Pink and husband Carey Hart celebrated their 14th wedding anniversary last January (ah, remember in the Before Time?). For those of us who have been a fan of Pink’s for most of her career, we’ve followed her relationship with Carey since it began in 2001. They’ve had ups and downs and we know about virtually all of them because Pink is an open book. Two years into their marriage, Carey left Pink, which inspired much of her Funhouse album – a great album, by the way. The pair reconciled about a year after the split and went on to have two kids, successful careers and, apparently several more fights, something Pink has never been shy about sharing with her fans. The other day, she posted the photo above with the following caption:
My friend @jbpitts2 took this photo of us. He’s still my favorite sweet little dirtball. He and I have been at this a long time, and it is our relentless and stubborn idealism that keeps us together.
Marriage is awful, wonderful, comfort and rage.
It is boring, terrifying, and a total nail biter.
It is loving another fallible creature while trying to love yourself.
It is a lifetime of coming back to the table. People laugh at us because we’re either fighting or laughing. They roll their eyes when we talk about therapy.
But I’ll tell you what. It’s worth it.
All of it.
Even when it isn’t. Therapy isn’t for weak people or hippies or liberals. It’s for broken people that want to be whole. It’s for runaways that want a family. It’s a lesson on how to sit down and listen. How to love yourself so that the other person can, too. I love you babe. I’m grateful we made it to this photo
First of all, I love that pic of the couple. There’s so much to read from it even without the caption. But, if I am honest, when I saw the headlines pop up that Pink was, once again, discussing how acrimonious her marriage can be, I could not think of why someone would keep putting that out there. I know marriage is not a fairytale and real life can make even the best relationship seem suffocating at some point, but it often sounds like Pink wears her volatility with Carey as a badge of honor and that’s just… not me. I don’t understand it, mainly because I don’t thrive in acrimony. But then I got to the part about therapy in her caption and I think that’s truly the message Pink’s trying to get out, because she almost always brings it up when she discusses their arguing. And she could not be more correct, there is no shame in any kind of therapy, including couple’s. I’m a huge advocate of therapy so I cannot understand anyone who would roll their eyes at someone seeking help to live their best life.
I don’t know what Pink’s motivation is in constantly discussing her marriage like she does, but I am quite grateful she uses the opportunity to promote seeking help if you need it. There really is something magical about a good, loving relationship but, as Pink said, not all of us have the tool set to nurture that. However, if the skills we needed were only a therapist office away, isn’t it worth it? I really think it is.
Congrats Pink and Carey for sticking it out and constantly working on making it better.
Photo credit: Pink and Carey Hart’s Instagram
I appreciate her message about therapy, too. I’m a huge supporter of couples therapy and have benefited from it in my marriage. My ex and I tried it, but we were too far gone at that point. My husband and I had a few sessions before we were even married and it was really helpful. Our communication has improved and we understand each other’s point of view so much better. I don’t understand why anyone would roll their eyes at therapy of any sort – we all bring our own stuff to our interactions with other people. Therapy helps you understand yourself so you can approach every relationship better. It’s made me a better, more aware parent and spouse.
It always sounds like they are forcing this marriage to work.
+1
this is kind of how most married hetero couples are when you know them long enough. They can’t wait to tell you every miserable part of their marriage but it’s worth it though, followed by so “when are you getting married?”…🤨
agreed
Right? I am glad my relationship isnt like that. We havent been together that long but— that doesnt sound… so great
Honestly, I believe only 5% of the worlds population gets to have that relationship that has good communication, great sex, affection and friendship. the rest of 45% are pretending hard to make it look like they got a perfect relationship and the other 50% just got divorced or never bothered getting into a relationship in the first place.
Its a very small percent, anyway.
@lisa I’m proud to be in the 5%. But we married in our early to mid 30s and are super private and are best friends.
The times that I’ve been in relationships and given them a lot of years and have been absolutely miserable and talk about how I literally love hate that person and it’s so hard to be with them is when we fundamentally could not see eye-to-eye and we were just together just to say we didn’t break up and so I think pink and her husband should just divorce if it’s really that hard and it’s really your up or you’re down there’s no stable content moment or phase or years you really got away is it even worth the headache and I’m not faulting pink or her husband it just seems like pure hell that she’s experiencing for 14 years
You are spot on about some women treating it like a badge of honor when they are holding a relationship together with tape and glue. While relationships are work, you have to wonder how much work is too much work.
I spent my 20s in a relationship that was a lot of work and incredibly emotionally draining. For a long time, the only positive attribute that I had for myself was that I was strong enough to hold a terrible relationship together. You’ve got to give up a lot of yourself to do that.
“I spent my 20s in a relationship that was a lot of work and incredibly emotionally draining. For a long time, the only positive attribute that I had for myself was that I was strong enough to hold a terrible relationship together. You’ve got to give up a lot of yourself to do that.”
Boy did I hear this, and wish I heard it 20 years ago. Twenty years of giving myself up bit by bit, in such small increments that I didn’t even see it until it was too late. Gave him *everything*. Now I am pushing 50, am an empty shell, and he is going to leave me so that he can date 30 year olds and have an exciting romantic life. (Not yet though, gotta wait until the pandemic is over, so i am living in a weird limbo with that hanging over my head) I think he is having a midlife crisis, but whatever the reason, I am devastated and feel like a giant idiot. And I gotta say, I did NOT think I was this person, someone that would be so incredibly stupid. I love him. I should be angry, but the hurt is so deep that I can’t even GET to angry yet.
Turtledove, your comment is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for your pain. I hope you can find a therapist or wise friend to help you navigate this situation and stop punishing yourself for his behavior. You deserve to feel loved and respected. I’ll be rooting for you from afar.
You are not an empty shell because you can see yourself and that you are not who you want to be. That means “you” are still in there. Take time to heal, find joy in the things you can – cooking, friends, anything – and build yourself back up stronger than you ever were. The best revenge is living well without him!
I like Pink. I wish her and her husband the best. But boy does that sound exhausting. I guess some people are energized by arguments tho?
My husband and I are like them. Maybe we are just those people too, but I find our relationship a great balance of dynamics. It’s definitely not easy, but we’ve also grown so much and are a solid team in every way. I get why this would not be for everyone, but we just celebrated 20 years together last month.
Sounds exhausting to me too. I can’t stand conflict, and like things to be peaceful, quiet, and balanced. I would be miserable being with someone I fought with that much.
I always come out of the woodwork to comment on how much I love Pink. I’m definitely rooting for them.
I simply don’t ever want to live in chaos or drama again.
I understand her take on therapy but marriage should not be endless work.
Exhausting.
I feel like couples’ therapy is great for couples who want to learn how to communicate better. I feel like if they’ve done therapy a long time and there still fighting a ton, they must not be learning very much??? This always sounds like a very difficult, tumultuous relationship, similar to Kristen Bell/Dad Shepard, that they’re proud of keeping together even though they’re miserable. I realize marriage isn’t kittens and rainbows but I don’t think it should be THAT difficult either.
I don’t really relate but I do understand where she’s coming from and what she’s trying to convey.
I’d normally say that marriage really shouldn’t be that much work but I think when the real issue is yourself and you’re actively working on that and the other person is in the same position and putting in the work as well, then I understand.
At the end of the day, wherever you go, there you are and broken people deserve love, support, and an understanding, responsive partner.
When you say people shouldn’t be in a relationship until they’ve fixed themselves, you’re saying who deserves to be in a relationship, who deserves happiness, who deserves a life partner and I don’t like it.
This couldn’t be me but I don’t have the kind of dysfunction in my childhood that both Pink and Corey Hart have described.
Hmm after 20 years together, they probably saw a lot of long term relationships or marriages around them fail and broke up. So maybe many people are asking her again and again, like what’s your secret. I like that she’s so open about it. She is a inspiring role model truly!
Too much work.
I used to be in a relationship where we fought a lot but when we made up, we were closer than over (in my head anyway). But then I started getting emotionally wrung out and called it quits. I think I was addicted to the drama, I’m a person who is easily bored. But it’s not worth it. Now I’m trying to return to dating “nice” guys. I’ve found one but I’m worried I’ll break his heart. But I don’t want to be in another relationship with continuous ups and downs. It’s just not healthy.
I obviously don’t know them personally, but it has always appeared to me that this relationship is toxic AF. Whenever I hear people talk about how relationships are hard work, I always assume they are in the wrong one. A healthy relationship will have ups ans downs, certainly, but the baseline for it should be peaceful and calm and easy.
This. Similar to Dax and Kristin Bell.
Her marriage sounds totally exhausting and perhaps emotionally unhealthy. I don’t like to fight with my SO. We actually try to get along and as best possible work out differences like adults, not high school kids.
I don’t see this relationship lasting. Their addicted to the rollercoaster because it provides something to them emotionally. I love Pink and I hope they can work it out but —
Sounds like a lot of work and exhausting. I don’t like arguing, esp with my husband. We try to discuss things without arguing. I don’t have the bandwidth to argue like that with my life partner. I would find it stressful and anxiety inducing.
This relationship has never seemed healthy to me.
I like the fact they stick by each other and are open about attending therapy but it just seems volatile. As long as their kid is happy and safe I guess that’s what really matters?
They’ve been together a long time and I give them credit for not giving up. I adore her and am always rooting for them!
Her message actually sounds pretty awesome to me. I like her honestly and candor.
Marriage is a tricky thing in my opinion, it’s not for me.
My parents were married for 45 years and pretty much hated each other but loved that & couldn’t be without each other. Dad had, (recently passed), ptsd mostly untreated from Vietnam & my mom is radically religious. They always said you don’t divorce. That’s to much dysfunction for me, it reminds me of these 2, I hope they’re able to grow together they’ve got cute kids, but honestly it may be better if they separate.
I adore Pink always have, it just seems like an exhausting existence. I wish her the best.
I adore her, and I applaud her honesty on everything. But I will never understand why people say marriage is hard work. It’s some work, sure, but mostly comfortable and lovely. I’ve been married 24 years and we’ve had ups and downs but not constant hard work like some people say it is. That makes me sad that people live like that. Hell maybe the hubs and I are just lazy LOL
You are not an empty shell because you can see yourself and that you are not who you want to be. That means “you” are still in there. Take time to heal, find joy in the things you can – cooking, friends, anything – and build yourself back up stronger than you ever were. The best revenge is living well without him!