I’m not going to pretend like I know too much about singer Grimes. I know that she may or may not be dating Elon Musk, which, already, shows her taste is questionable. I know that she has interesting marketing techniques, like calling her own music “crap.” And just the other day I learned that Grimes is partnering with Stella McCartney for her Adidas Collection. Stella announced Grimes involvement on her IG page. Grimes used a photo from the same shoot to confirm her collaboration with the designer on her IG page. In her caption, Grimes detailed her workout routine so that we, too, can get her nice toned figure. It’s a crazy workout, too. Burpees and planks have been replaced with shouting into the void, wielding a sword and submitting to a deprivation chamber.
Here’s her caption:
ADIDAS: Tell us about ur training regimen ?
GRIMES: My training is a 360 approach. I first maintain a healthy cellular routine where I maximize the function of my mitochondria with supplements such as NAD+, Acetyl L-Carnitine, Magnesium, etc. This helps promote ATP and it’s incredibly visceral. From that point I spend 2-4 hours in my deprivation tank, this allows me to “astro-glide” to other dimensions – past, present, and future. In the afternoons I do a 1-2 hour sword fighting session with my trainer, James Lew, we go over the fundamentals that work the obliques, core stabilizes, and triceps as well as a few tricks. To wind down from this I spend 30-45 minutes on an inclined hike at roughly 4-4.5 miles per hour, arguably the most efficient workout. I then spend 45 minutes stretching before heading into the studio where my mind and body are functioning at peak level, with a neuroplastic goal between 57.5 and 71.5 AphC’s (which is my preferred range for my blood type). I’ve outfitted my studio with the highest grade of red light. It is pretty much 1000 sqf IR Sauna. Hana then comes over and we do a screaming session for 20-25 minutes while I slow boil the honey tea that maximizes vocal proficiency. I have also eliminated all blue light from my vision through an experimental surgery that removes the top film of my eyeball and replaces it with an orange ultra-flex polymer that my friend and I made in the lab this past winter as a means to cure seasonal depression. I go to bed with a humidifier on.
I am all about the you do you philosophy when it comes to training. If I could stick to any routine, I’d be happy. Who’s to say that sword fighting isn’t the magic exercise that keeps me honest. I would finally have a proper party trick, that’s for sure. But I’m trying to add this routine up and I come up with about eight hours – that’s a bit much, I’d say. It’s cool to read about such a unique workout but I’m looking at it and the only thing I can really apply to my own routine is the fundamentals workout and the hike incline, at least until I find my sword fighting coach. It’s not relatable for the person they are trying to get to buy their shoes.
Going completely off assumption, I image Elon introduced Grimes to many of her alternative therapies. The supplemental routine was likely influenced by a trainer, but the rest came from someone who likes to research a lot of stuff, right or wrong. I know nothing of deprivation chambers because my claustrophobia barely allows me to read those words without getting light-headed. I am fascinated how a singer could get into scream therapy, though. Remember when Katy Perry said she and John Mayer didn’t even talk at home to save their voices? Granted I’ve never been trained in scream therapy but this seems risky. I get the benefit, though. Shouting into a pillow is some of the best therapy I’ve gotten. As for the experimental eye surgery, again, this just isn’t relatable. Even though some say there’s a case to be made for blue-light blockers, it’s not something the everyman can afford to do. And since she’s promoting an experimental surgery, we don’t even know if she should be promoting it yet. I mean, the shoes are cute, but if I need eight hours a day and experimental surgery in addition to paying for a Stella McCartney price tag for them, not sure this is my jam.
Photo credit: WENN Photos
Insert Will Ferrell “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills” gif. What a mess
She gives me a “thirsty, i’m such an edgy weirdo, Miley Cyrus on steroids” vibe…gosh, to me they look so similar, are they like distant relatives?
Dude, I’m into alternative, and I’m into health…
But this is a case of a simple question: “How does the person marketing these shoes use them, and why should I buy them?”, turning into someone going way off-course, and seizing the platform to share a bunch of braggy info about themselves: “I’m a Virgo, I like long walks on the beach, speak seven languages, and cliff dive in my spare time; meanwhile, you’ll cowards don’t even smoke crack.”
How does knowledge of her experimental eye surgery help me make my purchase? Not that I have money for this stuff.
lol I love grimes, a true weirdo
i’m pretty sure she and Elon have been done for a while— since the Azaelia Banks drama
Hecate, her music is way more poppy and accessible than you might think, try the song “Flesh Without Blood”
They’re still together.
Words that should never be combined: elective experimental surgery and eye.
Yeah, I was kinda nodding along somewhat bemusedly to the description of her quirky routine until I got to that. Yikes. But then I realized she’s probably trolling, making fun of people like Goop.
The narrative analysis completely skipped over that part! Experimental eye surgery, including a prosthetic that SHE DESIGNED, replacing the outer layer of her eyeball. This woman is not well. I am not sure if this is a result of mental illness, addiction, or both, but this a major red flag!
She’s JOKING!!! And you bought it?? 🤦🏻♀️
What the fuck?
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. What did I just read?
You read a joke. You just got trolled by grimes. 🤦🏻♀️
It’s a joke. It’s grimes.
She’s trolling with all that.
Yup, clearly a joke. There is no eye surgery to remove any color light from your vision.
She has to be. Funny.
Wait…..did you think that……that was real???
It was clearly all sarcastic.
I know. This is clearly a joke.
Alterna-Goop.
Just as stupid as the goop stuff, but with an adolescent goth flare.
Maybe I am just too old to “get” her.
But I just see stupid.
She’s joking!! 🤦🏻♀️
I read this as very tongue in cheek, like I don’t think Grimes was being serious about half of it. But maybe she was 🤷🏻♀️
I saw this on Lainey. I thought this was all just tongue in cheek, and not for real.
She’s joking! I thought it was hilarious.
When she said she “maintains a healthy cellular routine”, I thought she was going to be talking about her phone….
You all realize this is a joke, right?
She’s clearly joking. But I still think she’s a bit cray cray. She’d have to be in order to be with Elon Musk for any period of time.
She sounds like a comedy character, like those ones who show up to get the protagonist into some weird practice or the wacko gf of his best friend.
She sounds like a moron.
(given the part truth part science of her talk, why would anyone say this kind of crap….and think its funny?)
Oh my god. She really had me going there. I had a definite oh no moment but I relaxed when I saw her hash tags. Gentrify Mordor is pretty stinking funny.
Never thought I’d read about someone out-Gooping Gwyneth Paltrow, but here we are.
She’s trolling. None of this is real, she’s pretty obviously joking – experimental eye surgery where you remove part of your cornea and replace it with some orange mesh your friend made himself? Lol! Seriously, how did you think that was real?
… She’s joking. This entire thing is a joke, how on earth could you not get that? Experimental eye surgery? Come on! Maybe it’s important to know your subject before writing… ? It’s grimes. She’s just trolling. She always does this kind of thing. I would take this article down if I were you 😂
It’s such an obvious joke. If ‘maximising my mitochondria’ and ‘astro-gliding’ (Astroglide) didn’t tip people off, surely replacing part of her eyeball with something she and a friend ‘made in the lab’ should have raised a few satire alarms.
Grimes trolls. It’s one of the defining features of her public persona.
I actually really like her music. I think she’s talented. Questionable taste in men for sure though.
It’s satire, right? I mean, *I* laughed.
There are benefits of deprivation tank. Suppose to be very relaxing and good for the muscle. I think she was half joking tho.
There are benefits of deprivation tank. Suppose to be very relaxing and good for the muscle. I think she was half joking tho.