Donald Trump thinks the Continental Army took over the airports in 1781

President Donald Trump during the Fourth of July Celebration 'Salute to America' event in Washington, D.C.

I didn’t watch Donald Trump’s sad wannabe-dictator parade, how did it go? Judging from the photos, not well. Mother Nature despises Trump, that’s why she made his non-bigly despot parade a total washout. The photos of the fireworks display were equally ominous given all of the dark storm clouds over Washington last night. By the way, once Trump is out of office, I would definitely recommend going to Washington for the Fourth of July – there’s a big “smokeout” where kids get high and watch fireworks, and the fireworks display is really, really cool. They do a good job normally. But this year’s was pretty bad.

What also sucked was that Trump made the whole thing into a partisan event, like he thought he could turn the annual Washington DC Independence Day events into a white supremacist MAGA rally. They didn’t invite any Democrats or give tickets to anyone from the Democratic party. It was such a “partisan” event that NBC, ABC and CBS all decided not to cover it. Which is good – fewer outlets should cover his sad little Nazi rallies.

Apparently, the crowd size wasn’t great either, which is probably why Trump’s Ministry of Propaganda toiled for ten whole minutes to get the Photoshop just right on this photo:

Going off of Twitter, basically everything from the podium back is taken from old 2008 photos of a different event at the Washington Monument. Trump and his people were so salty about attendance that they even had the Washington Monument’s webcam turned off ahead of time:

And lastly, Donald Trump thinks that the Continental Army took over the airports in 1781. I… have no words.

President Donald Trump during the Fourth of July Celebration 'Salute to America' event in Washington, D.C.

President Donald Trump during the Fourth of July Celebration 'Salute to America' event in Washington, D.C.

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.

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93 Responses to “Donald Trump thinks the Continental Army took over the airports in 1781”

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  1. Becks1 says:

    I’m in Maryland and I laughed so hard at the weather yesterday. TAKE THAT TRUMP!

    • Busyann says:

      I’m in DC and the weather sucks right now. Its hot, humid, hazy, and rainy. No way that crowd came out for his sh*tshow. And the Air Force One flyover was a sad little display.

    • Busyann says:

      I’m in DC and the weather sucks right now. Its hot, humid, hazy, and rainy. No way that crowd came out for his sh*tshow. And the Air Force One flyover was a sad little display.

      • FoundCat says:

        Did tanks roll down the soggy fragile streets? I was backcountry all yesterday, I love America.

    • Megan says:

      Trump doubled the amount of fireworks and smoke from them obscured the view in DC.

    • Liz version 700 says:

      Haha I am also in Maryland and I laughed from the first thunder clap all day long. I wonder how those MAGA hats held up to being soaked in the downpour. Mother Nature does indeed hate him. She has taste.

  2. BearcatLawyer says:

    I now understand better than I ever did in high school why we had a Civil War and why a second one may be necessary.

    • IlsaLund says:

      Totally agree. I’ve long thought we’re headed for another Civil War.

    • Surly Gale says:

      THIS IS WHAT HE WANTS and I’ve been saying it for a year now. His strong support from the NRA means he has to ‘help’ sell more guns, and what better reason for more guns than a war? He doesn’t care if it’s international or civil. He just wants a war. WE HAVE TO BE BETTER and we have to USE OUR HEADS and our hearts, minds and souls. We cannot allow him to prevail this way….I do not want to send my son off to his ‘ego’war No way, no how….unless cooler minds do not prevail, in which case, Son, go fix this once and for all, please.

      • wolfgirl says:

        This makes me so sad and yes,
        angry for your country. I wish we could give you all a hug. From the other side of the world. We watch. In horror and fear. xx

      • Luna says:

        The NRA is falling apart.

      • Christin says:

        War = money. A financial advisor once told me that war is great for the markets. Always be wary of the war chants.

    • Veronica S. says:

      I remember reading “V for Vendetta” in my younger years and being shocked that Alan Moore thought the country would descend into another civil war. Well, wasn’t I the young fool who couldn’t see the writing on the wall.

    • Snappyfish says:

      To call him a complete moron is being kind

    • Still_Sarah says:

      Dear Celebitchy readers : YOU.MUST.READ.THIS. I laughed so hard at the Twitter messages that I cried.

      • Still_Sarah says:

        Sadly I am visiting at an old classmate’s home for a few days and I found out he is a Trump supporter, so I can’t read these out loud to him.

      • AnnaKist says:

        Thank you for the link, Cannibell. I’m still cackling so much, Still_Sarah, than I’m in danger of soiling my bloomers.

    • (TheOG)@Jan90067 says:

      OMG I’M. DYING! Seriously, crying from laughter!! This is the FUNNIEST THING I’ve read in a long time! Thank you for the link!

    • guilty pleasures says:

      can’t stop laughing!!! thank you for a lift on this (continual) day of embarrassment for North America. As a dual citizen living in Canada I feel like hiding under a rock.
      For the love of DOGS please give this idjit the boot!!!

    • BeanieBean says:

      I laughed out loud at practically every one of those tweets! Thank you so much.

    • Jaded says:

      Some days I absolutely LOVE Twitter – today is one of those days. And as I scrolled through the tweets and just about snorted my coffee I was hoping for Ivanka to make an appearance – thank you Twittersphere for including her!

    • Amy says:

      This is the best thing so far in 2019.

  3. IlsaLund says:

    Any fool will tell you that on July 4th in the D.C. area you should expect rain. It’s been that way since I was a child. The prayer wheel for rain was strong and it was delivered. That photo the Orange Anus tweeted is so photoshopped. It was raining throughout the event! He’s such a pathetic loser.

    • GreenTurtle says:

      And any Washingtonian will tell you that we always get huge crowds, because it’s 4th of July on the national mall. We always have hundreds of thousands of people. It will happen regardless of who is speaking, playing, etc. Big eye roll if he’s trying to take credit for that.

  4. Elisabeth says:

    it’s like watching someone actively have a stroke

  5. aiobhan targaryen says:

    Good to see for once the media made the right decision and did not cover his klan rallies.

    after two whole years of watching the news everyday and night, I had to stop. I have not watched anything on MSNBC since early May; i feel so much better for it.

  6. Ida says:

    the pictures of this truly sad event make my day!

  7. Sue Denim says:

    disgusting, the whole Putin-inspired event…but no one has really commented on Melania’s look, JFC, no bra, tight top, practically seethru… And this from the same crowd that went after Michelle Obama for wearing sleeveless dresses… I don’t know why that galled me the most…

    • Lightpurple says:

      She looked like she was attending a wet t-shirt contest.

    • Jerusha says:

      Gotta display those new kidneys.

    • Wood Dragon says:

      That was one fugly dress.

    • (TheOG)@Jan90067 says:

      I didn’t watch any of it (I started trending #boycottTrumpTinyP*nisParade for the last couple of days) so now I’m going to have to find a pic of that outfit.

    • AnnaKist says:

      She looked as if she was at a Saturday barbecue at Mike and Karen’s, bringing the potato salad. I wonder if she later, in the chill of the evening, covered up with her “I Don’t Care” jacket? He’s a cretin and she’s the cretin’s enabler.

    • Snowflake says:

      Yeah that pissed me off too.

  8. Snowflake says:

    I hate listening to him. Obama was a pleasure to listen to, trump sounds like a kid in school reading off his speech from his notes.

    • Esmom says:

      Hey that’s not fair to schoolkids, many of whom are far better speakers than Trump. He’s in a sh^tty league of his own.

      The main issue with Trump is that he doesn’t have any emotional investment or intellectual curiosity about the things he’s talking about. Anything not directly related to him is just noise and his terrible delivery gives it away.

      Also, as someone pointed out on Twitter, his delivery when he talks about “American values” falls flat because it only highlights how he’s actively been undermining and destroying the very things he’s trying to claim to cherish. It’s a farce, and yet people still eat it up judging by the photos of the swooning MAGAts.

      • Snowflake says:

        True, no disrespect towards schoolkids intended. I meant for a man in his position, his oratory skills do not match his standing. I lover listening to Obama, he was much more polished but genuine at the same time.

  9. Digital Unicorn says:

    EVERYONE hates Trump, even the invisible sky people (read God) hate him. The photo’s remind me of my history classes in school about the rise of the Nazi party in Germany – everything about Trump’s sad little parade screamed fascism, even the name ‘Salute to America’.

    Apparently he spoke for 45 mins, I guess we can tell which parts the adderall started to wear off. He’s probably sat on his gold toilet, stroking the lil orange mushroom while watching reruns of it.

    • Allie says:

      There are old people in Germany terrified of what is happening (we have the same Neo-Nazi problematic here, though they are still a minority – a very vocal one) because they have have seen all of this happening before.

      It also speaks for itself that the only ones who approve of Trump are fascists or “right-wing populists”.

    • Wood Dragon says:

      Apparently they all got together – Zeus, Thor, Durga, and Gaia et al and three a curve ball into his precious celebration.

  10. Lightpurple says:

    And the rockets red flare
    The plane took off in the air
    And flew through the night
    And our bags were still there!

    Credit to some unknown person on Twitter

    • MeghanNotMarkle says:

      As an airline worker the bag line made me cackle. Yeah, I’ve had a long week. *sigh*

  11. Incredulous says:

    You are leaving out the battle of Valley Forge (???) and Fort McHenry, which didn’t exist at the time. Also you could see him sniffing hard when they turned off the microphone and his horrific hair from the back.

    tl;dr The whole thing would have looked better if they just had some military wave airfix kits about while making engine noises. Plus I spotted exactly one black person, who was in the military and thus compelled to be there.

    Oh, also the ridiculous jingoism downright flirting with fascism, that too.

    • Lightpurple says:

      He called it Fort Mckendry.

    • Megan says:

      If he wanted to honor the military, he would have done so on Memorial or Veterans Day. July 4 is about ideals, not recognizing troops.

  12. Jerusha says:

    I love how Mother Nature golden showered the sh1t out of yesterday’s fiasco.
    https://twitter.com/babacar14/status/1147003477530501120?s=21

  13. Louisa says:

    Anyone know if Pence was there? Has he been seen since his flight was suddenly turned around the other day? Pretty sure trump is getting ready to drop him as running mate for 2020. I think he’ll announce in the next couple of weeks and it’ll be Nicki Haley. If not Ivanka, because at this point anything can happen in this shit show.

    • Digital Unicorn says:

      I’ve been reading theories that he is planning to drop Pence before that, as in he’s going to sack him with a lot of other speculation about replacing him with either Ivanka or Jared, hence why both have been making sure they are seen.

    • Lightpurple says:

      Pence spoke at a naturalization ceremony yesterday

    • Diane says:

      I thought I saw him and Mother in the front row. I try not to look for fear I’ll turn into a pillar of salt.

  14. reg says:

    That speech was written by Scientologists, it was not a mistake in the script, they
    believe in all this crap. The parade was a total failure and it looks like only Trump supporters showed up.

  15. Jerusha says:

    Breaking news! Someone got hold of trump’s actual bone spur x-rays.
    https://twitter.com/lordreynolds/status/1147068264700370944?s=21

  16. Marjorie says:

    Thank you mother nature.

    I haven’t read anything but here yet today, I hope NYT, Wapo, CNN etc noticed the photoshopping.

    Also Melania Trump is just gross.

  17. Miles says:

    British Airways and American Airlines were in a fierce battle at Philadelphia airport. Thank god the continental army came through and saved the Americans.

    • Diane says:

      That’s hilarious yet so pathetic. Either Trump and his entire staff are all morons or someone has it in for him and slipped the airport line in to demoralize him. How could that have gotten approved? Just like no one told him he had toilet paper on his shoe before he walked up the stairs to Airforce One.

  18. Chef Grace says:

    LOL.
    45 drinking MAGA beer and vodka shots.
    I am sure in his world of Trumplandia airports did exist and that is how the dinosaurs became extinct and everything else is FAKE NEWS.

    • Jerusha says:

      This is a world in which JFK, Jr. has been hiding out for 20 years and will now emerge as a trumpista.🙄🙄
      It’s scary to think that some of these people are military, law enforcement, auto mechanics, nurses, doctors, pharmacists, teachers-people who actually impact our lives. Frightening.

      • Esmom says:

        JFK, Jr was supposed to reappear yesterday and be unveiled at Pence’s replacement. So what happens to this theory, these loons, now that he shockingly did not come back?

        And you’re right, it is indeed terrifying that these people walk and work among us. I want to weep but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop anytime soon.

      • Lightpurple says:

        My cousin was on the dive team that retrieved the bodies. His words for these people are not printable.

  19. Sharonk says:

    Dear leader ,
    You are a moron!!

  20. Diane says:

    What struck me was the VIPs being close to the stage and able to view the “tanks”, while his true believers were stuck behind a fence (wall?) and not allowed access. And yet they continue to blindly sing his praises. If I wasn’t paying the price, I would wish them the worst. But I believe in Karma.

  21. GoldenGal says:

    Oh Lord, please, please, please fix this screw up and remove the source of National and World-wide embarrassment that thinks he’s King of The U.S.of A. We’ve had quite enough, thank you.

  22. Ann says:

    Just knowing that president lard ass attempted a full on dictator parade put me in a bad mood yesterday. I’ve never felt less proud to be an American. At least God was on our side with the weather.

  23. Valerie says:

    lol what a fucking dolt. Is anyone surpised?

  24. Moose says:

    I’m glad his parade was a damp squid!

    However as a Brit I have a serious question:
    As far as I am aware Trump has already publicly stated he would accept Russian (illegal) help to win the next election. As far as I am aware Trump has also publicly stated he will not accept the result from the next election if he loses.
    Sooooo….. if he does lose the next election, can he ask for recount after recount after recount to tie the system up in knots between Nov & Jan as any loss for him is “fake news” in his egotistical eyes? If all of the recounts come up with the same result (he loses) can he refuse to leave the White House as he won’t believe the result ever? What happens he is absolutely and utterly refuses to accept the result and leave the WH? Does he get dragged out by his ankles in full view of the world’s press? Does he get arrested? Do his and his family’s belongings get chucked out onto the south lawn?
    Seriously… what would happen if he refuses to accept the result and leave WH? Unprecedented scenario, but plausible because of his character…

    • Ann says:

      Evidently he can do whatever he wants so if he does lose I’m sure he’ll do whatever needs to be done to make it so he doesn’t lose. The whole thing yesterday was essentially a campaign rally, which makes it at the least unethical, which goes without saying, but also likely illegal, which also seems like a given and nothing will happen. As an American I don’t get it either. Any of it.

    • Digital Unicorn says:

      If he loses he will use his executive powers to declare a national emergency around voter fraud, suspend the constitution and declare himself Emperor Lard Ass. Even Cohen said he fears what he will do if he loses, everyone should because the scenario I just described is exactly what he and the republicans will do. They control all 3 executive branches and they are not about to let their grip on power go – Trump is a means to an end for them as I believe they want an authoritarian gov just as much as he does.

      If he loses what happened in Venezuela will happen in the US.

    • 10KTurtle says:

      I read an article about this recently, written by some constitutional expert. His take was that if Trump refuses to step down, it essentially wouldn’t matter legally. Come January 20, the new president will be sworn in, and all the federal agencies, government, military, etc., would then switch over business as usual and answer to the new president. The new administration would likely try to avoid a spectacle for the sake of American dignity, but If the former president has to be dragged out of the White House kicking and screaming like a toddler, so be it- the Secret Service/military are not going to defend him (as he probably thinks they will).

      • Louisa says:

        My fear is that the military and law enforcement will support him. (Did you see the videos of the proud boys wandering around DC yesterday getting fist pumps and high fives from the DC cops). And as Digital Unicorn said above, the Republicans are not going to give up power without a fight. I’m genuinely very concerned.

      • Suz says:

        @Louisa – Ive been told by a Marine that the USMC is anti Trump

    • Steph says:

      So he can ask for recounts; however I believe that they’re only allowed up to three. He can try and sue for recount results to be to be thrown which would go up to the Supreme Court ( ala Gore/ Bush 2000). However the winner could also sue to end any additional recounts.
      All I know is that come January 202 all I know is that come January 2021, If he doesn’t have the votes to be president he will be kicked out on his sorry ass. Because the inauguration ceremony is in our constitution and The transition team whether he has provided them access or not will take over. If he refused to leave office and our judicial and congressional branches failed to have him removed from office, our only recourse would be to reach out to our allies to see if they will pull him out through use of force.

      • Lightpurple says:

        The Secret Service and the ushers will remove him during the inauguration if he does not attend it. The ushers will pack up every single item of the Trump family in the residence and the offices the day of the inauguration and move it into the moving vans, which will be ordered the day after the election.

    • Lightpurple says:

      He has a limited number of recounts available and limited legal recourse. Once the Supremes rule, it is over. The electoral college will do its thing, regardless of whatever he is pulling, and then Congress certifies the Electoral College results. He has no power to stop Pelosi from doing her job. On Wednesday, January 20, 2021, the new President will take the oath of office at around noon. While that is happening, the White House ushers will pack up all belongings of the Trump family and administration and load the boxes into moving vans. If Trump has not left the building, the Secret Service will remove him.

    • Moose says:

      Great, thanks for all your responses, very interesting. As will be the period Nov 20 – Jan 21, wishing you all the right result!

  25. Mab's A'Mabbin says:

    Oh thank you Twitter. Even though I refuse to tweet, I don’t know what I’d do without tweeters. I haven’t laughed so hard since…well I really don’t know. The guys barged in to see if I was okay, and with tears streaming down my face, I was clearly not lol. My sides hurt. Keep talking dumbass. Keep talking.

  26. Ruyana says:

    I think his adderall morphed the word “ramparts” into “airports”. Well, plus he’s too dumb to realize that there were no airports. Makes me really angry that our so-called “checks and balances” have failed us so spectacularly.

  27. Suz says:

    His thinks his dad is from Germany and that George Washington flew an airplane. He. Has. Dementia. Invoke the 25th.

  28. adastraperaspera says:

    I was so angered when I saw the chain link fence they put through the reflecting pool to block Americans from access to our Lincoln Memorial. The Russian-owned GOP is letting him destroy everything symbolic, everything beautiful. The fireworks smoke must still be choking the city–it looked like DC was being bombed, not celebrated. Horrendous. I watched some of the Sesame Street number from the Capitol Fourth concert on PBS. It was a palate cleansing sorbet to the fascism on display at the other end of the mall.

    • BeanieBean says:

      I wondered what that was in the photo. I hope it’s only a temporary fence. Still, I get ya. Everything this administration does is an abomination.

  29. Harryg says:

    I think this “parade” completes Bill Maher’s “how to spot a dictator” list.

  30. Cate says:

    IS there a photo somewhere of the ACTUAL crowd size?

  31. Rashida says:

    I bet he drove those around him insane by constantly refering to the Independence Day parade as ‘The Big’ parade.

  32. minnie mouse says:

    History means nothing to a man who doesn’t want to learn but goes on to say there were airports in 1781, just shows you how butt backward this man is.