About three years ago I was at a protest in a nearby city. A homeless man had been tased in the butt by police for no reason. They pulled his pants down just to do this and there was a witness who got it on his phone, although the family did not want the video released. Another young Black man was shot by police a few months before and of course the police were cleared. Local activists had a press conference about it beforehand and they showed a racist internal police document that discussed targeting Black people. The police showed up to the protest and the vibe was scary. My friend and I, both middle-aged white ladies, asked the police why they were there and they were cordial to us but sneered that the man organizing the protest didn’t have a permit. We were gathered on city property in front of a statue of Martin Luther King. There were less than 50 people, but police came, stood in a group and were menacing. I found out later that the BLM protests in this city were tear-gassed. (I only went to the recent protests in my small town. Of course the cops were there too and armed to the teeth, but were “friendly.”) That’s when I started to get it, when I realized why my friend and I could even talk to the police in the first place and got just a small taste of what POC face every day. I’ve always felt like I can challenge authority and that I don’t have to worry, because I don’t. I’ve been arrested for stupid shit I’ve done, cops have let me go for so many reasons, and I’ve been in court. If I wasn’t white my interactions with police and with the court system would have turned out a lot differently.
Grey’s Anatomy showrunner Krista Vernoff tweeted about how many times she’s been arrested and why we should defund the police. A lot of white people have stories like this and most of us take it for granted that we’re not going to get killed when we get pulled over or commit crimes. Consider that Dylan Roof and James Holmes are still alive, among many other mass murderers caught by police.
When I was 15, I was chased through a mall by police who were yelling “Stop thief!” I had thousands of dollars of stolen merchandise on me. I was caught, booked, sentenced to 6 months of probation, required to see a parole officer weekly. I was never even handcuffed.
When I was 18, I was pulled over for drunk driving. When the Police Officer asked me to blow into the breathalyzer, I pretended to have asthma and insisted I couldn’t blow hard enough to get a reading.
The officer laughed then asked my friends to blow and when one of them came up sober enough to drive, he let me move to the passenger seat of my car and go home with just a verbal warning.
When I was 19, I got angry at a girl for flirting with my sister’s boyfriend and drunkenly attacked her in the middle of a party. I swung a gallon jug of water, full force, at her head. The police were never called.
When I was twenty, with all of my strength, I punched a guy in the face — while we were both standing two feet from a cop. The guy went to the ground and came up bloody and screaming that he wanted me arrested, that he was pressing charges.
The cop pulled me aside and said, “You don’t punch people in front of cops,” then laughed and said that if I ever joined the police force he’d like to have me as a partner. I was sent into my apartment and told to stay there.
Between the ages of 11 and 22, my friends and I were chased and/or admonished by police on several occasions for drinking or doing illegal drugs on private property or in public. I have no criminal record.
If I had been shot in the back by police after the shoplifting incident – in which I knowingly and willfully and soberly and in broad daylight RAN FROM THE COPS – would you say I deserved it?
I’m asking the white people reading this to think about the crimes you’ve committed. (Note: You don’t call them crimes. You and your parents call them mistakes.) Think of all the mistakes you’ve made that you were allowed to survive.
Defunding the police is not about “living in a lawless society.” It’s about the fact that in this country, we’re not supposed to get shot by police for getting drunk.
The system that lets me live and murders Rayshard Brooks is a broken system that must change. Stop defending it. Demand the change. #BlackLivesMatter #WhitePrivilege #DefundPolice
This reminds me that I’ve also been drunk at a Wendy’s drive through. I was riding my bicycle wasted and they felt sorry for me and let me order even though it’s against policy to let people on bikes get food. I’ve been pulled over several times, cops have seen that I’m a white lady and they’ve let me go with a warning. Judges have felt sorry for me and given me a pass. One of my friends, who once dated a local cop, called the precinct for a ride home when she was drunk and they gave it to her. Some other cop answered the call and told her she probably shouldn’t call them again for that.
Vernoff summed up the Defund The Police movement well. Cities are now taking measures to have social workers and trained unarmed professionals answer non-violent calls. There should be a different number we call for help that doesn’t put people’s lives at risk. Meanwhile there are entire police forces, like the one I encountered, that need to be dismantled and restructured for the safety of the community, not to mention how terrible the courts are. The whole system needs to be torn the f-k down.
Photos credit: Getty and Avalon.red
The one and only time I went through a sobriety checkpoint, I was driving home after spending the evening at a reception and then dinner with friends, having consumed wine at both. I don’t even know how many glasses over a 4-5 hour period. The sheriff’s deputy who stopped my car was one I knew. He chatted me up, he *did* ask how I’d spent my evening, no mention of alcohol whatsoever, he told me to watch for deer and waved me through. NGL, that interaction sobered me up a great deal.
I married a man with a rather unusual name. It also happened to be the name of the head of the California Highway Patrol – ‘back in day’, and no relation. I also drove a ridiculously sexy little sports car then – and I drove it exactly the way you drive a sexy little sports car. West of the Mississippi I was golden (though that one written warning in Arizona annoyed me [‘cuz internal Karen – man I was sheltered]).
You don’t insist on not using that privilege in these situations. If you tried, you’d be laughed off. And knowing it’s wrong doesn’t mean knowing how to begin to make it right. There certainly wasn’t a way to have this conversation a decade or more ago. Without condoning the behavior (or my own) I really applaud her for putting this out in the world. It’s more vulnerable than I can imagine myself being and i hope it keeps moving the conversation forward.
I get her point, believe me. But man she sounds like one violent piece of work and not somebody I’d hang with at any point. Yeah, I’ve gotten away with stuff, I drove around with a bag of weed in my glove compartment in my late teens, never giving it a thought. It was years later I realized I never gave it a thought because I was white. And some other things, definitely, getting out of tickets. But I never did anything violent. I couldn’t relate to her thread I kept feeling so bad for all those people she assaulted.
Yes @Darla I see your point. I can’t relate to her violence either. But that is not point she is trying to make. THE POINT is…every single time she did any of these things, she got away with it, from just being given a warning, or a slap on the wrist. While someone of color may have been in shot in the back running from the cops. That was her point. She was pointing out, quite accurately, the vivid contrast of white privilege, as it relates to police interaction.
Yes clearly, she had some violent, anger issues, but that is hardly the point here.
Yeah I totally get that. I just wonder how much she’s changed, or whether we’re going to be reading about her reign of terror as showrunner someday. A lot of those stories are coming out too right now.
@AmyB, Your post and @Darla’s post are basically the back and forth in my head after reading the tweets. The point is the completely unequal treatment but also I don’t think a violent, abusive person just stops being that way or grows out of it. I really hope this woman has received treatment for her problems. if she’s this bold about saying this, it must have stopped, right?
Darla, I thought the same thing! I understand and appreciate her point, but all I could think was “wow this lady is a mess.” I have to believe she lives an extremely privileged life to have done all this stuff and still ended up so successful.
I live in a really comfortable school district and work in one of its high schools. Our district is one of many along the outerbelt that rings the city in the middle – we’re very well off but not even close to the kind of money in the district to the east or the one to the northwest. Her teenage and young adult crimes are completely plausible to me. You wouldn’t believe some of the shit these kids do. Of course not all white teens from families with money behave like this, but there’s a percentage that do, and some of their parents absolutely do everything they can to get them out of the consequences (they bitch and moan and phone and email and flood Facebook boards and bombard the superintendent and the school board because “kiddo made a mistake”). Some of these kids are young assholes in training to become adult assholes like their parents, some are running with the wrong crowd, and some are just idiots who will eventually grow out of it. If Krista is telling her story honestly, she’s probably in the second or third group.
And yeah – all of this is the distillation of pure white priviledge.
I saw the tweet last night and I was nodding my head reading along, uh huh, uh huh, great points, and then when I got to the point where she swung gallon water bottle at someone’s head, I was like, euh, and then she punches someone in the face in the next tweet. This is sociopathic.
Two things can be true. Cops can overlook crimes when done by white people (esp women), and harass or do worse to POC for nothing. And – this woman is disturbed.
Also a few months ago some white people, in a show of allyship, started tweeting things they got away with with the cops. Again, I got the point. But sometimes it sounds a little like bragging on their part.
She did sound like she had some issues growing up, but because she wasn’t criminalized for them she was allowed to outgrow them. This is something poor white people and pretty much all black people aren’t permitted to do.
THIS. This is exactly the point.
I don’t think she’s proud of doing those things, and I don’t think she’s proud of getting away with it. If she’d had less privilege she’d have been shuttled into the court system and her life would have gone really differently.
I think it takes guts to own previous asshole behavior, and she is showing her underbelly to make a bigger point.
Men get away with even more.
well sh*t, this made me think. I grew up in rural England, still live in rural England, there was one black kid at my school. I am learning so much just now. I really appreciate this site as a place where I can learn. I don’t express an opinion very often but thank you for continuing to teach me and enable me to learn, I so enjoy the comments here which are also enlightening (mostly).
FWIW, (and this is NOT me crying about my treatment as a white lady, I know I have privilege), it seems like most of the cops I’ve dealt with have really been mean and jerky. I have gotten one warning in my life rather than a ticket; I’ve probably gotten about 10 tickets, although it’s been a while (knock wood). I lived in Baltimore for a few years, and found those cops to be particularly aggressive and mean for no reason. One time, my street was blocked off and they were so mean in not really explaining what was happening or whether I was safe to walk through there to my home. One time a state trooper pulled me over (in another part of MD), I’m still not sure why, and I was petrified he was going to hurt me or my dog, he was so angry with me. Growing up in cleveland, I attended Safety Town, and the cop that ran that seemed mean and scary. I was 5. With very few exceptions, I have found that cops are jerks, and I have never really viewed them as helpers or people I want to call, which is why I have always found it crazy how many people will call at the drop of a hat. I mean, who wants to be responsible for bringing that kind of aggressive interference into a situation? I’m just saying, I was not surprised at all when BLM and defund the police became a movement, because I have always been wary of cops. I can only imagine the terror that Black people and POC feel
Also–this lady has had a wild life! OMG! I have never shoplifted or driven drunk or assaulted someone. She def should have been arrested a time or two, holy cow!
Right? It’s like vertigo, because all the white people I know are all “I love cops! we have to support them because the overwhelming majority are good people!” And I’m like, um, no they are not. I can’t stand cops, and never could. i have always refused to date them. I am talking about from about 20 on. I will not date a cop and never would. I have always found them to be incredibly racist, misogynistic, and thuggish. Later, I read about their high rates of domestic abuse. But most white people I know, and actually I’m going to say all of them with 2 exceptions, and that’s a lot of white people, strongly support cops and think they’re great people.
Yes, you are right about their rates of domestic abuse, and I feel like I have heard anecdotally that a lot of them cheat. My husband has always argued that it seems that the job attracts people who maybe felt small when they were younger, and now want to make others feel small. The system really does need to be changed. I keep seeing memes and posts about how much better it would be if we had special positions created to deal with people who are publicly intoxicated, or whatever thing is happening that is not dangerous but causes people to call the cops, and I’m like, yeah!!! Oh gosh, conservatives go apeshit over the thought of governmental social workers helping everyone. I’ve never understood their beef about helping people
I am not fond of cops, myself & my experiences have ranged across the board with them. It’s due to growing up in a small town & my uncle always getting in trouble, so naturally, it was you are so & so’s niece? My response was always reflexive & not particularly nice. Then my brothers started getting in trouble & the cops were super aggressive with them. It pissed me off, the nonstop violations that occurred. And they were white. If they had been black, my brothers would be dead.
Thank you! Totally agree.
I’ve always thought cops are the worst and I am a white woman in my 40s. I’ve lived in small towns and big cities. Small town cops have to be the most useless group of people on the planet.
Same here, Manda. I’ve never looked at cops as good guys or people I want to deal with. The few times I’ve been pulled over I shake uncontrollably. I was HORRIFIED when my home alarm went off one night and I couldn’t turn it off – I was so scared the cops wouldn’t believe it’s my house. I have a lot of privilege and safety in these situations because I’m a white woman, and I’m still scared of them. For the most part they have a power complex and are unnecessarily harsh and rude.
My cousin is a cop and he’s such a sweet, mild-mannered guy. Instead of being proud when he became a police officer, I was honestly horrified of what that life and environment with other cops will turn him into. I’d like to think he’s just as kind and calm in his work, but…who knows. That largely hasn’t been many people’s experience with cops.
Same here, and I’m white too. I have small children and we have taught them to find a helper such as a policeman if they get lost, but that is it. We don’t even play dress up cops. My whole immediate family dislikes cops. I am also always surprised when ppl hold them up as heroes or “the good guys”. I have posted on some “blue lives matter” posts that they aren’t f****** smurfs and they aren’t born policemen!! To me, they are all entitled and think they are above the law and power hungry.
All of this to say, my tiny tiny slice of being scared of the police is so terrifying that I have only a fraction of understanding how BIPOC feel.
“All of this to say, my tiny tiny slice of being scared of the police is so terrifying that I have only a fraction of understanding how BIPOC feel.”
yes!! this is exactly what I was trying to say!! Thank you!
When my daughter was young we went to a parent participation program that offered lots of cultural opportunities (and $4 tickets!), including things like Alvin Ailey, Kennedy Center programs, and more. The mothers with sons would talk about wanting their sons to experience these things, but anything that was ‘too feminine’ was something we could be sure we wouldn’t see the boys at. They talked a good story and I never knew if it was Dad putting his foot down or Mom fearing the impact on her son’s masculinity.
Toxic masculinity is strong in our culture. And, if you feel the need to display that kind of masculinity, where better than the police force. The good guys, they talk a good story – they learned from their folks. But, push comes to shove they know they’re not supposed to show up.
I wish we could move the dialog to focusing on what needs funding. I do think it would make the conversation easier for people to understand.
She is right. A friend told me a story. She was driving home on the NJ turnpike. She had been drinking and was speeding. When the officer stopped her she rolled down the window and with a laughing voice said, “Hi officer, was I speeding? I was singing to Neil Diamond and love that song. I’m sorry.” She was let off.
I have used this scenario numerous times. IT ALWAYS WORKS FOR ME A WHITE WOMAN! Every time I am given a warning or lesser ticket.
I remember one time, over 30 years ago, that I had been drinking and ran into the back of a utility truck parked on the side of the road. No damage to the truck but my car was totaled. The cop gave me a ride home and called a tow truck for my car, no charges. Definitely white privilege existed then and still does.
“I’m asking the white people reading this to think about the crimes you’ve committed. (Note: You don’t call them crimes. You and your parents call them mistakes.) Think of all the mistakes you’ve made that you were allowed to survive.”
Survive? Imagine doing all of this and not having a criminal record. Imagine doing all of this and not being stopped and frisked routinely because you’ve had previous interactions with the police. Imagine not getting arrested every single time you were caught carrying weed for personal use.
I feel like a lot of white people have no clue what the actual reality is for black people and specifically, black males.
I saw this last night and sent it to a friend. Many of my high school and college friends can relate to this. (Not so many incidents but we all have at least one).
Driving my cousin and I to college our freshman year my mom got pulled over for speeding by a GA highway patrol officer. She was rude to him at first, she denied speeding, and I was embarrassed, not afraid.
White people have to keep the conversation going on what white privilege is and means in specific examples like this.
My bf and I were parked at a local lark one evening right at sunset, we had just smoked a blunt at the park and were coming back to our vehicle. He was black, I’m white, ages 21 and 23. Suddenly there were lights and two cops behind our parked car. They came up to ask why we were there as the park was closing. I did the talking (in passenger seat) and explained we watched the sunset and were heading out. They were suspicious of him and asked why his eyes were red. I explained that he had conjunctivitis (he did) and we had the medicine to prove it. (Didn’t ask about my eyes). One cop pulled me aside and asked me if “I was here of my own volition” implying my bf was holding me against my will. I said absolutely, we are adults and are dating and were just enjoying the park. They let us go and although we were doing something illegal in the moments before; we weren’t then. I’ll never forget how he asked me that. It is a fairly small town in MD around 2004.
I agree with the posters above who are like “I see the point she’s making but also… wtf”
It’s not the cops but customs – I live near the Canadian border (truly, you can see Canada from my front porch) and it’s always been a breeze for me to go in and out of as a white woman whereas I know others are there for hours. Once (post 9/11 btw) I was coming back to the U.S. with a few bottles of wine and I wasn’t sure about the rules on bringing back alcohol so when the customs agent asked me if I had anything to declare I (VERY UNCONVINCINGLY) said “No.”. He laughed and shook his head and said “I don’t even want to know, go ahead”
I got away with a lot as a teen and young adult because of who my father was where I lived. Driving slow wasn’t an option. Last time, however, I was stopped for doing 50 in 45, and the guy was a complete dick. Five over the speed limit and he wanted me to step out of the car. I quietly followed all his demands, showed up in court so my attorney could take him down. That was more than 15 years ago. Things haven’t gotten better.
This frustrates me sooooo much. They will bend over backwards to prove the innocence of a white lady/person. (Not white peoples fault, they just exploit a system created to see the best in them)…
BUT! Kalief Browder spent 3 years at Rikers, sometimes in solitary, whilst they did everything they could to prove that he had committed a crime. The damage to his psyche was permanent. I’m so TIRED!
For obvious reasons I’ve been thinking A LOT lately about the terror BIPOC feel when being pulled-over/detained or even just seeing police.
As a WW, I’ve gotten warnings on about 65% of the times I’ve been pulled over. Women cops never issue warnings. The one time a male cop told me to get out of my car, I laughed and asked if I was being arrested. No handcuffs, no pat-down. He just wanted me to come sit in the passenger seat of the squad car for some unexplained reason. I hadn’t done anything worthy of arrest, hence me laughing, but in the context of current events, I realize just HOW privileged it is to genuinely LAUGH at the potential of arrest. I knew I wouldn’t be manhandled and would be out relatively quickly (my husband is a criminal defense attorney).
At 19 some cops came and rescued me from the side of the road after car trouble. They let me play with their lights & sirens, fiddle with various equipment in the back. Maybe I should have asked to drive the cruiser!
Called cops at 22 because my upstairs neighbor was secretly taking pictures of me and making calls threatening explicit acts of sexual violence. The two officers that showed up said they couldn’t do anything. They then proceeded to look me up and down and say they “don’t really blame him” for taking pictures, tried to flirt and then left.
I guess I was a boring teen/young adult who didn’t get into much trouble (this lady had some issues). I’m white but have never gotten a warning about speeding, just a few tickets in high school and college. But I did go through a sobriety check point several years ago right by my apartment. I had a few glasses of wine and should not have been driving and was so scared but I kind of flirted with the cop and told him him I was with friends and going home to my apartment and pointed to it. He told me to have a nice night and I’m sure part of it was I’m white and in the nice part of town. My white husband though has gotten out of DUIs, driving while high (in the 90s) and other stuff because his dad is a cop. It’s really unfair and runs rampant.
I was Arrested for shoplifting when I was A freshman in college. My dad was a judge several states away. I was More afraid of my parents finding out than anything the court would do to me. I didn’t tell them or get a lawyer and was able to get into a first time
Offenders program and pay $100. No record.
Fearing your dad over the criminal justice system is the highest privilege.
I think I’ve told this story here before.
About 3 years ago, I had an experience that really drove home my white privilege. I had just leased a car like a day before and I was driving it, and didn’t turn my headlights on, I was pulled over, and had zero paperwork in the car proving it was mine and didn’t have proof of insurance. (Hadn’t received either in the mail yet) I was also working on a film so had bags of camera equipment in the car\ and no proof of owning literally bags of expensive equipment.
The cop just showed me how to turn on the lights and let me go. First thought I had, “There is no way if I was a black man or woman that that situation would have ended that way.” I had to pull over for a while, I was shaking so bad.
No I didn’t really commit a “crime” but should have gotten a ticket. Countless others have done the same thing or much less and ended up dead. I’ve been trying to learn more ever since, I’m in no way a perfect ally, but I try to get it, listen and do my part, writing letters, protesting, giving money and voting.
I caused a paint-swap level accident on an interstate off-ramp in the early 00’s. Didn’t leave quite enough room between myself and the car in front of me during wet-road conditions. All four occupants of their car were young, Hispanic males and the one I was apologizing to seemed to speak limited English. I pointed to my cell and said that if he needed the police to come make a report I could call them. The instant I said “police” the guy’s face balked and he said “No, No, No police! No problemo! Goodbye!” jumped in his car & sped away.
And I stood there in the rain for a moment, confused as to why he ran off like that when I was 100% at fault. Didn’t take long to figure that I had seen the police as helpers, they saw them as life-ruiners.
Edit-this was in response to Louise below.
I’ve never been pulled over by cops for anything (yet) but I did get into an accident last year where I rear ended a Hispanic man’s pick up. The accident was totally my fault and I felt so awful and was hysterically crying. The Hispanic guy could not have been nicer and he did NOT want the cops to be called and I was so in shock by the impact of the crash, I agreed. Neither of us were hurt and the damage was mostly to my car. We exchanged info and phone numbers and after some back and forth, I venmoed him some money to cover the costs to fix his pickup. I figured his fear at calling the cops was maybe because he was undocumented. His English wasn’t the best and he kept saying he had had his car insurance premium go up in the past so my guess is he had maybe gotten into an accident before and was screwed over by his insurance. I wasn’t going to be the one to turn him over to ICE or the cops and turn this poor guy’s life upside down. I realize my white privilege was at play there and I basically got away with a lot because this guy was too scared to have the cops come to the scene of the accident.
I’ve worked for years as a crisis therapist, meeting people with mental health crises in the community to safety plan, connect to resources, sometimes go to the hospital. Sometimes they’ve committed a crime due to their mental health and we have a partnership with cops so they get help and not charged. So I’ve been doing exactly what the defund movement is asking for, and I can tell you that it works. Every city, every town should have this set up.