That’s one of those headlines I wish I were creative enough to have made up all on my own, just to make you all laugh. But each word in that delicious title is entirely true. You may remember that the Rolling Stones’ Keith Richards suffered from a bit of an injury after he fell from a coconut tree in Fiji last year. What was Keith Richards doing up a coconut tree? That’s the stupidest question I’ve ever heard. What would Keith Richards not be doing up a coconut tree? Now that makes more sense. As a result of the fall, he had to have brain surgery. Yeah it must have been a pretty severe fall to necessitate opening up his cranium. I’m guessing that the doctors had gotten confused and assumed the coconut had somehow slammed into Richard’s head so hard that it knocked his brain clear out of his body and the coconut now resided where his brain was supposed to be. Yeah that sounds far-fetched, but this is also the guy who – since this accident – has claimed that he snorted his own father’s ashes. So I’m thinking having a coconut for a brain could make a lot of sense, medically.

Well since the accident, Richards has had to take Dilantin to prevent seizures, causing many to be concerned for his health.

Keith Richards sparked fears for his health after slurring his way through an acceptance speech. The Rolling Stones rocker – who picked up the prize for Best Cameo at Spike TV’s Scream 2007 awards for his performance in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End’ – rocked back and forth as he mumbled his thanks to fans and co-star Johnny Depp in a pre-recorded video message. Keith, 63, said: “Thank you all fans voting for me in, you know. It’s a first – it’s not my land, usually, to do this sort of stuff, but due to enormous public pressure. I’ve got to say thank you very, very, much and also to Johnny – who insisted that I play his father.” He added: “We had a great time and it was a wonderful thing. Driving into the Disney studios, I laughed. God, at last I’m working for Mickey Mouse.”

It has now emerged Keith’s slurred speech – which had the audience at the glitzy Los Angeles ceremony on Friday (19.10.07) in hysterics – could be a side effect of the medication he takes daily to prevent seizures. The guitarist has taken the powerful drug Dilantin – which slows down nerve impulses in the brain – every day since undergoing brain surgery after he fell out of a coconut tree in Fiji 18 months ago. Keith – a former heroin addict – has previously joked taking Dilantin means he has to limit his intake of illegal substances. He said: “The drug I’m on now because of the brain job, Dilantin, means you can’t take cocaine any more, which is fine with me.”

[From Divine]

I have to say, he still sounds the same to me. Isn’t Keith Richards known for being an incoherent mess? Now he just has a reason that makes you feel sorry for him instead of judging him. I am pretty sure that the Dilantin isn’t the problem – I think there’s a 99% likelihood that the aforementioned coconut is still living in his brain. Or it ate his brain. One or the other.