Kate Beckinsale is Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive for 2009. Hm. At least it wasn’t Megan Fox, right? Or Olivia Wilde. Although I kind of think Olivia Wilde and Kate Beckinsale are about on par as far as general talent. Meaning, I think they’re both pretty girls, but I don’t really get what all the fuss is about. Sigh. At least Kate has a really lovely, curvy-athletic figure. For this honor, Kate follows in the footsteps of Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie and Jessica Biel, amongst others.

Esquire has a short little two-minute behind-the-scenes video of Kate’s photo shoot, in case anyone wants to watch Kate writhing around in her underwear, high heels and fur coat. On top of a kitchen counter. With water boiling on the stove top. Kate is such a fire hazard.

In the profile, Kate drops curses and fabulous gutter talk from the first moment. I have to admit – I find Kate rather bland and unappealing in films, but she’s a pretty good interview. She drops stuff on the reporter like “F-ck, it’s hot in here” and “Were you worried that there would be a G-spot orgasm class in the corner?” After the interviewer reads from his list of what he finds sexy in a woman (smoking, drinking, attitude, etc), Kate responds: “I do eat meat, I don’t smoke, I don’t really drink, I do sing. I don’t sing well, however. Given that I can’t sing like Freddie Mercury, obviously I’m not going to pursue it as a career. What would be the point?” Here some more of Kate’s greatest hits:

Kate on her early modeling days: “I was on the cover of Elegant Bride magazine when I think I actually cried. I was looking sort of misty, bridey eyed. It was mortifying. There I was, in my riot-grrrl feminist stage, with a puppy.”

On being “the sexiest woman alive”: “This whole notion of being named Sexiest Woman Alive is going to earn me quite a beating. You can’t have that title with four brothers. I’ll get wedgies. Headlocks. Noogies. If you’re any kind of a human, you know the title is utterly ludicrous. But I like the idea of it, too. I do. I’m feeling that I must earn this. I need to go out and become much better at pole dancing or something.”

On doing action films: “What’s dangerous about doing action movies is that I’m used to men on wires. I punch a guy and he flies over a wall. So I tend to feel like that’s me that did that. Which leads me to the fact that yes, I do think I could kick your ass. I know I can’t, though. Sometimes, I’ll get going with my brother, we’ll wrestle, and he’ll hold me down. Once you’re pinned by someone who weighs twice as much as you do, there really isn’t much you can do except flail at the testicles with your toe. I do tend to walk around like a Chihuahua in my house. You know, one of those little dogs that sees the big dogs and starts giving them attitude? I’m a Chihuahua with the soul of a lion.”

[From Esquire]

Aw, she’s sort of cute. I like her a little more after this interview, but I still think her publicist had to pay someone off to get her the “Sexiest Woman” gig. It could totally be worse, though. I’m glad the magazine picked a woman with some curves, a woman whose actually given birth (Kate has 10-year-old daughter Lily with actor Michael Sheen), and a woman who cusses up a blue streak. She’s not bad at all.

Thanks to CoverAwards for the Esquire cover

Kate Beckinsale is shown outside of Gwen Stefani’s birthday party at Cecconi’s restaurant in West on 10/3/09 and outside Cedar Sinai hospital with her little dog on 10/1/09. Credit: Fame Pictures