There are few things funnier to me than when a celebrity says some dumb or offensive sh-t in an interview, then gets quoted accurately, and then responds to the backlash by claiming that what they said was “misconstrued” or “sensationalized” or that it’s all a “false narrative.” Yes, the false narrative of T.I. saying some deeply horrible things about his daughter and her virginity and then being called out on all of the sh-t he said. That false narrative. A few weeks ago, T.I. outed himself as a misogynist who takes his teenager daughter to the gynecologist once a year to check to see if she still has her hymen. He bragged about paying the gyno to check for Deyjah’s hymen every year, and he made it sound like that was the sole purpose of Deyjah’s annual checkups. In fact, the only value he seems to see in his 18-year-old daughter is the state of her virginity. Which is super-healthy, of course. So, T.I. and his wife Tiny appeared on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk and this is the first time T.I. addressed the controversy (since he caused it). It did not go well.
T.I. on the ‘misconceptions’: “Firstly, I came to clear up any misconceptions that have been surrounding how we interact and parent and what is appropriate and inappropriate. My intentions have been terribly misconstrued and misconceived. All of this false narrative has just been sensationalized. All of this surrounds a conversation that I was having in a very joking manner… When I was asked how … I deal with parenting in this day and age, I just began to, from a place of truth, I began to embellish and exaggerate and I think a lot of people kinda like took it extremely literal. If you put any of my reputation, like who I am as a father and who I’ve been, I honestly thought people knew me better than that.”
Jada asked if he “understood the sensitivity” of the situation: He responded with a very dramatic, “No, I did not. I understand it now. Yes, I do, absolutely.” While he understands that hymens do not indicate virginity, T.I. said he did want to clear up some specifics about the comments. “Never said I was in any exam room. That is an assumption. That is a falsity. I never said that it was being done in present day as an 18-year-old.” Tiny said: “She was 15 and 16 years old at the time,” Tiny said, adding that Deyjah is “quiet” and “doesn’t talk a lot.”
T.I. said that Deyjah didn’t have a problem with the exams: “She did have a problem with me talking about it, however. And I understand that. I am incredibly apologetic to her for that. To her. To you, sweet baby Deyjah. Not to any of these other strangers and any of these weirdos who just kinda toss lies around for fun.”
T.I. insisted he was just being protective: “There’s no such thing as overprotective. I am here to protect all of the children from themselves until they make it to a point when they have awareness and discernment to be able to make certain decisions on their own that will impact their lives indefinitely. Since she turned 18, I don’t have control of anything.” T.I. also clarified that he was not trying to be “controlling” but rather just making sure his daughter was making good decisions. “I’m not there to protect necessarily virginity. I just know that is a big move. Once you make that move, there are things that happen that follow.”
Who do you believe, T.I. three weeks ago or Current T.I.? I don’t really believe either of them. I could make a case for “he was exaggerating for dramatic effect” in the podcast, but truly, he makes it clear on Red Table Talk that he taught Deyjah that her only value to him was as his virginal daughter, that he owned her body and her sexuality. Instead of teaching her to make good choices and educating her about her body and sexuality, he chose the shortcut of “checking her hymen on an annual basis.” It’s all just… wrong.
Also: Jada Pinkett did some heavy lifting to normalize T.I.’s words and behavior because, apparently, Will Smith says weird and awful things to their daughter Willow too. Jada just kind of passed it off as “certain sensitivities” and apparently Will has said sh-t to Willow about her period and how Willow “must be PMSing.” WHY ARE MEN.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
So an unnecessary invasive internal exam on a 15yo… that’s so much better /sarcasm
Exactly what I was coming here to say. Oh it’s cool to do unnecessary invasive internal exams when she’s a minor but once she’s 18 you magically started respecting her rights to her own body? I don’t think so
And why would it be necessary to take his 15-16 year old daughter to a gynecologist if she is not sexually active?? TI is a dangerous person in terms of how he views women and him normalizing this behavior. He still sees her as property. His idea of parenting is being dominant and controlling. I think he’s afraid she will end up with a POS like him. And I’m sick of women who make excuses for this behavior.
I watched the episode and when he insisted his protectiveness wasn’t an effort to be controlling at all towards Deyjah, Tiny started rolling her eyes all over the place, lol. Jada and her mother should’ve stopped right there and asked Tiny about that. TI seems like a very involved dad but that he had not ever heard of the patriarchy before was kind of “?????” (rolling my own eyes).
Exactly. What a douchebag.
And if we are referring to the physical dilation of the vagina as loss of virginity, wtf does he think an inserted and opened speculum does, FFS? That is a part of the internal exam…hence its name…it isn’t only the bimanual portion.
Dumbass needs an education on these matters.
I think a lot of our dads have said something stupid like “is it that time of month?” at least once over the years. It doesn’t make it right. But there’s a huge difference between that and demanding to know whether your daughters hymen is intact. That’s INCREDIBLY f-cked up.
And you just KNOW that they don’t treat their sons like that. And that’s what makes me SO livid about the normalization of this. It’d be ONE thing (still wrong imo) if the treatment and the obsession with virginity was around BOTH genders. But it rarely if ever is.
Seriously, f-ck the Smith’s too if this is the kind of shit they’re cool with.
I watched this episode of Red Table Talk. Jada’s mother was not impressed. She said “I can’t help but think if this was your son, it would be different.” Which he admitted as much. Gam was not having it. Her face was all of us!
I really like her, she is often the voice of reason when Jada (who is great as well) tries too hard to see all sides. Sometimes they talk themselves into a weird corner and Gam brings it back.
I didn’t even know Tiny was actually her stepmother…they should have also had Deyjah (if she felt comfortable) and her bio mother there to give a balanced response.
We don’t need to normalize his behaviour. He words weren’t misconstrued-we know exactly what it meant and it was, and will always be disgusting. He doesn’t see women as people with their own sexuality, they are posessions whose sexual history run as currency. That young girl has now learned how ‘male’ authority runs amok with the choices she should be making over her own body and will now know she can’t trust men which is the opposite of what TI as a father should be teaching her but he’s not bright enough to get it. Simply put-he’s an asshole.
Exactly. Misogyny around these issues often gets framed as a protection, which partially explains desperate attempts (from both sexes) to gaslight and coerce so many girls/women into accepting it. Sexual modesty as female worth hasn’t actually protected girls in the long run though- from themselves or from others. Virginity testing is a human rights violation, and someone like T.I. needs to see beyond ‘You Nosy H8rs don’t tell me how to raise my child!1’ The concern expressed for how this affects Deyjah and other girls is actually a protection.
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/10/19/658155056/u-n-calls-for-end-to-virginity-tests
Yes, I went to a Christian school and was steeped in this “protection.” After I got gang banged while I was in and out consciousness at a party at 16, I cried my eyes out. I went on a dangerous journey for several years because I had such low self esteem because this had happened. This vagina had been violated and I felt I was worth nothing. I finally came out of it but I feel the self loathing wouldn’t have been so much if I did not feel like I was “ruined.: This protection is not really protection.
Joanna, i suggest that you weren’t “gangbanged” but rather gang-raped as you were slipping in and out of consciousness. I’m sorry for your experience. I am also a sexual assault survivor and try hard to change the language so that i am not complicit in my own victimisation.
I’m sorry you dealt with both of those things. It’s so messed up when awful things like sex crimes and domestic violence are considered more serious when done to a virgin, or a woman who didn’t allegedly date/sex/marry for Wrong Reasons. Elizabeth Smart even said something similar to what you did about how messages about purity worsened her experience. Glad you came out of it.
@anh, yes, you are right, I was gang raped. Thank you for correcting me.
@otaku, your posts are always so nice to read. I’m a million times better now.
(TW maybe)….Joanna I am SO sorry. I’m with you on how damaging the “purity rhetoric” is. Hope you’re healing from the lies. I heard a lot of that from my hymen-checking mother who had no problem with her “godly” daughter-molesting husband, who, hilariously, explains his stay-away-from-my-daughter psycho-spiritual social control as “protection” (and then gets caught smirking every time I end up in any Actual danger.) That junk is beyond disturbing.
@otaku thank you for sharing that link
@ahn your last sentence is Really helpful- thank you
My grandmother did that to my mum before her wedding, in the early ’60s.
My mum is still furious today with my now dead grandmother. I remember when I was a teen and my father tried to saiy something about she shut him down before he could even breathe.
This is all I have.
He should be ashamed, and Jada should have not given him the space.
Wasn’t what he said very specific? Hard to misconstrue that. He is another person who is used to having everyone agree with and praise the shit that comes out of his mouth. When he gets outside his bubble it does not go so well. This is why people need to expose themselves to opinions that differ with their own, they might realize they are wrong or not wording things in the best way.
This is not normal and it is not okay. The only thing that protects your kids is to raise them with trust and confidence. And plenty of dads know and do better so eff this. My father is almost 80 and NEVER treated my sister or me like this. Never said some creepy shit about our sex lives or periods or tried to control who or when we dated. In fact he wanted us to know that we don’t need a man or husband for anything in life and if we wanted to marry at some point, we would make sure to still be independent, especially financially. He never focused on the boyfriends, just on us.
He is not perfect of course but as a father to girls, he did good. So to all these men decades younger, get it together.
TI even stated that if his son had a baby then it wouldn’t change the household but if his daughter did it would change.
That’s because he’s expect the mother to house and care for the baby, while his son did drop by visits as he wanted, only if he wanted. That’s probably his idea of fathering.
It is not okay! They should have brought up his son who is not a virgin and how TI doesn’t care that he’s not! We are not responsible for men’s sexual deeds. We do not have to be “pure or modest” so they won’t be “tempted.” Or so we won’t be “damaged goods.” I hate that term. Everyone has baggage from their past, that does not make them “damaged.” Hold men responsible for what they do! Women are considered adults as soon as they develop but men are treated like children for life.
👏👏👏This.
He only dug himself in deeper with this stupid interview. He’s not even denying that he tried to or actually did force a doctor and his daughter to keep him updated on the status of her hymen, he’s just claiming it happened when she was younger than 18.
Also, “Deyjah is quiet and doesn’t talk a lot.” Gee, I wonder why. Could it be because her piece of shit creep father doesn’t respect boundaries, is actively concerning himself with her vagina, and doing the most to try to impede her natural progression in life as an adult???? I wouldn’t talk much either if I grew up with a father like that.
This remains unfathomably disturbing and disgusting. TI is a fucking cretin and this constitutes abuse.
“He’s not even denying that he tried to or actually did force a doctor and his daughter to keep him updated on the status of her hymen, he’s just claiming it happened when she was younger than 18”
And I’m willing to bet that IF he laid off at 18 it’s because HIPAA rights kicked in. I’d assume it’s a lot easier for a parent to get information on a minor child, and nearly impossible once they hit the age of majority.
I don’t believe anything was misconstrued. I think he caught hell from Deyjah and the rest of society so he backtracked.
Like I said yesterday, men think women are things. Things to protect. Things to shield. Things to hoard. Things to brag about. Things to showcase. Things to manage. Things to direct. Things to control. Things to punish. Things to abuse. These men then have daughters. Which adds to their glass menagerie for admiring and to shatter if they misbehave. We’ve been fighting this fight from the start. They’re stupid and very slow learners. The tables haven’t turned yet, but they’ve definitely been rearranged.
Appreciation for mabs’ AWESOME comment. It’s art, really.
(To add- I enjoyed it as much as a good Jennyholzer or more. Print us a poster).
Jesus, why is she rugsweeping for this abusive and misogynist POS?
He was 100% advertising her virginity to one of those Hollywood perverts. Come on now. Watch and see how his career is “rejuvenated “. And guys remember he has a baby daughter. *FACEPALM* Poor Heiress.
Deyjah is beautiful so she was always going to have guys circling her. But her dad announcing her “hymen status” to the world has pretty much just put a bounty on her head for all those gross dudes out there who hunt virgins (which is the opposite of what TI claims he was trying to do 🙄).
He’s worried about his career in Hollywood. That’s what this is all about.
It won’t. 😢
Does anyone remember when Blurred Lines came out and there was (rightly) a lot of backlash about the way the song talked about women and how women were depicted in the music video? I remember someone (can’t remember if it was T.I., Robin Thicke, or Pharrell) talking about how the video was meant to be funny and ironic because of how much they respected women and the women they had in their lives. I call bullshit. T.I. sucks and I feel terrible that his daughter has to deal with him.
It’s such a toxic mindset and it’s not always men. My cousin (who was a teen mom) heard her 14 year old was having sex and took her for a “virginity check”. The whole town was discussing whether this poor girl was a virgin or a “slut”.
You’re right, it sadly isn’t just men who participate. Both can be great at playing the ‘Ma! She hit me!’ game too when that abuse is called out. Globally some people with T.I.’s mentality have even tried to portray women’s inability to pass a virginity test (as well as women’s objections to virginity tests) as a symptom of mental instability. Never mind that actual, at times deadly behavioral health problems have been reported because of girls being treated that way to begin with.
Success as a parent is when you raise a daughter (and son) to value THEMSELVES. When you do this, they set their own high standards for who they date, what they will or won’t do with their body……
T.I.’s way of parenting literally has no meaning. He’s horrific.
Cat Ca,
Exactly!
And honestly, if he was truly worried about whether his daughter was “making good choices” at 15, perhaps he could have just TALKED to her about sex. I realize that part of his issue is putting too high a value on her virginity. But as a parent, I do worry about my child as she enters her teen years. I would hate for her to have sex earlier than SHE is ready, or get a disease or pregnant at 15. But my way of “solving” those issues will be to give her info, and try to be as open as possible with her so that she feels comfortable coming to me if she needs to. And ultimately, while I hope she waits until she is a bit older, when to have sex is going to be UP TO HER.
There is an OB/GYN on YouTube named mamadoctorjones and she did an in depth reaction video to the TI interview. She was so informative and countered why everything TI said was wrong.
Thank you for sharing this!
TI is a pig. His daughter needs to get away from him and get counseling ASAP before she is damaged for life. Any & all adults who were complicit with these forced hymen checks should be charged with child abuse. Though Deyjah is an adult now, these exams began when she was a minor, and TI is on film stating so. I hope that his career is over because of this.
He wasn’t misconstrued. He said it and now he’s misconscrewed.
I love you for this!
😂😂😂
Current T.I. is still problematic AF.
He of all people should not be talking about a women’s body or spirit considering he disrespects his wife by cheating on her constantly. So basically he doesn’t want his daughter to date men like him or the boys he is raising. I find it very disturbing that the young woman has her sex life all over the media and wasn’t even at this interview to say her piece. He meant every word that he said and Jada let him off way too easy.
TI is a POS. His wife is one too. Just this year she was trading words with TI’s sidechicks telling them she doesn’t care what he says to them (sidechicks) because he was sleeping in her bed last night. She, a wife, has to boast about her husband sleeping with her even if he has sidechicks. Jesus.
Jada is a POS parent just like TI. Willow has been posing on bed with adult men since she was 11years old and Jada/Will did not see anything wrong with that. Jada cannot call out TI because she is THAT kind of parent. A Mess.
I can’t even. Reading about TI and his poor daughter makes me see everything through a blood-red veil of rage.
Yes, T. I., the major problem was that people thought you were IN the room were the gyno checked your daughters hymen…
Sure, THAT’S the problem with this whole thing..
I really love the comments i read on here as i am so steeped into this rape culture as well. Something that also occurs to me (about all the levels of fucked-upness there is to this) is that if you have impressed upon you that the most important thing is your virginity and you get raped, your value is irrevocably diminished. And yet there is so much shame about sexual assault that it never gets talked about and hence healed.
In my case, ironically i got that message too and it was my father doing the raping from the age of ~4. I don’t actually remember any of my rapes but have very strong flashbacks, serial nightmares of sexual abuse, often being chased and things that inexplicably trigger the fuck out of me. It is through the process of EMDR that these very vivid memories come back. It is heartbreaking, soul-destroying and mindfucking. The only memories i have is of my father looking at me with lust a couple of times that creeped the fuck out of me. I now believe these were the safest things for me to acknowledge. It is so damn horrible and terrifying that these things happen in the world and has set me up for a lifetime of further similar abuse. I am now nearly 41 years old and going through another major phase of change and growth through feeling enormous pain, anger and betrayal.
A few months ago, i started going to ACoA (adult children of alcoholics) and want to say that i very recently have had horrific experiences there. It was so very good until it got so very bad. They say they want to hear the bad stuff but when you do, they say don’t and make you wrong for it. There are also predators that go to that fellowship. I say this to only warn people so that if their experience is negative that they are not the problem. In fact, it’s a line from the ACoA format that says “here, you will find love and acceptance.” I have now realised that if i don’t find these two ingredients for me to keep walking until i find my dry sand.
This may be the single most helpful post Ive seen on this site. Thank you so much for sharing your horrific experiences and wisdom here this way, especially regarding help-groups. I imagine it will benefit quite a few readers.
Thank you, Lillian for your acknowledgement and comments to me. As soon as i wrote this on here (a public site), i felt mostly resolved with this issue. It was extremely important for me to spread of message of warning and hope to help all those other people who could find themselves in a similar situation but have been indoctrinated to not trust their instincts and hand over the guarding of reality to ‘authority figures.’ I recently discovered that my counsellor is a creep who is deeply ill himself. Ironically, it was a book he recommended that helped me realise the prevailing extent of his sickness. It is ‘Soul Mates’ by Thomas Moore. In it (i am prob extrapolating here), he says the soul ‘wants to recover, doesn’t want to recover.’ It is a dialectic. Because i have recently discovered that i have ideaesthesia, i hear this line in the cadence of the tv show “Roseanne’s” address of the two alternating actresses who played Becky.
The other (very surprising) thing that i have found to help me is the show “Mad Men.” If you haven’t, YOU MUST WATCH IT. It really helped explain for me the subconscious and how it works.
Good luck, folks. It’s a tough world out there xx
…”indoctrinated to (…) hand over the guarding of reality to ‘authority figures'”…..
Good phrase. Timely.
TIP is infamous for his word salads.