I don’t know who needs to hear this but it is absolutely ok to ask people about their COVID vaccination status. At least that is what the the etiquette experts are telling us. According to experts quoted by Yahoo!, it is absolutely good form to ask those that you plan to hang out with if they have been vaccinated. Due to the fact that the vaccine is not a complete shield against the virus, many activities are only safer for those vaccinated if they are done with other vaccinated people. In fact, the experts say that asking people if they have been vaccinated helps not only protect ourselves but them. Below are a few tips on how to broach the subject via Yahoo!:
“We can’t afford not to be talking about it,” said Thomas P. Farley, an etiquette expert professionally known as Mister Manners. “This is not like asking someone their age.”
Considering the health impacts of the question and the wide variations in how comfortable people are with health risk, “It would be rude that this topic was taken off the table,” Farley said.
If a vaccinated person learns someone they are planning on spending time with is not vaccinated, they should take steps to reduce the risk of the situation, said Gleb Tsipursky, CEO of Disaster Avoidance Experts and author of a book about adapting to “the new abnormal” of COVID-19. Avoid indoor activities and wear a mask “for your sake and their sake,” Tsipursky advised.
Talk about yourself: The pandemic is the new weather, as far as small talk goes, Farley said. Offering details about your vaccine status or experience is an easy way to open the door for a natural conversation about the topic. Try to avoid making a big “soapbox announcement” about vaccines, Swann said.
Ask for clarity: If small talk isn’t revealing someone’s thoughts about getting vaccinated, go ahead and ask outright. Do it privately and take care to avoid sounding accusatory in how you ask the question, Swann said.
Set boundaries: If you and your friend or family member are on different pages, be clear about your personal comfort level. Don’t apologize if you are more comfortable spending time outside or masked — rather explain it’s a standard you have set for yourself for a limited time. “You have the right to establish that’s what you feel comfortable with,” Farley said.
Don’t be confrontational: Asking about someone’s vaccination status so you can possibly adjust your activities is one thing — trying to convince them to change their mind about vaccines is another. There are ways of having that conversation, but in most cases the confrontation isn’t necessary.
Be positive: It’s important to reinforce that this relationship is important to you and that you want to spend time with your friend or family member, Swann said. Saying things like “I respect your decision and I support you” can go a long way. Keeping your relationships intact should be a priority.
When I first read this article I literally shook my head. My first thought was, why is this even a question? We are in a pandemic. Then I realize there are still people out there who think the virus is a hoax. Thank god none of them are my friends or family members. With that being said, it is definitely appropriate to have this “how-to” etiquette list when approaching the subject of vaccination. I come from a generation who had to ask tough questions like, “have you tested for HIV or HPV?” So asking these questions is not hard for me. I like how they stress not to be combative or confrontational. I feel a simple, “I got the Moderna vaccination because Dolly. Do you get vaccinated? If so, which vaccine did you get?” would suffice. That way the other person does not feel threatened or judged and I’ll know if 1) I should wear my mask and meet them outdoors and 2) if our friendship will continue depending on how asinine their answers are. I am glad the experts are giving us more facts about the vaccine not being a suit of armor and that it is ok to meet with friends and family who aren’t vaccinated as long as take the necessary precautions. Covid isn’t over and we are not out of the woods, so I do hope we all remain vigilant when we go back to meeting with friends, family, and dates.
Photos credit: Mohau Mannathoko on Unsplash, Helena Lopes and Budgeron Bach on Pexels
“I got the Moderna vaccination because Dolly. Do you get vaccinated? If so, which vaccine did you get?”
“That’s absolutely none of your business, and please do not ask me about any of my private medical history again. Thank you” would be my response.
And mine to you would be “bye. don’t send postcards”.
@Darla, thank you.
Then you’ve answered the question even if you think you didn’t. And by the way, it’s not a HIPAA violation to ask if someone vaccinated. People will throw HIPAA out there as a reason for just about anything these days.
@ Darla 💯
Same! I don’t even know if I’d bother with a “bye”.
Ahaha
Bye, don’t bother calling back.
I mean, it is not really a case of “private medical history” when there is a global pandemic and the virus is transmitted by sneezes and coughs…
To me it’s more like, a sexual partner has the right to ask you if you got STDs because they are at risk if they have sexual contact with you.
But I guess this pandemic has shown us that a lot of people will always be “myself first” and this is what your “my privacy over your life” tells me about you.
Exactly. I have the right to know if you’re not vaccinated if I’m spending time with you.
This is one of the biggest take-aways from the pandemic, the insight into who some of my friends really are. It’s been incredibly disappointing to see just how deeply privileged and selfish some of my friends are. I thought I knew them pretty well, but when a national crisis arose, they showed what they cared about, what they thought the world owed them, and it was clear that so many did not think that they needed to contribute to society, to sacrifice even a little for the greater good. I guess it’s good to know where people are at, but I found myself no longer being comfortable with quite a few from my old friend group.
Just ask. if they are a real friend, as in:
Me: “Girlfriend, have you been vaccinated?”
Girlfriend: “No”
Me: “Do you have an appointment for the vaccine?”
Girlfriend: “No”
Me: ‘Then put that glass of wine down and get the “F” off my patio and away from my house, you sorry ass loser”
This is all so stupid. I have friends all over the USA and the UK. Every text with my friends mentions getting vaccinated, where we are/were in the process and/or confirmation with celebration of getting the second does.
Real friends want all real friends vaccinated so we have an excuse to begin planning a big celebration party.
Also, this makes no sense because people who choose not get vaccinated love to “hold court” and tell you why the vaccine will kill you and government is controlling you via the vaccine. If the speaker “holding court” is a true idiotic loser it can be quite entertaining the first time one hear it.
I agree.
I used to work in a salon and follow some professional stylist Instagram accounts. One recently asked if it’s ok for customers to call in and ask for a vaccinated stylist, which I would totally do. A lot of people got super defensive and antivaxxy which was horrifying. They were screaming HIPPA but…if I was working now (am not because of childcare) I would proudly proclaim how I was vaxxed.
“Private medical history”? They’re not asking if you’ve ever had gonorrhea or chlamydia. It’s a vaccine for a communicable and deadly virus. I put my “I’m vaccinated” sticker on my jacket and it is still there.
exactly, thank you
Banned wow
I adore this site and you are doing the Lord’s work here. Thank you.
@Izzy the first comment too! smh
I love you ladies.
Socially isolate the anti-vaxxers, even online where they can’t infect anyone. I love it! 🙂
👏
Ha yasssss!
Many thanks. Rubbish taken out.
I’d just like to caution discounting everyone who declines the vaccine.
Some people may have valid medical reasons for not getting certain vaccines. And not everyone is comfortable discussing personal medical issues. Vaccine hesitancy is a real issue especially in the African American community where there’s a history of unethical practices.
For me, the importance is how they handle that very personal choice. Do they responsibly wear a mask and take steps to limit putting others at risk? If they don’t then I avoid them at all costs.
I’m also mindful that some people may be less than honest about being vaccinated. So I will continue to use best practices to limit my potential exposure.
You are awesome!
See above, Bellah “Socially isolate anti-vaxxers” like as if a flu vaccine refusal is an Anti-MMR jabber, wtf. I have every single vaccine for childhood diseases and I had my kids vaccinated for all of those childhood diseases too, am I an anti-Vax advocate if I chose to not have a “rushed to production” vaccine for a virus that mutates as time keeps ticking??? I am totally in agreement with you Bellah, and I wish people wouldnt blindly shout nonsense at those who choose to decline. Its this insanity of “Us/Them” nonsense which is why the whole world is fucked in the first place!
Yeah no, this doesn’t fly. Someone not being vaccinated still can put me at a risk I’m not willing to take with my life. If someone doesn’t want to share their vaccination status with me, they clearly don’t care about me and I have no problem cutting them out of my life.
I didn’t even realize there was an etiquette. I will straight up ask you. And when I was newly vaccinated I was proudly telling everyone I saw. It was like a new xmas gift. I feel alive again.
Same here Betty. I’m planning a small outdoor gathering and flat out said “you can come as long as you’re vaccinated.”
And my response would be “Good to know. I probably won’t miss hanging out with you.”
Then mine would be, as it was to my Aunt, we are only allowing vaccinated people to come to my daughter’s wedding so since you aren’t willing to share that information then I’m sorry you won’t be able to join us.
This is a completely different scenario than sharing regular medical information. You having cancer or any other non contagious medical aliment doesn’t affect me. You having COVID does.
I’d be ok talk to you some other time, let me know when you’re vaccinated and we can make plans.
(If I am related to them and care if I actually ever spend time with them again)
Because that response if you’re just a friend tells me you’re not an actual friend, and I don’t care if I ever spend time with you again because you’re an asshat antivaxxor
Because a friend would tell me, because it is very much my business if they are vaccinated
And if they replied like you (Cali) they wouldn’t be worth my time.
There is family I won’t spend time with because of this, I’m sure not going to spend time with a shitty friend who doesn’t care enough about my health to tell me if they had the vaccine or not.
Because you obviously don’t care about anyone but yourself with an attitude like that.
This isn’t normal times, it’s a P A N D E M I C
When your private medical history can get me, an immuno-compromised person sick, the question affects the people around you and thus enters public territory. Lives > etiquette
We need to move beyond seeing this as a political issue, a “freedom” issue, a “private” issue. This is a pandemic. The virus does not discriminate. If your actions only affected you, that would be one thing and then yes, it would be private. However, it doesn’t, and it has the power to greatly affect the health of people around you, making it a public issue and something that people have very good reason to inquire about. Example: I got my vaccines. That said, I’m also immuno-compromised, and I take a medication that is an immuno-suppressant, so I can’t tell to what degree the vaccine is effective in me. The hypothesis is that people who take immuno-suppressants probably have less protection as is the case with several other vaccines, but it wasn’t tested because folks with my condition weren’t in the sample pool of trials. Someone else might get COVID-19 and not have many symptoms, whereas I might never recover. So yes, it is my business if I ask you if you got vaccinated. Apologize for any snark and will do my best to word it in an non-offensive way, but I have to make decisions around whether or not I can be around you and feel remotely safe or I could get massively sick or worse. So please, understand that a person might have any number of reasons why they ask this question and need this information, if you are hung up on it being a privacy issue, it’s not. Again, pandemic. Extroardinary times call for extroardinary measures. We don’t want to be put in this situation either, but we’re all having to sacrifice to get by.
This is useful.
With all the no-vax out there vaccine is a minefield subject.
Well, half my family refuse to be vaccinated, literally one half of them. I don’t suffer from wondering how to approach the subject with others. “have you been vaxxed?” suffices for me. I’m not volunteering for dealing with fools and I don’t care about their delicate feelings. I cut all fools out of my life permanently in 2016. It’s navigating the dumbass half of my family that gives me issues.
There are too much people who think this is a hoax, and refuse the vaccine.
Unfortunately all the refused dose cannot be given to someone else so easily…It’s sad.
My mum was hesitating, but after she saw her sister in law, her brother and some of her friends vaccinated she has changed her mind and now she has applied. This is why it’s important talk about this.
I still cannot apply because I am too young (40) , I have an appointement with my doctor to see if I can be vaccinated too…I want to hug my mum.
Oh Eleonor…I pray you get to very soon.
How can anyone think this is a hoax? Besides being immuno-compromised, I have personally known three people that died. I really hope it doesn’t take people learning the hard way and losing their loved ones to know this is real, and very serious. The resources it would take to pull off a global hoax on top of that would be ridiculous, this is not a local phenomenon. This is affecting the world, some places more than others. I’m lucky to live in a place where I have access to a vaccine. Many will never know what it is to have that available and paid the ultimate price.
Well said. Agree 100%.
A very good friend of mine has said she doesn’t want to be vaccinated, which baffles me…I’m not 100% clear as to why not, but she’s very conservative and uber religious so I have a feeling that might play into it (not a dig at religious folks or conservatives, I’m just saying that’s my gut feeling.) Even though her own mother is in her 60’s and is diabetic, it’s still not enough to change her mind.
I’ve told her that I won’t be comfortable hanging out with her until I’ve had my two shots, and since I live in Canada that probably won’t be until the fall. My first dose is only scheduled for next week, and though I live alone and am at relatively low risk I do not want to take any chances. She understands, and I think I’m not alone in telling her the same thing because she’s said that even her brother has refused to get together.
Of course @Bellah but that’s not what happened here. An anti-vax troll got belligerent and nasty about vaccinations and being safe around others, and verbally stated this. Someone who can’t for medical reasons can say so and that’s fine. I know people get flack for it sometimes, but all of this is related to a clearly problematic individual above.
@LadyMTL “Religious conservative”–if that is so-called “Christian”–is pretty much what got us into this shitshow we’re in now so I think it’s okay to dig. They know what they did, and they’re keeping at it, shamelessly. The rest of us have to keep fighting for what is right and just and good and hope to stay alive from the evil such people unleashed. No one has time to pacify.
Darla, I feel you. Am due for 20 person family reunion and all but 2 have NOT been vaccinated. I can deal with the covid because I would follow CDC, but I won’t be going. Why? Because my family will not shut up about MAGA. What does it say that I can deal with covid but not MAGA? And they have been vaccinated. It’s crazy.
Darla, I’ve been that way for most of my life and you will discover over time how much those “loved ones” caused so much unnecessary stress and dis-ease. Your personal life will be so much more peaceful, and you become very careful who you allow in your space.
The people I hang out with are excited about being vaccinated so I don’t even need to ask. If I did ask and got told to mmob I’d assume I was talking to a MAGAt who I wouldn’t want to socialize with anyway
Beware of that assumption — vaccine hesitancy is a real thing in the US, it is so hard to hear of people from other countries that are on a waiting list, are looking at fall etc. and here we have tens of thousands of vaccines that people are just too stubborn (or stupid) to take. I live in Colorado which is half blue/half red along geographic lines but the vast majority of the state is blue. While we have fantastic numbers (around 47% fully vaccinated) and EVERYONE is eligible…and we can’t come close to filling appointments.
My point is it isn’t just the MAGA crowd who isn’t getting shots and a surprising number of them ARE doing it — at least in Colorado.
SurelyNot – exactly this! In southern CA I’m seeing the same thing in my red/blue combo area. There’s hesitancy, and not just from magats… its surprising and baffling, and a real thing. I’m trying to talk to everyone I know and be encouraging, but it has surprised me random liberal people who haven’t gotten it yet, or “aren’t sure” if they’re going to get it. UGH.
My brother just had hip-replacement surgery (in OR). He asked one of the many nurses who tended to him during his brief stay (in & out on the same day!) if she had gotten vaccinated. She said no, and that a lot of the nurses at that hospital hadn’t. Imagine! Maybe they’re not the ones dealing with the COVID patients themselves, but I really don’t understand medical personnel not getting vaccinated.
Other countries are waiting on vaccine delivery. I’m in Canada, and reading stories about empty vaccine clinics in the US seriously makes me want to cry.
Yup. I have heard people say, “birds of a feather… I don’t have friends like that so I don’t have to worry…” It took the Covid vaccine to learn two of my very liberal friends don’t want to get vaccinated because they are “scared,” and are waiting for more evidence from the rest of us guinea pigs who willingly got jabbed.
I’m approaching it the way I approach the topic of guns in homes – I offer my side first. For example, when someone asks about a playdate with the kids, I am upfront and say “they are welcome to come here. Please let us know if your child has food allergies, mine do not. We have two large-ish dogs. We do not have any guns in our home.” And then the other person usually responds “great! my kids don’t have food allergies either and they love dogs. We don’t have guns either.”
So last night someone sent me a FB message about a playdate with my oldest and she mentioned outside might be better and I responded and said I was fine with outside, if it was inside due to weather my kid is used to wearing masks and my husband and i are both fully vaccinated. And she wrote back and said they were vaccinated as well.
I dont know yet how I will handle it when someone says “I’m not vaccinated and have no plans to be” – if I’ll say “well then BYE” or just put it off and say “we’re busy” lol.
Becks I never thought about the gun conversation for parents. What a great thing that you do that. Wow. I can’t even think of anything more important for sleepovers for kids. In a past life I had some training for child sex predators, and I know how to handle that, and in fact have passed it on to my sister in laws. I never thought about the guns. And that’s huge.
Thanks, it was hard to approach initially bc I grew up in a gun free home and none of my parents friends had guns (the houses where I ran around all the time.) The commercial that sealed the deal for me in terms of having to bring it up was the one with the vibrators – have you seen that? Where its the end of a playdate and one mom is picking up her kid and they’re running around playing star wars with these two vibrators and its so funny and awkward, and the tagline is something like “even if you think you’ve hidden it, they will find it” about guns. Now we live in a pretty red area and I know some of our neighbors and friends have guns so I do always bring it up.
I was worried at first that some would be insulted but I realize it IS a lot like the vaccine conversation – the responsible gun owners aren’t insulted, they’re happy to tell me about their safety measures. The people who are vaccinated are happy to tell me they are.
That’s really smart, I like your approach. but the fact that you have to bring guns in a casual conversation in America is scary lol (I guess you are American?)
Yup, I’m American. It is a little scary but now I’ve got the convo down pat lol and I’m just very matter of fact about it.
I’m drug sensitive and had a really, really hard time with both my shots. My attitude is that I didn’t suffer the way I did so that later I can get infected by someone who can’t be bothered to do their part to flatten the curve by getting vaccinated. I truly suffered. I am STILL dealing with issues from my shots, though I think I am finally on the home stretch of resolving them. But I will be damned if I get infected now just because I want to spare the sensibilities of an anti-vaxxer.
I don’t need to be quite that confrontational in my boundary setting but it IS a boundary to set. I’m pretty matter-of-fact: no mask, no getting near me. And if it’s someone to have social time with, I’d have no problem saying that I’m vaccinated and that I wanted to be sure that they are too. If the response is “No” or, and I quote, “‘That’s absolutely none of your business, and please do not ask me about any of my private medical history again. Thank you,'” then I wouldn’t hang out with the person. And if the answer is as sharp and dismissive as the second quote I share here, I doubt I’d remain friends with the person. Bless their heart, but nah, dawg….I don’t have time for that kind of attitude.
Every person will have their own way of negotiating this, but for me, the vaccines were a sacrifice and I’m protecting myself with extra special care because this protection I got was hard won. I’m glad I was able to get my vaccinations even though I’m not sure I can do this again. We’ll see. Meantime: boundaries. I’ve earned them.
For me that’s absolutely normal conversation. I currently know the vaccination status of my dearest friends as we are all in the same age group and haven’t been vaccinated yet, but we do keep ourselves updated if we had a covid tests and the results. For me that is normal, and that we way we are all aware of our situation and can keep ourselves safe. It’s just like I’m allergic to food and my friends know better than to give me something with said food and me knowing their allergies. You don’t mess with other’s peoples health and life, specially during a pandemic.
Same.
Of course I hear the stories of people who don’t want to get vaccinated, but thank the Lord everyone I know and talk to directly – friends, colleagues, family in all countries are all very eager to get vaccinated. And everyone talks about it, it didn’t even occur to me that it may not be appropriate to ask! Convos usually go like this:
– Did you get yours already? Oh awesome!
– 1st or 2nd? When is your 2nd one?
– I got my appointment on *insert date*
– Good for you!
All the younger friends are jelly and all the older friends are happy to have 1st and 2nd, or at least have a date for their 2nd.
I feel like I take this for granted daily, cause I have never talked directly with anyone who is anti-vax, but I do hear the stories from others and it feels unreal….
Same. I don’t know anyone personally but I did get into an argument with a friend of a friend on fb. He (white dude) said anti vaxxers are getting discriminated against. Urgh I couldn’t help myself from going off.
I will add that I think it’s a benefit of the whole “post your vaccine card on facebook!” thing. I don’t have to ask that many people because I have seen their FB posts lol. I didn’t post my vaccine card but I did post a picture of us at the stadium saying something like “and now we’re fully vaxxed!” So anyone who is FB friends with me doesn’t have to ask, haha.
All of this sounds good to me and I agree with those above who said they just kick it off by sharing their vaccination status. But the one thing I have difficulty with with the advice is the “I will support you and your decision either way” part. Like, unless you have a VALID medical reason not to get the vaccine, if you have the opportunity to get it and don’t, I really cannot even pretend to support that. My brother is one of those people and since he’s chosen to be such an idiot about it, I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with going home to see my family next time and that’s tough.
Yeah totally. If you’re too selfish/dumb to get vaccinated, I actually DON’T support you and I probably don’t want to socialize with you either. I’m lucky that all of my family and friends were very eager to get it as soon as they could (and also very lucky that we all had access to the vaccine and the fruits of the amazing science that is helping to end this horrible nightmare!). Sorry about your brother. That’s tough.
Yeah, same. I mean, I COULD say “I respect your decision and I support you,” but a) I try not to lie and b) also that’s basically saying “I respect your decision to put your ill-founded concerns ahead of the health and welfare of everyone around you and support your irrational refusal to do your part to help end this nightmare.”
I’m sorry about your brother too, Ellie.
ITA. I met one person who said she wouldnt get vaccinated because she would get a sore arm and another who said it is because she used to have tinnitus. yikes
I will just ask, flat-out, and if the answer is no, my response will be “I’m sorry, it’s too much of a health risk to be around you.” Smerconish was right, it’s time to start shaming and shunning anti-vacxers, they are a menace to public health. My only exception is one friend who cannot get the vaccine for medical reasons, legitimately. My younger stepbrother is saying he won’t get the vaccine. Since he hasn’t come home yet to visit, it’s not an issue but if he does any time this year, I will not spend time with him indoors or without a mask.
I love Smerconish. I wish he had his own show on MSNBC!
I’m not sure where I fall on the shame and shun spectrum — like your friend who cannot get the vaccine for medical reasons, must she now lay bare her actual medical history for all who inquire to explain why she isn’t vaccinated or be shamed and shunned?
I am exactly in this boat. I have a very painful autoimmune condition that is only recently under control after being home bound in pain for years. My doctor has said getting vaccinated is a big risk for me in terms of reactivating my symptoms indefinitely. For now, I’m continuing to isolate, wait, and see. But in the meantime, am I required to share my medical history and challenges with anyone who asks about my vaccine status? I’m not putting myself in situations where I’m exposed to COVID nor am exposing others. This blanket shaming of those of us who aren’t vaccinated yet—-for legitimate reasons (and I believe there are some legitimate reasons)— is really hard. I hope people can have a little compassion for those of us stuck in the “in-between” and understand that we don’t owe you a big explanation as long as we are being safe and respectful of you.
@Hello — I have what was previously mild psoriasis that was confined mainly to my elbows — my second vaccine triggered a full body response and I now have plaques all along my torso, legs, knees and elbows extending almost the length of my arms. It is painful and ugly and I’ve seen very little improvement with 4 months of treatment.
Had I known it was a possibility, I’m not sure what decision I would have made so now with talk of shunning, shaming, vaccine passports to travel etc. it is something I think about.
@Hellohello and @SurelyNot, I’m so sorry you are both experiencing issues! I am too and it’s really demoralizing when it feels like there are two options for attitude: either on one side, there’s crazy anti-vaxxer and on the other, there’s virtuous and vaxxed. But as you call it, @Hellohello, it’s the in-between. Being in that in-between is so rotten. Wanting to get vaccinated and get boosters but not being able to, or suffering so much if you do, is frustrating.
@SurelyNot, I went on a very strict AIP diet and that is helping a little bit. I’m about to try SPM supplements (look it up–it’s a special combination of fish oils) too. I’m also getting lots of acupuncture and taking herbs. It’s been six weeks since my second shot and I’m about 80% recovered from it. Maybe you could see an acupuncturist and get some support there? My issue seems more allergy or some such and less auto immune but I reacted so strongly that it seems that an auto immune component is a factor now. Your situation is surely different than mine.
I hope things get better for both of you!
No, but if it’s a good friend then they may already be aware of medical issues. My friend tells people that her doctor told her flat out that because of her illness she CANNOT get vaccinated. And she leaves it at that. People who have valid medical exemption usually have no problem saying their doctor has said they can’t or should not get the vaccine. People who BS about it usually have not consulted a physician that isn’t a quack. Following sound medical advice is not the same as taking advice from Dr. Google. Having said that, if you are still not being careful about exposure, you are still a risk to me and I reserve the right to avoid that risk while there is still a pandemic raging.
Nope. Just say “I have consulted with my doctor and the vaccine is not recommended for me.” That’s it. No further explanation necessary.
I think people have to ask if they are spending close time together in any way. There is the potential to share life-threatening virus. Just like someone mentioned upthread with STDs, we had to learn to share this kind of information first, and if you didn’t, you did so at both of your own risk. It’s the same now with something that can spread up to 6 feet or more and through coughing and other breath particles. It’s just logistics and statistic, and people need to realize that.
I was buying museum tickets for an exhibit in the fall and asked everyone to confirm they are vaccinated before including them. one person said she isnt because “she wants to wait.” yikes. so I said sorry let us know if that status changes. I will not duck with you if you have no vaccine unless you have a significant medical issue that prohibits you from that.
My friend wants to have a very small outdoor graduation open house for her son….she only wants to invite vaccinated people and asked me if I thought that was mean….I was like, “absolutely freaking not”….
Everyone in my personal orbit values science so this convo isn’t an issue.
My issues come from what to do when we are all working in person in the office again. We cannot make people get a shot or exclude them from events if they don’t have it, nor can we really ask subordinates if they have had it either. It’s some tricky HR territory we are entering…
our back office manager came down with it about 3 weeks ago and I was shocked when 2/3 of the office staff had to stay home to quarantine — I’ve been vaccinated since mid-January and my co workers have all had the same access and less than half are vaccinated.
Yup. The fact remains we can’t force vaccinations on people at work or even really ask if they’ve had the vaccine even if there’s been an outbreak forcing quarantines.
Not sure what’s going to happen when business trips in my office resume too. Uncharted territory!
@Watson See, I do not agree at all with this situation of employers not being able to require employees to be vaccinated or at least provide a reason why if not. It’s a danger to everyone else. I don’t want to go back to the office if I can’t be sure that everyone there breathing that same air has been vaccinated. I’m going to work on zoom as long as I can.
We have this issue. Policy is masks on in all common areas or when in any room with anyone else, and office doors closed. If they get COVID and haven’t been vaccinated, they do not get extra PTO.
we have mandated 80 hours of PTO for Covid related to the federal emergency response — it cannot (and should not IMO) be predicated on whether or not someone has been vaccinated.
ETA: We do have the same policy on masks in common areas, or if someone comes into my office we both mask etc.
Everyone I know is very pro-vax and ‘out’ about when they got their shot/which one etc. I am part of the Moderna Gang and proud of it! I will tell anyone who asks. I actually believe people fib about getting it in order to ‘fit in’ around here lol
I don’t think we need to ask ppl which one they got. That’s kind of like implying one is better than another. They are all pretty good. By me ppl were told to get whichever was most readily available.
It often comes up in casual conversation about vaccination, which I think is fine. But I agree, I wouldn’t make that question apart of the conversation when you’re trying to figure whether it’s safe to be around that person.
It’s been inevitable, in my experience. Once vaccine status is out, the conversation moves to whether or not those who got the Moderna shot experienced “Moderna Arm”, and it snowballs. I have not had a conversation among the fully vaccinated that has not gone there.
I was going to hang out with a friend this week and just go on a walk outside, she mentioned she wasn’t vaccinated yet and that she’d wear a mask etc. I was fine with it as I am vaccinated and I am fine wearing a mask as well. We ended up catching up on the phone instead and she was really cagey about why she and her husband hadn’t gotten vaccinated yet, though she kept referring to her anxiety and how she’s pretty much stayed at home all year since the pandemic began. She said she and her husband just hadn’t gotten around to it which seemed bizarre because the vaccine is widely available in our state now and you don’t have to pay for it. Maybe she’s nervous about side effects or trying to get pregnant and that’s why she was being weird about it, it was the only thing I could think of that would maybe make her hesitate. But anyways, she was upfront about not being vaccinated, but not about the why and I guess I have no right to demand that reason from her. But it means we won’t be able to hang out indoors unmasked and I’m like, well if that’s your choice, that’s your choice.
First, I’m vaccinated. Why would i fear an unvaxxed person?
Doesn’t the vaccine protect you?
The vaccine is not 100% and there are cases of people who have gotten Covid after they were vaccinated. I am taking my granddaughter to Disney World in Sept and told her we would be masking up on the plane (and probably at the airport) and in any crowded situation. She is too young to be vaccinated and I’m not willing to take the chance that I could still get Covid even though I am vaccinated.
Yes, to a point. No vaccine has ever been 100% effective. The Covid vaccines are pretty damn close, but there’s still a chance you could get sick and/or pass it along to someone who isn’t vaccinated. The scientists are monitoring the various strains that are being continually created because they fear one or more of them will be capable of “breaking through” the existing vaccines and we’ll be back at square one. Boosters are already being developed to combat that eventuality.
And some vaccines are more effective than others. You just don’t know. Yes, it protects to a degree. But there are too many variables and too many people who haven’t been vaccinated to stop taking precautions.
You’re protected pretty decently if you had the moderna or pfizer, not as much if you had one of the others.
It also depends on how strong an immune response you had.
Even if you had the best response the most you’re covered with pfizer or moderna is about 95%
So if you have someone who is positive near you for long enough you can still get it.
And then pass it to others.
I’m copying this from the FDA.gov site on the Johnson and Johnson vaccine, this is why I would only get one of the mrna shots.
The mrna shots target the protein so you are more likely to get protection from varients
“Overall, among these clinical trial participants, the vaccine was approximately 67% effective in preventing moderate to severe/critical COVID-19 disease occurring at least 14 days after vaccination and 66% effective in preventing moderate to severe/critical disease at least 28 days after vaccination.
Additionally, the vaccine was approximately 77% effective in preventing severe/critical COVID-19 occurring at least 14 days after vaccination and 85% effective in preventing severe/critical COVID-19 occurring at least 28 days after vaccination.”
So no being vaccinated isn’t a sure thing, and it matters which one.
One of my step-aunts has gone full loony-tunes QAnon. My mom and her brothers love making fun of it. I enjoyed trolling her on Facebook after my second shot with the post “Microchipped by Moderna. Beep Beep Boop.” Right after I posted it she posted another rant about the dangers of the vaccine and how not enough people are taking it seriously. At that point I was like “my work here is done.” I thoroughly enjoyed doing that, and I hope you all enjoyed the telling of it.
Izzy this did make my day lol. Thank you!!
Ha! I’m going to use that, if you don’t mind. The “Beep Beep Boop” makes it art.
Please do and report back. We should all enjoy every benefit the vaccines have to offer, including the art.
It makes me sad that this article is a necessity for some people. I’ve not had the opportunity to need it as everyone I know has either been vaccinated or is still waiting to get the jab. Just as a point of information, the people who haven’t been vaccinated are far more at risk than those who have. If you have been vaccinated, you can still transmit the illness but not get (quite as) sick yourself. If you haven’t, then you can transmit it as well as get very seriously ill. I’m aware that there’s still ongoing research about transmission while vaccinated, but it’s not fully confirmed. So being around unvaccinated people is more of a risk for them than you.
Like you, Oya, I shook my head. I just ask if I think I need to. I’m Mexican tho and sometimes, we are blunt! 😂 Also, with my ADHD, I’m not the greatest at reading between the lines so being direct helps me out.
I teach private swim lessons at people’s homes and the first thing I do when they contact me is send a pic of my vaccine card. Then they don’t have to ask me, and they usually disclose their vaccination status.
I don’t understand this. So now it’s impolite and improper etiquette to ask if someone’s been vaccinated?? I don’t let anything stop me when it comes to something like this. No one else should either.
I am happy to be vaccinated and haven’t done a lot of gathering with friends yet. With close friends, it was something we were discussing ongoing so we knew each other’s status. I’m headed back to work next week and am glad for all of the precautions that are in place. It’s not like I can ask coworkers…but masks are required.
have ZERO problems setting boundaries when it comes to my health and safety. I have other medical issues and have always needed to be upfront about what accommodations I require, so I really have no problem telling people I can’t see them if they’re not vaccinated. I realize we will be around people who aren’t vaccinated — in stores, at work, etc., and I can’t stay in my bubble forever. But right now, when cases are still very high? I am absolutely staying away from people who aren’t vaccinated. Sure, it’s your (stupid) choice to not get it if you so desire, but it’s also my choice to not be around anyone I don’t feel safe with.
Unfortunately I have some extended family who won’t be getting the shot for idiotic reasons and I think I’m going to sit out any family gatherings they try to throw this year. No thanks. If you don’t respect people around you enough to get the vaccine, I don’t need to respect you.
While I totally agree this is necessary information and I fully believe in asking people about their vaccination status I think this is a bit stickier than many commenting above are suggesting.
There are people who cannot get vaccinated for health reasons and this presents a problem for them in terms of how they answer. I appreciate someone trying to breakdown how we can approach this to create a safe space for those people.
If someone can’t get the vaccine due to health reasons, they can say that. It should still be my choice if I want to be around you.
Exactly. My body, my choice. My life, my choice.
If someone can’t get it because of other health reasons, I’d hope they’d just offer up that information! They don’t need to specify exactly why, but I imagine a lot of people who can’t get it for that reason are bummed and would be upfront about not being able to get it so they’re not confused with people who aren’t getting it out of ignorance.
I agree and I have to hope people would be understanding and not pry. I only brought this up because I have a friend who was in this position and I know she is very private about that part of her life so I feel for her and others like her in this situation.
@ Kate — I mentioned something similar above. While “I can’t get one” SHOULD be sufficient, it won’t be for many people. I don’t agree that someone should have to specify that it’s a “medical reason” because that just opens speculation and gossip….oh, did you know so and so has a ::whispered:: medical…reason…
Just like people that glare at someone coming out of a accessible stall or parking spot when they can’t see an obvious disability.
ETA: that is kind of my point — people with a medical condition shouldn’t HAVE to offer up that they have a medical condition to aroid being confused with people who aren’t getting it out of ignorance.
This is a very good point!
This is what I was trying to say with how this is much stickier than people seem to think. I have been trying to come up with an answer but I don’t have one.
same — in some ways this pandemic has made people kinder — others not so much.
Just to be clear, my perspective is that of someone who has a disability and has been asked intrusive, rude, detailed medical questions by complete strangers being nosy my entire life. And I’m also deeply private about my disability; my closest friends don’t even know what condition I actually have. From that lens, I don’t find asking if someone is vaccinated to be intrusive, as it has to do with the safety of others. Saying “oh, I was advised by my doctor not to” or “I have a condition that prevents me from getting it” is so vague that I don’t find it to be problematic to expect it from people — there are a lot of reasons why people are unable to get it.
It’s important because there IS a big difference between people who medically cannot get it and people who choose not to get it — the people who medically cannot get it need to be protected from those who fall into the other group. So I think it’s important to know. But again, I have a unique perspective on the issue.
They shouldn’t have to but they may need to in order to protect themselves. I shouldn’t have to worry about being murdered as a Black person in America or that my family or friends will be hurt by someone targeting their ethnicity. But we are going through it, and I just think that whatever keeps you safe, whatever is the easiest and smoothest way to diffused a situation, not one any of us asked for, but some people are out of control and violent. We need to keep safe and recognize that pandemic has changed everything. Say as much as you can in order to stay safe while still maintaining privacy.
I’ve written about this several times and have a comment above, but I’m truly wondering if I can get boosters when the time comes. I will have to confer with a few different medical professionals in any case.
If I get an all-clear to try a booster (though I absolutely refuse to get a combo flu/COVID one) then I will give it a try and hope for the best. I don’t mind the pain aspect so much, but there are a few other things I experienced that have potential for life-long issues as a result.
I HOPE that I can get the boosters. If not, I will be perfectly open about why I can’t get them and I will be extra careful so that I don’t end up infected or infectious. I’m not embarrassed that I’m an outlier with the adverse events. I’m sorry that I’m an outlier with adverse events. Personally, although I can understand why some people might not be, I am comfortable with disclosing if I can’t get boosters.
I think part of it is that I WOULD get them if I could (and will if I can) so it’s not like anyone could shame me for not doing it. I sincerely hope I can, end of story.
We’ll see how it all goes, but I hope that people will be compassionate with me if it comes to it, and I–for my part–will show some contrition and a good-faith effort to do all I can do to make up for not being able to get boosters.
I was so happy to get the vaccine that I was telling everyone, whether they wanted to know or not. LOL I just happened to be in the right place at the right time and got it spontaneously. I’m in a pretty good bubble and wasn’t worried about getting sick so I wasn’t in a hurry to get the vaccine, figured there were people who needed it worse than me, let them go first. So I was surprised at how happy and relieved I was to get it.
There should be nothing wrong with asking someone’s vax status, it falls in the same categories as , “do you have guns in your house, where do you keep them” “when was the last time you were screened for an STD/HIV, what was the results”. When my or my loved ones life/welfare are involved, we have the right to ask these questions. And the answers will give me choices on if I want to proceed.
I just ask family and friends straight out, did you get the jab. If not, they can stay away until hell freezes over because I’m not having unvaccinated folk unmasked in my home. I helped quite a few of them set up their appts so I know for sure who is so that helps.
It’s one thing to ask if someone has it because you are trying to coordinate activities and another thing to ask why or what kind. The first is appropriate the latter appears intrusive and unnecessary. If you are a close friend you would know my personal expressions. If you are a casual friend who I am hanging out with or doing casual gatherings with that seems out of pocket. I live in the Southeast, and in my community people are pretty much non confrontational about it. “It is what it is” is the pervasive attitude, and everyone does what makes them feel comfortable regarding hanging out with people who do or do not have it.
I am so unbelievably grateful to be vaccinated. I’m anxiously awaiting Pfizer vaccine emergency authorization for ages 12-15 so my 14 year old May be vaccinated as fave eldest gets his second dose on May 12.
It’s terrifying knowing so many Americans have chosen against being vaccinated for COVID19. It’s hard to imagine huge swaths of earlier generations of Americans eschewing emergency immunizations, against polio, or tuberculosis, for instance.
My country tis of thee ?
580,000 dead in the US alone, 32.6M in the world, and more dying daily. This isn’t a time for etiquette.
Agreed. I’m not offering an elderly person a seat on a crowded metro line, I am really trying to help ALL people stay alive, so they can still be on the metro line in the first place.
Really need to move/fix that decimal point. You’re currently off by about 30 million.
Its 3.2 million that people have died worldwide, not 32 million, you’ve inflated it by a factor of 10.
Healthcare attorney here— whether someone has the vaccine is technically protected health information. But one private citizen asking another private citizen does not violate HIPAA. Re: how to handle asking if someone has the vaccine— I sort of guess whether they do depending on their political beliefs and availability of the vaccine in my area. If I think they have not been vaccinated, I avoid. Unfair assumption? Maybe. Do I care? No. People have sovereignty over their own bodies. But I have the right to stay the eff away from them if they choose to be unvaccinated.
I wonder what happens with LeBron, who was outted as refusing to get the vaccine behind closed doors.
Way to encourage other black ppl to NOT get it, LeBron. Idiot.
that elephant will stay quietly in the corner of the room
Ugh. Why. Sigh. #AllYourFavesAreProblematic
I’m close enough to all my friends and family to just straight up ask. They know that if they say that they aren’t getting it I’m not one to preach about it anyway. I’d just say “ok” and move on. Their choices their business.
People that know me will know that I will just ask. I’m not going Edna Etiquette for someone else’s benefit.
I understand that many of you feel strongly about getting the vaccine and have done so. However, to shun people for not getting it is taking it too far. I am a nursing mother. I can’t even use certain face washes, so no, I don’t feel comfortable risking a new vaccine, no matter what anyone says. The virus is 1/19th effective outdoors. I am comfortable visiting with people outside, masked or unmasked, as long as we’re not straight in each other’s faces. Otherwise my family wears masks in all stores, etc. And because it seems political, I am conservative, but a never-Trumper.
Nobody is shunning anyone, but they also have a right not to spend time with you until you’re vaccinated. Just like its your choice to not be vaccinated, it is their choice to wait until you are before doing activities with you.
But people in all the above comments ARE shunning – their words, not mine. You can’t even hang out masked while being 6 feet apart? That is your choice, but one that seems extreme and beyond the medical recommendations…
I mean I think the excessive fear over the vaccine is extreme? I checked out how it was developed and it makes perfect sense to me of its safety so I think people freaking out over its safety to be extreme going against medical recommendations on it’s safety.
Exactly. “Shunning” is a bit strong. That may be how you *feel* i.e. shunned. But people have the right not to hang with you if you haven’t been vaccinated and they have the right to decide how that contact will or won’t be. Medical recommendations change all the time and for different groups in different geographies. What we know is unvaccinated can get and spread the virus. Vaccinated, depending on the vaccine, still have the ability to transmit and be carriers which is a danger to you and your baby. You can’t force that or shame them for taking care of their health! You are taking care of your baby’s health though why would you want to hang with someone who could potentially get you or your baby sick? You are making the decision you feel is best, and they are doing the same. Just deal with your hurt and know that everyone is dealing with some kind of pain, some much more than others would ever know.
I find the immediate stereotyping troubling as well. It’s a strict dichotomy of either/or, and that is concerning. If someone is hesitant with the vaccine, that does not mean they are anti-vax Trumpers or ignorant conservation or blowhard liberal privilege pigs. I find it especially discerning when a group of people who call themselves liberals do it because it doesn’t uphold the principles of a liberal, accepting and open to others and open to ideas. There are countless ways to be careful and considerate of others during this Pandemic and during post-Covid survival and it is not one size fits all.
I understand there are reasons for people to be hesitant about the vaccine and they need to make the right choice for them. I won’t “shun” those people, but the fact is I need to take care of myself and my family, and can’t worried about people’s feelings getting hurt because of that. If you don’t want the vaccine, fine; just don’t expect me to come to a maskless picnic at your house. That’s all. It sounds like you’re aware of that and are accommodating to other people’s comfort levels, and that’s what matters!
I know a ton of die hard Trumpers that got vaccinated right off the bat (I’m originally from Oklahoma what can I say) and yet I know a fuck ton of “liberals” that are also “waiting to see” how it plays out and are straight up hiding behind their liberal cred to avoid being asked or having to explain.
Oklahoma was on those vaccines…my Trump-voting in-laws live in a small town and got theirs at the end of December. But yeah, one of my kid’s friends has a liberal anti-vaxxer mom who refuses to put chemicals in her body, so…you just can’t assume.
Agreed about the shunning language feeling harsh (in my perspective). I’m getting my second dose tomorrow and I think it’s reasonable to ask your friends and family. The way they present it makes sense and seems respectful. But I also can see how it could be too invasive for someone to answer (aside from thinking covid is a hoax) like if there is an underlying medical condition preventing someone from getting vaccinated that they want to keep private. I have a friend who is in that boat (she is not physically able to get vaccinated anytime soon due to a particular treatment she is undergoing but does not want to talk about her health so openly right now) and vaccine-shaming is taking a toll on her.
I fully understand your hesitation for now and not wanting to get vaccinated while breastfeeding . On the flip side, I would hope you don’t want any unvaccinated people around your baby aside from yourself of course. I would not want a little baby exposed to unvaccinated people (aside from yourself of course). My relative has informed another relative that when his and his wife’s baby comes, since the relative refuses to be vaccinated (let others get it and she’ll be protected is her philosophy), then she won’t be able to hold their baby when it comes, that they won’t put their baby at risk.
I don’t have a problem asking. If people want to pull the “that’s private” card, go for it. I’ll assume they’re unvaccinated and make my decisions accordingly.
Exactly.
I think I have a right to chose my safety level. It’s the same as asking if someone has their firearms, cleaning supplies, supplements, medications, and edibles secured before the kids have a playdate. If you freak out on me, I’ve just saved myself an accidental death.
Of course! Ask away and make your own decision. I just feel so badly for people who won’t see anyone at all, even though they could be masked and 6 feet apart, safely.
There are plenty of vaxxed friends to hang out with so nobody is alone. Bonus, my immunocomprised friends feel much safer hanging out with us because they know we’re careful. Nobody to feel sorry for.
Those people are staying alive and that’s what counts.
This doesn’t seem like that difficult of a conversation — mostly because I’m so excited about my vaccination that I can’t stop talking about it! Unfortunately, my parents have decided not to get vaccinated. We’ve had a lot of back and forth about how to handle that, and I think we’ve landed on ignoring it. I’m not thrilled about the idea of spending time with them inside this winter for holidays, etc. I’d like to opt out altogether, but I don’t know if I’m quite up for that fight. In the meantime, I’m mentally preparing for them to get it and probably to get very sick. Hopefully, they don’t give it to anyone else!
I’m fully vaxed but the woman who did my taxes had a bad case of covid for two weeks, as well as her husband, and she is not getting vaxed. Maybe after another bout of Covid she will see the light.
Time to find a new accountant, rather than pay your hard-earned money to her.
It’s nobodies business. If I’m vaccinated why would I care if you are? I don’t ask friends or my kid’s friends if they have been vaccinated for polio, measles or mumps. I feel this is just another way to exclude people. They are not vaccinated so of course we can’t invite them to the party! FYI, I got my first shot the other day and I have never been so sick in my life. There are not enough warnings about immediate side effects.
I actually do not want my children hanging out with antivax kids so if they weren’t already in a school/daycare where it’s required or if it’s a friend if the family I already know vaxxes their child, then yes i will ask.
My kids have friends who are immunocompromised. I have friends who parents have cancer. I will not put their health at risk for play dates or parties with anti-vaxx families.
Btw the reason there isn’t enough warnings about the side effects because it is different for everyone. The side effects are your immune system creating antibodies, some people have stronger immune reaction than others.
If you don’t ask, how do you know not to invite them? Pardon but just confused here. People have a choice to say or not say, and we are each free to do with that info what we wish. For me personally, if I don’t know whether someone has gotten the vaccine, I can’t be close to them. I will err on the side of caution due to my own medical conditions and just wanting to be safe for myself and for my family.
This is interesting to me bc I have a neurological disorder (which I don’t care to share here). My neurologist told us specifically the vaccine was NOT studied in people with my disease, so I am just waiting for more data. I do not feel bad saying I’m waiting, but I’m not an anti-vaxxer and my husband happily got the shot. We also always offer to quarantine and wear masks if there is an event/ we’d like to see someone. I honestly think it’s all about your approach. If you offer those things (still being as safe as possible without the vaccine) and people still don’t see your point in waiting, maybe it’s best to part ways. It makes me sad to think that a medical decision can ruin a lifelong friendship and maybe people should have a little more understanding for one another’s ideas- things aren’t always just black and white!
I look at the vaccine the same as I look at flu shots. It’s just something to help you not get sick. What is sick is people politicizing it so we won’t reach herd immunity now. The first thing I tell people I got vaccinated and if they did too. If not, don’t invite me anywhere I’m not going to be there.
I had a terrible reaction to the second Pfizer vax. Insomnia, chills, body aches, fever, headache, and it just overall felt like someone set my body on fire. I’m still feeling mild effects, and I got it four days ago. I’m convinced I would have ended up in the hospital had I actually gotten covid.
Because I went through all of that, I’m going to flat out ask people if they’ve been vaxxed, and if they haven’t been, tell them I am not hanging out with them.
I was the same with second Pfizer shot, but then remembered the friend who died from COVID after being on a ventilator for 3 weeks. Happy to be sick from the shot and now be 95% protected.
Im black. Half my friends and family got it
half will not. Probably more in the will not. Yall harsh about people who don’t share your views. The entitlement people feel to an answer. And the reasoning given to justify it.
Yall create an environment for folks to lie to your face. Them answering yes or no shouldnt change how you protect your self. If you ask some body if they have STD before sex and they say No. Will you raw dog it or still wear a condom?