The pandemic is still happening, but there are already smaller signs in the “return to normalcy,” or whatever normalcy means at this point. People are taking their masks off outside. Millions of people have been vaccinated. More people are going out to dinner. People are preparing their bodies for a Hot Vax Summer. But some stuff won’t be coming back, or won’t come back as it once was. Will we ever shake hands again? Will you ever look at a buffet the same way? And will you ever go on a cruise ship again? I’ve never been on a cruise ship, but millions of people love cruises and I just wonder if the cruise industry will ever return as it once existed. Interestingly enough, Gwyneth Paltrow is trying to step in to do her part.
Gwyneth Paltrow and her out-of-touch luxury lifestyle brand Goop are here to rescue the sinking cruise ship industry. The wannabe wellness guru announced on Instagram that her company is partnering with Celebrity Cruises to try to make cruises happen again, despite the fact that the industry hit a scandal the size of an iceberg when people were trapped aboard ships for months at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.
“I am always happiest by, in or on the sea! In 2022 my @goop team and I are going to join @celebritycruises on their new ship, Celebrity Beyond. I’ll be behind the scenes, working on some special projects, as Celebrity’s new Well-being Advisor,” Paltrow, who already made it seem like she won’t be aboard the ship, captioned the announcement.
“My team @goop is curating programming and fitness kits to add to Celebrity’s wellness the experience. I’m sworn to secrecy on the rest—keep an eye out for the details coming soon.”
One user quipped, “Are GOOP followers cruise people? We’d never go on unless it was a very small yacht with crew. And we decided that before Covid! I’d do a resort trip!”
Even Erin Foster had to joke about the unappealing nature of a cruise, commenting, “So this is the moment we’re all like, ‘No, I’ve actually always been into the idea of a cruise.’”
Because details are vague, it’s unclear what type of Goop-esque programming passengers will be subjected to, but in the words of Ruth Dewitt Bukater, we hope the lifeboats will “be seated according to class” — and of course, not “too crowded.”
To me, it seems like the appeal of a cruise ship was always all-you-can-eat shrimp and plentiful booze. Imagine being on a Goop-branded cruise where everything is about “wellness” and diets and creepy pseudoscience. It’s just like her “In Goop Health” summits, only you can’t leave after an hour. You have to stay on that fakakta cruise ship for days, doing juice cleanses and hearing about jade bajingo eggs. And you wouldn’t even get to meet Gwyneth! Her ass won’t be on a cruise ship, come on. She would NEVER!
Photos courtesy of Backgrid, Instagram..
This is a hilariously bad pairing, and I’m here for it.
Minx, I traveled with celebrity about 20 years ago and they ran a nice cruise. Not sure why Goop was selected. An odd pairing indeed.
They’re trying to appeal to a younger crowd with their newer ships is likely the reason.
If it’s an appeal to the younger crowd, a photo of late 40-something Goop in a bikini seems off brand. And yet she couldn’t help herself….
@MrsRobinson-
40’s is probably the age bracket they are trying to appeal to. We’ve been cruising them for almost 20 years and we are still the youngest people we see in the dining room. Not a whole bunch of kids on any cruise we’ve taken with them.
Well, not that I will be cruising any time soon, but I will mark Celebrity off my list – along with Carnival.
Wow, talking about sinking low LOL
Oh dear God no.
She is such a fraud.
Was looking for a reason to cancel my Celebrity cruise. Just found it.
I avoided cruises for years because of the germ factor, until a family vacation on the Celebrity Edge. The biggest selling point for me was that it was a brand new ship at the time, so not as contaminated.
I have to admit, I liked it more than I thought I would, even though it’s very people-y on cruise ships. Pro tip: if you sit on a lounge chair reading a book about antibiotic resistance and superbugs, NO ONE bothers you. Source: I did this and had a very peaceful cruise.
Good gawd! Goopy would never set a foot on a cruise ship. She’s such a creepy dilettante.
Can she please be cancelled already? Between pandemic management, climate change, q-anon conspiracies, and more, a cavalier relationship with facts, especially science, is a very real threat to civilization. She’s a harmful money grabbing charlatan, and yet the outcry is never enough to finally get her to go away.
I will never understand going on a cruise. Pass. I forgot to add that this whole Goopy connection seems very weird.
This, 1000%. Even pre-covid it was a giant no for me, they’re germy and I don’t like people. Now you couldn’t get me on one for a million dollars. Norovirus was enough of a disincentive, I don’t need to add a deadly, airborne respiratory virus to the mix.
GOOP is annoying AF and I really, really, really don’t think that cruise peeps are going to GAF about her “wellness initiatives” or whatever. Is she broke?? Does she need money this badly?? I don’t get this partnership.
She’ll teach people how to apply sunscreen to their faces correctly, i.e. “…where the sun hits.”
oh wait.
So off brand!
I’ve actually been on several celebrity cruises that were really enjoyable. My mom has a few mobility issues and cruises are a great way to travel without exacerbating her condition too much. The food was good and the entertainment pretty enjoyable.
I fail to see how GOOP and her pseudoscience starvation diets have any alignment with cruise ships and all-you-can-eat dining plans. There’s a reason the buffets are huge and gyms are tiny. Most people want to throw on their stretchy pants and enjoy their vacation time, not listen to some skinny blonde body shame them while shilling green juices. I feel like this partnership will be short lived
Celebrity is also an all inclusive line that includes a drink package for everyone. She doesn’t seem like the buffet and excessive drinking type. They do have a category of rooms called Aqua Spa and have a special restaurant and spa cafe for that category of room so maybe it’s tied to that?
I think she’s aspiring to be the first person EVER to be fried alive by the sun.
Seriously, why? A rolled-up carpet is better qualified than she is.
Ive been on two cruises, both times with my parents and I didn’t have a date or friend, so I think they seem fun if you have your friends and you want to drink nonstop and/or really love hanging out in the sun by the pool. If you don’t, then you will find yourself with a lot of time on your hands. The food was good, but for the most part I kept away from the buffet.
I’ve been on one cruise and it was great. I did refuse to book until I was given proof of an onboard library. My friend and I just started looking at some last night (with Norwegian).