Miley Cyrus has been so many things and tried to be so controversial and at the end of the day, it’s kind of funny that she’s just turned into a basic pop star making mediocre music, married to a traditionally handsome dude and living a relatively easy life. Miley covers the latest issue of Elle to promote her latest album, and Miley’s been trying and failing to stir some old-school beefs or something to promote the music, which is probably why Nicki Minaj shut that sh-t down and called Miley a Perdue Chicken. So, Miley is back to trying to have a conversation about queerness and non-binary identities and… it’s just a lot. Obviously, I believe Miley talks out of both sides of her mouth on so many issues, and I also believes she paints herself as an aggrieved victim of bigotry, which really… she’s just a mediocre, average, basic person. You can read the Elle piece here. Some highlights:
The new album: “My record is called She Is Miley Cyrus. ‘She’ does not represent a gender. She is not just a woman. ‘She’ doesn’t refer to a vagina. She is a force of nature. She is power. She can be anything you want to be, therefore, she is everything. She is the super she. She is the she-ro. She is the She-E-O…. she/woman is taking back the power. She is here, fierce femme energy.”
On women: “We’re expected to keep the planet populated. And when that isn’t a part of our plan or our purpose, there is so much judgment and anger that they try to make and change laws to force it upon you—even if you become pregnant in a violent situation. If you don’t want children, people feel sorry for you, like you’re a cold, heartless bitch who’s not capable of love.”
She hates the word “selfish”: “Why are we trained that love means putting yourself second and those you love first? If you love yourself, then what? You come first.”
She’s been thinking a lot about women’s bodily autonomy. “Yeah, too much. I’m such an over-thinker. But at this time of my life, I feel the most powerful I’ve ever felt. I like the way being sexual makes me feel, but I’m never performing for men. They shouldn’t compliment themselves to think that the decisions I’m making in my career would have anything to do with them getting pleasure. I don’t think that because some guy thinks I’m hot he’s going to buy my record. It doesn’t help me.
Being bisexual and married to a man: “I think it’s very confusing to people that I’m married. But my relationship is unique. And I don’t know that I would ever publicly allow people in there because it’s so complex, and modern, and new that I don’t think we’re in a place where people would get it. I mean, do people really think that I’m at home in a f–king apron cooking dinner? I’m in a hetero relationship, but I still am very sexually attracted to women. People become vegetarian for health reasons, but bacon is still f–king good, and I know that. I made a partner decision. This is the person I feel has my back the most. I definitely don’t fit into a stereotypical wife role. I don’t even like that word.
Women & mother nature are angry: “The earth is angry. We’ve been doing the same thing to the earth that we do to women. We just take and take and expect it to keep producing. And it’s exhausted. It can’t produce. We’re getting handed a piece-of-sh-t planet, and I refuse to hand that down to my child. Until I feel like my kid would live on an earth with fish in the water, I’m not bringing in another person to deal with that. We [Millennials] don’t want to reproduce because we know that the earth can’t handle it.
I think the whole “Millennials don’t want to have babies because of the environment” thing is interesting, because I’ve actually heard anecdotal stories to suggest that there is a lowkey feeling among the under-30 crowd. The idea being, the planet is f–ked and why would you bring more people into it? Which I get, and I feel similarly (though I’m not a Millennial).
The funniest part of the full interview is when she’s asked about her dad turning up for Lil Nas X’s “Old Country Road” and she compliments her dad and seamlessly changes the subject to herself and how hardcore SHE is too. She can’t even give her dad a moment to shine.
Photos courtesy of Getty, Elle.
I’ve met many millennials who express that feeling. I think for most, it’s actually a combination of things, including massive student loan debt delaying people’s ability to afford children, but the environment is a big one, too.
That being said, if she’s committed to this stance, I don’t think it would work long-term with Liam. He seems like a traditional guy who would want to emulate what his brother Chris has. Kids, moving back to Aussie-land, etc… that’s just my read on him, anyways. Maybe they will adopt.
I’m gen x and those late 30’s early 40’s rolled around and a lot of people I knew divorced because they ended up wanting children. Particularly many of my husband’s make friends who now have younger wives. I know probably 8 people doing infertility treatments due to age related issues.
If you do not want children, that is perfectly normal, acceptable and nothing wrong with that. However if you do want children, like its it’s something you desire I would think really hard about the reality of letting that go. Its really hard watching people struggle with infertility especially when some of the women I know wanted to be financially stable before having kids and now those essential houses and 401k’s are being sold and cashed out to cover IVF.
Not having kids is a perfectly acceptable choice. You do get to be around 40 and see people struggling or panicking to have kids who said they weren’t having them for a bunch of reasons other than not wanting to be a parent. Not having children isn’t something you can go back on at some point and its become a sad reality of my life to watch.
I have several friends in their early-to-mid thirties that keep putting off children for various reasons. All of them are married to men who wanted children, like, yesterday. It’s like watching a slow moving train wreck.
Yes, this is true. But most of the time the pressure is only put on the woman, and this is a problem. Older men have fertility issues and cause genetic dysfunction at the same rate as women, so men should be taught to think about their declining fertility as well.
It’s also difficult to determine whether fertility loss is truly “age related” if neither person tried to conceive when younger. Sometimes you would’ve had the same problem at 20, but admittedly you’d have longer to deal with it. And there is some (kind of scary!) evidence about fertility rates in general dropping across the globe. Children of men, anyone?
@millenial watching a car crash is an accurate way to describe it. Its really sad, and destructive to lives. We had friends break up in our yard over not having kids after the 16′ election and it was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever witnessed and then my own kids were around just salting wounds.
I can’t agree more with this thread. So many of my mid 30s friends are agonizing about when/if to try for kids. I rarely hear the delay us about the environment. Most of it is wanting to be secure financially, get that promotion that will make childcare more affordable, or with a job that has good benefits/mat leave. Second is wanting to have experiences like travel or pursue passion projects, or enjoy married life with no kids. I think it’s sad that women feel like motherhood will demand an absolute sacrifice of their personal life. The mom shaming increases that. I know more husbands who want kids than wives, and it’s the gender role expectations. Men feel more open to embracing and being involved in parenthood= more enthusiasm. But they don’t feel like the real emotional labour burden falls on them, because that’s still put on women =more reluctance.
@ab doctors tell you if its age related. By 40 you have a 30% chance of dealing with infertility and by 45 your egg quality is severely compromised. Yes male infertility is often a cause of infertility, but a womans age is just a fact of nature and telling women they can wait and put it off when we have the science behind is irresponsible and sets a lot of women up for a bad time. Mens clocks are absolutely ticking also, don’t get me wrong…. but my point is about a very specific group with a particular problem that affects people my age. By 40-50 the infertility conversation very much is about age. It is okay to have real fact based conversations about fertility.
And if your partner wants a child and you don’t please let them go. Do not waste their time, male or female.
People in their late 20s and 30s are doing the usual steps of adulting, including having children, much later than their parents did. I’m in my mid 30s and most people I know have delayed some of the usual rites of passage of becoming an adult, like buying a house, because of entering the job market during the recession and taking longer to find a job that you want to stick with long term. I just bought a place last year and bought something very much within my means, a hard learned lesson from the last housing bubble.
I’m very firmly in the not ever wanting kids camp because of multiple reasons. I have little or no maternal instincts. I also have a job where I don’t have flexibility for a healthy work life balance, kids or no kids, is not a realistic option at this point in time. I would be able to take some form of maternity leave, but the realities of my job and the nature of my colleagues would make it likely that I’d be back part time sooner than I would feel comfortable . I’ve given up on expecting my male colleague to try to get familiar with how to do the basics of my job in the event of an extended leave on my part because I know he won’t be willing to do so. I listen to another colleague, a mother of two, complain about the cost of child care. Both of them claim that being a parent is a wonderful experience, but I find it hard to believe given how much they complain about both the emotional and financial costs of raising kids.
Good gawd this is a sad reality we’re all seeing. I married at 27, popped out 3 kids back-to-back, and all my friends swore I was too young. Missing out. Etc… But after having kids my hubby and I continued being social and having fun. And making money. Now 2 of my friends have divorced and their exes are engaged to 25 year olds that will be pregnant soon. It sucks. The issue is that women are made to feel like they can’t be young, fun, wives, & moms at the same time. You can. And kids don’t have to be expensive either. But anywho. It’s a tough convo and reality.
This right here is my greatest fear. I’m 38 and only now feel stable enough in my life to do this, and all of a sudden I want a baby very, very badly. My husband has always been a little tepid on the subject, but ultimately talks about “when we have a kid” pretty constantly. A couple weeks ago I asked him “so, are we ready to do this?” and he told me he worries about bringing a kid into the world with climate change issues. I think we’re both ready to go for it, but it’s scary. Climate change does concern me, but more so I’m afraid of trying to raise a kid in a place far away from my family on a tight budget, and of how being pregnant might affect my body and my health. But more than anything, I’m afraid that we’ve waited too long and won’t be able to conceive.
What a bunch of horse pucky. Miley wants to sell records and she’ll say or do anything to bring $$ into her bank account. As far as her sexual attractions, who cares.
As for having kids, we had two and it was the best thing I’ve ever done, raising kids, experiencing their development and just having fun with them.
99% of the people I know that didn’t have kids are sad and sorry they can’t share what others have. They regretted their decision and many couples broke up due to hubby wanting kids and wife too old. So there’s that.
@lulu I wonder if we secretly know eachother! Same experience women delaying kids until its too late, get divorced and both the husbands remarried younger and had kids within 18 months.
Sad thing is being single at 40+ is extremely difficult and I also see them struggling to relate to friends with families or feeling like a burden when invited places. The friends I have who are child free by choice and the reasoning is simply “having a child would not make me happy” tend to be content and happy with their lives.
Not wanting children is normal and valid. Not having children because of outside circumstances that arent set in stone is a recipe for regret.
If you had friends publicly break up at a bbq shortly after Trump was elected because the wife refused to entertain the idea of children until Democrats were back in power and the husband said she was wasting the only life they get….. then we definitely know eachother. Lol
Henry f a, that’s interesting b/c my experience is the opposite: 99% of the people I know who didn’t have kids (including myself) feel like they dodged a bullet and fill their lives with children in other ways: at church, as teachers and as aunts and uncles. Boy Scouts or Big Brother / Big Sister programs. Plenty of ways to make a difference in a child’s life without spending the time, money and energy on giving birth to a couple humans that you then have to raise daily for 18 or more years. My friend with two daughters is actually jealous of my career of motivating and coaching 3,000 children so far – her opinion is I will have a bigger influence on the world.
In my experience it’s the complete opposite. Almost all of the parents I know have privately confided to me at some point that if they could make the decision to have kids all over again they wouldn’t do it. The childfree group I run with have never had any second thoughts or divorces over children, but that’s because both parties had the “kids talk”, decided it wasn’t for them, and stuck to it. If the question isn’t decided on both sides when you get married you’re setting yourself up for failure.
My SIL has spent a fortune on IVF, drained her mother’s retirement account (gotta get those grand babies!) and once the pee stick came back positive she’s done nothing but complain about her kid, who is now 7.
We don’t have the money or time—student loan debt, a mortgage, and high cost of medical care and child care made it a fairly easy decision and I’ve never looked back. The myth that you can’t have a meaningful and happy life unless you have kids needs to die.
The problem is the climate change deniers are still having kids and those kids vote or run for office. Millennials, have kids if you want them and are able to…raise them to be helpers, work hard to make the world better for them despite our current situation.
I literally just had this conversation with my friend. We are 6 close friends. 2 have kids, 4 do not. All above age of 34. I am at that spot myself where I feel the nature hormonal call but all my life did not want to have kids. I do not want to have them due to my bad childhood, society pressure and also my age. As fourth argument – there is so much data about my genders pay, abuse and disrespect. I agree w her, it is also part of inner anger for me, I do not want to fulfil my “role” dictated by society ruled by white old rapists. I am worried what that means for my future but that is how I feel.
Is that why young people don’t want to have babies? I keep reading that Italy is struggling because so many of their young couples want no kids, or just one kid. But I don’t think I’ve ever heard that the reason is the environment. Maybe young people are just more mindful about how much goes into raising kids?
In Italy young people don’t have kids because way too many of them can’t find a job and are stuck living living with their parents. They can’t afford to have children.
You know… I’m old enough to remember the first Earth Day in 1970. We had the entire day “off” in school: classes were cancelled so we could attend various assemblies on a variety of topics on ecology, recycling, water/air pollution etc.
Environmental concerns are not *new* to this generation. Seems like Millennials et al. feel like they are the VERY FIRST to experience anything. Well kids….we’ve been going on this ride for 50 yrs. And yes, it IS worse now, but it’s nothing new. If everyone was afraid to have kids because of problems in the world, the world would’ve ended centuries ago.
There’s a great episode of All In the Family, called “Gloria’s Shock”, where she wants to have a child and Mike doesn’t, because (you guessed it) overpopulation and the environment. There’s a poem he reads at the end that I wish I could find, because it really expresses why he changes his mind. If you can find the episode, watch it (AITF is on Sundance Ch.).
Miley needs to sit her narcissistic self down in several seats. She’s not a generational spokesperson.
Respectfully, your experience is not the same as theirs. The past 20 years have been the hottest on earth. There are kids growing up now who have never experienced a summer in the northeast with temps in the 70s for weeks on end. All they know is boiling hot summers and heat waves. The most damage to climate has *also* occurred in the past 20 years. Earth has *also* lost HALF of its wildlife in the past 40 years.
We were making progress in terms of environmental change and now all of that has been rolled back, ensuring further damage under Trump’s regime. We have 12 years for global warming to be kept to a maximum of 1.5C, beyond which even half a degree will significantly worsen the risks of drought, floods, extreme heat and poverty for hundreds of millions of people.
Earth Day seems like a quaint and cute festival–a luxury, really–when you consider the imminent threat we are currently under. We need REAL action and SOON if we want to attempt to curb the imminent damage to our planet.
@Jan, This isn’t about Millennials trying to claim they are the first generation to experience climate change. The earth IS in worse shape than it was in 1970. That is scientific fact. Children born now are going to be significantly impacted by climate change – certainly more than generations born in the 20th century. I don’t have children, but I worry about the world my nephew and cousins will inherit.
Also, please realize that Millennials aren’t “kids.” I’m a Millennial and I’m 37.
I feel great sympathy for young people who, as you say, are living in a climate that is already changed from what I knew growing up. My generation (I’m in my early 60s) had relative climate stability. Younger generations have increasing turmoil, more extreme events, more instability and unpredictability. Birth rates decline in times of economic stress and the climate emergency is just emerging as a big source of economic stress. On top of the already known: the so-called ‘gig’ economy (IE lack of secure employment income), insecure and high-priced health care (USA), outrageous housing prices (income inequality), massive debt for higher education … you have to have a world you want a world to bring children into, if you have a choice about it. And millennials have got to be looking at their baby boomer parents’ long lives and retirement income/health care needs…weighing what they need for themselves vs what they would have to give their children. As well, the costs of raising children have themselves increased. So … it’s a tough one. Family size has already shrunk, and we’re looking at a lop-sided, age-heavy population. The big picture is difficult.
Environmental concerns are not a trend, so they are not *new* to this generation but the climate consequences are. I am a bit puzzled by your comment. I often ask my parents if this is what the Cold War felt (the nuclear threat) and they (who are also old enough to remember a lot of sh*t, including a dictatorship) say now is much worse. Kids these days wish they were “inventing” something new, because what happens is that they will be the victims of an escalating effect of cute “earth days” without real political and social follow-up.
EDIT: this was an answer to a now deleted comment.
Nevermind my edit the comment is here again.
TheOG we are in The Sixth Mass Extinction. Read the book by the same name. It is “new” to be now witnessing no action. The UN says that by 2040 the weather anomilies we see will make our current heat waves, fires, tornadoes and flooding seem like child’s play. The stakes now are much, much higher than they were 50 years ago. The UN also just got ripped apart by one of their own experts. Stating that they are culpable of not demanding and overseeing change before now. The UN ALSO just put out a notice that climate change deniers are stalling true progress in this area.
We are actually seeing the collapse of civilization. It is serious. Very.
Yeah, I guess I’m technically a millennial too (38 — I think that’s borderline), and I grew up with Earth Day being a big thing and learning all about global warming and the need to reduce, reuse, recycle. You’re blind if you didn’t notice a giant cultural shift where suddenly these ideas are “controversial,” as well as a (I’m sure) completely coincidental environmental shift where weather has become completely unpredictable.
I think that more than anything what has happened is that we’ve lost the naivety that it matters if I recycle my plastic water bottle or not in a world where capitalism is completely gutting our environment. Realistically, a kid I have now is going to have to deal with the unsustainable environment he or she is born into. A kid you had 50 years ago hopefully won’t.
Not a fan of her and her music but I have the same feeling about having children. The world is so messy and terrible, the more I grow up the more I realized how messed up it is, and that it will never change becaude, power, money, human nature… I’m not sure I want a world like this for any child, mine or not
I absolutely agree; I’m a millennial hitting my mid-twenties and it’s something my boyfriend and I have discussed several times (we’ve been together a few years and wanted to make sure we’re on the same page). Based on even the most liberal of estimates, having children would be exposing them to our toxic environmental future. It’s not something I’m willing to do. A lot of my girlfriends feel the same way. I think she’s right on par with the rest of us
I’m a Gen-Xer and this is one of the very reasons my husband and I chose not to have children. The Earth and the people living on it need some time to heal themselves.
What I do find funny is Millennials taking the credit for “not wanting to bring children into this world” when Gen-X females have been making this stance clear since the cold war (I bet millennials have not really considered nuclear annihilation as a strong possibility vs. run of the mill global warming).
I had one unplanned child when I was 18. He’s a boy. His father and I are now married, have a house, and probably could JUST afford to have another baby, which I would like to have, but am terrified to bring a girl baby into this world of rape, sexual harassment, assault, violence, misogyny, and lessening reproductive choices.
That is very understandable. When you can’t even walk down the street without fear of being raped and assaulted unless there’s crowds of people around, it makes you realize what a dismal place the world is for girls. I was harassed at work when I was 19 by a middle aged male co-worker and even now, decades later, I feel uneasy remembering it.
I actually think that the world has gotten a lot better for females. When I was growing up in the 1960’s/70’s everything was swept under the rug and never discussed or even believed. I think that girls growing up today have great role models, have exciting interesting career choices not just told to be nurses or teachers and learn about consent and not having to put up with sexism anymore. Things are still not perfect, but life and choices for women have improved tremendously.
Also vote out republicans in 2020 to get back the rights they are trying to take away.
Exactly, me too, but then I also realize, taht the majority of what a child learns is from home. So while I cannot do much about the world, I can at least raise a decent human being who cares and if I am absolutely lucky, one who wants to get on the stage to help change things.
But, it will mean, this child must suffer this world like we all are right now, and I dont wish this on anyone.
I think the real effects of climate change are just going to get started and its not going to be funny.
I hate to say it, but I do kind of agree with her here on the wanting babies. I am about to turn 30, and the thought of bringing a child into this social, political and physical climate makes me queasy. I’d love to be a mother, but not in these circumstances.
My kids are older now but there’s no effing way I’d want to bring kids into today’s world. In fact I had a lot of hesitation about doing so 20 years ago. I love them more than anything but in many ways, every day, I am terrified for their futures.
Same, with the exception that I adopted by choice, so I didn’t have the “bring life into the world? now?” question. We were fortunate enough to provide an existing child with a home and family stability. But she is likely to feel like her peers, what kind of world will it be for kids of my own? And how will I afford them and manage the whole endeavor? Things haven’t changed that much for women in carrying so much of the burden, and in some ways it’s greater but more underground.
My daughter is starting to say the same thing (she’ll be 20 this month) after having said all her life that she wanted kids young like we did. And agreed, @Esmom, if I was a millennial, I’m not sure I’d want babies at this point, not without having a guarantee that at least there would be climate well-being.
The state of the world and the planet right now makes me relieved I didn’t have kids. I’m stressed out enough over all of it, I can’t imagine worrying about kids too.
I don’t think Miley speaks for her whole generation by any means, but I have heard that expressed as well, but also the economy is a big part of it. If you can’t find a well paying, steady job, and can’t afford housing, starting a family is not going to be high on the list.
Same here. 40 and my BF is 32. We do not want kids because we see the future of this country as being a complete and utter disaster. If I had a child right now my anxiety would be through-the-roof over how incredibly bleak their future is.
On another note, you guys might remember me talking about a close friend whom I cut off a little over a year ago because she married a Trumpster and was suddenly parroting all his disgusting talking points. Her Trumpster husband was trolling my BF under a burner account on Facebook, saying the most horrendous stuff to him etc.
Anyway, I was visiting with some of my friends back home this past weekend and they told me she just had a baby with this dude. I’m just so horrified that she would procreate with this terrible person. And to think the issue that ended up being the final straw for me was her defending Trump’s concentration camps and now she has her own child and probably doesn’t give two f*cks about the kids in cages. I’m just so disgusted.
EDIT: to your point about the economy, I don’t think people fully grasp the far-reaching economic impact that Trump’s tax cut for the rich will have. In general, I think a lot of Americans are in denial about how badly Trump’s administration has damaged our country. I think most people believe that if we get a Dem elected in 2020 (no guarantee this will happen BTW) that we’ll bounce right back; that we’ll magically erase all the destruction to norms and check and balances and to our global standing. But it will take a DECADE or more to fix this mess and if he gets 4 more years, we won’t see anything fixed in my lifetime, guaranteed.
Kitten, I remember. Sounds as if your friend is a lost cause. It’s really hard to suffer these everyday losses, and yet morality and values are so important. Been there. I think there’s going to be more bright lines drawn as more and more of these moral issues get highlighted. People are reacting in all kinds of ways.
Yes, the tax bill (thanks Paul Ryan, another one of those, “ooh, it’s safe to say he’s bad now!” cretins) is powerfully damaging. It’s going to be a real struggle between keeping rates low so Trump can deal with his massive personal debt, and the need for the country to inflate its way out of problems — which will be impossible during the next recession, and we’d better pray that it’s “only” a recession.
@ WATP- Thanks for the kind words. On one hand, I miss her. I’ve known her for my entire life and we’ve gone through so much together. On the other hand, recognizing that she’s not the person I once knew makes it easier to move on. She wasn’t going to break up with her fiancee to save our relationship and I would never have asked her to do so. Just easier to cut my losses and let her live her life with her bigoted husband.
Yep. I think people are understandably preoccupied with so many obvious, imminent problems with this administration that it’s like…our emotional grids are overloaded. A lot of us feel like if we worry about anything more we’ll short-circuit. But the tax bill will come back to bite us–and HARD. If possible, we should mentally (and perhaps, financially) prepare ourselves for that.
“The state of the world and the planet right now makes me relieved I didn’t have kids.”
Me too. There’s so much going on that seems to be getting worse. Not just environmental issues, but also extremism, automation, threats to democracy, etc.
I watched the play Dancing at Lughnasa this weekend, which is about adult sisters trying to survive an economy where they no longer have value, and it terrified me. In 15 years from now, what is our world going to look like?
Climate change is real and terrifying but life is for living. If you want children, have them. People have been having children through truly terrifying shit since the dawn of time and even when things are near perfect there are no guarantees for anyone. Whatever happens a life spent loving and being loved is worth living.
Beth,
This was the most beautiful comment
Seconded, Beth. Perfect comment.
I mean that might be why she isn’t having kids, but I think the reason why so many millennials aren’t having kids or at least aren’t having kids so early is more due to the financial strain. Not being able to afford houses, having to move back in with parents etc. Also ideologies have changed and more women find value in their career and education and not just mopping floors at home with a baby on the hip.
It’s probably a number of reasons, but perhaps it’s easiest for her to hang it on the environment rather than just say bluntly “because I don’t want kids”? Just a thought. I used to say something to the effect of “well, we have so many awesome nieces and nephews and other great children in our lives, so we’re good.” In reality, it wouldn’t have mattered if we had 0 or 50 kids in our social atmosphere because I simply never wanted to be a parent. Zero interest. But that’s not something that always goes over well in casual conversation with family members or friends who have kids, you know?
I agree. For example in Greece they have the lowest birthrate and rate of marriage now in all of Europe. If you ask any of the women why they dont want to get married. They ask wjy would they want to have to cook for someone and wash their shirts and be beaten. Greece has a sorry history of machismo and women saw their mothers go thru it. As far as they are concerned there is absolutely no incentive to being in a couple and economically dangering yourself by having kids. Women who have children are poorer and have no support. Even in North America the largest group of poverty is single/divorced women with kids, women over 65 is the second highest poverty group. There is no real protection for women in abusive situationd who are very vulnerable when they are pregnant or have children. Not enough men treated of supported the women in their lives enough. Women see their mothers/grandmothers go through this and do that math. Also men’s sperm count is 50 percent lower than 40 years ago. Add in the fearful rhetoric of the press on the environment etc and you have a generation that are predicted to have only 25% if women bear children in North America. On a selfish note I am praying my sons meet one of the one in four that will bear children so I can get a grandchild !!! 🤣
@gottasayit wow! You are so right. Ironically Miley is kind of saying the same thing? Women are mistreated and will go into self-preservation mode (or beyond) and Mother Earth is mistreated and is going to evict all the tenants. The continued existence of humanity relies upon women and how we treat them, on every level.
It’s not the first reason I don’t want kids, but environmental concern is definitely on the list, and not low on the list, either. Finances are a concern first and foremost (my husband and I do well, but we also have aging parents to look after), but environmental issues are probably number two on the list. Millennials’ granchildren will, if nothing is done about climate change right now, live in a world with fierce competition for resources. We’re already seeing water shortages in parts of the globe, it’s already starting. I’m not particularly interested in having kids, but when I do feel a biological twinge, I remind myself my grandkids would likely end up living in Mad Max until the feeling goes away.
I think she’s too self centered at the moment to be a parent. So probably good she’s thinking it’s a crusade.
As for bisexual in a marriage being confusing, theres just a larger potential pool for her to feel attraction, but monogamy is about a deeper connection and fidelity. But it’s funny she thinks her husband is a basic a vegan lasagna, and women are bacon. That’s not very flattering to your new husband.
My first thought was poor Liam. OTOH, these interviews are meant to stir up interest, and that won’t happen unless she says something controversial. I guess she wants to be edgy, and being married just isn’t cool for her image.
Poor Liam? He just married her. I think he’s aware of her personality and opinions, no matter how dumb you think they are (and I think she can say a lot of stupid things). He’s not this naive man being forced in a TEN YEAR relationship. What a weird take.
You see, I’m vegan and I thought that I’d go for the vegan lasagna.
Now more seriously, she sounds a bit dumb sometimes but I think she is trying to say that they don’t have a “traditional” marriage without actually saying it you know?
Yeah, I too was scratching my head at that one. Her marriage is so ‘unique’ ‘complex and modern, and new that I don’t think we’re in a place where people would get it’ ? Of course nobody thinks she’s ‘at home in a f–king apron cooking dinner’, but I know a lot of married women who aren’t and I still wouldn’t call their marriages ‘complex and modern’. At the end of the day, Liam and Miley are two rich, white, privileged peeps who got traditionally married at the expected age.
As a bisexual woman her comments really bug me because she’s just reinforcing a stereotype that some people have where they think bisexual people are sexually voracious and could never be satisfied in a monogamous relationship. If she has an open relationship, good for her, but it’s not a necessary consequence of being bi.
I agree. As a bisexual woman, it annoys me that there’s this stereotype that we can’t live a monogamous life with man because we’ll go looking for women. Such bull. I love a person, not the sex or the gender of said person, and I want to be with just that person. I don’t have a need to look elsewhere. Monogamy and fidelity have nothing to due with sexual orientation. And if she’s hinting that they have an open relationship, it’s not really new or modern or revolutionary. Neither does it have anything to due with being bisexual.
My mother and I were talking about this just the other day.
If I were at the age now to have children (I have two – ages 20 & 15), I would seriously re-think it. This world is kind of a crummy place for a number of reasons, but the environment is a huge one. I mean, I hope the next ice age won’t start until after myself & my kids are long gone…but no promises that sh!t won’t hit the fan for any kids being born around now.
It’s almost guaranteed that it will hit the fan for them in fact. My heart sinks for my 3 yo niece and 5 yo nephew. My younger brother married a younger woman, and so I have these very young family members now. I could be their grandmother. And I look at them and I worry. What will they see? What will they have to do? It’s very upsetting. We’ll see plenty ourselves, as things are happening fast, but them? I shudder.
I look at my sweet, darling nieces and nephews and my heart breaks for them. I can’t even imagine how hellish their world will be in their 30s.
Also, hoping the $hit doesn’t hit the fan until your kids are gone is still dooming *their* kids and grandkids to a nightmare. If you have procreated, your descendants will suffer, that’s all there is to it. “It’s not my problem” sure, but it will be affecting your bloodline regardless.
I’m pregnant now with my first and I agree with you guys…while I am excited and all that, I understand this sentiment and feel pretty selfish (not in an unhealthy way in that I love my child but just have always felt having a bio kid is the height of narcissism – we still do it, I did it, but there’s no really sugarcoating it). I still worry daily about what it is we’re doing to the environment and how it’s going to affect not only my kid but life in general on this planet.
How is it narcissistic though? Not attacking you, I’m genuinely curious about this stance. To my mind having a biological child, when you choose to and are lucky enough to be able to, is just easier than adopting one; in my country it takes on average five years to adopt because of the extremely rigorous vetting process and I’ve always thought of it as a very brave, demanding path that not everyone is ready for.
I too have always thought of having a biological child as the height of narcissism – “what the world needs is more of me!”, lol. I understand the point above regarding the relative difficulty of adopting versus having a bio kid. However, devil’s advocate – a part of me thinks having any child should require introspection akin to the same rigorous vetting process. Though I don’t want kids, I actually think parenting is a very important job – raising the people of tomorrow’s world – and so many parents are simply awful. We don’t need more of anyone in particular. We need to make the best of the people we already have. Lately I am starting to wonder if Brave New World should really have been considered a dystopia. See: https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/mothers-day-special-trump-supporting-moms-talk-about-their-struggles-experiences
Definitely do not feel attacked and I’ll do my best to explain my position, though I think Stefanie did a great job. I just don’t think most people who have biological kids are doing it because they want to raise children who will make the world a better place (and what guarantee is there of that) – I think it’s mostly about what the kids can bring into their lives/they want a little person like them (my husband is definitely in that camp and we agreed on one bio one adopted when we got married though I would be totally open for adopting siblings, etc.). I also don’t really think we need any more children brought into the world period, for climate change reasons. I agree it is SO much easier to have one than it is to adopt, we decided to do the biological kid first because I’m early thirties and who knows how long it will take to go through the adoption process.
My son and I were talking last night about deep space probes and what we can learn from them. I said imagine what you’ll know 50 years from now. He said he doesn’t think we’ll be here anymore. He doesn’t want children and neither do almost all his friends, male and female.
Honestly, so many young people feel that way. None of them think the Earth will be here in 50 years…and for good reason. It makes you wonder how this generation would even want to go to college, find a life partner, etc. when it seems like there is doom lurking right around the corner. Horrible way to live. I am so glad I don’t have kids. I already worry too much !
The problem is, even if every step and stage goes spectacularly well, we cannot innovate our way off the planet fast enough. There isn’t a habitable planet close enough to colonize effectively (a science outpost on Mars might work, but a city supporting eight million people like New York? No), and humans probably can’t live healthy long lives forever in space (bone loss), so living on space stations is a pipe dream. I know a lot of people, and not just teenagers, who think we’ll just move off planet but that is not a realistic solution, at least not until we crack hyperdrive and are capable of travelling vast galactic distances to some habitable exoplanet in less than a human lifetime.
The reality is, in 50-100 years, Earth will not be habitable for the population as it is now, and billions of people will perish. We can’t move off this rock fast enough to stop it happening, and even if we do set up some kind of colony, who do you think will get first priority of tickets out? It won’t be normal people like us. It’ll be people like 45. Unless something changes drastically in the next few years to slow/stop climate change, we are dooming humanity to an awful, starvation and war-strewn end, and it will Millennials’ grandkids who bear the brunt of it.
Earth will still be here (barring any large space catastrophes), but the human race may not. Though I have a feeling it will be more akin to what Algernon said about billions of people dying for lack of resources and spread of illness. I imagine that the population will become small enough that it will actually allow the Earth to begin to heal, so maybe humans won’t be wiped out altogether, but will likely be reduced to tribalism and very small populations for generations, maybe millennia.
I have a high tolerance for her but she’s pushing pretty hard here… chill out. She reminds me of my sister when her mania is in full swing, especially the crazy ramble about the word “she”.
And how does her husband feel, that she doesn’t like the word “wife” or to think of herself as a wife! Listen, if you don’t ever want to be a wife no problem, don’t be one. But if you ARE a wife, have chosen to be a wife, then have some respect for the role you vowed to take in your spouse’s life! I am a wife and I took that role on when I stood up and made vows and married my husband. Nobody forced me and nobody forced Miley.
Why would she do that, and then have such a bad feeling about being a wife? Come on now. I’m an equal partner in my marriage, I adore my husband and I’m proud and happy to be his wife. And honestly I think that’s how it should be. Otherwise… just don’t get married! Simple!
She is exhausting.
But yeah I totally get the reproduction hesitation. I’m 36, I have two small children, and I worry big time about the earth they are inheriting.
I kind of understand her. I don’t think a man would have the same kind of need to prove freedom and independence as a woman does. When I had children, I kept saying I did not want to be a “MUM” – and I love my kids to death and have 4 of them. So I totally get her. As a woman, at her age I also felt the need to place myself and define what I liked about being in a relationship and what made me a mother unlike the ones I definitely did not like (effacing, submissive, obsessive with motherhood etc). I also phrased my thoughts really badly but I still appreciate that beginning in my life where I really thought things through alongside a man who was also defining what masculinity meant for him and what patriarchy was and how bad it was.
My husband calls me his “unwife” because I didn’t take his name, am not bearing his children, don’t cook/clean/pick up after him. I am proud of him and glad to be married to him, but I don’t define myself as a wife. I wear a ring but I don’t introduce myself as his wife, and I consider the fact that I am married to be trivia, like the color of my eyes or my place of birth. If you asked me to describe myself, “a wife” is going to be maybe not even in the top ten. I think this is where Miley is coming from. She got married but being a wife is not the sum total of her persona.
Hmmm thanks for your thoughts and personal view on this. Interesting to me!
I still think she should be a bit more careful towards her spouse when she says it so glib in a PR piece like this, but I don’t know their dynamic at home (obvi lol).
I guess I’m like that with being a daughter. One parent of mine has passed and the other is batshit so… it’s not really any part of my identity. And it doesn’t sound like you even have any negative feelings about your marriage, but I get what you are saying that it’s not a big part of how you see yourself.
She is right. Many (most?) millennials feel low-key queasy about the climate crisis that is already happening. But choosing not to have babies for this reason only means that the only children left will be those raised by climate deniers. See idiocracy.
Also, if there is something terrible happening in your purview and you have a platform, worrying is not the answer. Take action!
I have one Millennial and one Gen Z, and they are nowhere near getting married, let alone reproducing.
I have told my parents that the environment was a huge reason why I hesitated, along with growing income inequality. My parents worked hard and sacrificed so we could have all the best opportunities. Had my parents not paid for all my school through college, paid for my wedding and helped us buy a house then we would be completely screwed! My husband came from a family that had nothing so he joined the military, and because of the sacrifices of that and with his GI bill he was able to get school paid for and get a good home loan. Without all these things we would be struggling, and we both have great careers, but it’s just not enough when you live in one of the most expensive cities in the world.
I actually think that’s why they helped out so much too. They definitely wanted me to have kids and have said as much.
I’m a millennial, married 8 years, don’t want kids (climate crisis being one of the many reasons we choose to not have kids) – most of my friends are also child-free by choice.
And not me or even one of my child-free friends regrets it.
exactly – the more i read about the future of our planet, the happier I am that I am not bringing kids into this mess.
I agree with her. I feel pretty guilty bringing my two children into this world sometimes. If I knew what I know now, I might have made a different decision. In fact I’m already letting them know that they don’t have to have children of their own and they should think very carefully about it.
But on the other hand I think I’m raising them to be pretty awesome humans, so maybe they will grow up to make a positive difference. The works needs that too.
I will say my friends who chose to be child free do live a more carefree lifestyle. Babies make everything difficult no matter how much love you feel. Although given their travel (a lot) I doubt it’s for environmental, but more lifestyle, reasons.
Im pregnant with number 2, and everyone’s already talking about #3. Um, not for us. There’s replacing yourselves and there’s adding more burden for resources. But apparently having the same gender twice means you must try for a 3rd, someone said I needed a 4th. We’re done biologically after 2. If we want more there’s other avenues, but 2 us probably my max at the moment. I’m tired.
Don’t feel guilty, I’m sure they’re great kids. We need those.
Yeah exactly. The future actually depends on people like SilentStar’s kid.
Meh I think its more so that the majority of millennials can’t even afford to buy a home, let alone have a child. Aside from the medical bills the costs for childcare are absolutely out of control. Yeah, there’s definitely a feeling of “there’s plenty of kids who need adopting, and the planet is so messed up why add to the problem?” but I’d bet the majority of people actually say its not financially doable for them.
Drew Barrymore, Evan Rachel Wood, Anna Paquin, Margaret Cho – just some of the openly bisexual female celebrities who were/are (in the case of Paquin & Cho) married to men. Their relationship is not unique. @Kaiser, I think you’re right, deep down, even she knows she really is just this mediocre, average, basic person that is why she needs to be so, so extra about everything. She really is exhausting.
Mediocre, average and basic pretty much describes her. I would throw hillbilly in there as well.
Even so, I cut her some major slack because she is relatively grounded considering she was a massive child star. The fact that she is “basic” and “average” with a conventional home life —considering that she was a former child star—is actually remarkable.
Uhm, she just said she isn’t conventional among other things. The last word she would describe herself is conventional so finding her remarkable for this is something even she would not appreciate.
@crass that’s cool. It can be true that most child stars don’t turn out well and that she is an exception, even if she wouldn’t appreciate that fact.
This – I give her credit for being open about it, but her sexuality is not unique. She can keep telling herself that “people don’t get it”, but I really think most people just don’t care. She already exhausted her 15 minutes.
“It’s so complex, so modern so new!” My eyes are rolling.
” She can keep telling herself that “people don’t get it”, but I really think most people just don’t care.”
Yeah, that’s my take too.
Christina Aguilera. Amber Heard. Angelina Jolie. Megan Fox. All self-identified as bisexual before marrying men. This hardly makes Miley unique. As I said upthread: at the end of the day, Liam and Miley are two rich, white, privileged peeps who got traditionally married at the expected age.
Someone gave her a few good talking points, but that’s it.
Basic.White.Girl.Boring.next
I wouldn’t even call them good, lol. She sounds pretty dumb.
This is nothing new at all. The Zero Population Growth organization was founded in 1968. It advocated for no or only one child because it was recognized that we were using up the earth’s resources. Too bad the disgusting Duggars didn’t get the message.
My sister married an African American man back in the 70’s (she’s white and they’ve been married for over 40 years) but they never had children because they didn’t want to subject a biracial child to the racism that was so prevalent then. It’s so sad that somethings make you have to make decisions like that. Climate change is so scary when thinking about a child’s future.
Oh man. That’s just heart-breaking.
How is she not a millennial? Wasn’t she born in 92?
I agree with what others have said, I think the economic strain is more of a factor than the environmental crisis when choosing whether to have kids or not. If people stopped having kids whenever the world was knee deep in sh-t, all the kids born during the Cold War (myself included) wouldn’t have seen the light of day. I consider myself as eco-conscious but I would say the threat of imminent nuclear holocaust is at least as much a deterrent as climate change. I’m not very optimistic about our governments’ capacity to avoid this disaster, but I also believe history shows humanity on the whole is extremely resilient.
It’s always been a pet theory of mine that an unacknowledged part of the Right-to-Life, anti-abortion movement is the racial agenda of keeping white babies being born at a fast pace, so that whites will always be a majority in the U.S. Notice that ALL the pics the movement uses for propaganda are white babies, NEVER brown, black, Native American or Asian babies. So that’s why white women “MUST” have white babies whether they want to or not. So that’s why the alt-right is so adamant to take away the right to abortion from these white women.
I would argue the opposite, that by forcing all women to keep their babies, the poorest minority women who can’t afford more children are forced to raise more children and stay poor. I think it’s about keeping poor minorities in their place. Propaganda with pictures of white babies is probably intended to invoke sympathy or emotions from people who only care about white people and babies.
It’s not mutually exclusive, you’re both right. There is a white supremacist bent to anti-choice, and it’s why the only people fretting about the declining birth rate are conservatives. But the side effect of anti-choice policy is that more minority women will be burdened with children. White women, especially wealthy white women, will always be able to get an abortion if they need it. Also, the Quiverfull movement, to which the Duggars belong, is explicitly white supremacist, it is about out breeding “the other” in order to maintain white America. I wish People magazine and that one TV channel were pressed harder about this, they have held up a white supremacist cult as a wholesome, idealized family.
I don’t find it confusing that she is married to a man. She only dated him for about 5 years. I don’t know why she acts like she is this gay sex symbol.
Right?
It’s because she invented bisexuality all on her own. “It’s so complex and modern and new” that we can’t possibly understand the concept, but thanks to Miley’s lessons in wokeness I’ll now reconsider spending my entire married life in the kitchen.
I’m 25 and my fiancé is 26, and we have been together 10-years. We were both very fortunate and had parents who paid for our school and both got full time jobs after graduating and bought our house last year (so, we could technically “afford” kids at the moment). Over the years we’ve had many discussions about children, and while we do want them in the future, we feel it’s almost selfish to bring them into this world. I worry about what Earth will be like in my lifetime, let alone in my (future) child’s lifetime. So, I understand where Miley is coming from in that sense.
A lot of my coworkers who are my age are on the same page as me. Surprisingly, though, a lot of my high school friends are having kids or have kids now. In general though, I think people in my age group are hesitant about having children.
She doesn’t speak for me and I find it annoying when famous people make generalized statements as if they know everything. Yes the environment is in bad shape and if we don’t make changes fast we won’t be around for another thousand years. I haven’t “reproduced” yet because I don’t like the idea of the burden and expenses that comes with childcare. I’m told daycare is ridiculously expensive and unfortunately for most Americans who aren’t Miley Cyrus, both parents have to work to be able to afford to properly care for the child. I don’t like that at all so I choose to wait until my husband and I are in a better financial situation and willing to give up our lifestyles…for me that would be traveling. Kids ruin lives. No thank you.
Eh. To each their own. I’m a millennial and I would love to have children my problem is I haven’t met anyone that I would want to father my children and being the child of divorced parents being raised by a single mom, I’m not sure I want to go the single mom by choice route. And also, I’m more worried about finances than the environment. The Earth has been around far longer than any of us and I am convinced that the Earth will be here long after us. Mother nature will find a way to course-correct.
Also, someone should tell Miley that her marriage isn’t really that unique. Queer people marry straight people all of the time – and open marriages aren’t that unique either. That’s basically what she is hinting at with all of her modern and unique marriage nonsense; she’s clearly just wanting it to be known that they probably screw other people and probably have threesomes. LOL. It’s so edgy and predictable.
See this is the problem. So many believe the Earth will just take care of itself. NO it won’t. We destroyed it and continue to destroy it. If we don’t act now and reverse climate change, the Earth has about 12 years left before complete disaster.
I disagree. I think it’s just another form of human hubris to believe that we are capable of destroying something that has been around for billions of years. A few major natural disasters and a few pandemic’s could easily wipe out a nice chunk of the Earth’s population. Human’s aren’t nearly as powerful or indestructible as we think we are.
I agree humans aren’t as powerful or indestructible as we think we are….but we do have some power over climate change. After all, WE are the ones who caused it. The earth won’t fix itself and we can’t just sit here and do nothing.
This completely. And sure, the earth has been around for far longer than any of us but the changes of the next 200 years could equal—and may likely exceed—those seen over the 10,000 years that ended the last Ice Age.
I’m with @Patty here – the earth has existed long before humans existed & it will continue to exist long after humans become extinct. With climate change – we are not destroying the earth, we are just destroying the environment suitable for human existence. Basically, with climate change, humans are destroying themselves. Earth couldn’t care less. She will survive and will be ok.
@ crass
Let’s see how you feel in 12 years when it all goes to hell.
@ME of course I feel bad about it. I feel bad about it now. I don’t have to wait for 12 years. But that doesn’t negate the fact that the earth will continue existing when climate change makes it impossible for humans to exist. I don’t see anything wrong with what @Patty or I said. The point is humans – we, are destroying ourselves, not the earth. In its early stages, earth’s atmosphere was purely nitrogen and carbon dioxide gases. If we want to continue to exist, and not be extinct – then we must do something about it now. The earth will go on – short of a massive asteroid collision, without humans. It will still exist billions of years from now.
@ crass
Obviously the earth will continue existing but it will be a sh*tty earth not suitable for humans or animals. What good is that to us? Why bother having kids if they are doomed? If we don’t deal with climate change now (as so many refuse to do) then what is the point of anything? If we can change the future NOW and can actually keep the earth habitable for living things like humans and animals, why would we not try? I just don’t get this mentality that “whatever will be will be” and that the Earth will be fine. Yeah the Earth will/can survive but we won’t.
@ME please read what I said again. Didn’t I say we must do something now? My statements do not exhibit a que sera sera attitude. Neither @Patty’s. We just stated a scientific fact. Humans cannot destroy the earth. Human are destroying themselves, ourselves – so we must act now. Again, is there anything wrong with what we said? @Patty was not advocating doing nothing either.
The Earth will take care of itself. It will take care of itself *without* people. Once we are gone, the Earth will heal (largely by incorporating plastic and other pollutants into organisms), but we will not be around to see it. As long as we continue unchecked, the Earth will not heal. We are a cancer to the Earth, and it will eventually excise us.
@ crass
Woah I never said you were or Patty was. I read your comments correctly. But humans ARE destroying the earth and we can’t just sit and let that happen. This is when I decide to exit a conversation…nothing left for me to say and no one is listening anyways. Have a nice day.
I agree with ME. The data is coming in all the time about how bad everything – warming, the seas dying, mass die-offs, etc – is. This isn’t just a just-like-the-last-generation-thought thing; it’s the 6th mass extinction. Never has the earth hosted so many people all wanting the same consumerist lifestyle. When the feedback loops come in (and they’re already starting to), Venus syndrome becomes a reality. Self-correcting? Only in the sense of removing all possibility of life.
Patty, The earth as a rock orbiting the sun will be around, probably, yes. But it’s not necessarily going to be habitable for people, plants, and animals. I think when people talk about climate change and a devastating planet being one of the reasons they’re not having children, it’s not necessarily because they think the earth won’t survive at all—it’s that they don’t think their children and grandchildren will survive on the planet, or maybe they’ll technically survive, but they’ll be living in an ice age, or living with very scarce resources. It’s not going to be a happy, safe, beautiful planet and things that live on it now, including humans, are not necessarily going to able to adapt to what the world will become. So people are worried that their potential kids will die. Some people are concerned that more children will contribute to faster climate change, which will then make it more difficult for all the plants, animals, and people to continue to survive. They’re concerned about destroying the planet as we currently know it. I don’t think people are seriously saying that the earth is going to blow up. But it might go through a massive extinction phase, followed by millions of years of being uninhabitable, and then MAYBE, things will come back later. They’re concerned about destroying the planet as we know it right now.
@Patty Aww!! I super identify with your first paragraph!! Nothing wrong with being a little traditional! I am a millennial (37), and when I was a lot younger (24), I remember realizing with dread that all my single gen-x coworkers had all gotten married and divorced once already. No judgments there, but… I’d always hoped I’d get married just once! I had just sworn off dating entirely, in my early 30s, when I met my now-husband. 🙂
To your second paragraph: I don’t think she’s necessarily hinting that she has an open marriage. My husband and I are both bi, and we’re monogamous. (Here in the Bay Area, I guess THAT’S almost considered unorthodox, lol.) Being bisexual doesn’t mean you’re nonmonogamous; it just means maybe your potential dating pool is a little larger!
Old millennial here (34 y/o) and I totally agree with Miley on the no kids because the world is a disaster thing. I’ve never had any particular desire to be a parent, but as I watch my friends have kids, my fear for the kind of world those kids will grow up in was pretty much the nail in the coffin of any questioning I had of my childfree status. Miley can say idiotic things sometimes but I think she has a good point on this particular issue.
I have one child and I probably won’t have any more. Part of it is environmental, but that isn’t the main reason. The main reason is that raising kids is completely and utterly exhausting. I work full time in a high pressure career and so does my husband. Balancing two big careers and childrearing is just the absolute worst. Gone are the days where most women come from large families and have lots of family support nearby to help them raise their kids – and at the same time, the expectations of childrearing continue to go up and up – no screens, interactive play, constant supervision, go with them on their playdates, educational activities or they will fall behind (how?!? she’s 3!!! haha) etc etc etc. I’m lucky to have retired parents, but they live 90 minutes away so can only help so much. Most of my friends’ parents are still working full time OR they need care themselves so they are taking care of young kids AND aging parents.
I’m totally exhausted with my toddler. I can’t imagine adding another child to the mix and I have so much respect for all of you who can do it! Not subjecting another kid to this earth and this earth to another kid is just an extra bonus for me.
I grew up in the 80’s/90’s when parenting was different. My parents had more than one job each, we were home alone a lot after school. We matured quickly. We had responsibilities young. Mind you I come from an immigrant family so that’s different in and of itself. We didn’t have cell phones or internet. We played outside a lot with other kids in the neighborhood. No parents watching us…but we were good kids. We’d ride our bikes for hours. We were told be safe and get home before dark. Now a days parenting is different and seems so much more exhausting. Parents are very paranoid about their kids riding their bikes alone or going to the park. Parents have to be present for EVERYTHING their child does or people will “talk” and say they are bad parents. It’s society that has done this.
It was also the staggering number of child disappearances/deaths in the 1970s-1990s (latchkey era). I’m pretty sure that has something to do with it. I, too, grew up in that era. We weren’t safe, we were *lucky.*
Now you would have CPS called on you if you were to leave your child alone for any period of time. If anything harmful happened to your child during that time you would be criminally prosecuted and stripped of parental rights. There must be a better way.
The helicopter parent revolution is completely insane. It is not good for children! This is how we end up with college students who can’t make a doctors appointment or talk to a professor about a grade on their own. It is completely burning out parents. I try to keep things pretty low key and not worry about everything I hear/read about all the ways my child is being permanently damaged by taking a more laid back approach to parenting, but it is impossible not to feel guilt. The mommy industry is designed to exploit our maternal guilt!!
I have no idea if this is true, but I can remember reading once that there wasn’t actually an explosion in child abduction, but that we simply hear about it far more often that we used to due to the increase in media presence in our lives. A quick google search gives me this wapo article confirming it: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/five-myths-about-missing-children/2013/05/10/efee398c-b8b4-11e2-aa9e-a02b765ff0ea_story.html?utm_term=.a6db36f17b01
@ LNG
You’re right, there wasn’t a spike in child-target crimes, it was just more widely reported through that era. But there was an impression that kids were safe out alone all the time, and we simply weren’t. There was always a lot of danger, from accidents to deliberate harm, that could befall us. I don’t have a horse in this race but there has to be a happy medium between helicopter parenting and having no idea where your kids is all day.
It’s debt. Cost of living struggles. Sure there are tons of reasons, but the most common is how you can afford a child.
Thanks, @Crass. Yes, the Earth will be fine. There are already well-documented studies highlighting the decrease in sperm counts and the decline in men’s fertility. We are only hurting ourselves and if push comes to show, the Earth will shake us off like a bad cold and keep moving.
So what do call “the Earth”? Are you not counting the animals? Because climate change is not just affecting humans, it is affecting animals. Have you see images of polar bears dying of hunger, of fish with 20 plastic bags in their digestive systems (which caused their death)? Of course the planet is here and still will be (until it explodes along with the sun) but this removed perspective is too comfortable. We are destroying ourselves and bringing a lot of suffering to animals. If an ice age comes or another meteorite, fine, that’s not on us, but if we are creating the change that brings on suffering I don’t understand what your point is.
It’s like saying, well my child is dying of cancer induced by hight levels of pollution but cancer happens also naturally so let’s not reduce pollution levels as cancer happens anyway.
Thank you.
That thread devolved into what is essentially a semantical argument. Earth may endure but as Snowslow said wildlife, plants, air, water etc will be decimated. Recent studies found that out of nine worldwide processes that underpin life on Earth, four have exceeded “safe” levels: human-driven climate change, loss of biosphere integrity, land system change, and the high level of phosphorus and nitrogen flowing into the oceans due to fertilizer use.
So sure, Patty is right that the earth itself will still exist but it will be obliterated by humankind. The Earth needs about 10 million years to recover from a mass extinction of the planet’s species so it’s not going to “self-correct” and bounce back 100 years after we’re all gone. It will take an eternity to recover from the damage we caused.
I guess some people shoulder-shrug when faced with that legacy. Not me.
Yes, thank you! It’s not “gonna be fine”, the Earth may as well continue to exist but in what kind of condition? With few animals, not much food, and so on, I don’t think many people would be there as well. That’s why climate change is so important and something should be done to help and control the situation. And I understand those saying they don’t want to bring kids into this world because I feel the same, it’s horrifying for various reasons.
These conversations needs to happen, burying our heads in the sand, and not doing anything about it, is only going to make it worse.
I agree with ME upthread and Snowslow. I think we’ve seriously underestimated how fragile and how delicate the chemical balance of our biosphere is. There are billions of people in the global south ready to join in the consumerist first-world-lifestyle party and businesses eager to earn their money and facilitate them – so more carbon and pollution and voracious consumption of getting-scarce resources.
The biggest thing is there are dozens of feedback loops – something like 60 according to a prominent scientist – a lot of the mainstream reporting doesn’t factor in. I don’t see how the Earth can self-correct once these kick in. Venus syndrome isn’t an exaggeration. We need to capture carbon on a massive scale. And obviously plant trillions of trees.
we are killing the animal kingdom and the plant kingdom! @Patty, humans aren’t the only species on the planet, yet we are the ones destroying it….
When straight people get married, they don’t really talk about their attractions to other people of the opposite sex (even if it’s there secretly). I guess I find it a little strange when bisexual celebrities insist on their continuing attraction to others. Even if you are attracted, it’s not like you can act on it. I guess I’m trying to picture how people would react if Orlando Bloom went on an on about being attracted to other women while being married to Katy Perry. That wouldn’t fly, right? Other people can feel free to disagree as I don’t doubt there is diversity of opinion on this, but marriage implies fidelity so I guess this need to prove you still want bacon sounds weird to me.
Hi, @perplexed. I totally get what you are saying—seriously!—but… ok, my husband and I are both bi. (And monogamous!!) At the very beginning of our marriage I *abhorred* when my husband talked openly with others about being bi. I was scared other people would think he was saying he was “on the market”!
In fact, my husband talks so much about being bi because growing up bi actually really sucks. You grow up thinking people can only be “one thing or the other,” and it’s crazymaking and alienating to be bi. Bisexuality is as valid as *any other queer identity*, but, growing up, you feel totally invalidated and broken. Even a lot of gay people don’t address it!—that is called “bi-erasure”—so you figure there’s something wrong with you.
When my husband talks about being bi, he’s trying to reach young people who feel broken. He is not advertising himself. Monogamous gay people, saying “it gets better” on YouTube, are not sexually advertising themselves. Rather, they are trying to help.
And when a popular gay actor comes out, a lot of the time he already has a family, and he is validating them further by coming out. For me, that’s how I feel about disclosing my own bisexuality. I grew up believing that I was all screwed up, but I ultimately made it to the “finish line” and found my happiness. My marriage is “straight-passing,” but talking about bisexuality means my husband and I are validating each other and our own experiences, and hopefully, with our happiness, suggesting there is hope for others. And we’re also validating our own love.
I think that’s exactly what Miley is doing: validating her own love and her own process, and how, in spite of everything, her heart spun the bottle and landed on a Hemsworth.
She’s a unicorn dammit!!! Except she isn’t…BASIC in all the worst ways.
Lol this. Yup, Miley thinks she is so rebellious and cutting edge, but she is controlled by her management, and her canned responses are being spoon fed to her. Her parents sold her out to Disney at a young age, I try to feel sorry for her but she makes it difficult!
I believe many Millennials don’t want to have children because of the environment. I believe even more don’t want to because of financial strain. And I believe some don’t want to because of the impact on their lifestyle, but they claim it’s for some virtuous or noble reason so that they won’t be judged by the older generations and parents who expected them to have kids of their own.
I told my husband from the beginning that I could not promise I would want children. He said they were important to him but that marrying me was more important.
It’s weird. Since my nephew was born, I’m feeling much more drawn to children and am considering strongly, for the first time, having some of my own. It’s a totally weird feeling for me, and I wouldn’t go through with it without a ton more introspection.
Also some people my age I know are not having kids because they believe for children to turn out normal they CANNOT be only children, yet they don’t want two or more.
At the same time, we want the next generation to be passionate, intelligent advocates for a sustainable, green future that promotes equality and the environment. Who is going to raise that generation? If the only people who reproduce are conservative, climate change deniers, then the world is even more screwed. I think having 1 child per couple is still sustainable and is also part of doing what I can for the future.
I can’t speak for other Millenials but my reason to forgo having kids has nothing to do with the environment and everything to do with not having any money and massive amounts of debt, but I don’t expect a multi-millionaire to understand the struggles of us plebes.
Ding ding sing
I am white and my husband is black. We have 3 young children. I literally lie awake at night worrying about how they will fare in this social environment, and then wonder which enormous natural disaster will be the one to take us all (my nuclear family) out.
I completely understand the argument that we need to procreate in order to populate the world with thoughtful, conscientious, proactive citizens, but I just physically ache when I think about what lies ahead for them.
My younger brother has been married for a year, and they are talking about having children. It takes all I have not to beg them not to. While I love my children beyond any form of measure, I just don’t think it is worth the agony and anxiety that they bring. I feel like I did them a disservice by giving them life, when I know the journey ahead will be torture.
Your kids will be just fine in this social environment. Ask your husband. His ancestors survived far worst.
What a cruel thing to say to a mother who has every reason to worry for her children. Sure, technically, her husbands’ direct ancestors survived at least long enough to procreate, but there were plenty of black people who didn’t. I’m sure some of her husbands’ ancestors might have even died due to abuse or neglect after having children. And even if they all lived to be 100, their lives as slaves, and then under Jim Crowe and segregation, and then constantly and still now under racism were probably not super great and awesome. When people talk about “surviving” they don’t just mean managing to stay alive until they’re a certain age when it’s acceptable to die, they mean living a life that is worth living, that is fulfilling, that is not full of constant stress as they deal with oppression and hate. That is not full of abuse or neglect. There were people who technically survived the Holocaust, there are people who survive viscously violent rapes and beatings, there are people who survive during famines, wars, and plagues, who survive murder or suicide attempts, but that doesn’t mean that their parents didn’t/don’t have a right to worry about them. That doesn’t mean that they all feel like they might not have been better off dead because what they lived through has reduced their lives to the daily difficulty of dealing with their trauma. Some people CAN manage to stay alive through various horrific ordeals, but not everybody does. And telling someone they shouldn’t worry about their kids because some human bodies are technically able to survive a situation or environment is just so weird and lacking in any kind of human sympathy or empathy.
@Mamama, I know it’s easy for me to say but try not to worry to that extent. I’m biracial black/white like your kids. I was born in 1980. Climate change is a real and scary thing, but socially, your kids will probably be okay. Like someone said above, there are no guarantees of anything, good or bad. Love your kids and raise them well and teach them to be kind, compassionate humans and stewards of the earth and they will be okay.
Now some of the things you say, like natural disasters taking your family out and feeling guilty for giving your kids life and describing what’s to come for them as torture. That is pretty strong language. Do you have a good support system or anyone you can talk to about how you’re feeling? Sending you virtual hugs.
@Green Desert I really appreciate the response. Some days are better than others, but I am definitely working through the anxiety. When I posted with the strong language, it was because the comments in this post really had me worked up. Not blaming anyone, just when I let my mind go to these places, it is hard to focus on hope. When someone calls out how they shudder to think what their 3 and 5 year old family members will go through, I obviously jump to imagining the quality of life my 3 and 5 year olds will inherit when they get to young adulthood.
My husband thinks my empathy and over-thinking can be debilitating, and I agree that it can (don’t get me started on the children in the ‘migrant border camps’). I am focusing my days on channeling as much love, confidence, and kindness into my children, and appreciating people like you, who show that care and kindness are never far.
@Mamama Ugh, I’m so sorry. I would be scared to death. Keep doing whatever you can to protect them. Tell them how to stay safe and, when they’re old enough (????) explain what is happening in the world around them. That’s all you can do. :/ Sending love.
@Jenn Thank you so much for the kind words. My oldest is 7 and is extremely mature and perceptive. She has also inherited my over-thinking and tendency to worry. So I work extra hard to protect her from my thoughts on the state of the world, environment aside. We also live on a military installation, where I know many of the kids she goes to school with are children of conservatives. I don’t want her to stick out as a Trump critic, but I know she has overheard my husband and I talking about our frustrations at least a few times.
My 5 y.o. son, who has the most sensitive soul and would be content to spend his days adding up numbers in his head, asked me the other day if ‘the police were good or bad.’ I explained they were there to make sure everyone was safe, but know the conversation will change as he gets older, as the fact will remain: he is not white.
This is sort of true but mostly it’s about financial pressures
I kind of agree with you, Kay. What she’s saying is true and we all know climate change is real and frightening. But I wonder if it’s easier for SOME people to say “I’m not having kids because of climate change” than to examine the more complex reasons they’re questioning having kids. I don’t know…I had my one and only child in 2018. Not having a second one for many reasons: they’re incredibly expensive (I do hope our next president addresses child care costs), exhausting, and my husband and I waited until our late-30’s because we were never sure we wanted them. Also, to be honest, I like having just one kid. However, even with the dumpster fire that is the United States and much of the world right now, I wouldn’t change having had my baby for the world. I’m so glad we had him, and like Beth said above, there are no guarantees in life. Life is for living and loving AND fighting fascism. 🙂
Having said all that…I know that some of you are really true in your conviction and that issues like climate change really are your reasons. But if deep down you really want a child, allow yourself to think about it.
I turn 27 in a few days and I’ve been thinking about whether or not to have kids. I can afford them and I can get help so the day-to-day tasks of childrearing wouldn’t be a huge strain.
But then I am genuinely worried about the future. The climate is one thing for sure, but it feels like the world is turning into a shithole currently. Yes, I would do my best to raise conscientious, caring people who want to make life better for everyone. But is that a good enough reason to have them? I dont know….
i’ve heard people my age (early 30’s) mention the environment being one of the reasons they’re not having kids, and i bet it’s even more prevalent among younger people. i was never planning on having kids anyway, but the environment going to hell is another good reason not to.
I’m a millennial and I have also thought about this issue. However, what makes me truly question whether or not I want children is the horrifically bad state of the world, more specifically, the United States. There are SO many fucked up issues to choose from. Look at all the stupid draconian anti-abortion laws that states have been passing. Just a few weeks ago they were bringing a woman up on charges because the baby she was carrying died after she was shot. People are fucking obsessed and addicted to social media… selfie culture has people falling off landmarks and dying. The cost of living is straight up oppressive and wages don’t seem to get any better. Huge companies are being allowed to destroy entry level jobs by using AI instead of human beings. Look at how many people are drowning in student loan debt. For many those loans are an absolute necessity to change their circumstances and try to break the cycle of poverty. And instead of actually doing something useful, like cutting the fat out of the cost of college today (do college presidents need to be making millions? How about football coaches and the money they make? GTFOH), it’s become fashionable now to bash millennials as stupid for not simply “working their way through college” despite the fact that most who are drowning in debt DO have jobs. The disparity between the wealthy and the rest of us is gross and we’re living in a country where our politicians are completely out of touch with how the rest of us live, think, or feel. It’s reached a dangerous level. These are just a few issues off the top of my head, but what the fuck?!
I often think about moving to another country but don’t know if I have the guts because it takes A LOT of bravery to do that. I feel like a lot of countries are providing their people with a better quality of life than the United States is. Across the board, our politicians and entire political system is fucking garbage and it won’t even begin getting any better until we make it illegal for politicians to accept money and we introduce term limits. I feel like no American politician gets into politics for any reason other than the fact that it’s so fucking lucrative. Hard to think about bringing a kid into life in the U.S. as it is today, and I don’t have all that much hope that it’ll be getting any better.
I’m a Millennial (a real 1988 bitch) and I want kids, but there is no way. No fucking way.
I can barely support myself. I freelance (which in Canada, means I’d have to pay for my own mat. leave) I live in a tiny apartment which costs way too much and I can’t afford to move to a lower cost town without giving up the work I do get. I am stressed about my life, the health of the planet, and the decline in democracy and the rise in far Right governments. My partner is in the same place as I am and I don’t know any men who aren’t.
The world is dangerous and upsetting and sick. I want to protect my kids from that. So I don’t have them.
She can be exhausting and though her music is kinda blah, I like what she says here.
I can vouch that MANY people in their 20s and 30s are having these discussions. My boyfriend and I did after being together for a while — we both would like to have kids but we aren’t sure if it’s the right thing to do with the climate crisis looming. Especially since most governments bow to the needs of corporations (the absolute worst polluters — corporations & the military are two of the worst polluters). These needs are usurping what NEEDS to be done to ensure any sort of survival, especially if we want to be even vaguely comfortable and not dealing with 115-120 degree days everyday.
It’s extra hard because I know it’s the people who are concerned with these topics who need to be raising the future inhabitants of our world.
Winona Ryder didn’t mention the environment specifically, but I think what she was getting at about not having kids is similar to what Miley mentions here.
I’m in my late 30s and struggle daily with what she’s saying about not wanting to reproduce. To be fair, I am “the eldest millennial” so it’s not just the under 30 crowd. I’ve had some losses and infertility issues and now I’m finally on the right track to successfully conceive and carry a pregnancy to term. And yeah. I do think about this a lot. Am I putting my child into a world where humans won’t be able to even live in just 30 years?
I’m 26 and I don’t want kids (maybe ONE if the guy I end up with really wanted a child but that’s it) partially because of the eocnomic strains and environmental pressures of such a choice. Children are so expensive, and they create an average of 58 tons of carbon emissions per year. But the other reasons I have are deep emotional reasons, because your life is not your own when you become a parent, the kid comes first, and having a kid can be joyful but it can be painful. I’m close with my mom, but my sister doesn’t speak to her, and the pain of essentially losing this other child is so great for my mom. What if that happens to me, or my kid gets addicted to heroin, or dies in a car crash? Do I want to open up these possibilities of deep pain and trauma? When you have a child, your heart can be broken by it in so many different ways. You love the child, but there’s no guarantee they will love you, or be successful, or even survive. How painful. And Im not kind enough, gentle enough, nurturing enough to raise a kid. You have to have these superhuman powers of grace and patience to deal with children, I learned when I was a teacher, and I don’t have them. I get angry when kids disrespect me, I get burned out managing the emotions and actions of little kids all day. It’s hard work. It feels to me like if I had a kid, a prison door would clang shut, and I would lose my independence and my freedom, and I would end up resenting the child. I think sometimes my dad felt that way when I was young, and even though now I know he loves me and my sister, and I am his heart’s delight, I could sense when I was little that he was ambivalent about having so much responsibility, and I’ve never really gotten over that feeling. I expect everyone else in my life to be ambivalent about me, too, and I’m continually surprised that my friends still call me back or tolerate me when I’m annoying. I would probably end up telegraphing the same feeling of ambivalence to my own kid, especially if I wasn’t economically comfortable. I only want to be a parent if I suddenly want it so badly that I can’t imagine being any other way, and if I’m with a man who I love and trust, and if we earn enough money to support the kid, and those conditions ALL have to be met. That just seems unlikely to happen given the economic problems facing the country and my own fear of bearing a child. and no, the planet can’t handle all of the strain we are putting on it, and it will fall to my generation and the one just under us to solve this insurmountable problem. So having lots of kids just seems irresponsible in light of what we know.
I’m a Millennial and I want kids. But it’s hard – no jobs, financial debt and stress, social issues, climate change, etc. Am I being selfish? It’s a hard decision to make, definitely.
In the 60s and 70s there were news programs,sitcoms, dramas, films & that most old-fashioned mode of communication — magazine articles — about young people and “hippies” not wanting to reproduce because of pollution, the environment, sexism, racism, economic inequality etc. etc. etc.
I don’t say this to dismiss Ms. Cyrus’ sincerity or concerns. They are valid and will be adhered to by many in her generation — just as they were adhered to by members of previous generations.
At the same time, there’s something to be said about making the commitment to raise a new generation to be more aware, more caring, less selfish moving ahead.
What matters in the end is that every woman has the power to control her own body and everyone who wants to reproduce is able to do so without living in poverty or surrounded by environmental or emotional toxicity.
I’m 30 and just had a baby. My husband and I knew we wanted kids *one day* and we would speak about it as a future possibility for the reasons many people stated: career advancement, unaffordable housing, unaffordable daycare. So we left it up to fate because those problems will always be there, whether we’re 25 or 35. So as soon as we had *enough* stability, maybe not exactly where we wanted to be, but enough to raise a kid, we went for it otherwise we’d be waiting forever. I still don’t know how we’ll do it.
I think everyday about the environment and the state of politics and I fear for my daughter.
Yep, 31 here and agree with Miley. I want to be a mom one day, but I’m not in a rush. The environment, childcare costs (which are crazy high), and just the overall political climate we’re living in is making me hold off.
I don’t disagree with her, I just don’t find this to be all that profound.
I love kids and the idea of a huge family but will never have kids mainly due to climate change; i.e., not wanting to subject my never-to-be-born children to a very uncertain future at best. That recent article in Mother Jones about all these climate scientists at the front line of research having anxiety and other mental health issues – and several of them refuse to have children for the same reason – comes to mind. On a different planet, I would. This sounds a bit aggressive but the truth is anyone who has really looked at the information (feedback loops not factored into UN models and rarely covered in mainstream reporting) would likely come to the same conclusion as I have. Also, great comments from everyone in this thread; really interesting reading – thank you!
I’m a millennial (at 37) and, as badly as my much-younger husband wants children, we are still nowhere close. I’ve told him I want to own our home outright first and, since we live in the Bay Area, that might mean “never.” I’m also infertile, so the luxury of having biological children, specifically, would cost a lot of money we don’t have.
Climate change is definitely one of the crises facing us today, but I’m more concerned about my own finances, as well as the sexism I fear my hypothetical child might face in a hostile world. (I imagine some people would worry about racism, or any other type of discrimination, especially right now.)
I appreciate Miley’s desire to do good, but the omission of “wealth inequality”—which, to my mind, is what REALLY stops millennials from parenthood—makes it very glaringly obvious that she has never wanted for anything. :/
I’m all for a celebrity promoting worthwhile environmental causes but when you have 4 homes, fly a private jet, and own 7+(most of which are not exactly eco-friendly) cars you can’t really decry what humanity is doing to the earth. Her carbon footprint, land/water use and resource use is greater than 99.999% of the population.
That is how I feel to be honest, though I have that biological drive. Logically, the most effective way to stop greenhouse effect and this planet’s destruction is to lessen the amount of offsprings a person want or don’t have any at all. It’s the truth.