The one year anniversary of lockdown is particularly meaningful to me because it’s my birthday, March 13th. I was just reminded that it was a Friday the 13th, which I don’t put much stock in because I don’t consider it unlucky when my birthday falls on a Friday. It’s been a whole freaking year since I’ve seen anyone socially inside and unmasked. In a way I’m proud of that because I took this seriously from the start and in another I’m horrified and tired. I’ve made so many friends but I’ve lost friends who failed to take this seriously (they didn’t pass away thankfully, I’m just not staying in touch because I can’t condone that). I’ve also grieved for people who have lost loved ones, who have chronic illness from covid, and who have lost jobs. Entire industries have all but shuttered and our way of life has changed forever. While it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting vaccinated in time for my birthday as I hoped, I will likely be able to get the shot sometime in April. We have three vaccines now and more are coming, we got a competent and caring administration this year, and we’ll gradually get back to something resembling normal.
So many of us are struggling with how to feel now. A new article in The Lily kind of summed it up for me and I wanted to talk about it. I especially appreciated what their expert said about holding trauma in the body.
The second time around, a Zoom birthday party has lost its novelty. Another online Passover Seder reminds us that we’re still here. A year into a “Groundhog Day” kind of existence, this month has the potential to be an emotional beast.
Kimberly Gordon, a psychiatrist and professor at the University of Maryland medical school, sees the month as a time to connect with the heady emotions and reflect.
“Trauma keeps score, and it keeps score in our body and our brains,” Gordon said. “We all are having to adjust to a different environment.”
She recommends doing body scans and paying attention to physical signals.
“Allow your body to reset. What type of triggers are you having in your body? What sensations are you having in your body about that trauma? See where the emotion sits,” she said. People can harbor stress in their hands, back or stomach, she said. Gordon herself gets headaches.
“Think about strategies that you can use to combat that. If you’re one of those people who get headaches when you’re stressed, you may be dehydrated, you may need to get a little bit more sleep. You may need to put your phone aside and turn off the TV so your eyes are not getting strained.”
Gordon adds the strain can be more intense for those who have experienced loss in the last year.
“For some people the shock is over, and they think, ‘I don’t know really what I feel, but I know it’s not how I used to feel.’ The expectation to return to normal is a little bit premature. The expectation for right now is to reset and refocus and to recuperate,” she said.
The article goes on to quote Gordon telling us to “take time to process” what we’ve lost. They also quote a psychology professor from Berkeley, Dacher Keltner, who says we should “take the time and reflect on the lessons learned and the time lost.” That’s good advice and I will try to take it, because buying stuff online constantly, baking, cooking and binging television to escape my sadness is not cutting it. At least now I have a better explanation for why I’m sore all over than just the fact that I’m getting old and am working out too hard. My emotion is sitting in my neck and back lately. It needs to be let out and it’s time to let myself grieve finally. After that I’m going to make out with random guys. (Who are vaccinated, age appropriate and Democrats. OK that pool is still small.)
photos credit: Charles Deluvio Chris Montgomery and Gayatri Malhotra on Unsplash, Anna Shvets on Pexels
I have become a regular viewer of videos of people taking flight around the world in various cabins of aircrafts. I am looking at hotel websites on a regular basis.
So I am going stir crazy and my meds can be stronger.
I mean, why lie at this point.
As luck would have a it, for me, I’ve been taken off my anti-depressants recently (after a little over a year); the pandemic allowed me to step way back from my job & all the associated crap, so while the isolation has been getting to me lately, it has still enabled me to have some peace of mind. I can’t say I’m happy at the moment (isolation is really not good for this introvert), but I can say I am no longer living in the depths of despair.
Oh, and CB: I’ve bought seven pairs of jeans in the last month alone. I get the online shopping thing.
I already passed a year since the pituitary orgs put out in February that endocrine patients needed to isolate.
I am struggling with it immensely. I think all the time of how nice it was to just go somewhere instead of extensively planning and researching every outing to try to go when there are less people, what I can pick up curbside, and safe places to go where there are few people.
Last month I went to Target at night expecting it to be empty but instead it was full of people just wandering around. It really felt like people were there less to shop more to be around other people.
I am very lucky that I have remained disease free but the isolation is not easy.
First thing in the morning for best Target time, opening time. On a Saturday or Sunday is great. Best to you!
Yep! That is always when I hit Target. First thing!
I have been struggling more since the inauguration. Logically I knew it wouldn’t fix everything instantly, but this year has lead to a lot of magically thinking.
Good. Fortunate. Thankful. Also fighting depression, daily struggle to do the simplest things. Got sleep sickness leading to zero energy, sadness, appetite issues. Haven’t seen my family since Jan before lockdown and I neeed them! Also occasional spurts of anger that don’t last long but are not me at all. Like wanting to throw large heavy objects at no-maskers, trumpers.
I gained about 40 pounds during the fall and winter which I’ve just started taking off in the last month. Two of my kids had to have therapy to cope with the pandemic and the sudden death of our Great Dane puppy. I live on the opposite coast from my parents and haven’t seen them in 15 months-the longest stretch of my life. My daughter’s college graduation was canceled. I pulled my youngest out of his hybrid school and have been homeschooling him myself. None of us have left our country-we’ve barely left the house. The election cycle and right wing lunacy sent me into total despair. On the plus side-my parents are now vaccinated, my daughter got into grad school for the fall, my husband still has a job, none of us have gotten sick. I am way more hopeful and upbeat than I was 3 months ago when I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning. Today I am heading for the library-the first time in over a year. I am so excited you would think I was going on some amazing trip!
I don’t really want to go back into the world. A year of working at home, constantly with my dogs, no social obligations… I’m not ready to live by a strict schedule again. Okay it wasn’t that strict but I had to be mentally prepared to be up showered and appropriately clothed. It’ll take an adjustment to be that person again.
I’m with you. COVID had brought out my inner introvert. But then that might be because I’m on Zoom work calls back to back all day.
But the thought of having to drive to the office again makes me almost have a meltdown.
this is kind of where I am. Its a weird feeling. Like i’ve fully adjusted to this isolated lifestyle in a way where I dont want to go back. The thought of having to balance commute, kids sports schedules, appointments, etc again is sort of overwhelming at the moment. I just want to stay in my sweatpants and on the couch.
I also struggle with SAD every year and I’m pretty sure that’s a big part of this. It’s always a little hard for me to get going this time of year.
Another week or so will be 1 year working at home. There are parts I like, wearing sweats and being with my cats, and parts I don’t – working crazy hours because I can’t stop and go home, communicating is tougher.
I’m an introvert and like living alone, but I really miss my friends. I think it’s going to be a long time before I’m around other people though and not worrying, even once vaccinated. I’m so jumpy about people being in my personal space now.
Frustrated with those who STILL think this virus is political and refusing to get vaccinated.
Happy because I took advantage of the year to ditch the dye and grow out my natural silver hair. It is while, sliver and salt and pepper. I am fascinated by and and love it – I focused a lot on the progress to distract me from the horrors of the news. I have one little patch of color left, and I will be all natural – first time since 1986!
Brain fog, trouble sleeping. But grateful I was allowed to work from home and am still employed. Have turned a corner and am now taking off the pounds I put on in the first year.
I feel this so so much. I had a baby right before the lockdown so I wasn’t going anywhere anyway so it’s been about a year and a half of being in this house for me. A few months ago I went to an ENT b/c I was dizzy all the time for no reason. He checked me out and ruled everything out. Said I was probably manifesting stress this way and recommend the app headspace. It went away for a little while but now it’s back and it’s just hard for me to except that my body is physically expressing stress like this since I’ve had anxiety my whole life and never had anything like this. I also feel old and brain fog. Sometimes I can’t even express myself because I can’t think of the right words and that was never a problem before either. I’m under 40 and feel 80 or something, even looking in the mirror. The whole Groundhog Day, not having a future to look forward to, weekends blending into weekdays because they are no different. It’s all been so much and I’m feeling it. Good news is because of special circumstances I qualify for the vaccine now and got my first dose so waiting for the second and then after that hoping I feel different. Although my children still won’t be getting vaccinated anytime soon and my I laws and parents are magas so who knows if they even will.
I am a COVID long-hauler, so some days are good and some are pretty terrible.
Hang in there- I wish you all the best, Merricat.
Thanks!
All the days and nights are the same. I haven’t really gone anywhere or seen family or friends that I like to. Now, I’m on vraylar and hoping it’ll help. The upside is that more and more people are getting vaccinated. The more who are the less place for the covid to find another victim.
I’m a public health nurse. I’ve been doing case management and contact tracing from the start. I’m so burnout. I’m exhausted. I’ve gained 40lbs. I feel like shit. So, in short, not good. I’d like to take a moment to thank my anti-depressants for getting me this far.
And we’d like to take a moment to thank you for all your hard work! Thank you thank you THANK YOU!
Thanks. I’m just having a day I guess.
One year ago, today, we moved across town to a house with a big landscaped yard that we planned to celebrate my son’s 6th birthday in. This year I and my dear friends will be vaccinated before his birthday on the 29th, so he can have a real birthday party this year. It took a full 10 years to get on the other side of my PTSD from 9/11, people need to be patient and gentle with themselves, it’s a lot of baby steps back to normalcy.
I have an 18 month old son, who’s seen other kids his age on TWO occasions. One of them was in a doctor’s office. His dad needs to go to work regularly, so it’s mostly just the two us, staying home. Luckily we live in a small house with a backyard, so he can play outside a lot. I am really worried what his childhood will look like, to be perfectly honest.
I can only imagine. At that age, socialization is so important. We’ll be okay, soon enough, he’ll have a rollicking second birthday party.
@leah- I mentioned above that I also have an almost 18mo old so I’ve been in lock down for a year and a half for the most part. I feel you on this too. She has older siblings which is lucky for her but she hasn’t seen anyone her own age and hasn’t left the house more then a couple of times for doctors appointment either. She’s seen my parents four times in her life and my in-laws once. Her aunts and uncles and cousins haven’t even met her. I feel like she’s going to be completely shocked once she goes out and sees that there is an entire world with people in it outside of our family. I’m worried what that shock will be like.
I have a 3 year old who is high risk, so we will be staying isolated until he is vaccinated (next year, probably). He hasn’t visited a playground, seen a dentist, or played with anyone his age since last February. I’ve bought him books about things like stores and museums, because he doesn’t remember them! I have good days, where I feel hopeful things are getting better, and bad days, where I think that our rush to return to “normalcy” is going to come back to bite us with new variants. My husband’s emotions are more level: he says he’s just accepted that this will last two full years, so anything faster than that will be a wonderful surprise. I’d like to imitate him, but, uh… not there yet.
I’m sorry @julia, I feel that too. We have a child with complex medical needs which is why we’ve been so careful.
I’ve also noticed my younger kid’s continually talk about a couple of things we did before lock down. Like my husband took the older ones to a hotel to go swimming while I stayed home with the baby just to give me a break. That’s the only times they’ve ever been to a hotel and that was last February and they still bring it up and talk about it. My daughter is constantly talking about going to her friends house “after the sickness is gone”. It makes me so so upset for them.
Thanks, @EMM. I hope your family is getting through all of this OK, too! I think one of the underlying stressors is that it’s not clear HOW at risk my kid actually is. He looks like the picture of health, but he had a significant respiratory issue about 18 months ago, so his doctor was like: you need to be better safe than sorry. I just hope that the developmental and social tradeoffs we’re making are the best call for him!
The only silver lining (and it’s a weird one) is that my life is full of reminders of how much we STILL don’t know about this virus, so it’s a little easier to hold off on fantasizing about returning to normal. My husband has severe asthma; is he higher risk? (Some studies say yes, some say no!) We live in an area where people have chronic Vitamin D deficiencies, does that increase our risk? (Who knows?! After a few months of studies that said yes, today a large-scale study said no!) The variant spreading in Italy apparently is hitting kids really hard–how much risk is there for kids in my state? With so many unanswered questions, it’s hard to get too enthusiastic about stuff like parties or soccer games. (And even if I was in a stage of life where I was making out with random age-appropriate fellow Democrats, I suspect insisting that they scrub their faces in disinfectant for 20 seconds might destroy a bit of the atmosphere…)
You have kept us all sane throughout, Katie. I would give you the biggest award and the best hug, bake you a cake and cook your favorite dinner! I know I’m not alone in my gratitude for you and your amazing team of writers.
THANK YOU lady
I totally agree. Celebitchy helped keep me sane and gave me a reason to look forward to a new day. When the pandemic robbed our ability to celebrate in person the good things that did happen in this past year (Biden/Harris win specifically), I was still able to experience joy celebrating on CB. I know it’s been so hard on everyone but big thanks to everyone at CB for being a part of my coping skills.
I think one of the shocking things has been what the lockdowns exposed in terms of people’s underlying personalities. Our direct neighbours, who are left of centre, educated, tweet about supporting the NHS, first out to do the Thursday clap, painting rainbows everywhere, spent lockdown as if it was an absolute blast. It was like a holiday for them. They spent hours outside, had people over, had a nanny they didn’t need, broke the rule of six and bubbling. Meanwhile, our older, right leaning neighbours, who you’d expect to chafe at the rules, behaved responsibly and neighbourly. It’s been a real eye opener, and I can’t see us going back to trusting or understanding some people ever again.
This was honestly one of the hardest things for me-what should have felt like a time of pulling together felt most of the time (with very few exceptions) like I was continuously shocked, disappointed and dismayed over how my friends behaved. I hate feeling “judgey” and I have spent much of the year judging my friends and other people.
Totally agree. My relationship with my I laws was already not great but it’s pretty much non existent now which is fine with me but still sad that my kids have lost grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins. Most of my family I now look at completely differently and can’t even go back.
Sometimes I wish I was blissfully ignorant and was living my life not believing in this pandemic, or climate change, or racism. These people in my family have been living their best lives this year it seems like.
I honestly thought I did really well up until this winter. Where I live, winter does not eff around. When the pandemic hit last year, we were just entering spring, so I was able to go outside almost every day: for a walk in my neighborhood or to a park where I could safely distance from others. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing in colder climates and it’s hitting harder because there’s nowhere to go. At least, for me, not safely.
I hate more than anything that I haven’t hugged my mother in almost a year. I’m getting vaccinated starting this week because I’m pregnant. My mother is being so stubborn about getting hers (she’s over 65). She’s not anti vaxx. I think she’s worried about side effects. That’s really bothering me. She’s in her 70s, and while she’s in good health and we see each other (like, talking for a few minutes outside of each other’s houses), I hate that I’ve lost an entire year of really spending time with her.
I had side effects, but it wasn’t unbearable. I felt like I had the Flu: fever, chills, aches, and weird little sharp pains. Every place that I have arthritis was flared up. But a day and a half later it was completely over. I had the j+j one shot and I feel that is pretty typical of what I have heard about the second Moderna shot reactions as well. I’m in my mid 60s. My honey bunny who is 10 years younger had fever and some aches but was better faster. Both of us slept a lot the day after. Worth it though!
Tell her getting covid is a millions time worse than a day of maybe feeling bad. I was achy all day after second shot but Advil was helpful. I went on a walk, cooked dinner-really wasn’t bad. My husband had very mild symptoms and another couple we know had absolutely no symptoms at all except for sore arm.
My parents and I actually got my first shot of the vaccine this morning! My parents recently became eligible in CT. CT is one of the few states that seems to be doing a pretty fast-tracked age bracket vaccine rollout. We are at 55+ here and March 22nd 45+ become eligible. My age bracket (16-34) become eligible May 3rd. However I became eligible due to my job I recently started in February. Getting an appointment is NOT easy though. CT is one of the states that uses the VAMS website (I was also looking in NY since I work for a NY based company and am eligible since I work in NY). On Sunday I just happened to notice vaccine slots become available for a pop up vaccine for Moderna about 20 miles away in 48 hours (today). I grabbed both my parents and we all got adjacent time slots. We got lucky. As a friend told me, you have to monitor the websites like they’re concert tickets (and I was checking for TWO states which was crazy enough). I was even checking CVS and Walgreens, it was very tiring.
However up until February I was unemployed for the majority of COVID and for the last two years. It absolutely sucked job searching during a time when there were hardly any jobs. I left a an awful job in January 2019 in NYC and then ended up moving back in with my parents. I got into a car accident in Sept. 2019 and was in a very dark place (which is why I cried during Meghan’s interview when she revealed her thoughts of self-harm). I had some sporadic employment through dog walking and temping but in March 2020, I had literally just started day 1 of a new temp job on… what else? Friday, March 13th. I ended up having to quit due to the horrible timing of COVID-19 and finally, finally had an interview last year which led my current position. So I have a job WITH health insurance (the state marketplace absolutely SUCKS let me tell you and I have done it both in NY and CT), I got my first dose of the vaccine today, and maybe, just maybe I might move out of my parents this year?? Maybe I’ll actually go to my friend’s wedding this summer?? I still have my moments of anxiety and depression just like a few weeks ago during my period I was absolutely drained and COVID fatigue and just felt like crying every single second. But we are almost there! And this website has helped me during the darkest days to keep my sanity. 🙂
Yes! I’m so happy for you. I keep hearing MTM’s theme song in my head lately “you’re gonna make it after all”!
March 13 was when I put myself into lockdown last year (3 days before my birthday) and I constantly remind myself how lucky my family has been. None of us have gotten sick, and we didn’t go without. My son was a junior in high school last year, and his senior year has not been as fun-filled as he’d hoped, but his school has been open for all of this school year, and he has had the option of virtual school if needed/wanted.
My personal stress from this comes from seeing how it’s affected others, and how poorly the government responded. I had a friend who moved at Australia at the end of 2019 and listening to her describe the lockdown precautions and rules there was like watching a sci-fi movie. Believable, but amazing. Things like only one person from a family could shop for groceries, mask mandates, people could only be outside for one hour a day, and the Australians went along with it! People who didn’t comply were fined! I firmly believe that that is what the US should have done, but then we had to find out how many selfish people there actually are around us.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My mom is fully vaccinated, it’s looking like my son will have a “normal” college experience, and I’ll be able to see friends and family that I haven’t seen in a year. I also had my dose of anti-anxiety meds bumped up, which helps immensely.
I have looked forward to this website every day for years, and it has been especially great this last year. Celebitchy and team, I know I speak for many people when I say your work has been so appreciated, not only for escapist fun, but also for the political discussions. Thank you.
I miss being spontaneous, I now have to plan everything I do. I miss hugging people. I miss not being paranoid every time someone sneezes.
Definitely miss hugs.
Here, here to making out with vaccinated eligible democrats! I found a Twitter thread yesterday about someone’s mom & aunt getting hit on in the vaccine line and how we are all READY. Someone else called it ‘hot antibody summer’ 😂😂
OMG I LOVE THIS! LMAO
I want to design a tshirt now; my hot girl antibody summer
I got to find out, as a public school employee who has watched my colleagues and their families die as a result of school being opened at parents demand, just how little our lives really matter. It’s not enough to give us joke salaries and crush us on the daily with attacks and disrespect. They actually want us to die. I had parents admit to me straight up they want school back in because they’re sick of being around their own children. That the lives and health of staff don’t matter because their children’s “‘mental health” and “they’re bored/sad”. I have a colleague who is a survivor of the war in Bosnia. She is quitting at the end of the year because she was displaced in a war zone for four years, and she’s had to listen to parents, with high SEO and more than enough support, whine about how it’s the end of the world for their spoiled children who still had families, homes, enough food, did activities despite quarantine and watched Netflix all day.
Yeah, I’m pissed. A few weeks ago another colleague sent us a picture of her holding her husbands hand after he had died. A lot of people are leaving or retiring early because we just can’t take it anymore. I don’t even want to hear the empty platitudes for teacher appreciation month. If you really appreciated us, you would have put us at the front of the line to be vaccinated as you screamed for schools to be in.
I’m done.
I took this year off (preschool speech path) because I knew what co-workers and others in my community were out and about doing (thanks, Facebook, you are good for that). I was exhausted after the spring, took the summer off and when my school said they were doing a hybrid plan for fall…no thanks! All of the exposure of in person and all of the hassle of remote learning. There are 3 forms to fill out for every hybrid session. I just barely have worked remotely per diem. I’m going back in May when a coworker is going on maternity leave. I had my J+j shot last weekend so am feeling comfortable about that.
Everyday, I thank my lucky stars that I had savings and investments to pull from to keep me afloat and am so aware that is not the case for most.
I’m with you on this and I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. There has been a lot of hatred aimed at teachers here in the UK, as well. I really don’t understand how teachers can be treated with such contempt, almost as if they are moaning slackers, when they are frontline workers in dangerous environments. I know some parents who have sent their children into school/pre school when there has been no real need, just to ‘get them out of the house’ and out from underfoot. As I say, it’s been an eye opener as to who is selfish and who is selfless.
I’ve been relatively fortunate – I’ve been able to work from home with relative ease, haven’t had any money worries, haven’t contracted the virus, and don’t know anyone who has had it badly or fatally. But I’m tired, sad, and filled with contempt and disgust not just for the UK government and the opposition, but for certain public figures and even people I know who haven’t taken it seriously and stuck to the lockdown rules. Now that people are getting vaccinated, more and more of them are breaking the rules because they think it’s over, and whining about not being allowed to go on holiday or go to the pub. And they’re using their ‘mental health’ as an excuse to do so, despite having no compassion, sympathy, or empathy for people struggling with their mental health prior to the pandemic. I haven’t been vaccinated and probably won’t be for a while, and I have no intention of going anywhere or seeing anyone until I’ve had both doses, which means I’m in for another couple of months of staying cooped up indoors, watching everyone else get back to their lives whilst risking other people without a care.
Jane. I am so with you on this. People in the UK are using the first shot as a passport to going to meet friends and family beyond their bubbles. Someone told me their parents had had the first pfizer so it was back to normal and they were all having a get together to celebrate. The UK lockdown is going to lift well before it’s meant to. I’ve had my first shot and I’m still masking up, staying indoors as much as possible, getting the kids to mask up and sanitise, and keeping away from people.
My 84 year old mother received her second shot recently; it’s a relief.
Spouse is an MD and I was so grateful when he got his second dose in January.
So far, the kids (all in college) have been illness-free (one scare).
I’m an introvert and disease free, we have all we could ever need materially. We have two great dogs and three annoying cats to help with distraction- spring is here/ polar vortex gone, so more dog walks are happening.
I still have deep unease and dread about a fourth and bigger wave, and a general sense of despair.
I am hopeful the kids & I receive our vaccinations soon.
My best to all the celebitches. My thoughts are with you all. Hang in there.
A year ago today, I felt a cold coming on, but I pushed through & knocked on doors all day because I only had a week left to secure enough signatures to get a badass on our Senate ballot.
I did not have a cold 😐
…and we did not have a week left. A few days later, we had to shut it down early after a year and a half of fighting… in part because I was so sick & we’d all been together for days. And in the end, she just barely missed the signature requirement. (A judge ruled she should still make it because of the pandemic, but the Supreme Court reversed it.)
Aaaand I’ve been wracked with guilt & tried to make up for it with nonstop activism ever since. SIGH
I got my second Pfizer vaccine on 2/25 and was so relieved! The next day, I had a mammogram and discovered I had breast cancer. I couldn’t even go 24 hours with health happiness. *sigh*
Luckily, I’m stage one and very treatable, but still – quite the bummer. 🙁
Oh gosh I am soooo sorry! Thank God you found it so early.
Oh, gosh, Bookie, what a roller-coaster of emotions. Wishing you all the best from afar.
I’m so sorry. I was diagnosed on my birthday 7 years ago. I was terrified; between initial diagnosis and treatment was by far the worst of it.
There are a lot of good support groups on Facebook if you want to talk to people who understand what you are dealing with.
Sending you healing thoughts.
I was thinking about the beginning…..I was genuinely afraid. Had lavender next to my bed to sniff it every morning to see if I could still smell. I don’t love wearing the masks and shield, but it makes me shop faster and spend less bc I just want to get out of the store. I started swimming at an open-air pool last summer and have swam at least three times a week since then (it’s heated). I honestly don’t know what I would have done without the pool (I live in an urban, no good place for a walk area)
The thing that makes me the saddest about ALL of it (other than the needless deaths) – seeing how many people refuse to participate in the mask wearing and seeing all the hostility it brought up. Some people are amazingly selfish. I blame a lot of that on the former administration, but also crazy sense of entitlement. Living in a State with a terrible Governor really makes me see HOW important good governance it, so I feel like I’ll become more involved in politics/elections in the future.
I live on LI, ny, and I didn’t realize how old everyone here is. I did know it’s trumpland, so I guess I should have noticed. You can’t get the vaccine here, it’s crazy. I did get my 75 yo mom in, but even though I do have what they consider a preexisting condition, and so I qualify, I have been unable to get an appointment. Today, cuomo just opened it up to 60+ instead of 65+. That’s going to flood the site more, and I’m no 60 so I’m not getting in. (Gen X screwed again! lol) What I did was make an appointment in Syracuse for April, for the J & J shot. I realized I have this privilege; I can drive that far, no issues. I can afford a hotel.
I feel I had a lot of terrible moments, of depression and loneliness, but I did okay really. I’m very lucky. And I’m excited I’m going to be vaccinated next month.
Keep checking! I had an appointment for Syracuse for April as well, but a friend told me to keep trying and all of a sudden 3 more sites opened up much closer to me (southern tier/western NY) and I had my shot last weekend. It’s easy to cancel the old appointment from the email.
I’m fully vaccinated and working back at a school. But during the pandemic, I was very sedentary and gained 20 pounds. I get exhausted doing the most minor menial tasks. I mean drop dead exhausted. I believe this past year may have taken years from our life simply from lack of exercise.
I even wondered to my husband if I had COVID at some point and didn’t realize it. I’ve never been so continually physically and mentally exhausted in my life.
I ate outside at a restaurant for the first time in a year and it was literally exhilarating. Then I went home and passed out from exhaustion.
@Marigold- same, I have asked my husband to take my temp so many times this year because I was convinced I was sick just from my physical body feeling like absolute garbage for seemingly no reason. I have the second shot in a couple of weeks so in just over a month I will be fully vaccinated. I have been isolated and so caution and can’t wait to just walk through target with a mask on, something I haven’t done in well over a year.
I needed this post today! I couldn’t get the energy to go sit at my desk in the other room and work. So here I sit on the couch, not working. I need something to change! I’ve tried to be kind to myself, to forgive myself for not being more productive this past year, but it’s hard. Trying to figure out what will make me feel better, at least for today. For this moment. I so appreciate everyone’s stories here, and for all the celebitches and the Celebitchy team!
CJS: you are me during this WFH stuff–I sit here on the couch worrying about not being over there at my desk. Productivity has taken a hit! We’ll get through this somehow!
I’ve really struggled mentally this year and recently started getting into medical marijuana and it was a game changer! Really helping me with stress and sleep issues. Highly recommend it if you are in a state with legal or a medical program. I’ve had the first vaccine and ready for the next one. I’m so worried about it the insane anti vaxxers and so many decent people are caught up in these lies and refusing the vaccine.
I can tell when I hobble out of bed that a one bedroom apartment is not enough for a body. Silver lining that I will have a much better handling loneliness after this year. And I am much more comfortable on friend/family video chats.
If anyone has a spin class they like, I’d love to know. I hate Peloton, they talk drivel nonstop and it frustrates me more than being at work. Most of those instructors talk like people I flee from at coffee shops.
I do Mossa on Demand workouts, and the instructors aren’t too annoying. Although maybe I’ve just learned to tune them out! I haven’t tried Peloton, but if the commercials are any indication, no thank you. I haven’t tried the recorded Mossa spin classes, though I used to do them at my gym and they were great.
nice, thank you! There are some on youtube, so I will check them out. if I like them i will subscribe.
I have been very disappointed in peloton after hearing good things, but people do like different things from their instructors. Some classes the instructors never stop speaking and call out people on the board, like class attendees. Some find that inspiring, but, whew, not me.
Well, I have been very fortunate that this hasn’t affected me economically. My job was 100% telework before this and remained so. And my job is secure because it’s been deemed “essential”. Speaking of which, I’m in the 1C group and am still waiting to get vaccinated because they are still getting through 1B.
My mother and brother have been fully vaccinated and my Dad just got his first shot. I’m fortunate that no one in my family has gotten ill. Although my eldest brother did get laid off but he seems to be muddling through with side gigs.
I’m very introverted so I’m not feeling tortured about spending most of my time at home. But I do suffer from general anxiety disorder and I find my nerves frequently frayed. And just a constant sense of dread waiting for something horrible to happen. I’m thinking of seeing a therapist.
We spent the first week of the lockdown in an Air BnB because our kitchen was being demolished for a remodel. It was really eerie and horrible being away from home at a time when we weren’t supposed to leave the house. I remember hearing one expert on the news saying to prepare for a year or more of lockdown, and I panicked, thinking we couldn’t possibly do this for a year. Ha.
I told my doctor I am appropriately depressed for these times. She noted it in my chart as a “mood disorder.” There’s nothing disordered about how I feel, though. I think it’s very, very rational to be sad about what I’m missing, about the selfishness of those around us, about the toll this has taken on my children, about the lack of value placed on the lives of the elderly, people of color, frontline workers, about the many cruelties inherent in our society that have been highlighted by the pandemic.
That said, I am deeply aware of how easy I’ve had it throughout this pandemic. And I’m grateful every day. I fervently hope we as a society learn from this experience and use those lessons to make things better for those who are not so lucky.
I got word last fall that my job would end after this school year because our provincial government in its wisdom decided to defund the largest and oldest distance education provider in the province during a pandemic. I’m on the shady side of 50 and I’m dreading job hunting in this economic climate. I’m tired, profoundly depressed much of the time, have 15 pounds that weren’t here at this time last year, and I haven’t hugged my mother in over a year. But everyone in my family has stayed well, the dog we adopted last January is a daily delight, and I haven’t yet given in to my impulse to hurl invectives (and more concrete objects) at anti-maskers. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop being startled when someone gets too close, or if I’ll ever feel completely comfortable in a crowd.
My company is in bad shape.
Me and my collegues will lose our jobs by the end of July.
I am glad to live in France, where we we can have a HUGE support by the state, but it sucks.
On the other side I need to rest a bit, so I hope to find another job in september.
Reading this site is a part of my routine 🙂
Big hug to all of you!
Lurker Celebitchy reader here. I’m fortunate in that I’m able to safely work from home and will continue some sort of work from home life even after it’s safe to return to the office with my colleagues. I love that I get to be at home all day with my sweet pup; I love not having to get up and rush out the door every day; I love wearing comfy clothes around the clock. But I miss my friends; I miss my family; I miss my co-workers; I miss in-person happy hour; I miss wearing jewelry and all my cute shoes (or rather, having a reason to). I hate how downtown in my city has suffered; I hate that so many people have died and it’s almost impossible to process that we’ve lost over half a million Americans; I hate how many people have needlessly suffered because people can’t wear a damn mask or stop dining-in at restaurants. I’ve always had a low tolerance for other people, but COVID has removed whatever tolerance existed to the point that I sometimes get angry when I see other people out walking at the same time as me. I realize that’s a personal issue for me to work out, but I didn’t think it was possible to harbor an even stronger disdain for my fellow human beings. I try to see the good and the people helping and doing the right thing, but some days, all I can see is how most people are terrible and selfish.
Celebitchy has been a welcome dose of sanity in these troubling times. Here’s to better days ahead for all of us.
I feel so exhausted all the time, the struggle is real, my 8 year old and 3 year old are demanding my time constantly, my husband still works, thankfully, but I’m teaching from home for a year now and it’s just so depressing… It’s really difficult to put on a happy face for the children, when I feel dead inside most or the time and there is no light at the end of the tunnel in my country. I feel like I need to read the news all the time so see the change coming, but it’s just bad news after bad news and I feel like crying every day now. I’m sorry…. There are better days of course, just not lately.
Faith, I don’t know what country you live in. I do know that I avoid the news lately. I feel like they don’t want us to have hope. They are always like “uh oh, vaccine MAY not be as effective against variant!”
I hope you have access to vaccination soon.
I’ve taken the precautions seriously and I’ve been mostly isolated for the last year. I’m truly worried that I’ve lost all my social skills, and don’t see how I will re-integrate into the post pandemic world. It’s always been introverted but right before the pandemic I had been on the cusp of changing careers, getting out more and making friends, but it all came crashing down. I’m 35 and single and worried that status will become permanent. I am seriously thinking of creating a support group for other people like me.
Days running into eachother and I’m waking up in the early hours every morning. So lack of sleep combined with careless morons out on the street starting up their cars in the early AM. Also I am going into menopause so I’m hot when I wake up and it’s 50 degrees outside.
Also it’s been a struggle having to deal with some family issues, two elders, one struggling to take care of another with dementia who thankfully invested in LTC 30 years ago. The struggle to get a good caregiver has been overwhelming, we are on our fourth one now with the hopes that she won’t turn out like the previous three. The virus has made things that were difficult before even more difficult. Dementia patient + a dangerous virus = bad combo. He should be in memory care because it’s just gotten so bad but nursing homes are still so worrying to even think about.
That said, I don’t miss going into work. Working from home has been the best thing for me because it’s cut down on the external noise and drama of my fellow co-workers. When I was working in the office I’d come home every night to deflate, to unwind to get away from the noise. Now, it’s just sweatpants, my cats and the desktop. They are hinting at us coming back as early as May but I am not eligible for the vaccine yet so it’s a worry.
I have been good until now, when I see the light (vaccine) at the end of the tunnel, seeing all these people I know getting the vaccine and that they are safe, is great but I definitely have vaccine envy/panic. I’ve never been annoyed at having good health before. 🙂
Like others I’ve gained wait and lost my social skills and have been so very terribly angry and sad by what is happening and feeling extremely guilty for being so lucky throughout.
I’m bored the days stretch into weeks (how is it March???). I’ve been extraordinarily lucky, no close deaths, maintained my job and met an awesome guy 6 months before. If I hadn’t met him, I’m not sure how I’d be doing. My alone time is a slog… trying to find something to entertain/interest me. I also adopted a second dog… just to keep me cheered up. (He’s lovely and not going to be returned… just needed MORE DOGS!!! in my life).
I for sure have Covid Fatigue
A friend just found out his parents are getting vaccinated tomorrow. He’d been holding up well, and yet, this piece of news just opened floodgates–he was overwhelmed by relief, grief, sorrow and all of the feels.
The stress has hit my stomach hard…..I am so incredibly stress bloated and I can’t tolerate dairy or carbs any more
Until recently I thought I was handling the shutdown and the pandemic stress pretty well. Then, three weeks ago I lost a filling. I made an appointment with my dentist, and before my appointment 3 days later I lost another one. I got to the dentist and it turned out that I had cracked both teeth so badly that I had to have two root canals. I had literally cracked the teeth in half and one of them actually exposed the nerve. I was very shocked and asked my dentist why this would have happened. He said that practically daily he receives information from professional publications about patients having unusual dental problems, and that many dentists believe it is due to pandemic related stress. In my case he believes that I began clenching my teeth during the night, and over a period of months I clenched them hard enough to crack those teeth. I’ve now had my vaccinations, and my root canals, and hope that lessening stress will leave me without additional dental problems.