Here’s the bad news: Paris Hilton is still a moron of shocking measure. I said it was bad news, not surprising news. Here’s the good news: she’s actually learned to be a smarter moron: she’s hired a driver. Yes the woman who made us coin the phrase “Celebutard” is actually not quite as dumb as she used to be. Yeah she’ll still go out partying, get trashed beyond belief, dance on top of tables, and probably throw up on a barnyard animal, but she will not drive home after doing it. Why? Because Paris Hilton was actually smart enough to hire a driver. This throws my whole theory of de-evolution right out the window.

Finally, a celeb who’s hired a driver! Paris Hilton returned to the club scene Wednesday night, hitting up Hollywood hot spot Les Deux at 12:30 a.m. “She was chain smoking all night and mixing her own vodka drinks with the bottles on her table!” an onlooker source tells Usmagazine.com.

By 12:45 a.m., the heiress (clad in short black dress, knee-highs and a garter belt) did what she does best: She began table dancing (while chatting on her Blackberry, no less). Later, when The Police tune “Message In A Bottle” began playing, “Paris literally kept jumping up and down,” the witness says. “She was doing shots that a cocktail waitress kept bringing around.”

(She even squeezed in some cuddle time with on-and-off beau Stavros Niarchos, whom “she immediately hopped down from where she was sitting and hugged and kissed him” when he arrived, the onlooker said.) Seems all the partying hasn’t affected Hilton’s judgment: When the lights came on at 1:45 a.m., the heiress (who was arrested for DUI in 2006) was overheard telling pals she wasn’t getting behind the wheel: She hired a driver. Finally, getting things right, Paris!

[From Us Magazine]

To me that’s almost as good as if she’d really gone to Rwanda. Yeah I know she’s still planning it, but we don’t really believe she’ll do it, do we? She’ll probably save more lives by not getting behind the wheel drunk than she possibly could by going to Rwanda. I don’t know what good she thinks that’ll do for anyone but her PR reps. Really, I know hiring a driver when you’ve spent time in jail for driving-related issues seems kind of obvious, but for Paris Hilton, that was a moment of pure genius. Next stop: underpants!

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Paris at the Mercedes Benz Los Angeles Fashion Week Spring last night. Images thanks to PR Photos.