In a way, I owe Heather Mills a debt of gratitude. Every single time I read or write a story, she gives me so many reasons to know I’m superior to her, and that’s nice. I mean yeah it’s good to have self-esteem for its own sake, but hey, if you feel better because you’re reminded of how much someone else sucks, what’s the harm? I’m going to keep telling myself that. So today in clueless Heather Mills news, we have a fashion show. Heather manages to consistently have no understanding why everyone hates her and why they all dislike her baseless smug sense of superiority. Well Heather, I’m here to enlighten you!

Your clothes suck!

Okay, that’s about all I need to say. Really, the pictures do the job beautiful for me. Heather, you see, is a militant vegan. Now before you jump down my throat for that phrase, let me clarify that I am not calling all vegans inherently militant. Just Heather so far. There are all different levels of green living, but Heather is just a step or two away from the eco-terrorist spot. As far as I know she hasn’t set fire to any planned communities or McMansions yet, but I’m still hoping the government is keeping close tabs on her. However since she hasn’t reached that level yet, Heather’s just decided to terrorize us with her horrible, painful, awful, deplorable [whatever other pejorative you’d like to stick in] fashion designs of recycled textiles. All to help animals. Who, by the way, told me they’d prefer it if someone better helped the out. Thanks.

She’s on a one-woman mission to change the world, but Heather Mills may have gone too far with her latest venture. The infamous vegan and animal rights campaigner has just released a new fashion line of recycled and re-modelled pieces. But far from converting people to her cause, the bizarre looking clothes could drive them back into the arms of big business. Instead of producing a wearable covetable collection, Ms Mills’ range, called Be@one, looks more like the fancy dress found at the back of a charity shop.

A fuchsia pink corset dress with garish ruffles would look at home at a children’s party rather than a cocktail party. While a pair of ‘high-waisted trousers for the office’ are more suited to a clown’s day job, not your normal office job. Heather debuted her new collection at the Celebrity Catwalk event in Hollywood last night. The annual star-studded evening sees a number of celebrities give up their time and talents, and take to the catwalk to raise funds and awareness of animal rights. Heather, 41, also collected an award at the event for animal activism. The ex-wife of Beatle Paul McCartney chose to launch Be@one at the event, but it’s not yet known how Hollywood’s greatest interpreted the collection.

On her website, Heather describes the restyled clothes as ‘inspirational’. ‘Society throws away over a million tones of clothing and textiles into the rubbish bins annually. Many of these items could be resold or remade into something new and exciting,’ she writes. ‘The collection consists of women’s and menswear, designed for the assertive, fashionable and eco-conscious person. All the fabrics used in the pieces have been carefully sourced and remodeled into something unique and highly wearable.’

Although her definition of ‘highly wearable’ seems odd when you actually see the clothes themselves. In addition to the garish corset dress and clown trousers, Heather has designed a recycled white lace evening gown, which looks more like a bedraggled wedding dress. She’s also turned out a figure-frumping black knee-length jumpsuit, which is slashed from thigh to knee. Not to mention a purple skirt/black top combo which can only be described as Frankenstein-inspired.

Eager to inflict her curious brand of fashion onto the public, Heather says there will be two collections a year from Be@one. But judging from the first outing, we’re not sure there will be a great deal of fans clamouring for a second onslaught.

[From the Daily Mail]

Hmm… I actually like the idea of this. Our society on the whole is far too quick to toss things. We buy everything super cheap, then it breaks, then we replace it with another super cheap version, which then breaks, and we keep on replacing it, forever in this cycle that’s terrible for the planet. Instead, why not invest in a decent, well-made item to begin with?

And no one mends their clothes anymore. Again, because everything’s so cheap, why not just buy another? People only put the effort into fixing something when it cost more to begin with. Sometimes I really hate it, but I do agree with Heather. But that doesn’t make me like her anymore. In fact it makes me hate her even more, because I feel like a hypocrite, just because she’s involved with it. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: whatever your cause, Heather Mills is the last person you want promoting it. Think of the most reviled people in the world. Let’s say there 300. Heather’s probably at 263. Not number one, but she’s on the list. Do you really want her telling people to eat your bean burgers? Just a word of advice to the animal charities out there.

The Daily Mail did a pretty good job of explaining why the clothes suck. I can’t really expound on it anymore. Your eyes work, you can see. Even if you’re not a fashionista it obviously jumps off the page and down your throat. More reasons why we hate you Heather.