Oooohhhh, Maxim is mean! The writers there actually had enough time (and malice) to come up with a list of the top five unsexiest women. Topping the list was Sarah Jessica Parker… not exactly a big surprise. I don’t find her totally gross, but she is rather… equine. I was watching an old episode of “Family Guy” the other day that had to do with censorship on television, and one of the characters said, “”What the hell! They let Sarah Jessica Parker’s face on TV and she looks like a foot!” So there you go. How much can I say about someone not being very attractive? She still looks better than I probably do. So with that crushing blow to my ego, here’s the list:

Sex & the City star Sarah Jessica Parker has been named the world’s unsexiest woman by Maxim magazine. ”How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with ‘sex’ in the title?” the magazine said. In the runner-up position is the beehived singer Amy Winehouse, because of her ”openly haemorrhaging translucent skin, rat’s nest mane and lashes that look more like surgically attached bats.”

On the small screen, Grey’s Anatomy star Sandra Oh came third and Madonna, ”with a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull”, was fourth, Britney Spears, took last place in the Unsexy 5. ”Less than five years ago, Britney had a python wrapped around her well-toned torso onstage at the VMAs. “Since then, she’s lost the ability to perform, but gained two kids, two useless ex-husbands, and about 23 pounds of … pudge.”

[From The Age]

I think working at Maxim must be one of the most indulgent jobs out there. You sit around looking at beautiful women, and talk smack about any of them that are physically less than perfect. But it’s not exactly hard to make fun of Sarah Jessica. My ex-boyfriend and I had an entire two and a half year relationship built on a mutual hatred of Prince, Smashmouth, and the agreement that neither of us would ever want to sleep with Sarah Jessica Parker. Granted that as much of a stretch for me as it was for him, but I respected his taste, nonetheless. Really, I don’t think she’s actually that unattractive, just a bit less of a conventional beauty, in Hollywood terms.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s the unsexiest, in unsexiest order. Because I’m sure you wanted to see more grimy Whitney Bears pics, huh?