If I somehow found myself in a strange country and deeply in love with a titled man, I would probably pay for an etiquette class. It just makes sense if you’re a gauche American, as I am. I chew gum. I put ice in all my drinks. I not only cross my legs, but I often swing/bounce my foot as a nervous habit. If you put me in front of a formal dinner place setting, I would have no idea which fork, spoon and knife went with which course. So yes, I would need some kind of etiquette training if I was about to become Kaiser, Duchess of Tidypants or the Countess of Rootertooter. I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself. This is how the Duchess of Sussex felt too, because Meghan is super-organized and she probably just needed the one class.
Some people think table manners don’t matter any more but, happily, the Duchess of Sussex is not among them. Before moving to London to live with Prince Harry, the American actress was given a two-hour lesson in etiquette by Edmund Fry, a Londoner who runs the Rose Tree Cottage tea room in Pasadena, California.
‘She enjoyed it so much that she wanted to come back,’ Fry tells me. ‘The younger generation doesn’t know what bone china is and certainly don’t know anything about how to handle a cup and saucer, or how to handle a knife and fork. They come to us mainly to find out, ‘What should we do, as we are having this social event? The same sort of thing happened with Meghan. She knew she would be having tea with the Queen. Here they really do not know what to do. What we have found is that we give them a little information if they are interested and watch what happens.
Again, the reservation wasn’t made under her name, it was made by a friend.
‘We live in a society here which is a styrofoam cup or cardboard cups with a straw and everybody eats with their hands as we see with the ads on television. It is a wonder they know what a knife and fork is. The younger generation doesn’t know what what bone china is and certainly don’t know anything about how to handle a cup and saucer or how to handle a knife and fork. Not to mention any particular brand but a lot of people over here have donuts for breakfast on the run in a styrofoam cup with a bit of a stick in it or they have a latte. Obviously she’s not going to get that for afternoon tea if she goes to the Queen. Like everybody who comes here, they want to know “well do I hold the cup and saucer like this?”…A lot of people actually do very strange things for tea. They move the plate, they don’t know what to do with the napkin and don’t know anything about what they’re doing. She wanted to know the comfort of sitting.’
Fry feels Markle did not have a ‘love for England’ during their first meeting. ‘I don’t think she did. I think she fell in love with England when she came to Rose Tree Cottage. A very strange thing to say, and probably self serving. But when you come to a place like Rose Tree we don’t pretend to be urban here. We bring something that you cannot find in England anymore, because we really care about our customers. When they come through the door they are in England. You can see by my portrait of Her Majesty The Queen on the wall we are completely prepared for anybody who might come to Rose Tree Cottage.’
If she took the class before she moved to London, that was probably in early to mid-2017, one would think. By then it was clear that Meghan was The One and it was also clear that she was being fast-tracked by Harry and the Firm into the royal fold. I wonder if someone in the family (or one of those nitpicky courtiers) suggested the etiquette class, or whether she went there of her own accord? My guess is that she went of her own accord, just because Meghan has shown us time and time again that she PREPARES. She prepared for the job of duchess. She prepares her charitable initiatives before announcing them. She wanted to make sure she nailed her job interview with the Queen, because she knew that was what “afternoon tea” was – a job interview.
… I kind of wish I was the Countess of Rootertooter.
Photos courtesy of Backgrid and Avalon Red.
I love this. Meghan was probably the person in school who took copious notes and everyone relied on when they didn’t prepare for class. I love that she took it seriously and wanted to do well. Her willingness to put in the work shows itself time and time again. This is why she hit the ground running. And didn’t need a seven year training program. And yes – that WAS shade at Kate.
I was that person in school, hahaha. Took lots of notes, with bullet points, red ink underlining important stuff, and so on. If I was to have tea with the Queen I most definitely would take all of the etiquette classes that I could find; even though I already know a good bit myself (thanks mom and dad) it couldn’t hurt to really polish up the manners.
I was too! Which is why I can appreciate this so much. I DEFINITELY would have taken a tea etiquette class if I was having tea with the Queen.
I met the queen once, and beforehand was given an etiquette guide. I remember “if the royal hand is offered you, grasp it gently and return it to its royal owner without subjecting it to vigorous pumping. “
Maybe I’d better brush up on my etiquette before going to see the Downton Abbey movie!
@Sarah, how did you meet the queen?! More details please!
That Fry guy seems….interesting. He makes it sound like Americans don’t use plates and silverware anymore and everything is out of a Styrofoam cup. But, I get the general idea of Meghan wanting to be absolutely correct for tea with the queen, especially since formal tea isn’t really a thing here (obviously some hotels or tea shops have it, but its presumably different than what happens at Buckingham Palace.)
Also, what does this mean –
“We bring something that you cannot find in England anymore, because we really care about our customers” – that seems like an odd thing to say about England. Maybe he misspoke?
Going to Rose Tree Cottage is like being in another world/time/place. It truly is a great experience. VERY authentic. I love going there. Check it out: http://rosetreecottage.com/RTC-Website-2011-V004/Welcome.html
There are a bunch of “tea” places/pubs closer by, in Santa Monica (very high concentration of ex-Pats), but their tea rooms are just rooms with booths that serve tea (you choose your BAG, not even brewed!), and a tiered plate with some small scones and finger sandwiches.
i’m sure its a lovely place, but that doesn’t make his comments less strange.
Of course, Becks 1. He is VERY far up his own arse. All I meant is that if Meg wanted an authentic experience, that was definitely the place to go.
Ah, gotcha. Yeah, it definitely seems like a smart choice, and like she probably learned more there than had she gone to a high tea at a local hotel.
I am sort of laughing that it took almost 2 years for this story to come out.
I love the Rose Tree Cottage! Its just down the street form my house 🙂
Ha, ha: I followed your advice & checked it out. They serve scones with “lashings” of clotted cream! I’m American, and have never heard of lashings of clotted cream; I’m enchanted!
Yes, he does seem rather the self-proclaimed authority, doesn’t he? And yet…
He is correct that your back should never touch the back of the chair, but did he not teach her that her hands should never rest on the table? At least that’s what I always heard as a child (in the 80s) if we were dining formally. Is this no longer a thing?
(Also, that photo made me remember how we were to *never* cross our legs at the knee but to keep your knees together and, if necessary, cross at the ankle. Anyone have any observations/insights/etiquette updates on any of this? {Note: this post is *not* addressed to any Meghan bashers, so please don’t use these questions as an excuse, just keep scrolling}.)
Elbows aren’t supposed to be on the table, but the wrists resting in the table while chatting between courses or just while not actively eating is perfectly acceptable. 🙂
I’ve gone to Rose Tree Cottage a few times (live a couple of blocks away) and it’s always a fun experience. Mr. Fry answers the door in a butler’s outfit and the staff wear uniforms that make them look like they’re maids from the ’20’s. It’s all very eccentric and eclectic and sweet. His comments come off a bit odd in print, but when you talk to him in real life, he’s very sweet. At least that’s been my experience. 🙂
Now you’ve made me feel bad for him (a bit). Hopefully they don’t get many rude customers.
I agree. He’s a lovely and eccentric man. Its just a fun experience. I also live down the street, so we’re neighbors!
I’m English (and my dad was upper class) and he sounds like a twat, in the way only ex-pats ever are. There are tons of places here in the UK that are still old fashioned or traditional or whatever, and anyway it’s very un-English and non-U to gossip about a client in order to pimp your own business! He’s clearly picked up a hell of a lot about PR and hustling from being in America.
Love seeing someone use “non-U” 🙂
That dude is so full of delightful shade towards us isn’t he? lol
I’m part of this “younger generation” and I know what bone china is, in fact I have a rather extensive collection of bone chine antique tea cups! But sure, those of us in “the colonies” clearly have no manners, eat on styrofoam with our bare hands, and chew with our mouths open while having burping contests in public 🙂
Right? I rolled my eyes so hard at:
“Fry feels Markle did not have a ‘love for England’ during their first meeting. ‘I don’t think she did. I think she fell in love with England when she came to Rose Tree Cottage. A very strange thing to say, and probably self serving. But when you come to a place like Rose Tree we don’t pretend to be urban here.”
Rude.
Not only do I have a bone china teacup collection here in the colonies, I have a collection of teapots and silver as well and practice my good manners. So I don’t think I’m a philistine either!
What does ‘urban’ mean? Does he mean ‘Black’?
My parents were Caribbean immigrants to England in the 60s. Not the ‘Windrush’ generation but a few years after. And they were SHOCKED at how the British behaved. Certainly not like the Jane Austen my mother loved.
Fry can shove it up his pretentious ass.
I love all things etiquette and am thrilled that a class like this is offered. The continental style of eating has always perplexed me and it would be great to get some tutoring on that.
I can totally see Meghan taking a class like this. She traveled quite a bit to England even before she met Harry and knowing how to hold one’s fork and knife would come in very useful. Plus, she strikes me as a bit of an etiquette nut (like me) and would really enjoy this experience.
I’m a lover of etiquette as well and would happily take courses here and there as a touch up.
I think this guy is just trying to get some love to his tea shop and he’s not very skilled at marketing. Again, Meghan was well traveled and educated before she arrived at his place. He laid it on a bit too thick.
I agree, he’s trying too hard to market his place and coming off as rude. I checked out the website and it looks like my gran’s house. She always made us use cups and saucers and ALWAYS had home made cake.
And “We bring something that you cannot find in England anymore, because we really care about our customers”. You can actually find it all over England LOL. The great British tea room lives on, usually with impeccable customer service in the ones I’ve been too.
Your gran sounds lovely.
I agree, he seems full of himself and insulting.
My mom had an etiquette book, which she pulled out for every holiday dinner. It was ingrained in me from an early age which fork/spoon went where, why it used, where the water glass was placed, ad nauseum. Dude sounds pretentious as hell, but good on Meghan for wanting to put her best foot forward when meeting the Queen.
This makes me admire her ethics even more!
It actually sounds like a lot of fun and I’d probably go for more than one session. The owner did throw a grove worth of shade but he’s not wrong, basic good manners and etiquette seem to get in shorter supply by the day. I don’t know anyone that wouldn’t benefit from a reminder.
I would also want to wear a hat.
I used to work as a waitress and seeing how some people eat would make me sick to my stomach. I taught my kids table manners, etc as they were growing up but when my son came home from bootcamp, I almost fainted watching him eat! He got used to only having a few minutes to eat that he literally shoveled food into his wide, open maw! Now that he’s a civilian again his table manners have improved. 🙂
My mother still tells stories about coming to my boot camp graduation. (30 years ago) and taking me for an expensive steak dinner that I ate in five minutes. We had “ ten minutes and ten minutes only” from the time the first tray hit the table, we were alphabetical and my last name started with W. We are like wolves 😂😂😂
“We live in a society here which is a styrofoam cup or cardboard cups with a straw and everybody eats with their hands as we see with the ads on television. It is a wonder they know what a knife and fork is. The younger generation doesn’t know what what bone china is and certainly don’t know anything about how to handle a cup and saucer or how to handle a knife and fork.”
This one got me genuinely laughing. In what world do these people live in? I mean – of course the younger generation isn’t going to know the same extensive ‘rules’ that older generations knew. Just like they didn’t ALWAYS know them. But they make it sound like the younger generation is just crawling from dumpster to dumpster, ravenously devouring anything vaguely resembling food because we don’t have the proper guidance in life to show us the incorrectness of our ways.
I also remember being a kid at a family dinner where my grandfather said “hey. look how I’m holding my cutlery – this is how the royals eat” which was 100% the truth because the man had gotten the chance to go to meet members of the BRF at some event or another when he was in the RCAF.
So in between my confusion of what bone china is and my ravenous dumpster excursions I do make sure to hold my cutlery the ‘fancy’ way.
I would just like to state that just because the BRF holds their cutlery a certain way does not mean that is the only correct way to hold cutlery. The Europeans and US Americans hold their cutlery in two different ways and both are methods are correct.
The one constant in all the Meghan stories is, she is always prepared.
When she landed in Australia carrying folders, one of the reporters said the folders probably contained all the info she needed for the trip.
Yep true. She is inspiring to me at how prepared she is, how she notices the important details and sends freaking thank you notes. She is boss.
In the Sun article about this, he also praises how nice she was. Of course, no mention of that in the Daily Fail article.
Kaiser – Countess Rootertooter is the only title that matters now. I need to see the house of Rootertooter now, with it’s family crest. It sounds like it should be said with your nose lifted 2 inches.
Wait, what’s wrong with putting ice in drinks?!
Nothing, it’s just not something you find in the UK (except for certain summery alcoholic drinks, maybe). A soda would not typically come with ice.
People’s Princess.2
British and American etiquette isn’t the same, so this makes sense. But not surprising, the guy sounds like a snooty bitch.
I’m just here to say: Duchess of Rootertooter, love it! Made me smile. Thank you!
Fry sounds like the kind of English person that makes their living selling the ‘Downton Abbey’ fantasy to Americans. The fantasy that the British are so very, VERY proper and filthy Americans are just too vulgar and gauche. And then you go to Great Britain and meet REAL British people!
On the other hand, it’s clear that Meghan wanted to make a good impression and didn’t want to embarrass Harry or herself. So I say, good for her. As usual, Meghan put in the work.
Yes, this! ^ ^
Good for Meghan.
No thank you on never being able to relax and be yourself (chewing gum like a cow and the occasional f bomb when needed)! But this is what she wanted so good for her cause hello she’s a duchess Now. Btw I visited London last year and LOVED having tea…it sounds silly but I lived for the tiny treats, the teapots for each person and all the condiments and how to take your tea! It felt sooo life of leisure to me and was so grateful my sis n law scheduled it for us!!
This guy is the douche canoe who told the British “press” that H & M were going to buy a place in Malibu because she misses LA so much.
We had tea served in the dorm every weekday afternoon when I was in college (except for my junior year abroad in England.) I went to Wellesley and I guess it was a holdover from an earlier era. For us it was a snack break from studying.
Friday tea for us at college! Smithie here…hello, sister!
And tea was a thing growing up in Calcutta…still a lovely tea to be had at Flury’s on Park Street 🙂
And he needn’t act as if tea descended from on high in Britain, it was grown in our hinterland…and what most of us didn’t know about tea wasn’t worth writing. Now everyone’s a snob, and asking for chai tea (my pet peeve, since chai MEANS tea, so it’s redundant to say both)
My mother was a stickler for etiquette. The one thing I wish the British would adopt from American etiquette, is to cut two pieces of meat and then PLACE YOUR KNIFE DOWN. I see Brits in movies or on tv with their knives clutched in their fist throughout the dish, and using their forks upside-down. To keep the food from falling off the upside-down fork, people either mash the food onto the fork, or use something sticky (like mashed potatoes) to act like glue, and/or hunch over their plate to get the food quickly into their mouths before it falls off, which is very off-putting to me. None of that would be necessary if they used the fork correctly. Also, why the need to shovel the food into your mouth a quickly as possible, is it a contest? Put the knife down, use the fork correctly, and have a polite conversation.
I had a job interview at a British university that involved a dinner where I think I completely f**cked up the etiquette and lost the job. I admire the Duchess so much for thinking ahead!
This guy was sort of rambling and didn’t really say a whole lot.