Lindsay Lohan may have checked out of rehab in Utah last Friday, but it was probably not early enough for the horny addicts who were fighting over who would have rights to push her up against the porcelain in the bathroom that night. Two guys got into a fistfight over her while she sat back and watched, giggling. She denied any involvement, but her fellow patients accused her of setting the guys up for it:

[Lindsay Lohan] triggered a nasty fistfight between two raging bulls at Cirque Lodge in Sundance, Utah! Trouble began brewing, sources say, when Naughty Hottie got hot ‘n heavy with a patient. But then she abruptly cooled and started aiming heat rays at another starstruck sucka! “Everyone saw the showdown coming when Guy No. 1 started warning Guy No. 2 to stop horning in,” said an insider. Lindsay just sat back innocently, watching the jealousy build – and the guys finally started beating the hell out of each other.” Sources say Mean Grrl didn’t lift a finger to stop the slugfest – and actually giggled as the horndogs fought for her favors! After staffers broke up the brawl, Lindsay’s therapy group confronted her – say she’d cynically set the two guys up. But Lindsay indignantly denied having a damn thing to do with causing the fight.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker’s column, October 15, 2007]

And in case you were wondering why no pictures came out of Lohan out at the Hollywood nightspots this weekend, the fact is that she has decided to remain in Utah for the time being for “outpatient treatment” until she needs to leave to film that tango movie, Dare to Love Me.

Could it be that the lessons of Bill W cracked through her tough shell of narcissistic recklessness? It’s doubtful, but we’ll see. And you know we’re all waiting for her to f*** up royally or admit that she was full of sh*t all her life up to this point. My money is on the f***ing up, because how can she continue to be such an arrogant bitch but remain sober? Don’t those kind of people think they’re able to do whatever the hell they want?

Lohan is shown in the header image at Coachella on 4/29/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.