Years ago, I never understood why Vanessa Bryant stayed with Kobe Bryant through thick and thin. They reportedly had a rough patch in 2011 and Vanessa filed for divorce and then, months later (mid-2012), she called off the divorce. Supposedly, she had evidence that he was a serial philanderer and she still took him back. Don’t say she stayed because of the money – she could have gotten tens of millions (if not hundreds of millions) in a divorce. I honestly think she stayed because Kobe re-committed himself to her. I honestly think the past seven years or so were probably the happiest years of their marriage. Now Kobe is gone and so is their child Gianna. How can a person even put one foot in front of the other after that?
Vanessa Bryant is still struggling to comprehend the losses of her husband and child in the tragic Jan. 26 helicopter crash in Calabasas, California. As fans continue to grieve over Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna‘s deaths, many are expressing their heartfelt condolences to the widowed mother of four, 37, who wed the late NBA icon in April 2001, when he was just 22 and she was 18.
“It’s an extremely difficult and devastating time for Vanessa and the whole family,” a friend of the family tells PEOPLE of the Bryants’ loved ones, including daughters Natalia, 17, Bianka, 3, and 7-month-old Capri. Another insider tells PEOPLE that, as expected, Vanessa is “devastated.”
“She can hardly keep it together,” the insider says. “She can’t finish a sentence without crying. But she is working very hard to pull it together for the other girls. She now has to be the strong one.” The insider notes, “Of course, you can never be prepared for this. Despite their ups and downs, [Vanessa and Kobe] were soulmates. She thought of him as her partner for life.”
Now, facing a difficult future, Vanessa “is surrounded by people who love her and love Kobe. She has a good support system. She is relying on her faith. She is not alone. But she will be grieving this for a very long time,” the second source explains.
I would hope that she has extended family over for a while, and I would assume that the Laker community/NBA community is there for anything and everything she needs. She’s still so young too – just 37 years old, and facing an absolute horror show.
Also: the AMPAS plans on doing something at the Oscars for Kobe. They always do an In Memoriam section, but my guess is that there will be some kind of special, additional tribute.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I can’t bear to even think about it. Poor Vanessa.
Me too. And they practically grew up as full formed human beings together and then also losing a child which is the worst nightmare of all the parents. This is so horrible, no words can describe it. And it should also be extremely difficult on their remaining children. I remember Stephen Colbert, who is the youngest of 6 kids, talking about losing his father and two of his brothers to plain crash and how eventually (since he was the youngest and all the siblings left the house) he stayed alone living in his house with him mom, who lost her husband and children and how deprived of joy she was, despite parenting him and giving him love and how he felt it was his responsibility to take care of her….so yeah, hopefully she has all the support she needs in this moment, but Vanessa’s as well as their children’s lives are changed forever and it will take a lifetime to adapt to this change. Sadly
@sm
Yes they will be mourning for the rest of their lives. This whole first year will be a year of 1sts without Kobe and Gigi. Then it’ll be Gigi’s birthday every year without her. And Christmas with out them. And the list goes on. Grief doesn’t end. It shifts and changes but is like an advent calendar: always something new lurking behind the door and you don’t know what and some days it’s unbearable.
I was also thinking about Stephen Colbert yesterday, after watching some of the late night hosts’ monologues. I think his show was a rerun so he hasn’t commented yet, but I can imagine all the Kobe coverage would be pretty triggering for someone who went through this experience himself as a child.
I heard Stephen on WTF with Marc Maron and it was such a deep interview. I loved Stephen before, but I love him even more after listening to that interview. Very moving.
Ab…Colbert was rerun Mon, if you watched last nite you saw him talk extensively about his experience
I appreciated every single comment, the first post and each reply. They started me crying. I didn’t know about Stephen Colbert, so that was interesting, but everyone’s comments about loss were spot on with empathy.
@boredblond thanks! I don’t watch in real time (past my bedtime lol) I will youtube it.
Oh so true. Youngest child here and I too felt responsible to take care of my mom when my dad died suddenly. It took several years but she did begin to feel happy again. My heart aches for Vanessa. She has such a long road ahead of her.
Same. It’s so sad. I wonder if I would have the strength to survive that were it my husband & daughter.
Poor Vanessa and daughters. Losing a dad is devastating.
My heart goes out to her. This is the worst unimaginable tragedy to go through. Devastating for all victims families, but the lost ofa child in such tragedy….
I can’t imagine the pain she and her daughters are going through.
I hope her support system stays for awhile. I can’t even bend my mind around something so horrific. To lose two of your family members at the same time is a tragedy that no one should live with. Wishing her strength during this horrific time.
Everything is so focused on Kobe. Of course it’s horrible to lose your partner that way, whatever your history together. But what would kill me would be the death of my child.
I completely agree.
My friend was trying to tell me how much the loss of her husband impacts every minute of her life. Both losses are horrendous, but yes, a child’s would be the worst for me too.
It’s just horror on top of horror.
I agree. I think with time, you can come to peace with the lose of Kobe. It can be argued he lived a full life and achieved so much. But the same can’t be said of her daughter that had barely just started to explore life as her own person.
No
That’s why everyone is so traumatized
You can NOT argue he lived a full life so it’s ok he died
He was 41! He was a newborn at home!
HE WAS THE EPITOME OF HEALTH, discipline, beauty, and success. He could’ve lived at least another 41 years!
That is why this is so horrific and messing with the collective we
Bc he and his perfect daughter and friends
With all their success and potential and beauty
We ripped out of the sky
Were cut short with no warning
There is NO RHYME OR REASON
Losing her child and her husband, the father to her babies and her life partner growing through so much and being stronger
None of it can explain or justify or bring solace
We can only be humbled by the pain and count our blessings and kiss our loved ones and grieve
@StormsMama Compared to the 3 teenage girls on board, you can in fact argue that he lived a long life and achieved much in that time
My heart breaks for Vanessa and the little girls. Such a tragedy this is. May he and Gianna rest in power, and may his wife and his three surviving daughters find peace one day in their loving memories of them.
Of course she can’t keep it together, she lost half her family. My prayers are going to be with her for a long long time.
yeah, this story by People is really insensitive. The sky is blue, rain is wet, and a woman who lost her child and husband is barely surviving right now. She needs support from her loved ones, not trauma porn by People.
Was gonna say the exact same thing. This is not news. Of course she is devastated and grieving. This whole post is gross.
The text of the People article kind of bothered me too. “Vanessa Bryant is still struggling to cope” – uh…. it’s only been a couple of days. I can’t even imagine
I share your thoughts. It’s been a few days, for goodness sake! Of course she “can’t keep it together”. I wouldn’t expect ANYONE to be able to “keep it together” and shame on them for implying that she should be able to.
I am so happy you said that! I think it is gross that this story was even published.
I was trying to find the magazine cover. I hope they didn’t put her on the cover, even a little picture in a box in the corner. It is FAR too soon to be writing non-articles about Vanessa’s grief. This is sick.
Looking at how shocked and devastated complete strangers are over Kobe and Gigi’s death I cannot even imagine what it is like for Vanessa and his other teenager. Even around my office there is a pall like people cannot believe that gods can die like that. It just reminds everybody that there is no guarantee when we leave the house in the morning that we will be returning that night.
“How can a person even put one foot in front of the other after that?”
You can’t. You’re falling, you’re in a black hole and there’s no landing for the first days, weeks. I’m sure she’s a better woman than I was and starts to function for family and everyone. But right now, I doubt she can see the ground. When I finally landed “the great fall,” I was in the middle of a vast desert. I stayed there for months. Sounds like she’s surrounded with love.
I’m sorry for your loss, Mabs.
Oh thank you, but it was a very long time ago. My oldest son was like eight. But it doesn’t go away, and I feel for her. The only thing she can do each second is breathe. And if she keeps breathing, eventually walking around the house becomes doable. Tiny steps.
Mabs, thank you for sharing your experience and articulating this feeling. I am so sorry for your loss.
Very well said, I’m so sorry for your devastating loss.
My sister lost her son at 27. She said every day, they die all over again, it happens every morning first thing.
Grief stricken for Vanessa and all the families.
I believe that. I can’t even imagine the depth of the pain but I believe it is never ending.
As soon as I had my second child that became my worst fear. How do you go on for the children that are alive and still need you? And with a baby. My heart is so heavy for her loss.
This literally made me gasp…and then cry. Every morning first thing…
I’m so sorry Mabs. No one should suffer such pain. You have always seemed so easy going to me, even your name evokes a laid back feeling.
He’s been her whole life, 18 years old is very young to get married. I was married at 21 and thought that was probably too young….so that’s really all she knows is Kobe and the girls. Her life has completely changed and not for the better. I cannot even comprehend. I have three daughters and I feel so sorry for her I just want to cry every time I read another story or see another picture of that sweet little girls face. I can’t imagine losing one of my girls. So to think about losing my husband AND one of my girls would be more than I could take.
I was also married at 20, my husband is all I really know in terms of relationships, I can’t even being to imagine life without him. He travels so much for work on airplanes and the panic I go through from the second he leaves to when he comes back is insane. I have two girls who think the sun rises and sets with their dad, I can’t even imagine the pain and loss. I feel so heart broken for Vanessa and her sweet girls.
Loss of her life long partner AND the loss of her child.
Tragedy upon tragedy.
Her grief must be unbearable.
Media will swarm her for months most likely too. Which is even more to bear, and she and the other family members will all still be in shock.
Media need to step back, all passengers on board were lost. Many are grieving their family members, it is not all KB. Common decency and respect are called for at this time.
Yes,all passengers on board were lost.This is heartbreaking for everyone who lost loved ones that day.
I know people are naturally upset and want to honor KB,but I know all I need to know now,and out of respect for every family member would be glad for heavy media coverage to cease.
Its unthinkable what everyone is going through,I pray healing and comfort will come to the loved ones of every victim.
oh, if only decency and respect were common….I fear this family may not be left to grieve privately….this world is upside down enough and now this…..maybe this loss, this devastating loss, will help us all appreciate and understand how we have to all do what we can in the minutes given us to make the world a better place.
The past few days there were people climbing the hillside to get a better view of the wreckage, and this was even before they recovered all of the people who lost their lives. Some people are completely void of decency.
She lost her child. Why is the fact that she can barely keep it together news? What human being could “keep it together” when hit with such loss?
A few years ago, a whole family of friends died in a small plane crash. To this day, I can’t “keep it together” when I think about. I mourn my adult friends but thinking about the children haunts me terribly.
I am so sorry. We lock some things away and think about them only occasionally in order to survive. 🙁
My heart truly breaks for her (and all the families who also lost loved ones), I don’t know what I would do if I lost my husband and one of my kids in such a tragically horrific way (or any kind of way). It’s only been 3 days so of course she’s still devastated and grappling with the reality of what has happened. Her entire life, and the life of their remaining children, has been shattered and it’s undoubtedly going to take a lot of time to pick up the pieces and try to move on as best as she/they can. I hope they have a solid support system to help them as much as they can to get through this.
I certainly don’t know them either but I have the same feeling- that Kobe really committed to her and their family. Like all of us, I cannot imagine this loss either for them or the other families. Dark days ahead for all of them. Life is really fragile, and we need to make sure we take care of each other.
This kind of loss would be completely devastating for anyone, but having it be so public and everywhere all the time right now has to make it even harder. I hope her family and friends have insulated her well, and the media doesn’t hound her. Let this poor woman grieve and have time with her children.
That goes for all of the loved ones of all of the victims.
I hope she and her family move through this time with as much grace as possible. I hope the same for every family affected by this. As a single person with no children, I’ve had the privilege of being able to mourn the loss of loved ones without having to worry about how it will impact my children, spouse, etc. I wonder how these families go forward in such a way that the loss doesn’t ripple through the rest of their lives negatively. It did seem as though she and Kobe had gotten to a good place and while I wasn’t a fan of his, it must hurt so much to leave your ‘good place’ when you worked so hard to get there.
I recently lost my husband of 20 years to cancer at a relatively young age and It was crushing. That being said, that pain would pale in comparison to the loss of a child. I don’t know how you recover from that as a parent. I am so sad for all of the families affected by this crash. Horrific.
I’m so sorry for your loss – sending you a big hug and lots of love
Accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. May his memory always be a blessing to you and all who knew him
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss!!
I try to imagine losing my husband, and it’s hard to breathe just thinking about it. Then I try to imagine losing one of my kids, and I actually start to cry… These poor people. All of the families involved. Just oof… no words for the pain they must feel. Just crushing.
This has absolutely gutted me and I’ve done a lot of thinking as to why. I was of course aware of Kobe Bryant but have never paid much attention to the NBA. It is the fact that my oldest daughter is also 13, the knowledge that he was thriving on parenting his daughters and now his youngest two will not even remember him, the thought that he was just doing what I do every single weekend (supporting my daughter in the sport she loves), and the thought of the momentary terror and helplessness they may have felt. I can’t imagine as a mother and wife being left with that. It’s all just truly devastating. My heart will go out to her and her surviving daughters (as well as the other victims families) forever.
God bless. To lose your husband/father/sister/daughter. I can’t even.
They started dating when she was 17. She literally has been with Kobe for half her life! I just…I cannot imagine the pain she’s in. And on top of that losing a child, which no parent should go through. My heart hurts for her, as well as Kobe’s parents who I haven’t seen many talk about, but they lost their child as well. The whole thing is so damn sad.
It’s utterly horrific. Anyone would be gutted by this happening to them, but Ms. Bryant’s
grief has got to be amplified x 1,000 because of public nature of the deaths & the media coverage. I heard she learned about the crash through TMZ. That’s awful. And then you have all of the questions: when did they know their flight was in trouble? Wondering how scared they were in the moments the helicopter was falling . Knowing that in your partner’s final moments, he was probably terrified but put that aside to hold their daughter and comfort her that it was all going to be ok. Hoping that they didn’t suffer – especially with the fire that happened afterward.
And the other families are having to go through all of this too. Tragic doesn’t even begin to describe what happened. I hope and pray all of the families find some peace and are allowed to grieve without too much scrutiny.
Seriously, she found out they died from TMZ??!!
yes, as did the other families who knew they had a loved one traveling with Bryant. TMZ is always so eager to get the scoop and make an exclusive announcement that they don’t care that the authorities had no time to contact families.
It was reported by TMZ literally as the helicopter was on fire. It’s so intrusive and insensitive it made me want to throw up. They push it too hard sometimes, no limits, and there are children involved.
@PottymouthPup that literally makes my stomach turn. TMZ is GARBAGE. They were also the ones spreading the rumor that Rick Fox was also on board. Rick literally had family members calling him to see if he was still alive. They are so disgusting.
Does anyone know how TMZ got this info? Do they have deals with the LAPD or something? I know celebs like the Kardashians have deals with TMZ but WHO knew that was Kobe’s helicopter that crashed?
@ME I’d recommend this Buzzfeed long form article about TMZ a few years ago. It goes into their sources and how they get their information. It’s LAPD, hospitals, fire departments, everyone. https://www.buzzfeed.com/annehelenpetersen/the-down-and-dirty-history-of-tmz
@HMMMM
Thank you for the link. Disgusting what people will do for a buck.
This here,everything you just said,imagine that all the time since it happened and I begin to weep.I say a prayer for Vanessa,Natalia,Capri,Bianca,the Altobelli’s,the Mauser’s and Chester’s.
Exactly @Pottymouth Pup. TMZ rushed to announce Kobe’s death but they didn’t know who else was on board. As a mother, I cannot imagine the cruelty of finding out from the internet that my child was dead. The Altiobelli, Chester & Mauser families certainly knew their loved ones were on a helicopter with Kobe Bryant. (If I had been in Kobe Bryant’s helicopter WITH him, there’s no way my husband wouldn’t have known about it). And the pilot’s family knew he was Kobe’s pilot, I’m sure. So the minute the news broke about Kobe is when all of those families learned that their loved ones were gone. The Altiobelli family lost mother/father/ sister. Alyssa’s siblings found out they were orphaned from TMZ. It’s disgusting.
The helicopter was plunging 2000 ft a minute. Hopefully, all the passengers were unconscious by the time of the crash.
I hate to say this but most likely that is not the case. The helicopter hit the ground intact (as per the news conference I watched yesterday). There was then an explosion and fire. If anyone survived the impact of the helicopter smashing in to the ground, the explosion would have killed them. I am guessing this is why it took 2 days to recover all 9 bodies. Some were probably severely burned while other bodies may not have been intact. This is a horrible way to die and just makes this story even sadder.
ME – it looks like only 4 bodies were ID’d, the rest just recovered. They don’t know who is who aside from their names from what I managed to get from all the articles. It’s terrible.
My heart aches for her. I cannot imagine the pain she is experiencing right now. To lose a husband os hard enough but to lose a child? Her baby girl?? Lord have mercy on her. It literally brings tears to my eyes just to think about.
To lose your husband you’ve been with all of your adult life when his career had finally settled down and taken more of a backseat has to be devastating. But man, to lose a child…..it’d be all I could do to get out bed or even breathe in and out. Her death hits me so hard cause she was so young. she had SO SO much more life to live. Had so much potential, so much she could’ve been.
I was never a huge fan of Kobe, mostly bc I was a huge Michael Jordan fan growing up (from Chicago) and hated how they compared the two constantly. Like Kobe could never be as good as Jordan… But… I cried this morning when I was listening to the radio. There was an ESPN reporter who was talking about Kobe and gave this amazing story about him talking about his daughters and how awesome it is to be a “girl dad”. It really seemed like he had come into his own with being a retired and I was starting to like him. The reporter said, “at least he got to die doing what he loved most, being a girl dad.”
Poor Vanessa and the girls. So tragic. It is gotta be good for his girls and Vanessa to know how many people’s lives he’s touched and that GiGi is with him. I know that the only thing that got me through when my mom passed was knowing she was with her mom. (My Mom was super young when she died). Maybe Vanessa and the girls will be able to find comfort in knowing that Gigi is with her dad, her number one fan. And at least they aren’t alone.
I hope that she can get through this with her girls.
It’s unimaginable to consider. A husband and father, a child and sister, gone together in an instant. I can’t fathom what Vanessa and her daughters are going through. I agree that by the looks of it they seemed extremely happy these past several years, and he seemed like an super dedicated father. It’s just so heartbreaking. The two youngest girls will likely not even remember their father and sister.
That is very sad to think the two youngest won’t have memories of their dad and sister. Vanessa will have only Natalia to remember the good times with.
I keep thinking about the sisters, especially the oldest. My sister and I are three years apart, and we haven’t always gotten along, but I can’t imagine life without her. I literally clicked off a show the other day when they killed off an adult sister on it, and you had to see what the sibling she left behind was going through because the idea of losing my sister is so terrible.
Your siblings are your first friends and companions. They’re who you learn social skills through. You generally share not only biology and history in a way that you never can with any other human being. My BIL refers to it as “hive mind,” and we’ve been banned from being on a team together during a game because we have all of these little things that we can say as clues or hand gestures that only have meaning to us.
I wouldn’t have made it through my father’s death if it weren’t for my sister, and I just hope that Kobe Bryant’s children are receiving the support they need (that their mother is likely and understandably just too gutted to provide right now).
My heart breaks for her. I’ve been down this road ( widowed at 37 with children to raise following an accident). I am praying for her. The road is long and it’s lonely and no matter how much support you get from family, friends, and community you inevitably walk it alone.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Very sorry for your loss.
Sending you hugs. Two of my cousins lost their husbands suddenly to accidents in the past few years and I see how they struggle just to cope, just to sleep, just to get up each day. One of them was a stay at home mom and had to alter every aspect of her life immediately, while she was still incapable of standing, just to support herself financially and not lose her home and to keep her kids fed and insured. My heart goes out to you and to all who find themselves in this sad situation
They are living a real life nightmare right now. I can’t stop thinking about it. Beyond sad. The relatives and friends will leave and go on with their lives, check in once in a while…but Vanessa and her girls will be left alone to grieve for the rest of their lives.
As a side note, does anyone know if Kobe every reconciled with his parents?
I cannot even imagine what she is going through. My heart aches for her and her family
Of course she is devastated. She is going through any parent’s nightmare without her partner, too. I hope she has the support she needs to get through this.
I feel so badly for Vanessa as a mom, but my heart breaks for the kids as well. Not just losing dad, but a sibling.
Stephen Colbert talks about this to, but the siblings he lost were those closest in age to him. His next oldest sibling after the boys were 12 years older and how difficult that was for him to overcome. Natalia had a sister that was a peer and understood so much together as a sister team, and now there’s a 14 year gap. I really hope they are getting all the love and support they all need right now and some solid therapy going forward. It’s just so sad there are no words
I feel bad for her losing her child and husband. But I don’t feel like they had some great love story. He was a rapist who settled out of court to avoid criminal charges when there was plenty of evidence he did it. So while I feel bad for everyone involved, I’m not shedding tears for him. Same as why I won’t cry or eulogize woody Allen or Roman Polanski or Harvey Weinstein.
Have some empathy for his children. You sound crass and heartless. No one is asking to canonize him but by all accounts he was a family man and died doing that. Think about his family- this is a post about his loved ones anyways. Gosh
I literally said I feel bad for her for losing her husband and child. So yes, I have empathy. I also have empathy for his rape victim that has to hear all about How wonderful her rapist was.
And while you may not want to canonize him, the media and celebrities sure are.
@Nina Simone:
I agree with you 100%. There is a mourning process that a lot of us are going through. When /if the process is over, then we can think about the awful things he may or may not have done. Priorities, people!!
Let’s show some respect !!
I understand he had a very problematic past and thus a complicated legacy. There’s no excuse if those allegations are true. However, I think this is an instance where we can separate someone’s wrongdoings from how they were when they died. He seemed to grow up and become a very loving, devoted partner and father who was huge into philanthropy. There’s a reason why so many people are mourning him — it seems he was a truly decent man, or at least tried to be in the last several years. I don’t think anyone is trying to whitewash his past, but it’s important to remember he was a hero to his kids and now they’re growing up without him and their sister.
This. Well said, thank you.
The guy literally died in a burning helicopter crash – is that not enough punishment? What more do people want? He’s dead, his daughter died with him, his family is now suffering the ultimate suffering – what else do you want?
Exactly.
I think what DEE wants is for people to acknowledge that he wasn’t a hero to everyone. I feel sick for all the families dealing with their massive losses and the pain they will endure for their lifetimes. However, the media is focussing solely on Kobe’s hero status…and everyone is conveniently “forgetting” about Kobe settling out of court for raping a 19 year old. I’m not stating that he didn’t try to improve upon himself but let’s not forget facts.
I ALSO feel sick for his rape victim that he is being held up as a hero figure.
BL, I don’t think anyone is forgetting, I think everyone is sympathizing for his family and the victims. Kobe is more than the allegations against him, and while I don’t necessarily think he’s a hero of any sort, 3 girls lost their father in such a tragic way, I think a drop of compassion could go a long way.
@BL- I have seen plenty of write ups (for example New York Times & Rolling Stone yesterday both had articles about it) as well as the national & local news talk about the rape allegations. No one is not not talking about it.
Nicely said Dani!!!!!!
@MAF Well karma certainly got to him didn’t it? I don’t know what’s the point of bringing that up – especially when his family is grieving. Heroes are flawed. They are not immortally perfect. I’m not condoning what he allegedly did (remember he wasn’t convicted in court – legally) but the “I have proof! I have papers” is a bit too much right now.
Your opinion on whether Vanessa and Kobe had a “great love story“ is worthless. He was a husband and a father who was clearly loved. Have a fucking heart. Jesus.
@Jam: +1.
+11111111111111
But he isn’t a Harvey Weinstein or Woody Allen. That incident was the one and only accusation..it’s not like there were constant rumours he wiggled out of.
He even admitted he was wrong, he thought he had consent and was wrong. This was 2003, well before implicit consent was a thing.
That is why people are willing to accept this was a one time young dumb mistake that he learned from..
There were reportedly other women who decided not to come forward with their accusations after seeing how the victim was being smeared in the press and having her identity leaked multiple times. Negative stories from her personal life were still being reported as recently as 2011. Now that he’s dead, her name is all over blogs, MRA reddit forums, etc once again.
I surely hope that you or any one you know has ever used poor judgment, and as a result, worked yourself to become a better person. Your perfection should be bottled and sold to the highest bidder. No one is being canonized here, and no one is whitewashing anything. This man, his kid, along with other kids and parents crashed and burned. Have the decency to let people remember him and please take your heartless somewhere else.
He became a devout Catholic over the years. It was reported him and his daughter Gianna went to church early Sunday morning and took communion also. I never knew him to religious before so I was a little surprised by this. Vanessa has been with him since she was 17 so my heart aches for her. Just so sad all around. The husband of the female basketball coach who died in the crash was on Today yesterday via a phone call and he sounded completely devastated as well. He spoke of being scared and that he has three small children to take care of now. My heart breaks for all.
I can guarantee that Vanessa is more devastated by the loss of her daughter than her husband. I watched my own mom nearly lose her mind with grief after my brother died. The pain of losing a child is UNBEARABLE. I’m so, so sorry for Vanessa and the families of the other victims.
I remember reading once that when someone’s spouse dies, they become a widow or a widower. There is no term for what a person becomes when they lose their child.
I once worked with a woman whose child had died many years before. I was pregnant at the time. She was the strongest, quietest, kindest woman I’ve ever met. I did not want to ask her about the worst time of her life, but as someone plagued by anxiety and guilt and loss, I often wondered how she continued to put one foot in front of the other. My only guess is that she chose to lead a life of service, giving to others, and she was devout. Whenever anxiety or fear overtakes me I think of her example. I hope Vanessa and her kids end up in a place like her, or Stephen Colbert. Their burden is unimaginable.
I feel terrible for the two kids that lost their parents and sibling. I’m praying that they have enough family to take care of them as becoming an orphan is an overwhelming sort of sadness.
Can we please talk more about them and extend the well wishes and condolences to them? Seriously This accident resulted in two ORPHANS.
My neighbor lost her youngest son to suicide in February 2017, then her husband to cancer in February 2018, then her middle son to a seizure in February 2019. I see her in her yard, or puttering around the house, and I don’t understand how she is even STANDING. When the deaths of Kobe and his daughter were announced, I immediately thought of his wife. And then my neighbor. And then the fact that none of us, no matter our social or econmoic status, are immune to this kind of loss. Some, like my neighbor, somehow how manage to continue not just breathing, but living. I hope that for Vanessa.
Your neighbor is a f*cking strong ass woman. My God.
I just watch a YouTube video of a Filipino mother who lost all her three sons from the same liver cancer that killed her husband. All in a span of 4 years. Yes it was genetic. The doctors said the chances of surving this is great if it was detected early on. So when they found out the youngest son had beginning symptoms, they took all the necessary means to prevent the disease from advancing including taking him to China where there was a specialist for that condition. It still claimed the life of the youngest one. It was hard to watch.
My grandma, in the period of 4 years lost her baby at birth, her 41 year old husband (my grandfather) to cancer, and her parents. My mom and aunt were 12 and 10. This was in the 50’s.
Omg, how awful! I don’t think I could survive that.
My son died in 2018 from a cerebral hemorrhage, so much like Vanessa, for me, life was normal until I got this phone call, and it wasn’t. This kind of loss forever changes you. Vanessa is probably surrounded by people now. She is in shock, and people are giving her food and checking on her. But eventually, the people go away. Life goes on for them, but it doesn’t for you. So then you are left alone with your grief. And some people want to judge you for decisions you make or what you do to try to cope. This causes more loss. There are days, for me several a week, when you want to die. I’ve met other grieving moms, and we all say this–we want to die. You might not be suicidal in the literal sense, but you want to die, and you hope you don’t wake up the next morning, but then you do. I feel for her, and I hope that she is able to manage, but those of us who have lost a child are forever sad, and I’ve been told by people further along the journey than I am that these long dark nights continue forever. I am looking forward to the day I die so that I can go with my son, wherever that is; I am not religious, so it’s not that I am expecting to meet him in heaven, but I am counting the days until I get to where he is wherever that is and whatever that means. That’s how life is for us grieving moms, and this is Vanessa’s future, even if right now, she doesn’t know it.
This comment really got me. I am so sorry. I am speechless…
TinTam, oh my! So sad for your loss. I can’t imagine having to lose a child. Even in the depths of your despair, the love you have is what keeps you going. I lost a guy I used to date on and off for several years and I was in a mental fog for many months. Nothing can fill that void but please keep putting one foot in front of the other. Women like Vanessa will need you to guide them along this path nobody wants to be on.
May your child’s memory forever be a blessing
That made me tear up. I’m sorry we can’t help you with your pain. I know I would if I could.
I’m so sorry, TimTam.
I haven’t not been through that myself, but your words really got to me and expressed your feelings so well. Wishing you some relief from your pain.
My God, TinTam, what a powerful statement. I am so very sorry for your loss, and I don’t know how in the world you are still standing. I am weeping at your words, because they ring with a truth and experience that most people will never know. Blessings on you for continued strength and that you might find some measure of comfort and peace.
TinTam I have gone through something similar and this is such a great description of the aftermath. All the best to you.
TinTam–I don’t think there are any words… Please accept my deepest, sincerest condolences for your unimaginable loss. I am so sorry.
Of course she is devastated, why is this a story?! I hope people leave that poor woman alone. She doesn’t owe anyone a public statement or public appearance.
This is what I’m worried about. The paps will hound this poor woman and her family whenever she is seen leaving her home. She even stands next to any man and the headlines will be “Vanessa Bryant moves on and finds love again !”. I feel for her and her daughters, I really do.
As women/wives/spouses, we always have in the back of our minds that someday our spouse might die or leave unexpectedly, leaving us behind. We somehow prepare for that, as devastating as it may be when it happens. (I don’t think men think that, but whatever.) BUT, we do NOT prepare ourselves for the loss of a child. That is beyond devastating.
I’m also thinking of Joe Biden. He knows what it’s like.
That’s true, he lost his wife and daughter to a terrible accident. And then lost his older son not too long ago.
It was 1972 when Biden’s wife and daughter were killed in a horrible car crash; and his two remaining sons recovered from their injuries in the crash. In 2015, his son Beau died from brain cancer. I heard him speak at a commencement exercise for my son in May, 2017. His words were so poignant about the devastation someone feels as a parent when a child dies. You could feel the heartbreak in his voice. It simply is not the correct order of things, and the mind never lets you forget. He went through it twice, 43 years apart, yet he continues on. What inner fortitude that takes.
My husband’s best friend is coping (trying to) with losing his son, then his wife, two years apart. Five years have passed, and he’s just now coming out of his fog, bit by bit. Having supportive family or friends around – even if only a few, once everyone else has disappeared – is crucial for survival. Vanessa will have that, but it will be a while before she feels any sort of peace… and she will never, ever be the same. I wish her strength through this tragedy and in the years to come.
I truly hope the media leave her alone and give her space to grieve in private. This is a horrible loss, my heart goes out to her and her daughters. She doesn’t need photographers in her face demanding a statement or speculating on her feelings
Grief comes in waves. This is a loss you never get over, you just find your new normal. My heart goes out to Vanessa and every family involved.
My heart goes out to her and the Bryant family. I can’t imagine the pain they are going through as well as the other passengers on the helicopter. One family lost mom, dad, and sister. Sad all around despite your take on basketball
Some of comments near the top are just…I lost my sister when she was 15. I was there when she died and have PTSD as a result all these years later. You best believe I do not go around telling friends or family who lose people they love at way older ages that those people lived more fulfilling lives comparatively. Nor have my parents ever uttered such words to friends who have lost spouses about which is worse, losing a child or a spouse or a parent. Nor do they debate about the ages. Like seriously, wtf?!
Death is death. It hits all the same in the end because it boils down to loss. It is not a competition for those left behind about who objectively will suffer more as everyone suffers in their own ways.
And it boggles the mind that because he was not a teen and lived a more fulfilling life according to some that this should mean his death will not hit as hard. I wonder at the emotional intelligence of some of the posters who are making this a topic or something to begin with. Like it really hits my spirit wrong.
Totally agree. Death is death, as you stated. It hurts knowing you will never see that person again, never speak to them again. The death of a spouse, child, or friend. It can all be devastating.
Praying mightily for Vanessa. I can’t imagine the heartbreak.
I’m from Orange County and so many people I know have some small connection to the Bryant family in some way or another. Hairdressers, waitresses who were at the girls’ birthday parties, people who worked at the In N Out where Kobe used to go all the time…I went to the same high school as Vanessa and some of my teachers, were her teachers…it’s all anybody can talk about around here. I am so heartbroken for Vanessa and her daughters. No parent ever wants to outlive their child. I found Stephen Colbert’s segment on his show last night very moving. He also lost family–his father and brother, I think–in an airplane accident involving heavy fog. And he said the names of all the other people who passed away, which felt important to me because so many news outlets haven’t really focused on any of the other people.
His comment last night left me in tears. That pain and loss are still there for him, and it came through in his words. It was incredibly moving.
My heart goes out to Vanessa, her daughters and the friends and families of all the victims. I can’t imagine losing my husband, no matter the state of our marriage, and a child at any time, much less at the same time. This will affect Vanessa and everyone else for the rest of their lives. Grief changes over time but never goes away. I hope they find peace soon.
Losing a husband must be very hard, but losing your child is something that you can’t ever truly recover from, my hear goes out to her right now.
I have a friend who lost her husband in a plane crash (he had his pilot license for small planes) in December 2018, they’d been married two years and had an 8 month old baby. The funeral was probably one of the saddest funerals I’d been to. Plus her husband was an immigrant from South America who came to the US in his teens, learned English, and then put himself through school to get his degree in engineering. It was just so unfair to see his life cut short when he had been so excited to become a father and while my friend is resilient and has a good support system, I can’t imagine what she goes through day to day. I admire her for putting her son first and just getting through the day to day but to have her soulmate stolen away from her… just so senseless.
So many people are saying garbage like “she didn’t have to divorce him after all to get all his money”, whatever you may think of her and how she supposedly played the game to bag Kobe and have a rich husband, I know she would give anything to have her husband and daughter back. I hope his family can really embrace her since there were so many rumors that he was on the outs with them
I lost my mom 13 years ago to cancer. Less than a year ago I lost my brother to cancer too. Before I was born, my other brother was killed by a garbage truck. I’ve been devastated for Vanessa and for the girls – losing a sibling AND a parent is horrific. The media really really needs to leave them be – they don’t owe the world anything. The only thing that will make things easier (not better) to bear is time and the care of loved ones.
I’m sending them so much love. I hate to say I get it but I do. I really do.
@ BeGoneOrangeCheeto :
I’m so sorry to hear about losing your loved ones. it’s very hard. I lost my mother to breast cancer almost 6 years ago now, and I’m still devastated. I feel terrible for Vanessa to lose a child, as well as her husband. Losing a child must be one of the worst things in the world to happen. I’ve heard it be said that a child is supposed to outlive their parents. My heart aches for Vanessa, and for everyone else who lost a loved one in that horrible accident.
Here’s my question: Why the HELL are the media trying to get statements about her already? Jesus, can they wait for the funeral at least to start harassing family and friends for “comment?” For the love of all that is sacred…what the hell.
Of course she’s unable to hold it together. She lost her partner and one of her babies in one day. I’m surprised she can breathe right now. I seriously, SERIOUSLY hope those vultures are not camped on this poor woman’s front lawn. Leave her the eff alone.
Marigold, I so totally agree with your comment. It is inhumane what the press is doing.
The devastation comes more from losing her child rather then Kobe I think. I can’t even imagine. And she has to try and keep it together for her other kids, especially her 17 year old who just lost her dad and teen sister. So sad.
That’s a horrible thing to say. She can be devastated for BOTH. That was her husband of 20 years for God’s sake. People need to stop acting like one death is more important than the other. What the hell?
That’s not at all a horrible statement to make; it’s something that rings true for so many people. As someone said above, lots of people are prepared in some way or another for the death of a spouse and becoming a widow/widower. There’s no word for someone who loses a child, because it isn’t the natural order of things. Get off your high horse, have a cup of coffee, and stop being so judgmental about a thoughtful comment.
@ Grant
That comment wasn’t thoughtful in my opinion, of which I have a right to have. There is no need to place death on a hierarchy…that is ridiculous. You all are the ones who sound judgemental about how a person should mourn…My God. Good day.