In Touch Weekly has a funny story about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. It’s all about how Tom is “showering” Katie with attention “in an attempt to hold her interest”. In other words, he’s over-stimulating his robot, and she needs to recharge. I should say this too – by almost every other report, Tom and Katie are fine and enjoying their time in Boston. While I think for a brief moment a few months back they might have been having problems, they seem pretty solid now. Katie genuinely seems happy (and not quite as zombie-like) on all of her Boston outings with Suri over the past few weeks. Anyway, here are some excerpts from IT’s story:

As their third wedding anniversary approaches in November, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are trying to make their marriage work.

While jogging together, instead of simply enjoying a leisurely run, Tom irritated Katie. “He kept turning around backwards and shouting ‘Harder! Faster!’” a witness says. “She looked resentful, but he kept doing it… Katie prefers to jog alone, and that annoys her.”

Tom worries that Katie is pulling away, and it’s causing him to go into panic mode. Tom “has been doing all he can to keep Katie happy” by pampering her with shopping sprees and massages, and even had her favorite cupcakes flown in from LA.

He also spent $50,000 remodeling one of Katie’s walk-in closets at their home in Beverly Hills. “Tom is always making an effort to be a supportive husband and to keep Katie intrigued.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition, October 18 2009]

Okay, there’s more to the story, but I just had to stop typing for a second because I was laughing too hard. One of the funniest sentences in the English language might be “Tom is always making an effort to be a supportive husband and to keep Katie intrigued.” Seriously? We’re going with “intrigued” as the feeling Tom wants to inspire? Mission. A-ccomplished. Perhaps next week they’ll say “to keep Katie startled” or “to keep Katie tormented and zombie-like” or “to keep Katie totally in the dark about Tom’s sex with men”.

Anyway, the rest of the story is more of the same. Tom has plans to take Katie to the Maldives for their anniversary – that’s where they honeymooned. He also wants to run the New York marathon with her. God, could you imagine living with him? He seems like a hyperactive child. Katie has also been spending more time with her family, and they “give her confidence”. Tom, IT claims, is worried because Katie has “become more assertive” and her feelings towards Tom “seem to be evolving”. Katie told Tom that she’s “not entirely happy” and that she sometimes misses her freedom. Katie is also questioning what Tom says and does, and “she doesn’t hang on his every word anymore and do whatever he wants.” Uh-oh. Why do I feel like Tom is less “worried” and more “scheduling an audit”? Break out the tin cans.

Here’s Tom filming some action scenes on the set of his upcoming film, “Wichita,” in Boston yesterday. Once a wrap was called Tom was “lovingly greeted by his two favorite girls and Katie’s parents who were also ecstatic about Toms daredevil moves!” Images thanks to Fame Pictures .