Matthew McConaughey has written a memoir. He actually wrote it himself. The master of the circuitous sentence is using his lifelong journal as content and is calling it Greenlights. Although the book is not available until October, it can be preordered. To announce the book and what we can expect from it, the Mighty Bongo Player posted a short video to Instagram that you can view below. I’ve transcribed it for you, but you will need to turn on your McConaughey translator if you hope to make any sense of it. Good luck:

Alright, check this out…

So, ever since I learned to write, I’ve been keeping a journal, writing down anything that turned me on, turned me off, made me laugh, made me cry, made me question, or kept me up at night. Two years ago, I worked up the courage to take all of those journals off into solitary confinement just to see what the hell I had. And I returned with a book. Yeeess.

Greenlights.

This is my sights and seens, nices and means, successes and failures. Stories, people, places, prayers, prescribes, and a whole lot of bumper stickers.

It’s called Greenlights because it’s a story about how I have, and we all can, catch more of them in this life we’re living. You see, we don’t like the red and yellow lights because they take up our time, right? But when we realize that they all eventually turn green, that’s when they reveal their rhyme. That’s when life’s a poem and we start getting what we want and what we need at the same time. I call that the honey hole, a little place called heaven on Earth. Now Greenlights is coming out October 20th, 2020 but it is available for preorder, right now, everywhere that books are sold. So if you’re looking for some more green lights like I am, hop on the highway and let’s go catch as many of ‘um as we can. In mean times and all times, by design and on purpose – good luck and just keep living. Appreciate it

Well, that’s just about what I expected for a description. I wonder if this is how the book is going to read, in which case it’s just begging to be a drinking game – with a special prize to the first person who can spot a statement that isn’t a metaphor. Although nices vs. means are certainly intriguing, I can’t wait to hear Matthew’s stories about famous friends and co-workers. Especially since he’ll use so much poetic license it will be virtually impossible to deny, “Uh… I don’t remember it quite the same, or, like any of that stuff about… anything. I did do a movie with him, that’s correct.” As for the title, I understand wanting to make a green light but when does it become a rhyme? As I’m cursing at the car in front of me to speed up before the light turns yellow? And there’s no secret on how to turn a red light green, just pull out some lipstick and attempt to apply it, that sucker will switch to green in a heartbeat.

The Hollywood Reporter published a statement Matthew issued about the memoir that is much clearer about the book. Just kidding – he talked about “cools and shamefuls” and likened it to tasty aspirin and piloting a spaceship to mars without the proper certifications. All I can say is, this certainly reads like someone who spent two years in self imposed solitary confinement.

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Are you lit? #GreenlightsBook available now for preorder. info at Greenlights.com – link in bio – On sale 10.20.20

A post shared by Matthew McConaughey (@officiallymcconaughey) on Jul 29, 2020 at 11:48am PDT

Photo credit: Amazon, WENN/Avalon and Instagram