An interview with Selma Blair covers the current issue of People, coinciding with the release of her new Netflix series, Another Life. The actress discussed living with multiple sclerosis (MS) and said that hearing her son, Arthur call her “brave” was moving. Selma assumed she might be embarrassing him because MS can affect hope she speaks and walks. To realize that she wasn’t embarrassing him “was one of [her] proudest moments.”
Selma also talked about how others have supported her and Arthur, including her Another Life costars and her friends, among them Sarah Michelle Gellar and Jamie King. She said she’s learning to accept offers of help from her loved ones:
“It’s the strangest thing that the time that could be the most stressful, I am feeling the most joy,” Blair, 47, tells PEOPLE exclusively in the latest issue on stands Friday. “I think it’s because I’ve learned more than ever that there are people that support me, that love me. I’ve seen people dedicate their time to help me.”
After her diagnosis, Blair’s closest friends (like actress Jaime King, and her Cruel Intentions costar and pal of 20 years, Sarah Michelle Gellar) rallied around her.
King sends Blair “beautiful” weekly flower arrangements and has also visited Blair during treatments. “I’m always happy to see that face,” she says of King, 40.
Gellar, 42, started weekly “food trains” for Blair and her 8-year-old son Arthur so she wouldn’t have to spend extra energy cooking dinners.
“Sarah started the meal train, which is good because my kid likes to eat dinner and that wouldn’t happen without it,” Blair jokes. “I get weekend meal packs like I’ve never feasted on before from Reese Witherspoon, from Constance Zimmer and so many people I don’t even know through Sarah.”
“[My friends] have stood up in ways I never would have been comfortable with before,” she says. “It’s been everything to me.”
Selma also talks about how the meal train that Sarah started for her led her to do the same for a friend who is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Selma also thinks it’s necessary and good that Arthur sees her reaching out for help from friends and also enjoying spending time with them. Meal trains can be such a gift to people who need them; I’ve had friends who organized them for other friends after new babies arrive, or when there’s been a death in the family so that loved ones who are grieving don’t need to worry about cooking for a bit. It sounds like this meal train might go on for a while, and it’s wonderful that there are people who have the time to help out; it sounds like they are making Selma’s life a bit easier.
A couple of commenters expressed worry that perhaps Selma was being too reliant on Arthur, which is an understandable concern. In the People article that I referenced for Friday’s story, Selma said that “living well for her son is the driving force in her life, and keeps her motivated in the best way.” So I think that she’s continually thinking of Arthur and that she doesn’t want to keep MS shrouded in secrecy. By letting more of her adult friends into her life to help her and Arthur, I think she’s less likely to slip into being overly reliant on him, even accidentally. I read her comments as her sharing that she’s not trying to hide her MS or her feelings from him: If Selma has a particularly bad day or doesn’t feel well, and feels upset or frustrated about that, she may tell Arthur so that she can keep that communication open and honest. Selma mentions in that same People article that she and Arthur’s father have a great relationship and that he is a “huge help,” but clearly, she and Arthur spend a lot of time together, and since he’s seen her fall and experience other ups and downs, she’s making sure that he understands what’s happening.
Thank you for bringing focus to a positive story of female friendship and women supporting women. Best wishes to Selma Blair. I agree that while her comments regarding her son were a little concerning I ultimately think she is doing the right thing by communicating the situation with her son.
When my son needed a surgery that turned into several surgeries with weeks of all-day rehab, I had friends offer a meal train. I kept putting them off because I felt like good mothers should be able to do it all. They finally just set it up and told me it was happening so get on with it and don’t even think about writing thank you notes. I ignored the last part, but was so grateful that I could just focus on all my kids without the hassle of dinner. Everyone needs friends like that in their lives.
We do meal trains all the time around here for families who are going through illness/death/tough times in general. I think it’s a great idea and almost anyone can help out, it’s easy to sign up and throw together an extra pot of chili or lasagna or something like that and it’s just one less thing to deal with. Good for these girls!
We do them here all the time, too. The only complaint I’ve heard is that sometimes people get too much stuff and have nowhere to store everything so they reluctantly have to ask people to stop. I’ve found that in hardship, people really do want to help and this is one of the most practical ways.
On the flip side, when my friend’s husband passed away unexpectedly a few years ago she was texting me an update and said something like “Please try to make sure no one sets up a meal train. If I have to look at a neighbor holding a casserole dish on my front porch right now I will completely lose it.” So instead we set up college funds for their three kids. Close friends and family helped her with meals and her immediate neighbors set her up with lawn care and snow removal but she was adamant about not having an organized meal train. Her grief was debilitating, and still is a few years later. 🙁
We’ve also collected gift cards for DoorDash or Uber Eats in lieu of meal trains or for those who want to participate but feel like they are not good cooks. etc. Feedback from the recipients is very positive, saying those gift cards are great for those bad days down the road when cooking dinner seems overwhelming.
Those are some great ideas for alternatives to a meal train…
A long time ago I was on a committee involving missing persons and met an amazing woman whose mother had gone missing. She made a point that stayed with me all this time; when her mother first went missing there were so many people offering wonderful support. But it was later on down the track, when the reality that her mother still hadn’t come home was really hitting her, when she needed the most support. Instead, people were starting to expect her to be “over it”, and even a few avoiding her because they couldn’t deal with her grief and the uncertainty of her situation.
She called it “when the casseroles run out”. I never forgot it and try to hang back when things first happen and help out later, when all the immediate help dies down.
When I was recovering from breast cancer last year the moms in my daughters class when in and purchased a lot of gift cards for places like Panera,Chipotle et al .It was so convenient and of course the thought was the most meaningful.
When a friend of mine had her fourth child, my “gift” was two frozen lasagnes so that she didn’t have to cook for her family for a few nights. The woman had more than enough baby stuff, so I figured I would give her the gift of time. 🙂
Ditto!
Love that she has the support of her friends.
SMG seems like an incredible friend. Shannon Doherty also listed her as a key support person when going through cancer treatment.
When my husband was in the military we (the spouses) organized meal trains all the time. No one has any family nearby and the military doesn’t care that your spouse is sick/post-partum/died/whatever. So we got families fed under all sorts of circumstances. Mostly new babies, but also families who lost their homes in tornadoes, sick spouses, etc. It’s a great community-building exercise to care for each other together.
When my mom died a few years ago, I was beyond devastated. I couldn’t bear the thought of eating while she was sick or while planning the funeral. To be honest, my husband is an optimistic cook, but very limited. My friends planned a meal train and it was amazing. The wide variety of food, that our whole family liked (with a 4th grader, stressed out picky eater among them) brought to our door with a hug. It brings tears to my eyes even now. Likewise, a college friend unexpected passed a few weeks ago, leaving a husband and two teen boys. Her husband mentioned that they didn’t have to cook for a long time. They had several meals in the freezer from friend and family, plus some in the fridge.
Children constantly observe their parents and know them SO WELL, so it’s confusing and scary when they know something is wrong but no one will talk to them about it. It’s like gaslighting. I love how open Selma is with her son about what’s happening; it’s got to make him feel safer than just wondering and worrying.
More positive stories about women helping women, please!
This story is giving me the feels. Glad Selma is getting much needed support from her community.
We are enjoying a meal train right now after having a baby. Had one gifted to us for our first baby too and it’s a wonderful way to see people when you’re stuck at home. I’m really social so being stuck at home can be a bit depressing sometimes and it gives me something to look forward to. People sent Thistle gift cards who didn’t want to cook which have been awesome for lunches. Food is a lovely way to feel supported or help someone out. We’ve barely cooked the past six weeks and it’s taken a huge load off not meal prepping, shopping, cooking, or cleaning. Community is important during big life events so I try to bring people meals whenever I can to pay it forward.
I’m glad she has so much support, and that people are stepping up to help her and her son.
I had brain surgery two years ago and I am a chef and my wife doesn’t cook. I had people who I never met before that followed me on Instagram bring over food, and it was the most touching experiences of my life. It honestly took so much stress off of my wife in helping with my recovery. I love meal trains!
I wish my friend, a single mom who has been working 40-60 hours a week her whole adult life had Selma’s insurance coverage. Because Selma’s treatments are not “for regular folks” MS protocol. I don’t want Selma to have less, I want my friend to have more. But oh yeah, for-profit health care.
amen.
Not just meal trains, but we try to see what will make the life of the person easier. Last year, we had two different scenarios that needed different approaches. One coworker’s husband was in the hospital. We collected a gift card to a group of restaurants that also deliver since the family was not home much. Another coworker found out her mom had terminal cancer and we collected cash to help her fly home to see her.
Sarah Michelle Gellar sounds like a great friend to have. This is very normal behavior for her.
I’m a Sarah Michelle Gellar fan and was happy to hear she’s actually a decent and warm human being. I couldn’t imagine what Selma is going through but glad she has a good support system.
God I’m from the south and if you get sick or someone dies and you DON’T want food you basically have to issue a stand down order. You will drown in chicken spaghetti and sweet potato pie.
:You will drown in chicken spaghetti and sweet potato pie.” LMAO!
We recently had an unexpected death in the family and the food train was very welcome but after a few days of casseroles, we kissed anyone who brought us a salad or a bowl of fresh fruit. Also super helpful were the bags of paper towels/ paper plates/ solo cups. I don’t use disposable things in my regular life, but when you’ve got extended family/ friends visiting constantly, it was so nice to not have to worry about dishes too. So next time I’m called to do something, I’m going to make sure they’ve got the dishes handled, one way or another.
I have participated in many meal trains over the years, from school to synagogue. One person usually takes on the roll of organizer and finds out what are the family’s meal restrictions and needs/wants, kosher vs. don’t care, etc. During the immediate aftermath of a death in a Jewish family, it’s customary to bring food to the family observing “Shiva” (immediate mourning period).
I agree with the poster above who mentioned that people continue to need support down the line, and that’s when it’s easy to forget the person who is still in need. Grief and illness are often long-term. People get busy with their lives and forget a person may still be in need of help months or even years later.
Nice article and love hearing about women supporting women. SMG sounds like a wonderful friend. Selma sounds like she has a good support system which is so important with her MS and challenges of trying to be the best Mom possible. I wish her all the best.
I just watched Selma in her latest movie, After. She looked great and am glad she has been able to continue working. I’ve always liked her. Her character, Vivian Kensington, in Legally Blond was great. Prayers for you Selma! *hugs
Can I just say y’all are so kind and caring? I am super touched by all the meal trains and gift card collections stories. It makes me feel better about the human race.
Somebody said she was fakin’ her illness. Lol.
SMG has been in the biz forever – she was named in a lawsuit by Burger King for being in a McDonald’s commercial (or the other way around, you get the point) where it was the first time a competitor named the competition in their commercial. Like when she was 4. Followed by soap operas and teen movies and Buffy – AND YET, somehow she grew up to just be rather… normal. Kind to her family and friends. Professional to her coworkers. Thoughtful, pleasant. It’s sad that this is the exception and not the rule, but I’m still going to celebrate the exception.
I have 4 young boys (11 – 3) their Dad passed away from ALS last year. At the start of his diagnosis I tried to shield them as much as I could. But each time he lost an ability it caused more stress. Having them be involved & discussing every step with them made it easier for them to deal with. Giving them small tasks to help take care of their Dad, made them feel better. I was accused often of relying on them. But they often talk of how well they helped care for their Dad.
I am now doing this all alone & have been for a very long time. It warms my heart to hear of all of these stories of people taking care of each other. It is how it should be.