When last we spoke about Alanis Morissette, she was a few months away from given birth to her third child. That child, a son, named Winter Mercy, arrived August 8. As we discussed, Alanis suffered from postpartum depression with both of her first two children and was preparing herself and those close to her for the possibility of it happening a third time. In her latest essay posted to her website, it sounds like PPD did find her once again. Only, this time she was prepared, both mentally and in her surroundings. And even though she’s still suffering, it’s made a difference in how to cope with it.
ahhh. i wasn’t sure if i would have post partum depression/anxiety this time around. or, as i like to call it: post partum activity. or, also: post partum tar-drenched trenches. there are so many tentacles to this experience.i will break them down in time, i have answers and protocols and solutions and RX’s to be sure. i’ll share more specifics once i have my wits back about me. hormonal. sleep deprivation. fogginess. physical pain. isolation. anxiety. cortisol. recovery from childbirth (as beautiful and intense as mine was at home, dream birth.), integrating new angel baby with older angel babies. marriage. all kinds of PTSD triggers. overstimulation. this body. attempting to crawl back to some semi-recognizable configuration.some around my relationship with needing. reaching out. seeing how great i am at setting boundaries in some areas, but how blind-spot-ty i have been with them in others. reaching this point again where the sleeping giants of my survival strategies are being roused….the persevering. the soldiering. the show-up-no-matter-how-broken-things-feel-ing. yes, the addictions. in my case…work addiction—over-giving. over-serving. over-do-ing. over-over-ing. all lovely qualities without the ‘over’. at worst: beautiful human qualities that are on 11 in a way that the body ultimately can’t sustain. the #invisibleload with today’s normalized cluttered lifestyle taking on epic proportions. all this said: i have been here before.i know there is another side. and the other side is greater than my PPD-riddled-temporarily-adjusted-brain could have ever imagined: as a mom. as an artist. as a wife. as a friend. as a collaborator. as a leader. as a boss. as an activist. i saw how things got richer after i came through it the last two times. i have my eye on that prize again…even as i drag my ass through the molasses. there is so much more support this time. i knew better so i set it up to win as much as i could beforehand. support. food. friends. sun. bio-identical hormones and SSRI’s at the ready. some parts of the care-prep has been a godsend, and well-planned. but for all of this preparation—PPD is still a sneaky monkey with a machete—working its way through my psyche and body and days and thoughts and bloodwork levels.
You can read the full essay here or People’s breakdown here. The essay reads very much like a mother who has just given birth and is unloading a stream of consciousness in one of the few moments she has to herself. I had trouble understanding what she was trying to say in a few places but reading this, with all of Alanis’ thoughts piled on top of each other, I completely grasped her headspace. This is what’s going on in the mind of a person who just gave birth, a million thoughts and feelings ramming into each other. In Alanis’ case, it’s heightened further by the PPD. Fortunately as she said in her essay, she put her safety net up ahead of time and now it’s catching her. Since she did not reach out for help in her first two experiences with PPD, I will be interested to read the strategies and “protocols” she promises once she’s back from the abyss. Anything that can be done to diminish the effect of PPD on a family would be huge. I’m really glad Alanis is keeping the spotlight on this. It will help a lot of people down the road.
Alanis uses the second half of her essay to reiterate that a new mom needs to think about her mental health, even though her first instinct is to think of everyone else, and even if it means missing a moment or two. She also talks about, “this culture is not set up to honor women properly after birth” and that although it’s changing, she feels, “the general way is bereft of the honoring and tenderness and attunement and village-ness that post partum deeply warrants.” Her closing lines are her clearest, in which she reminds the reader that she loves them, she is here with them and – this might be the most important line – “we’re not alone.”
Photo credit: Getty Images, Instagram and WENN Photos
Nice of her to keep the spotlight abput this, I’m sure many women out there will appreciate it and feel less alone in their own esperience. Always thought she’s very brilliant and empathetic.
Been there. PPD. Alanis has beautifully, creatively and accurately described it. Good on her for being so open and bare about the experience, it would certainly be helpful for other new mums to read this and know it’s ok to feel the same, they’re not alone and there is a light at the end.
Whoa she really nailed how I felt with PPA. She’s truly a poet. It’s so hard. I agree with her that more village is needed. And the word overstimulation… that’s exactly what it always was for me. Like my entire brain was lit up every minute of the day.
I’m so thankful I only had it with my first. With my second the pregnancy was ten times harder but I didn’t have PPA.
She’s a real warrior and so strong going through this three times.
Yes, me too. I just could not rest. I had 2 babies within 16 months, and PPA with the 2nd, and the worst days were the ones when they would tag-team their naps… I was always on the go, always desperately trying to get that last thing done so I’d finally be able to relax… I remember very little about my 2nd baby’s first year and I feel quite guilty about that (although he doesn’t seem to have minded!). I felt so alone and unwell and exhausted even though I adored my babies; I felt like such a failure. Thank the old gods and the new for my kids’ dad and my community health visitor.
Glad she has support and was prepared, and is sharing this publicly for others who have also suffered.
On a totally unrelated note, does anyone else see the ad for “lipstick for mature women“? The teeth are photo shopped all crazy!
Her words made me cry, I completely understand those choppy thoughts and that’s exactly how I felt. We do expect women to bounce right back into life after giving birth, we’re supposed to suck it up and deal with it all without complaining. I’ll never understand that.
Sounds like Alanis is doing everything right and she’s prepared. I hope she finds her way to the other side quickly!
Love her. One of my favourite artists.
Love her assessment .. but recovery for me started with compassion for self and husband and acceptance that the village sadly does not exist and I needed to “woman up” and fight back the beast that had consumed me and was stealing my happiness and preventing me from communicating with my angel baby. (Lucy2 I have a disturbing/freaky purple alien in the ad!)
Good for her on speaking out like this. I had postpartum Anxiety from the moment my first was born but then I had postpartum OCD kick in at the six month mark and terrorize me for several months until I finally figured out what was going on, which helped me manage it. I was really worried about what would happen after my second but thankfully I didn’t really have any postpartum issues the second time around.
wow. what beautiful, powerful, honest words. Is it trite to say I feel “seen?” I just read someone describe a thing I felt no one else understood. What a brave and beautiful soul to be able to share these feelings.
Keep these stories coming. PPD is so under-reported. Women are suffering in silence.
As a Midwesterner that name basically fits into jokes around here. “Winter have mercy on us!”
I have such empathy for her. PPD is horrible. I had it with my first, and did not seek help (this was back in the late 90s). Months of grueling survival efforts daily. So much doubt. Such loneliness despite support.
Ok but maybe, stop having kids? Like after the first 2, why keep going through this? No one has a responsibility to populate the planet more now 😬🤷♀️