it- my baby needed to eat! Breastfeeding is great if it works out but I don’t agree with shaming moms if it doesn’t.
Same thing happened to me. Although I think my problem was that I produced a ton, but had very few ducts to get it out. I remember going to a lactation support group, and the woman running it said that every woman can breast feed, and that if you’re having trouble it’s because you’re not trying hard enough. She said you have to stick with it. Yeah, while my daughter starved.
I’m glad that breast-feeding is back in vogue, but it’s not the only way. And to tell someone with constant, inflamed, blocked ducts and mastitis that she’s not trying hard enough…I wanted to punch that bitch. Especially considering my sweet daughter never complained, so I didn’t know there was a problem until she started losing weight.
Luckily, my pediatrician made me feel better. He gently touched my hand as I cried after hearing that I had no choice but to stop relying on breast feeding, and told me: “It’s quality, not quantity.” I still breastfed at night, but my daughter weaned herself at about 7 months since she just wasn’t getting anything from me. And now, she’s a happy and healthy 5 year old. Screw all those voices telling moms they’re not doing it good enough, that’s what I say!