Jessica Simpson is the Bride of Frankenstein at Paris fashion show

jessica simpson paris catwalk 040909

Oh, Jessica. What the f-ck are you doing? According to sources, Jessica Simpson was asked to be a special guest model at the Ozlem Suer runway show in Paris. The gown is described as “a floor-length black ball gown with a ruffled collar.” But I just call it “some fugly mess”. Granted, on someone else it would look very avant-garde and high-fashion. But on Jessica, it looks like she’s wearing a rejected costume from some B-List softcore slasher film with a plot about Texas beauty queens being terrorized by some faceless and well-hung killer.

And the styling… Jesus. Jessica is a really pretty girl, but her beauty really hinges on smart styling. If the hair’s too big or too fake, she gives off a whiff of Jenna Jameson. If the make-up is too heavy, she’s aged ten years. If the shoes, outfit and jewelry aren’t cute, everything falls apart. The styling for Jessica – oh, no, honey. Just, no. Bride of Frankenstein hair mixed with crappy makeup. Bad, bad, bad.

I’m sure some people will mention Jessica’s size. Part of it isn’t her fault – this dress does absolutely nothing for her curvy figure. It makes her look obscenely top-heavy, when she needs to wear outfits that make her look more streamlined. Yes, I see that she’s got some “extra” hanging out top. The shoulder and upper arm is a bad, evil body part for a lot of women, so I’m not judging her.

My favorite part is the look of concentration on her face. Poor girl is trying not to fall. Sigh. When will we stop feeling such pity for Jessica?

Here’s Jessica at Salon du Pret A Porter at the Porte de Versailles – Ozlem Suer catwalk show in Paris today. Images thanks to WENN.com .

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

41 Responses to “Jessica Simpson is the Bride of Frankenstein at Paris fashion show”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. Bill Hicks is God says:

    She looks like a run-over Tootsie Roll wrapper. Without the dignity.

  2. Jana says:

    Its called a “root job,” Jessica.

  3. Granger says:

    I made it through one episode of Newlyweds, and the only thing that really stuck with me about Jessica is how really pretty she is without make-up. Granted, that was a few years ago, but I’m guessing things haven’t changed that much, because here, with all of that cake on, she looks AWFUL. At least 10 years older.

  4. Fat Elvis says:

    Bill: Ha!

  5. Praise St. Angie! says:

    that dress does NOTHING to accentuate her best feature…her BOOBS.

    they look awfully saggy in those pics.

    agree about her look depending on her styling. the girl looks SO much better when she goes “natural” with the make up. she’s got “strong” features which makes her her look very manly/tranny when she wears heavy make up.

    Edit: Bill Hicks, brilliant as usual.

  6. saintdevil says:

    Poor thing looks like a zombie – with saggy boobs and upper arm cellulitis.

    If that’s the look to go for this fall I need to step up my alcohol intake.

  7. LolaBella says:

    Jess is looking really rough here.

    A bra would have worked wonders for her and wearing a dress that fits properly and getting her roots done would have all worked to make her look as stunning as she used to.

  8. NanPaige says:

    The poor girl tries to damn hard to be something she’s obviously not. I think she should just call it quits,and move back to Texas. I doubt anyone will miss her.

  9. Kevin says:

    Kaiser, my sympathy bank account for Jessica as well as Jennifer A is over drawn. At sometime you have to put your big girl panties on and get on with your life. I don’t wish them ill, but don’t be a one string banjo.

  10. Wow says:

    She’s a pretty girl, but this is not a good look for Jessica.

  11. Beck says:

    I don’t understand what “extra” is hanging out. I think her figure looks fine. Yes, the dress doesn’t exactly complement her figure, but she definitely doesn’t look fat or overweight.

  12. scorpiogal says:

    Wow. At least she made me feel really good about my own figure. Yikes…I don’t think she could possibly look worse. She has NO waist definition- I actually never noticed that before. For a “curvy” woman she actually has no curves (except for her breasts.)

  13. hatsumomo says:

    That top looke like its squeezing her boobs into her chest. Anyone with large breasts knows the feeling and the look. it makes your boobies look saggy no matter how perky they are. And she could have held her head higher for the lighting, it would have looked haughty, but the shadows wouldn’t be so bad.

    Poor girl, I think she is one of those ‘naturally pretty’ types. No garish makeup or too stlyed hair or hooker heels.

    And to pull off high fashion like that, I think there is a reason why models are only 95 lbs and 6 feet tall. The dress just looks awful on her.

  14. Hieronymus Grex says:

    Not just everyone can go goth -thank god!!

  15. Green Is Good says:

    Holy Tranny-Face, Batman!

  16. KR says:

    I’m betting she looks better than any of you would…JFC…what a bunch of losers.

  17. LolaBella says:

    @Green Is Good. LOL!

    She just looks so rough. This is what happens when you let Papa Joe control your personal life+career.

  18. posterboy says:

    I love this not-too-bright-but-sweet girl but ugh! what a disaster! She looks so pissed in the first pic, probably because she knows she’s wearing a fugly dress and looks terrible.

  19. boomchakaboom says:

    Ack! Does the fashion industry just not like poor J. Simp? She needs to put her platform shod foot down and refuse to ever let them do this to her again. Have some dignity JS. Please.

    Bill: tee!

  20. posterboy says:

    She looks like a run-over Tootsie Roll wrapper. Without the dignity.

    LMAO!!

  21. SolitaryAngel says:

    @ Bill Hicks: I just fell in love with you! LOL

  22. QB says:

    Who did she piss off??She looks horrible. She is a pretty girl but they made her look horrible plus she looks miserable.

  23. Cinderella says:

    That first pic looks like Faith Hill after somebody grabbed her husband’s balls.

  24. LolaBella says:

    @Cinderella: *snicker*

  25. fizXgirl314 says:

    ok so the dress is unflattering and the make up is horrid… what’s the big deal? posters here are reading a little too much into this… it is not a sign of the apocalypse or that jessica simpson has no self respect, that’s she’s desperate and she’s trying too hard, or that her dad is molesting her…

    all those things may be true, but I wouldn’t come to that conclusion just from this ugly dress… :/

  26. Carolyn J. says:

    Whoever did her makeup should be run out of town!

  27. Dalston girl says:

    She looks awful. Sorry.

  28. Nev says:

    That’s just hideous!

  29. Ana says:

    Hatsumomo–Jessica has always had saggy boobs. I thought she had a lift but evidently not.

    I have not seen very many women with natural big boobs that are very thin. Don’t jump all over me now! I said not very many women not ALL.
    As Jessica gets older she is going to have to work hard to keep the chunk off.

    That dress would be awesome on Diane Kruger. She would wear the dress. Jessica lets the dress wear her.

  30. j. ferber says:

    At least she’s getting her mind off that jerk Romo. Let her do something fashion-related without jumping all over her. Forget how she may or may not look. Just say it’s great to see her getting out again. I saw her line of shoes in a local department store and they were cute. Maybe she should continue to work on her own fashion lines and not be in the public eye so much now.

  31. River says:

    Wasn’t this shoot affiliated with the new show JS is working on about the cultural concept of ‘beauty’?

    You say she looks rough, I say she looks like a blank eyed couture model (have you seen what they emote on the catwalk? Nothing! At all!). I think she did a great job.
    Unlike most high end fashion models, she’s a really pretty girl when she’s not faking it like she is here. We’re not used to seeing pretty girls do the catwalk thing, so having it done here just accentuates how odd the blank eyed, heroin-chic look appears on real people.

  32. For Sooth? says:

    She does look better without make up. And why couldn’t they use some of that super duper tape to lift her boobs? Someone around her should have been a better friend/advisor.

  33. Aspen says:

    Naturally large breasts generally do look saggy in comparison with what we have come to think of as the “normal” shape of rounded implants.

    Now…I’ve got nothing at all against implants. Hey, whatever makes a gal happy with her own girls is her own business. I’m NOT bashing implants by any stretch. But Jessica’s boobs aren’t saggy. They’re naturally large. Naturally large breast are not perky…because they weigh too much.

    I know. Sigh. I have a pair, myself. And it’s also true that large-chested women are generally larger all over. Not fat…just bigger.

    My wrists are thicker, my neck is thicker, and I weigh more than other women who wear the same size clothing as I do. It’s just how it is MOST of the time.

    I don’t like that dress, and I don’t like her pancake makeup…but Jessica didn’t choose either. She just showed up and wore what she was told to wear.

  34. Jen says:

    I really think it’s the hair that lets the whole thing down. If someone had’ve bothered doing her roots it wouldn’t half as bad. It creates a big black shadow on the top of her head which sets everything else off.

  35. lola lola says:

    Gravity has gotten a hold of little Chestica…..

  36. Angelica says:

    Looks…. What does matter 2 her? She wants to be an “earth”-y character actress?

  37. Enonymous says:

    This is why modeling should be left to actual models. This dress would look much nicer if a gorgeous, elegantly slim model had worn it.

  38. Fat Elvis says:

    Ugh, she looks horrid.

  39. Ana says:

    Aspen–you do have some valid points. The bigger they are the more gravity affects them.
    I have nothing to be affect by gravity. Lol.
    It doesn’t help that Jessica is pretty short.

    http://did-they-or-didnt-they-celebs-and-plas.popsugar.com/323478

  40. gg says:

    That “conk” hairstyle looks like crap on everybody. It seems there is no way to make it not be all lumpy.

    Second, the idiot “mineral” fad makeup looks like doo-doo on everybody as well. When will this fad go away because I’m tired of the orange.

  41. 4Real says:

    What a disaster. Her skin looks bad, hair overbleached, titties saggy, and she should never wear brown or an updo. It’s also the ugliest *uckin’ dress. Where was her daddy while this was going on. It’s like some cruel designers got together and played the ultimate joke on her.