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Tom Hanks is heavily promoting his new film in which he plays Fred Rogers, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. So of course he’s leaning in to his wholesome and ‘nice guy’ image. He’s also been dotting interviews with lessons that Mister Rogers taught us as children that we still use in adulthood. In an exclusive sit down with ET, Tom used an example of how he and his wife, Rita Wilson, use Mister Rogers words during arguments… and then they make soup when they’ve settled down. It’s sounds wholesome enough, until Tom explained what he says while he’s “establishing the ground rules.”

“When my wife and I are going at it on those rare occasions, when she is letting me know that I’m not really listening to her and I’m trying to establish what the ground rules are [for the argument], when we’re going at it like that, one of us will say, ‘Well, you know what? You know what, honey? It’s good to talk. It’s good to say the things we feel,'” Hanks said with a smile, employing a calm Rogers-esque tone while recalling the lesson of using your words.

“And I learned that from Mister Rogers,” Hanks added.

The actor revealed, however, that the couple — who have been married for 31 years — usually spend their free time together on their shared cooking hobby.

“We make soup together,” Hanks said, giving fans a look inside his adorable marriage. “Like, if we have a day off and there’s nothing going on… it takes about two to three hours.”

However, while both Rogers and Hanks have been called the friendliest people in the world, Hanks says they don’t have all that much in common. Although one similarity is that neither of them, despite their jovial personalities, would let people walk all over them.

“I don’t allow anyone to take advantage of my good nature and I don’t know that Fred did either,” Hanks shared.

“I’m nothing like Fred Rogers in any way, shape, or form,” he added. “Except, I think, I wake up in the morning thinking, ‘Hey, it’s a nice day, it’s a good day. Let’s try to make it a little bit better.”

[From ET]

I’m going to get creamed for this, I know, but if I was having an argument with my husband, letting him know exactly why I was angry, and he responded with, “You know what, honey? It’s good to talk. It’s good to say the things we feel,” I’d seethe with rage. Especially if those words were spoken after I discussed how he wasn’t listening to me. I don’t need to be told it’s okay for me to voice my feelings, I wouldn’t have gotten married if it wasn’t. What I need to know is that I am heard and that he understands where my anger is coming from. It’s also a bad example of Mister Rogers lessons because the true beauty of Mister Rogers was that he spoke to children, but he was never condescending. Yet that is exactly what Tom’s example is. Because I do believe that Tom and Rita have a true partnership, I have to believe that those words never actually came out of either of their mouths and this is just a misstep on Tom’s part.

I do like what Tom said about not letting people take advantage of his good nature, and that Mister Rogers wouldn’t either. I hate when people equate being nice or generous with being weak. I don’t think either Tom or Mister Rogers are weak, quite the opposite, actually. As for the soup, it sounds comforting and paints a nice picture. Again, Tom is promoting his role as Fred Rogers, so I doubt he’s going to answer “what do you and Rita do on your day off” with “bang on the kitchen counter.” But, from my limited soup making attempts, most of the two to three hours it takes to make soup is letting it simmer on the stove. So, is that the point, that maybe they use those hours to share stories and catch up? Perhaps it forces them to stay in because they don’t want to leave it unattended, so it’s just some quality time together in their home. Or maybe the beauty is smelling the soup cooking, soup smells marvelous. But, I’m just saying – you do have two to three hours and a perfectly good kitchen counter so…

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