Today in impossibly ridiculous news that you’re supposed to believe: Tom Cruise is going to play Hugh Hefner in an upcoming biopic. Umm… trying not to make poorly veiled closeted homosexual jokes here… restraint is not my strongest suit…. crap. Okay how about this: many gay actors have shown us that it’s possible to play straight, and vice-versa. See how I didn’t say anything about your client probably being gay there, Tom Cruise’s lawyers? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I think that even if there had never been a single gay rumor about Tom Cruise, I still couldn’t buy him as Hugh Hefner. They’re just so… opposite. I mean both odd, but in very different ways. And something about Tom makes me think he’d be judgy and preachy about Playboy. If he’d ever opened one to know.

Tom Cruise is set to play Hugh Hefner in a new biopic of the Playboy founder’s life. The 45-year-old actor, who has an 18-month-old daughter Suri with his actress wife Katie Holmes, is hot favorite to portray the 81-year-old lothario in upcoming movie ‘Playboy’ and is reportedly excited about the prospect of bringing Hefner’s “colorful life” to the big screen.

A source close to the actor said: “Tom knows of Hugh’s colorful past and thinks he would be the perfect person to bring it to the big screen. He also thinks the role would be a challenge for him, and would remind people of his versatility as an actor. At the moment people are concentrating on his personal life, and his marriage to Katie – but he wants to remind them that he can act too.”

[From AZcentral]

I think people are well-aware that Tom Cruise can act. He’s been acting like he’s in a marriage for a little over a year now. Kidding, of course. Tom’s an okay actor, and I people remember that about him. It’s just that he shines in a very specific kind of role… and Hugh Hefner just isn’t that type of character. Tom needs to jump on top of moving trains and fall out windows and things like that. Occasionally romance Renee Zellweger in a way the audience only sorta buys. He is not the kind of guy you want to see chasing fake bunny tail. Fake alien tail, fine. But rabbits are out of the question.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Tom and Katie at the 23rd Annual Museum Of The Moving Image Black Tie Salute Honoring Tom Cruise on November 6th in New York City. Images thanks to PR Photos.