Nick Hogan, the spoiled/brat/jerk/self-centered/all-around-terrible-person/son of Hulk Hogan has finally been arrested and charged after causing a serious accident while drag racing in Florida. The accident left his passenger, 22-year-old John Graziano, in a coma. Doctors said the best recovery Graziano can expect is to someday be able to blink his eyes. Hogan walked away from the accident with relatively minor injuries, including a broken arm and a few broken ribs. He crashed his Toyota Supra into a palm tree. Hogan also has a long history of pretty extreme speeding tickets – even though he’s only 17.

The 17-year-old Hogan Knows Best star, who appeared on the reality show with his wrestling superstar father, Hulk Hogan, has been arrested on several criminal charges, including third-degree felony reckless driving involving serious bodily injury, stemming from an August car crash that left his passenger in critical condition.

Police also cited the younger Hogan, whose real name is Nick Bollea, for use of a motor vehicle in commission of a felony, being under the age of 21 and operating a vehicle with a breath-alcohol level of 0.02 percent or higher and illegal window tint.

Hogan turned himself in to authorities at 9:48 a.m. Wednesday, hours after police in Clearwater issued a warrant for his arrest upon the completion of an “extensive investigation” into the wreck by a team of four officers. He is currently being booked on the charges at the Pinellas County Jail.

[From E! News]

Is it weird that I whooped, hollered, and did that stupid “raise the roof” dance move when I read all those charges? I personally take a lot of credit for the arrests. Okay not really. But we stayed on Nick Hogan because of the giant, irresponsible douche bag that he is. And the investigation did take so long that we were starting to wonder if anything would happen. Without being privy to all the details, it does seem like they charged Hogan with everything they could. I mean they charged him with overly-tinted windows. Hopefully they’ll find a pair of fuzzy dice that were likely obstructing his view, and he’ll get in trouble for that, too.

The Hogans released a statement that puts to rest any doubt we had about whether or not they feel Nick did anything wrong or should be held accountable for his (criminal) actions.

“Nick and the entire ‘Hogan’ Bollea family are saddened that criminal charges have been filed in regards to the tragic single car accident on August 26, 2007,” the family said in a statement. “Nick will meet and answer these charges in the appropriate arena—a court of law.”

“The family’s primary focus and concern still remains for the continued recovery of Nick’s longtime friend John Graziano,” they said. “The Bolleas will also continue to stand by the Graziano family and help them in any way they can.”

“There has been much speculation as to the wet road conditions surrounding this accident. Although the evidence has not been evaluated, preliminary reports from the experts indicate that this was not, in fact, a high-speed accident.”

“The tragedy to both families is compounded by the fact that unfortunately John was not wearing his seatbelt. Thankfully, Nick was wearing his. Because of what happened to John, the entire Bollea family will make it a priority to increase public awareness about the importance of always wearing your seatbelt.”

[From E! News]

Wow. So to sum up paragraph one, the Hogans are sad that their son committed a crime and will have to face consequences for it. Apparently because he was in a single car accident, that somehow makes it less important to them – even though another person – John Graziano – will likely no longer have a quality life, and possibly live in constant pain. Paragraph two lets us know that all the Hogans care about is the Grazianos, and helping them, even though they’ve never made any public statement about John until today. I’m guessing the families have come to a private financial agreement, since no lawsuits have been filed. Paragraph three gives us a new box of bull and tells us that it was not their son’s drag racing that caused the crash, but the wet roads. You know what the rule is about wet roads? You slow down. Because they might lead to an crash, and it’s still your fault. And paragraph four wraps up by letting us know it was ultimately Graziano’s fault for not wearing a seatbelt. Not their son’s fault for speeding, racing, or driving like a moron. If there were a paragraph five, it would involve a narration of me finding the Hogans and hitting each of them over the head with a very large mallet.

Hopefully Nick Hogan will do some jail/prison time, and will have his driver’s license suspended indefinitely.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s a picture of John Graziano, a US Marine who returned from his second tour of duty in Iraq last October. Header image of Hogan’s crash in August.