Pretty Little Liars star, Troian Bellisario, welcomed a baby girl about 10 months ago. We don’t know her name yet and Troian and husband, Patrick J Adams, haven’t posted her face on social media, but Troian did open up about one aspect of their lives that maybe isn’t her favorite: breastfeeding. In honor of World Breastfeeding Week (which ended yesterday), Troian posted the above pics to her Instagram and wrote the following caption:
#worldbreastfeedingweek I would never have thought something so simple would be so complicated. My milk came in immediately (so lucky!) my daughter has always eaten well (little bit of reflux but all good) and breastfeeding her was never painful or frustrating (SO RARE) but the mastitis🥴, waking up in the middle of the night to pump😴, pulling off on the freeway to pump, or hiding in dark corners of houses while pumping or else I can’t sleep it’s SO PAINFUL🥵 (I’ve included the most glamorous I’ve ever looked while feeling like an effing cow) having to be conscious of everything I put or do not put in my body (it’s been almost two years if you count pregnancy) and that means alcohol, medication, even melatonin! I can’t even join in all of this cool CBD stuff that’s happening.But… no matter how much I HATE pumping or how complicated MY relationship with food is, it has been a joy, an honor and a no brainer to feed my daughter this way. 🙌🏽 My body has made it easy for us and i have loved every moment i get to spend this kind of time with her. Not every mother gets that. I don’t know if I will have it for much longer, but I will always take care of her and do what is best for us. (Once again f*ck pumping. Love you forever babay girl)
As is well known in these parts, I hated breastfeeding and couldn’t care less when a woman decides to stop. I know that’s probably not a very evolved comment, but I’ve never claimed to be very evolved. I was curious about Troian’s tone because it reads a little like “Breastfeeding sucks but I am so honored to be shackled to all its suckiness.” And again, that’s a fine opinion to hold, it was just such a big tonal shift from where I thought it was going. But then I remembered her hashtag about it being World Breastfeeding Week and the post makes sense. I think a lot of women have a very complicated relationship with breastfeeding. I wish I had found joy in it. There were many nights I was so overtired, I was grateful to whip out my boob instead of having to figure out how to make formula. But I do not miss a moment of it.
I know Troian mostly from her and her husband’s comments about weight, so it was her mention of her complicated relationship with food that really stuck out to me. I felt for her on this. I think this is yet another part of breastfeeding that should get discussed as well. I don’t have any insight to add, it’s just the first I’ve heard it brought up and something with which I struggled. I hope Troian finds her peace with breastfeeding and all the emotions it’s brought up in her.
Photo credit: WENN Photos and Instagram
Reading this while breastfeeding at 4:36am. Celebitchy helps me stay awake during these early morning feedings so thank you!
Hahahaha me too!
Oh wow, that’s cool. I didn’t have a laptop or tablet or smartphone when my kids were babies so any web surfing had to wait until their naptimes, on my good old desktop computer.
Enjoy your sweet baby moments!
Pumping while reading this now, albeit later in the day. I too hate pumping and I’m doing it exclusively since baby stopped breastfeeding when I went back to work
Totally how I got hooked years ago.
I will never forget how horrible my lactation consultant made me feel when I had my first. I told her I was not breast feeding (the very next day) and she didn’t believe me when I told her the pediatrician agreed I should wait. Demanded his name and I burst out crying. 17 hours of labor and the Caesarian because my 10.6 pound baby was stuck. And I had so many drugs pumped through me the last thing I wanted was to try breast feeding when I was drugged, in pain, had been through hell, hormones raging and had to hold a 10.6 pound infant. I too had a love hate relationship with breastfeeding. I tried it as long as I could, 5 weeks. I tell all moms to be to that they should not let everyone’s advice get to them and to do what they think is right. And once I got home and got stronger I called up the hospital and gave the head nurse an earful about the lactation consultant. It was not pretty.
Breastfeeding isn’t for everyone and not everyone understands the struggles. To berate women because they couldn’t is asinine and the self righteousness is disgusting.
It’s INSANE the kind of pressure women get. I’m so sick of the BREASTISBESTTTTT screamers. A fed baby is best. A safe baby is best. And breast feeding is not ALWAYS best. It’s such an emotionally manipulative fear mongering thing the way some people push it. Is it a great thing? Sure. But it’s not for everyone, and the claims made about it seem to be blown far out of proportion to the actual benefits.
Breast is certainly best when you don’t have safe drinking water to mix formula. Breast is best for some women and babies. But it’s not the be all and end all that people have made it out to be. And the kind of obsessive level that people push it is terrifying. There are people who NEED to take medications, people who have some kind of health condition that is preventing them from doing it. There are plenty of women who WANT to do it, and cannot. And the way they’re made to feel is so so awful.
Erinn, EXACTLY!!! The lactation consultants in my city are referred to by a not so nice label. The manipulation committed on women who have just been through trauma, yes trauma, is disgusting. And yes you are on point: a FED baby is best, a SAFE baby is best and a LOVED baby is best. I will never forget how she made me feel. She accused me of lying that a doctor agreed I should wait to breastfeed until the drugs are out of my system and I had some strength. I think the saddest part was a female made me feel this way and a male doctor sympathized and told me to wait.
Seraphina – this is one of my fears. My mother didn’t BF. I have no idea if she was made to feel awful for it in the 90s or not. It’s hard to say. But I see SO many people injecting themselves in friends posts about their babies, or posts about how hard they had to struggle with BFing, and there’s aaaalllwaayyss people (women AND men) making snide comments about it. It’s jaw dropping, really.
We don’t have children. We might never have children ( I say that, but adoption would be on the table at the end of the day ). But I have some chronic conditions that would make BFing very difficult for me. And the idea of going through the whole shaming thing terrifies me. I’m on a handful of medications now that I’d have to stop taking while pregnant, then I’d probably want to get back on as soon as possible afterwards. And I hate conflict so much – I’d be a mess. The one ace I have up my sleeve is that my SIL and childhood best friends both work at the local hospital as RNs, so I’m sure they’d have my back if needed.
I feel so bad that you had to go through that.
I love the writings of Dr. Amy Tuteur on this issue. She writes a lot about how the agenda of ‘breast feed at all costs’ is in many ways misguided and twisted against women. She is on Twitter and it is a great counterpoint to a lot of the guilt and propaganda out there about so-called natural parenting and motherhood.
Word. I have one who hated to nurse and had a terrible latch and just plain preferred bottles who was FF from eight-ish weeks, and he’s now almost 12, incredibly bright, healthy, happy, and wonderful in every way. And I have one who latched in the delivery room, refused any kind of pacifier as soon as she found out nothing came out of it (and gave you the stink-eye at a week old for trying to trick her!), begrudgingly accepted one formula bottle a day when I couldn’t quite keep up with her when I went back to work, and who nursed at every opportunity until 9 months when she abruptly transitioned herself straight to table food. She is almost 7 and also incredibly bright, healthy, happy, and wonderful in every way. It makes no difference, and we women beat ourselves up over it. Fed is best, and a happy mama means a happy baby.
OMG, this is so horrible. I am sorry you went through that.
FED is best, and shaming LC should get the sack.
Totally feel you about the lactation consultants…I had a pre-term baby (4 weeks early) who struggled to latch (normal with early wee ones) so I was supplementing with formula. When I talked to the lactation consultant she told me to make sure he didn’t get “obese” from the formula. Are. You. Kidding. Me. What a horrible thing to say and just goes to show you very pro-breastfeeding some doctors can be. Literally every doctor who meets a new parent should just start off by saying “you’re doing an amazing job”. Ugh.
I have inverted nipples, breastfeeding wasn’t working, I put my kids on bottles and never looked back. Never bothered me in the slightest. My kids are healthy intelligent adults, knock on wood.
@Tourmaline
Tuteur’s medical license has been revoked. I’d be very skeptical of any information coming from her.
What frustrates me with the “breast only” crowd is that breastfeeding is the best option but, for most, only on paper—and they don’t want to hear that. They point to the science but don’t (or won’t) take into account problems mother and baby may have, like poor latch, inadequate supply, mastitis, depression, or anxiety. At the end of the day, each woman should make her own informed choice and breastfeeding warriors should butt out. It simply isn’t their business.
I have a coworker just back from maternity leave who has announced that all the women in our office who don’t nurse/pump are bad mothers because *she* nurses through mastitis and blood dripping from her nipples. She actually mentioned transitioning to a lactation consultant postition, and I just had to tell her: you’re militant and I don’t think new mothers would appreciate your forcefulness.
For a while after my first was born, I considered enrolling in classes to become a lactation consultant because I strongly believe that field needs more moderate voices and more support for all safe feeding options.
It’s worth shouting too that the science “proving” the benefits of breastfeeding simply isn’t there. In the developed world mothers who breastfeed tend to be very different from mothers who formula feed in terms of education, demographics, etc., and due to these confounding factors there are very few studies that are robust. The two that I can think of is the Belarus PROBIT study and a longitudinal discordant sibling pairs study. The results of these show that there are definite advantages for breastfeeding a premature infant for preventing certain gastrointestinal infections, and then while breastfeeding there is a slightly reduced rate of GI infection… and… that’s about it. Breastfeeding might slightly help reduce SIDS, but back to sleep and giving your baby a pacifier are WAY more effective. No, your child’s IQ won’t be significantly higher, you won’t prevent asthma or eczema or allergies or head colds or cancer with breastmilk. If breastfeeding works for you and your family that is awesome (it worked for me), but if it doesn’t? Step away from the pump, send your partner out to CVS, and get some formula.
I was really blessed to have the nicest, most understanding lactation consultant in the world at my hospital when I had my first. Breastfeeding was painful for me, and I wasn’t producing enough milk (something people assure you never happens, so it caught me off-guard).
She reassured me it was totally cool if I decided that formula was best, told me I was doing great as a first-time mom and sat with me for an hour while I cried… She even helped me make sense of what formula might be best.
That’s really how it should be. No judgement, just calm, reassuring support for all moms. Anything less is willful wankery and should be ignored as the baiting BS it is. It’s truly upsetting that so many women get judgement and pain during a really vulnerable time in their lives. 😔
<3
When I was breastfeeding what I ran into was a great deal of “judgeiness” from women who used formula. ” When are you going to give that up?” “How do you know that she is getting enough to eat?” (she was very chubby) “It really restricts you doesn’t it?” – and “when are you going to give her real food?” I was very lucky, no pain, plenty of milk and a baby who figured out latching on in a second. I never judged other women, but found it was not reciprocated. Be kind to everyone new moms — all of us are trying!
The judgment needs to stop.
But, I don’t think people would consider you a bad mother for breastfeeding. Sadly, for a lot of breastfeeding mums, you are a bad and lazy mother for not breastfeeding. (Yesh, I have been told those things). It is nuts.
Who the feck care how people feed their child, as long as it is healthy and happy?
No they didn’t think I was a bad mother exactly. More a weirdo. Which is not too nice either. Also a number of people were convinced that my chubby little girl was not being fed “real food”. I found a surprising number of women who got very upset when they saw me feeding my daughter in public ( she was covered, I was covered – nothing was showing). “That’s disgusting – get a bottle” Part of the reason I breastfed was to not have to worry about bottles! I also remember one woman hissing to her friend “oh an earth mother” which is not a good description of me at all!
Maybe those person were just plain rude, but maybe they got so much crap from Boobzillas that they were triggered by any BF, even coming from a non-judgmental person.
When a lot of people shamed you, from nurse, to LC to santimommy. Breastfeeding become very upsetting.
I haven’t had a lot of judgement, just a lot of confusion and people making it indirectly difficult. Modern America is just not made for breastfeeding, particularly with work requirements. I’m 8 months in and it’s been a long road. Working full-time while breastfeeding is so hard. Pumping three times a day when people schedule meetings over your clearly marked “busy” times. And I’ve had several all-day, out-of-office events — it’s such a PITA to figure out where to pump in a strange place. I hate having to call strangers to ask about where to take care of my boobs in their building, so awkward. And I’ve had to throw so much breastmilk away because of lack of adequate facilities.
I also find a lot of my mom’s generation just doesn’t understand the work breastfeeding entails, because many of them formula fed, so they make “asks” that make life really difficult. Being asked to bring both of my children to a wedding with *zero* help. Wrangling a four your old while trying to breastfeed my baby in the car so as not to offend the wedding guests with my boobs. Ugh.
I honestly don’t know how they expect mothers to do it, sometimes. I was supremely lucky to have an easy time BF and an office job where they were very supportive of my pumping time. Yet, pumping still is awful and I felt so liberated when I was done. If it’s awful under the best of circumstances, how are women supposed to manage? So many have a hostile work environment and judges are everywhere. People are set up for failure.
I get this all time. People all up in my business concerned about the loss of personal time (I’m not complaining about it, why are they), what foods I am giving in addition to nursing, when I’m going to stop nursing her or pumping at work. She’s 8 months old, and I hear it at least once a week. I definitely feel like I’m looked at like I’m weird. I don’t care how anyone feeds their kid as long as the kid is getting fed. I have never even asked anyone how they feed their kid. I assume they’ll pick whichever route is best for them and make sure the child is nourished.
What does it matter to you if I nurse her til she’s 3 if I want to? (I don’t want too, haha, but if I did, who cares?!) What does it matter to me if you don’t want to nurse EVER and choose formula from the start? It doesn’t!
I did too. My daughter had dairy/soy issues so BF was the most economical choice. ($90/ bottle for special formula, versus free). I was told it’s so much easier with formula, why bother? Or she has teeth (never noticed a difference in nursing) at 6 months? cut the cord, etc I’m just like you want to pay for my formula?? I also get a lot of crap for not drinking? Like pump n dump moms are mad I don’t drink – I dont lecture them, just say water is fine but they keep harping on why not? it’s fine, it’s recommended now. Like let me do my thing. You do yours.
I have a lot of issues with all the sanctimommies and people shaming you if you decide to bottle fed.
Quick story : It took 4 years to be able to have my son (my husband has a genetic condition). The birth was rough, baby and I nearly died. I had to have an emergency c-section (with general anesthesia, as yeah me, epidural did jack shit). Anyways, son was in NICU, and hospital staff were very kind, and no one push me to breasfeeded him. But I kinda push myself (even if I told myself I would never and won’t care). The first week was totally ok. But then, little pumpkin got hungrier and his tongue-tie got in the way. Even after it was clip, it was drinking 22 hours a day. I stopped sleeping. I stop eating, I became a shell of a person. Yet, some people told me to carry on.
My mid-wide came in the middle of the night, after my husband called her in despair. She took the baby, gave him a bottle, gave me food, and put me to bed. She told me what my baby and my family need was a healthy mum. That it was super great to bottle fed.
So, I switched to mostly formula.
Yet, you get so much comment in certain post-partum class, where awful women will tell you that “Breastfeeding is best, you would be a better mother blahblha).
And it hurts. A lot. It still does, even if my son is now 2.
That whole awful attitude have to change. FED IS BEST.
I have a similar story, when I switched from BF to formula feeding my daughter it saved MY life.
So sorry you had to go through that. I know how it is. There was even guilt a while back about caesarean vs natural. And how it’s not not real “birth” and you aren’t a mom. And the stupid effed up part was, I started to feel bad!!!! I don’t know how divine intervention came to be, but after a while I thought: I have a healthy baby, I am healthy and I have a lot to be thankful for. And again, it’s women coming down on women. Like we don’t have enough to over come.
Sorry you ladies had to go through that. A fed baby is the best baby! And mommy needs to be healthy. Many people forget about it and push us to our limits. It is the same with PPD, people still think it’s nothing smh
Oh God, this reminds me so much of my experience. We almost lost our son. He literally came close to dying because of the insanity of Breast is Best and how brainwashed I was before his birth.
To make a long story short(ish) – healthy pregnancy, but he was my first (and only) at 35. Two weeks late, my own doctor on vacation, his stand-in colleague (a woman) kept saying I should wait for him. At my insistence she grudgingly sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound. They were horrified to see there was no amniotic fluid left, so they induced me. 36 hours later (and after waiting 17 hours to wait for an epidural because again, pregnancy classes had brainwashed me that you “can do it all naturally”) I finally gave birth via C-section.
He latched on immediately like an angel, but due to the morphine and who knows what other reasons – age, genetics, whatever, I did not produce enough milk. I had no idea and he kept crying for food. By the time we left the hospital he had lost two pounds of his 9 lbs birth weight. A single nurse tried to tell me that it’s too much, that I should supplement with formula, and unfortunately by the time I tried he was so weak / dehydrated that he couldn’t even swallow.
Within 24 hours we were in ER because our son, who had been born perfectly healthy, was not peeing / pooping and could barely cry anymore. I bless the ER doctor every day. Even though his blood work was perfect she sent us packing to NICU. She saved his life. We spent a week in NICU, feeding him every two hours, a combo of formula and the tiny amount I could pump, testing him for everything including meningitis. He was just severely dehydrated. Another day and we’d have lost him, all because the lactation consultants and the nurses who ran the pregnancy program never ever mention any of the potential complications and issues. I was a very well educated mom. I read all the books on pregnancy, birth and newborn care I could. I thought I was ready. Nope.
The result of that first horrific week was severe PPD; I couldn’t bear to leave my son for a minute, I was a crying mess, and I still have nightmares of him in the little box at the hospital, tubes running through his tiny body.
I generally try to avoid these posts because to this day I feel rage, horror and pain. (Luckily he’s now 15 and taller than me and as far as we can tell there were no long term consequences). But I urge everyone (if asked) to take all the “earth mother” advice with a grain of salt and have an alternate plan in place; for some, it’s ok to give birth home with nothing but a bath, an assistant and candles. They may get plenty of milk and a baby with perfect latching and they can work from home or can easily pump – great. But if that doesn’t work, just make sure mom and baby are healthy and safe. If that requires drugs or C-section or formula, if you need help from a nanny or spouse or relatives to practice self care and get some sleep – whatever it is, ignore the sanctimommies and do what’s right for you and your little ones.
You’re right–no one in the hospital or the OB practice told me-even after the fact that the blood loss I suffered in labor could impact my supply. I thought the tiny amounts I was producing were normal….the pediatrician told me the whole truth.
I was lucky enough to find breastfeeding easy but weaning both my children was very hard and the result of breastfeeding for us was that neither child would try any kind of milk in any kind of cup, bottle or other device. It’s a real struggle to get them to both eat calcium in any form now and I really have to sneak it into their diet quite carefully.
I know some people struggled with breastfeeding and saw first hand how hard they tried and how distressed they were to receive criticism from people for bottlefeeding but their kids are so healthy and happy and they are great mothers. I have no idea why people shame any one for this – there’s no absolute right or wrong or better or worse – you do what you can and – for the most part – as long as the children are loved and fed, they do fine.
I’m lucky and breastfeeding has gone well both times, but I have friends who have struggled with it and the fact that they are made to feel less than despite being awesome moms who are making sure their babies are fed and nurtured and loved is so frustrating to me. The push of breast is best is dangerous and babies have died because of it (not an exaggeration) and like someone pointed out above, the US is not breastfeeding friendly. I’ve personally never had an issue but I live in a pretty liberal city and have read horror stories of other women being harassed over it, despite it being legal. Work places don’t always accommodate for pumping and depending on the state, I believe that they don’t have to give you a sanitary place to do it. Or if they do, they’ll find a way to push you out and fire you because of at will employment. Being a mom is hard, people need to stop making it harder on each other. End rant lol
No exaggeration! Exclusive breastfeeding is the biggest risk for infant re-admittance to the hospital. All parents should be educated in the signs of infant hunger/ dehydration and not feel shamed to give a baby formula in these cases. 1) it could save your baby’s life 2) A bit of formula doesn’t doom breastfeeding 3) FED IS BEST!
After two days of my baby crying non-stop in the hospital due to hunger, a kind nurse gave her a bottle of formula. My milk hadn’t come in yet and she was hungry. I breastfeed now but thank god for formula.
Honestly, every aspect of having a child sounds a bit like a terrifying horror movie to me. I don’t have children, but all the women in this comment section are bona fide superheroes to me. I wish the world made it easier for you guys!
For those American mothers who can/choose to breastfeed – how do you do it when you don’t get a reasonable maternity leave??? It would seem impossible for someone who was willing and physically able to follow the World Health Organization’s recommendation….
I’m not sure what you consider a “reasonable” maternity leave. I got 12 weeks and it was still incredibly hard. My son and I had latch issues due to a bad LC at the hospital and so it wasn’t until he was about 6 weeks old that we really got the hang of it. Once I returned to work, I pumped 4x a day (3x at work and 1x before I went to bed). Then I nursed him 1x in the morning, 2x in the evening, and generally 2-3x in the middle of the night. It was exhausting. We made it to a year with only 2 canisters of formula supplementation but it wasn’t easy.
Ema- 12 weeks is a disgrace!!! In most industrialized countries women are entitled to at least a year & in Canada the spouse can also opt to take part of the leave time.
Along with healthcare, guns, & abortion this should be an election issue America !
It can work, but circumstances often work against you. I had 12 week maternity leaves and a pumping friendly office environment. BF worked for me, so I pumped until my kids were a year old (God, I hated it). Both continued to BF until they were two when I was home. Huge props to women who make it work when they don’t have the advantages I did.
I was lucky and lived in Germany with my first where breastfeeding, especially in public is no big deal. So with my second when I was in the USA and working full time I decided I would give baby #2 the same as I did baby #1. But it’s been TOUGH.
Most of the moms I work with start to supplement with formula when they go back to work because it’s hard to get enough break time to exclusively breastfeed. Or they don’t like the restrictions it puts on your day, what can wear ect.
I’m 10 months down and two more to go. I want a freaking metal when I’m done. This shiz is hard.
You can drink alcohol as a breastfeeding woman. It’s about timing. The older your baby/toddler gets, the easier it becomes to know when they will breastfeed. Then it becomes easier to plan to consume alcohol without exposing your child. Pumping and dumping is largely unnecessary (unless it is for your physical comfort) because alcohol leaves your breastmilk at the same rate as it leaves your blood. In addition to eliminating shaming about feeding choices, I also wish that misconceptions about the restrictiveness of breastfeeding would also not be inflicted upon women. Breastfeeding mothers do not have to be sober, virtuous saints.
Cupcake, exactly. You can definitely drink alcohol (in moderation, of course) while breastfeeding. It’s important to do your research, but I had a wonderful lactation consultant who said that pumping and dumping is unnecessary. As long as you don’t get to the point where you have a strong buzz, it’s fine. Probably a drink or two for most people. This actually drives me crazy…part of the misinformation out there is because they don’t trust women to be able to control themselves. Like, “if we let these crazy women know they can drink they’ll obviously get blackout drunk and breastfeed.” You can have a glass of wine or a beer and it’s not going to affect baby.
Seriously. A good way to think about it is that your breastmilk is manufactured from your blood, so whatever your blood alcohol content is, that’s what % alcohol your breastmilk will be. One glass of wine for mama will make the breastmilk less alcoholic than store-bought apple juice. Totally different from when you’re pregnant and your baby is basically consuming the booze along with you. There was an awesome article on Slate on this a few years ago– worth a Google!
@Anne, exactly! Maybe it was in that Slate article, but a super ripe banana has more alcohol than the breast milk of a woman who has had a drink. You make a good distinction too…it’s totally different when baby is still in utero and getting their nutrients from the placenta. Although there’s a lot out there now that says the occasional drink while pregnant is fine (I chose not to do that, but I know many educated women who have and it has turned out fine for them and their babies).
Yeah, I don’t know that she was saying she can’t drink she just said she has to be super conscious of what goes into her body. So just like you said, she can’t just *have a beer* she has to do the mental math of when her baby will eat next and maybe the timing won’t work, maybe it will. It’s not the worst thing to deal with but it does contribute to not feeling like you fully own your own body for that period of time you are pregnant and then breastfeeding.
Everyone should feed their babies exactly how they want and refrain from ANY kinda commenting on anyone else’s babies. Breastfed and still feeding mine and have had negative remarks. I don’t give a sh*te how any one else feeds their babies so please don’t worry about my boobs!! Also please note your diet does not impact AT ALL on your breasilk and alcohol in your milk is only the same % as in your blood and any good lactation consultant should know this and educate her on this. No need to over complicate the process
I LOVE(d) breastfeeding (still nursing my almost 13 month old but its definitely not a large portion of his caloric intake anymore) but being a working-outside-the-home mom who had to pump in order to EBF *expletive* sucked. I hated every moment of pumping and was so ecstatic when I was done with that aspect of it.
the thing that annoyed me the most while i was breastfeeding was the constant “oh well that baby weight will fall right off” comments. because it didn’t. and it doesn’t for most women. and this notion that breastfeeding will cause you to lose all your baby weight is so damaging to a post-partum mom who is already struggling to accept this new body. I had to eat so much to keep my supply up that I literally lost 5 pound in a year after the initial weightloss postbirth. and it ALWAYS came from women who admitted they didn’t breastfeed so it was doubly frustrating b/c they had no idea what breastfeeding entails.
Agree 100%! More breastfeeding mythology that needs to stop. I gained weight while breastfeeding due to hunger and fatigue.
Just had my 4th kid and I started breastfeeding refusing to feel guilt when my supply couldn’t keep up and I had to use formula. Didn’t expect a different type of guilt to hit me- my baby was starving. Blood sugar issues, jaundice, and he lost an entire pound- turns out he was falling asleep from exhaustion from trying to eat and not from being satisfied. Turns out babies can have the appropriate amount of wet diapers and still lose too much weight. The first week of his life we had to go to the doctor everyday, he was constantly having blood taken, almost got put in the NICU for low blood sugar, almost got hospitalized for jaundice…these problems can cause brain damage. All of this could’ve been avoided if I just went with formula from the start. Thankfully, he is thriving today with no damage.
I had a c-section. My breasts were painfully swollen (from edema) for a few days and I did not produce milk right away, like many people who have c-sections. I was able to give my baby donor breast milk for the 3 days we were in the hospital, but chose to do formula as well. The nurses in the hospital actually made me feel kinda bad, like baby wasn’t going to be able to figure out how to switch from bottle to breast once my milk came in (spoiler: babies figure it out super quickly). It’s amazing how much of a stressful toll this “breast at all costs” attitude takes on a new mother. I had a wonderful lactation consultant though who calmed me and encouraged me to put baby to breast first and then offer him formula, all while pumping every 3 hours or so. I wasn’t sure I would be able to breast feed, but after following her suggestions my milk slowly came in and after about a month we were able to ditch the formula and exclusively breast feed.
If I had listened to those nurses and not given him formula, he would not have gained weight properly. As several on here have said, a fed baby is best, whether you breast feed or give formula. I always wanted to breast feed and am beyond grateful it has worked for us. But if it doesn’t work for you, or if you choose not to breast feed for whatever reason, please don’t feel ashamed. Ignore those people who try to make you feel bad about it.
100%!! Same situation here except from doing reading and taking classes before birth I knew that nobody’s milk comes in fully for the first 3 or so days. At first you just produce colostrum which is denser but maybe only like a teaspoon at a time. So I had nurses giving me pitying looks that I was only getting a little bit of colostrum the first couple days of pumping and nurses making us request each and every single bottle of formula our baby needed b/c she was 3 weeks early and low birth weight (instead of just giving us a bunch of it to offer when baby was hungry). But at least, thankfully, I didn’t feel like a damn failure. But seriously f*** them and the anxiety they seem to try their damndest to instill on new moms about breastfeeding!
Thanks for sharing this, I went through something very similar and it made an already stressful event next-level stressful.
I had the uncommon problem of being an over-producer of milk with every child. Maybe I was a dairy cow in a past life? This meant uncontrollable streams of milk and my babies barely had to latch. I remember the horror on consultants’ faces when I said I probably lost a cup of milk in leaks alone and sometimes my kids couldn’t handle how fast it came out so I had to pump off and throw it out, as my freezer was already full. I get it – so many mothers struggled with producing enough and I got evil eyes if I talked about my issue. It took one consultant to put me in touch with a milk bank and I ended up donating insane amounts with every child. It was a strict process of blood tests and freezer regulations and scheduled pick ups but at least it was being used. Then came the judgmental “I wouldn’t let my baby drink another mother’s milk” comments… There is no winning with this issue.
I’m dealing with this right now. I spray my poor boy in the face like a fire hose with my crazy letdown 😳.
Breastfeeding is damn hard. Taking care of a baby is damn hard. Moms need support, not judgement. We’re all just trying to do our best.
My twins were preemies and I remember sitting there pumping feeling like a cow and hating every minute of it. Before they left the hospital the lactation consultant was helping me teach them how to latch (after 2 months using bottles – they were micropreemies) and she basically told me that I would literally have to ween them off the bottle slowly as they started latching longer in order to effectively solely breastfeed. She gave me a schedule and when I got home with them I said no way. I was already sleeping only one hour at a time because I had to pump! At least my husband could help me feed. I just pumped for a few months using the hospital pump and gave it up.
I remember another twin mom in the NICU who had two kids at home came in one day and said she stopped pumping bc it literally was affecting her mental state because she couldn’t balance it all (NICU, being present for her boys and also just traveling to and from the hospital). She spoke with the nurse who was amazing and explained, it’s okay. The formula provided has tons of vitamins and nutrients to help the babies. Breast milk is great but it’s not a death sentence to give it up. Babies need a healthy mom more. The nurse made her feel so much better and drop the guilt. Her girls still did great.
And thank god for formula! While I produced a lot of milk, bc my kids were so tiny when born they needed extra fat. The special formula that was provided as a supplement was s godsend! It helped the babies gain the weight they needed and they came home so early and are thriving toddlers destroying my home.
Beware of lactation nazis I tell you! I am EBF my 2nd and it’s been surprisingly easy, compared to the 1st one. Yet the lactation consultant was an absolute pain and dictatorial, always making me feel inadequate and stupid. Had I not been on this EBF train because I wanted to, I would have bought a ton of formula to keep my baby happy and safe.
I’m currently breastfeeding and the part that resonates most with me is having to watch what you do with your body for two years. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was counting down the days until my body would be mine again. But my daughter is lactose intolerant so no cheese, milk or chocolate otherwise she reacts to it. She’ll grow out of it eventually but for now my diet is so restricted. I can’t lose weight too quickly or exercise too aggressively because I’m afraid my supply will suffer. I can’t disappear for a weekend away with friends like my husband can. I get a few hours to myself a week because I’m a human refrigerator lol.
My 5 month old son is exclusively formula fed.
I wanted to breast feed but had an inkling I may have issues. My mom wasn’t able to BF and my brother (born 1979) and myself (1982) were both exclusively formula fed. We turned out just fine so I was ok with it if I had to do formula. The formula today is so much better than in the 80s. My mom was shamed a lot when she had her babies and she had to feed us formula.
My son was born on a Sunday. It was a text book pregnancy and delivery. He had a great latch and got all his colostrum and was feeding seemingly around the clock from Sunday through Wednesday. On Wednesday I thought he looked yellow. My husband wasn’t sure. On Wednesday or early Thursday I noticed a change – it wasn’t colostrum anymore but milk. But there was barely any. My son kept feeding almost every hour. On Thursday at 3pm I went upstairs to where my husband was napping and started sobbing. I knew something was wrong. Our baby was super yellow and he hadn’t had any diapers since sometime Wednesday (I had been keeping track) and he was extremely fussy. I said we HAD to open a bottle of pre mixed formula. I kept trying to pump and BF for that week while supplementing with formula but I HATED pumping. I felt like a cow. I felt like I was bonding with the damn pump rather than my son. Also my milk supply never increased and my anxiety and PPD skyrocketed. I knew my son had jaundice and needed to eat to excrete the bilirubin. I did not trust my milk supply. I made the executive decision to switch to exclusive formula feeding and he pinked up within a couple days. At first I really grieved not breastfeeding but after a few days when he was looking so much better and was no longer so fussy and upset, I knew I had made the right choice. It was also the right choice for my mental health. Because he is on formula I was able to get more sleep. My husband could do all the night feedings some nights so I could get adequate rest.
He is now a super healthy happy 5 month old and I refuse to feel ashamed for feeding him formula. At first I was worried people would shame me but I have found that people (except a few LCs I saw in the early days) have been awesome. Besides I would probably tell them off if they started to get judgey at this point lol. Fed is best. In whatever way works for you and your family.
She can drink though, that’s been debunked. There are also very very few medications that are incompatible with breastfeeding, but the disclaimers take the ‘safe’ route. Informed GPs dispense them as needed. (Sadly it’s not easy to find one.)
I’m saddened by the comments on this post. I feel bad for everyone who felt guilty for the way they feed their baby. So many women failed by the system, so much misinformation pushed onto new parents.
Fed is not best. Fed is the minimum. Informed is best.