Another day, another Brangelina drama. With the Jolie-Pitt family out of the public eye, safely ensconced in their French chateau, it seems this week’s tabloids are going to have a field day with some new reports about all of the problems in their relationship. We’ve already seen OK! Magazine’s cover story this week – that Angelina locked Brad out of the bedroom, and he had to sleep on a couch. Because the chateau has 30-odd rooms, and apparently Brad could find another bed or something. Oh, and Brad is fat too. Nice. It’s like the tabloids were written by middle-schoolers. The Enquirer is taking a more hardcore approach – their cover story this week is about Angelina’s rehab ultimatum to Brad. Basically, she’s telling him he needs to get professional help for his reefer addiction or she’s gone:

Get clean or get out – that’s the stinging ultimatum Angelina Jolie issued to Brad Pitt after hearing that the Inglourious Basterd had secretly shared hashish with a celeb pal while his children were asleep in bed, say sources.

“Stop boozing and smoking drugs or check into rehab!” she told him, according to insiders.

A self-confessed stoner when married to Jennifer Aniston, Brad had promised Angelina his drug-using days were over after he became a dad – and she believed him.

But during a recent interview with shock jock Howard Stern, Inglourious Basterds director Quentin Tarantino revealed he’d smoked hash with Brad when he traveled to France to convince him to do the film – at the same time Angelina was giving birth to twins Knox and Vivienne!

“Tarantino’s interview allowed Angie to catch Brad getting high, and she EXPLODED,” said a close source.

“She gave him a choice – give it up or GET OUT! She made it very clear that she didn’t want drugs anywhere near their kids and she said that this was an issue where there weren’t any other options open to him if he wanted their relationship to continue.”

[From the National Enquirer]

Good Lord, it’s like the Enquirer’s new staff writer is Dr. Drew! Look, we can debate whether marijuana is a gateway drug, but can we all agree that casually smoking some joints a few times a month does not make you a reefer addict? Personally, I don’t think Brad has a problem with marijuana… drinking, maybe, but marijuana, not so much. When I first saw the Enquirer’s headline, I honestly thought the “rehab” would be for Brad’s drinking. I don’t want to have to turn in my Brangeloonie Badge, but even I look at these many, many pictures of a sh-tfaced-looking Brad and wonder if he’s drinking too much. Even the Enquirer’s cover photo is of Brad looking drunk, not stoned. If they put a picture of Brad looking high on the cover, they might have to photoshop out the Dorito crumbs.

Thanks to CoverAwards for the Enquirer cover.