This week’s Goop newsletter is another one of Gwyneth’s cut-and-paste deals (it’s a “DO”). I hate when she does that. I consider it “phoned-in” Goop. I prefer when she takes the time to make a video, or really shares some of her pearls of wisdom, rather than sending off a snotty note and cutting-and-pasting advice from “experts” or her “good friends”. Anyway, this week Goop wants to teach us about economics, investments and budgets. Gwyneth sounds like she was half-asleep writing her introduction, although you should note that actually uses the word “layman”. It’s like she twitched and wanted to use “peasants” but thought better of it.

Here, a collection of thoughts on the topic of investing from two bankers, a money coach and an accountant. Some illuminating concepts, histories and practical advice for the layman in these uncertain times.
Love, Gwyneth

[From Goop]

Yeah, the email is epic. If you really read the whole thing, go to Goop. I’ll just do the highlights. Rob Rehnborg (who Goop descripes as a manager of “an investment fund for institutional clients at Marshall Wace GaveKal. His specialty is “market neutral” investment strategies in Japanese stocks that deliver returns with low correlation to the stock market. He is based in Hong Kong.”) teaches us the “Basics of Investing”: save your money, deflation is just as bad as inflation (true story), buy stocks and bonds, but be cautious of government T-bills because they could significantly devalue in time, invest in gold, copper or silver, and hedge funds aren’t the devil incarnate. Blah.

Goopy also brings us “Ten Rules” by Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, The Money Coach. Lynnette is described as “a personal finance expert, television and radio personality, and the author of numerous books, including the New York Times bestseller “Zero Debt: The Ultimate Guide to Financial Freedom”.” She’s appeared on Dr. Phil and Oprah. The rules are what you’d expect – make a budget and stick to it. If you don’t have money, don’t spend money. Et cetera.

Already asleep? Goopy asks Stuart Gelwarg (“a CPA and a partner in the firm of Altman, Greenfield & Selvaggi, LLP”) to tell us about saving for our kids’ college. His advice? Start saving now. Although it takes him a while to make that point. Last and least is Michael Tiedemann (“a Senior Managing Director and Chief Investment Officer of Tiedemann Wealth Management”) – and if any of you can tell me what the hell he’s talking about, I’ll give you a gold nugget. I think he’s trying to tell us how to diversify our portfolios, but I can’t really follow him.

Remember when Gwyneth was fun? I mean, she’s always been a snotty bitch, but remember when her snotty, bitchy personality came out at every opportunity? Those were the days. Now she’s too busy trying to be a gooptastic Oprah. Sad.

Gwyneth is shown at fashion week in Madrid on 9/18/09 with Gala Dominguez and Adriana Dominguez. Credit: ENF/Fame Pictures