Embed from Getty Images
Edie Falco was a guest on Late Night with Seth Meyers, which deserves so much more credit than it gets. Seth is just a solid, congenial host who gets people to feel comfortable and open up. He’s not trying to do viral stunts and I’m worried that means that he’s not pulling in the ratings. I hope he’s on the air for years to come. Getting back to Edie, she’s promoting her new show, Tommy, which airs on CBS and has had three episodes out so far. Apparently this was aired a while ago but it’s new to me and I wanted to talk about it. Here’s what she said and you can see the video below:
How are the teenage years treating you?
Exactly as they should. I guess it means I did a good job, but it’s awful. They’re not nice anymore. People say ‘they come back.’ At this point they can stay away.What was the age that they both left you?
My boy is 15 and he left me a year ago. He had his huge growth spurt and then he stopped talking. My [daughter] has been in pre-puberty since around three. She’s going to be 12 very soon.Your daughter and you watch a show together, which I didn’t know existed
My therapist told me about it. It’s called Dr. Pimple Popper. It defies explanation. There are the people that can watch it and the people that absolutely cannot. It is a little bit like a car accident. You can’t turn away. There’s something about this woman not be horrified by these horrifying things.
In the second part of the interview, available here, Edie said that she fangirls the CNN anchors and appreciates how much they know. Also they decided to shoot her new show, Tommy, in New York instead of Los Angeles where it’s set just to accommodate her. She didn’t say this outright, but it was implied. They have palm trees strategically placed and use other tricks to make it look like California. She also said she disliked her character Carmela’s style on the Sopranos and didn’t take any of her wardrobe home with her when it wrapped.
It sounds like parenting teenagers is a somewhat universal experience. Oh and I sometimes watch Dr. Pimple Popper, but I try not to seek it out or I will be stuck there, disgusted and unable to turn away. I agree with her that people either can watch it or they can’t, there’s no in between. How did Seth not know about it though?
I always kinda figured she didn’t really identify with her Sopranos character, but actually the show had some good tips for handling bratty teens.
I currently have a teen living with me who comes from a chaotic, neglectful home and is clingy af because she needs all of the love she never got.
If your teen feels safe and secure and they begin to develop their own private lives, you’re doing a good job.
“If your teen feels safe and secure and they begin to develop their own private lives, you’re doing a good job.”
Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this today <3
Parenting teens is hard.
You still feel all the responsibility to keep them safe and healthy and to make sure they make good choices. But you don't have much control over the choices they make any more. Responsibility without control is so stressful.
I remember being a teenager, sulking about, and feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t want to be seen with my parents in public. Then when my son was a teenager we went to the mall before school started and he pretended he didn’t know me, walking several feet behind…..he would also slink down in his seat when we drove past some of his school friends….reminding me when I did the same thing……he’s the opposite now…sometimes I think he phones TOO often…lol
Mine left about 13 and stayed that way until 23|24. Something about adulting brings them back.
Ive been watching Dr Pimple Popper on her YouTube channel for years. Her YT is 10000 times better than the TV show – it’s where all the good stuff is. I seriously would have become a Dermatologist if all I had to do was pop things on people’s skin.
@ VV-what do you mean by “the good stuff”? I like the doctor but even the promos make come sooooo close to hurling 😖
Edie could start by not publicly bashing her children. Not cool.
+1000, BLERG.
She should give her kids some privacy. They didn’t ask for a famous mom.
Right? Teenagers are not some separate species. Their behavior is reactionary to the dumbass adults who own them and expect them to be their accessory.
Openly slighting your kid makes you a terrible person and a bad parent, period. It’s mortifying that people don’t understand this.
Yes, this! I was good as a teenager, it was actually my parents who couldn’t handle not being able to control me as much. Adolescence is just as much about the parents’ loss of authority, as the kids seeing them for who they really are. I was never embarrassed by being seen with my parents.
Understandably some kids are hard to deal with at that age, but it can often be a reaction to bad parenting which toddlers are blissfully unaware of.
And I WISH people would remember we were ALL TEENAGERS. Did I love and properly respect my parents all the time? As a teenager? No. No I did not, and that is okay.
If you treat them like the growing adults they are … you can still have some really amazing quality time with them and a great friendship. But, you have to acknowledge their individuality respectfully.
They love hearing stories about their parents teen years. You know, the embarassing crap, the first job stories, the heartache. They can learn from our mistakes, or at least laugh with us.
I agree with you. And I would like to add that teens today are dealing with A LOT. I have 14 and 16 year old daughters. Yes parenting teens can be hard but I remind myself that it is no picnic being a teen either.
This. I had a very rough time as a teenager, I was dealing with a lot. In short, I did not feel safe anywhere and didn’t have the necessary support. Not to mention this was the decade I lost all of my grandparents.
Now I’m a couple of decades older, but to this day my stepmother continues to mention at every single visit how horrible I was as a teenager. I grit my teeth and force a smile but it makes me feel like a “bratty teenager” all over again having to stifle my reactions.
Omg-coming on here to say the same thing! I have an acquaintance who does similar things on social media-airing all of her teens’ issues and their disagreements. Holy cow-I am in the midst of parenting my third teen-I know it’s not easy. But really-how in the world will advertising this help your relationships with them??!
Miy oldest left at 13, although her 2 siblings, 13 and 16, are still with me. She leaves for college in August and my husband and I whisper about how nice it will be without her. She’s kind of an a-hole at the moment.
Welcome to the club, Edie!
The teenage years are like the terrible two’s except this time, your kids feel/know they have more control and autonomy and use nastier language. And if you’re raising a girl and both of you happen to be PMS-ing…. Oh Lort. Also raising a girl in a generation where looking plastic seemed to be a goal was hard. It’s hard enough trying to build a teenager’s self esteem. In the selfie era and everyone wanting to look like a Kardashian and teenagers wanting to wear wayy too much makeup and way too little clothing for their age it was on difficulty level 1000. Getting through the teenage years was THEE hardest thing I ever had to do.
Reginageorge PREACH!!!’
I taught for years. Disrespectful, spoiled teens usually have disrespectful, spoiled parents. There are exceptions, but they are the exception.
Sometimes good parents plant bad seeds. It happens
FHmom – As I said, there are exceptions. However, most of the time the parents got who they raised.
Thank you for your service. I feel like there are kids who are wonderful at school and out in public but are still giving parents more trouble at home than they bargained for.
100% this ^ .
Or the opposite. “My daughter is an angel with me! I can’t believe she’d ever bully another student. Plus why was the student who recorded it allowed to use a phone in school?!”
My parents have always told me that’s how you want it. Knowing you’re raising a capable child outside of the home cancels how awful they are at home. It’s like a toddler, they feel safe and secure enough to show who they really are at home (hormones and all).
Yah, home is the safe space. My daughter and i have to apologize to each other alot. She is 15 … we are very similar and argue sometimes. I want to respect that at 18 she will be out of the house, on her own. It is my job to help her become totally self-sufficient. Sometimes, it ain’t pretty but I am trying.
“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming … what do you do? You swim.” XO
I for one love the parenting journey. It is so, so, so odd and so much more than I ever expected.
Yes, absolutely in our case.
And I’m (mostly but for a few vulnerable seconds here and there🤣) glad that it is so.
My teen is, I’m told, respectful, helpful and decent with other adults, and saves the surly and silent for me. Teen knows I’m going to love him till the end of time, so I’m the safe letdown spot, I guess. Plus, got a lot of it from me!
Yes, absolutely in our case.
And I’m (mostly but for a few vulnerable seconds here and there🤣) glad that it is so.
My teen is, I’m told, respectful, helpful and decent with other adults, and saves the surly and silent for me. Teen knows I’m going to love him till the end of time, so I’m the safe letdown spot, I guess. Plus, got a lot of it from me!
I have a 12 almost 13 year old and realized he’s still a baby, relatively speaking, and have been trying to be more relaxed and silly with him and it’s really worked to keep him wanting to be in the same room with us.
My kids weren’t too bad as teens, thankfully. I think we were just lucky.
Same. My kids haven’t had any issues at school or out of school. They don’t party and love being home. We got lucky and I’m so thankful for it.
My teens are great — they do well in school and don’t have any “issues.” But they’re also super sociable and like to go to parties and be out with friends on the weekends. It doesn’t bother me in the least, or make me feel unlucky. I’ve made sure to always engage them in conversation about what they’re doing, and about the trust I have that they’ll make the right decisions when they’re around kids who are drinking. As a result, they’re both responsible teens who know their limits and are home when I ask them to be.
Wow, I would never have tolerated disrespect or snotty behavior from my daughter at any point in her life. I went through some tough personal times and made too many sacrifices particularly with regard to her athletics to have tolerated an obnoxious teen. So she just wasn’t. I expected politeness and kindness and gratitude and I got it. She’s now 25 and we are still close. That being said, when my daughter went to college, I married a man with full custody of a teenager. Ha! Oh the battles! Laziness and general teenaged angst were the norm. Basically a kind person though. Has since moved to another state and as much as I love her, life is much easier.
Even though at home, each boy I’ve had going through teen years has been eye-opening (nothing quite equals walking in on discovery), teachers and other parents have asked me throughout the years what I did to raise such well-adjusted, mannered, helpful and kind young men. I just give them my blank stare and wonder if they’re yanking my chain. Perhaps my kiddos decided to mind themselves publicly being always fearful I’d talk about their, ‘discovery’ heh heh. Yes, teens are teens, and the mothers curse is real. “I hope when you have kids they do the same to you!”
Ha! Any tips on how to avoid walking in on discovery? Did they at least close the door? I’ve got one coming up in that age and it terrifies me 🙂
Never ever ever forget to knock fully lol. And wait for reply. We’ve always been a knocking family, but It would happen when I forgot to say something or remembered, on the fly, and barreled in without thinking. Don’t do that.
If ever there is an argument for boarding school…. Teens are not children. They’re fully-functioning humans. They need to not be around parents who treat them like this. I’m totally fine with my kids needing space, because so do I. It is amazing how good your relationship with your offspring can be if you don’t trash-talk them and expect them to obey you at all times.
Dislike.
This. I’ve always hated giving unsolicited mommy instructions, but between you and me, in my world, it wasn’t only applied to some magical tween or teen age. Even as I conversed in high-pitched baby talk (couldn’t help it), I walked beside my spawn. I carried them when they needed. I led them. I scared them when they did something dangerous (my fear did its own work). But mostly we’ve been talking, sharing, laughing and crying through life just as I’ve done with my few besties and Mr. Mabs. You treat them like humans and….drumroll….you get humans!
Yah, I think respecting them … trying to remember how you felt as a teen, really helps. I thought I knew everything. I thought I had all the answers.
You just need to STILL put in the time. STILL chat, talk or try to. They get those talky moments where they will open up. Just soak those in.
I had a friend who once told me she used to tell her teenager, “Listen, I just love you, I am new to this, I have never parented a teenager before. I just love you and am trying to do what i feel is best.” I stole this from her. Now my near seventeen year old will say, “I know Mom, you just love me.” He will say this with a wry smile but he gets it. I am just trying.
@Pineapple, by saying that, you’re admitting you don’t know everything. You know your word isn’t law simply because you’re in charge. And therefore, by admission of fallibility, you’ve already gained their ear. Self-awareness isn’t born of perfection. It’s built on failures, mistakes and judgement errors. Respect is always the answer. Too bad we live in an age of DISrespect.
Oh, and as for you Dr. P####e P##### (can’t even type it), y’all are super gross lol!
😍😍😍 dr pimple popper
“People say ‘they come back.’ At this point they can stay away.”
Ahahahaha. As mom of a 16yr old, I feel her. I hate this teenage thing. I never get to talk to him anymore and when do I have to nag. I am clinging to all this “they will come out alright” stuff.
Meh, I never took it too seriously. When my teenagers would say “but I know better” I would say “OK do it your way, but, don’t say I didn’t warn you”. There is a real satisfaction in seeing a teenager walk in the house, sit down, grab a piece of what ever you’re cooking and say “I hate it when you’re right!” Because the next thing they’re going to say is “Why is it like this” and then they are in a place to hear it and learn something. A little perspective goes a long way in life and sometimes you have to have the adult perspective to get the adult life lesson. Worked for me anyway.
Some toddlers can be jerks though lol. My cousin had a one year old that was sooo damn fussy. Always f*cking grumpy.
A close friend of mine was a very difficult, rude teenager. She found out in her 30s that she had a difficult, but treatable mental illness. All her teachers and her parents had the best of intentions, but if anyone had taken her mental health seriously when she was a teenager, it would have saved her and her family from decades of suffering.
I haven’t had any trouble with my 3 kids as teenagers. I think it’s my favorite season of parenting. Sometimes I think I’m the only one in the world that feels that way, but I get sick of 1) so much teen and young adult and millennial bashing-the ones I know are pretty fucking amazing – AND 2) that girls are so much worse/harder than boys. I have 2 girls and 1 boy, and they are all equally awesome. I might just be lucky, but I feel the need to bust the myth that they are all awful.
I always thought my Mom was crazy for saying that she loves teenagers and that phase was also her favorite part. She raised 3 kids and also worked with teenagers at various jobs and she says at that age they are so interesting because they have so much going on, fun stories and things that they are learning. In my own eyes I was a pretty awful teenager but nothing too crazy – just the typical “I know better than you” attitude, moodiness, and every little thing was SUCH a big deal when really it wasn’t. My Mom and I have always been close though and even through that I still always confided in her/listened to her advice.
The good side to raising a teenager: eventuality, they grow out of it.
And the best is yet to come. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your kids.
@carmen
“ And the best is yet to come. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your kids.”
Wow. There’s so much messed up w/this sentence I don’t know where to begin. What if your offspring doesn’t want to have kids aka your grandkids? additionally, pretty sure the narrative is ‘God gave Man his Free Will’ therefore there’s no ‘gifting’ or cosmic intervention. Hasn’t stopped many devout people from wanting it both ways, tho….
Oj good lord, that was a joke, sweetie. J-o-k-e.
Anyway, my little grandson is the best thing that ever happened to me. No joke.
I hate when people generalize age groups like this. The “Terrible Twos” and idea of bratty teenagers only applies to some kids, not all. And I think the more parents anticipate it and play into it, the worse the kids behave.
I”m that kid who left home at 13 and built a life. Guess what? My teenagers are both f-ing awesome, hands down, no contest, wouldn’t trade them for the world. Both are extremely independent, cooperative, compassionate and communicative people. I have zero guilt sending them into the world as supportive partners and colleagues, enjoy! Good or bad kids, parenting is always exhausting either way, but you reap what you sow.
Good grief. Some of these comments! Yes teenagers can be awesome but they can also be awful. If your teenagers have never been awful, then kuddos to you I guess? I’m guessing that either you’re lucky or getting tricked. I hate it when parents try to share what’s hard and they get shamed. I have four teenagers, three boys. I consider my job to be the enforcer, the encourager, the food maker, you name it. It’s much different than parenting little ones with much less love. And before you go judge me thinking my kids suck- my two oldest boys were both home coming kings and the oldest was the validictorian and the second one will be this spring. And I love them to death but man, the teenage years exist so your heart break a little less when they leave.
Eh… I felt like preschoolers were harder. It all just depends on the kid I guess. My oldest had fairly significant developmental and language delays as well as sensory issues…that resolved themselves after several years of effective early intervention services. That was really tough for me, fortunately collaborating with specialists made all the difference but I just didn’t honestly know how things would turn out at that point. He’s a sophomore in high school now, has nice friends, enjoys sports and music, has a part-time job, makes good grades, and we enjoy going to the movies together. Sure he can get a little angsty here and there, but he speaks using words (not jargon), is potty trained, and doesn’t freak out about overhead fluorescent lighting anymore…so I feel pretty good about that. Sometimes (not always), I think unrealistic parental expectations are more the issue than the teenager.
I have never watched anything she has been in until Tommy. I love her. Not the daughter though. Super annoying.
It’s not the actress. She is beautiful and a great actress. I hate her hair. She’s too pretty for that.
I don’t think that teens were ever nice. I know I wasn’t. The teenage years are a tough time, trying to find out who you are, dealing with hormones, social pressures, and today there are more helicopter parents pushing them to their limits to get into the best schools. The GPA has become inflated, it’s gone past 4.0. and these kids need to have a CV for college that looks like a CV for a 30 year old with a masters degree. Ridiculous. Let them be kids, because once the teenage years go they aren’t coming back.