I am from a generation that knows Bronson Pinchot as two characters: the hilarious art gallery manager in Beverly Hills Cop and Balki, the happy-go-lucky comic relief on the hit 1980s show Perfect Strangers. As it turns out, Bronson has had a pretty steady career as an in-demand character actor for 25 years, working with such superstars as Tom Cruise (Ricky Business), Denzel Washington (Courage Under Fire), and Eddie Murphy (Beverly Hills Cop). The last decade, Bronson has worked mainly in television, and I remember he’s sketchy role as some sleezeball on Law & Order: Criminal Intent a few years ago.

Character actors don’t get enough love, so The Onion’s AV Club decided to do a lengthy interview with Bronson. They got him to dish the dirt on some of his former costars, and he’s got a lot to say:

BP on Risky Business and Tom Cruise:
We didn’t know it was going to be a big hit. We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth. He had spent some formative time with Sean Penn—we were all very young at the time, Tom was 20, I was 23. Tom had picked up this knack of calling everyone by their character names, because that would probably make your performance better, and I don’t agree with that. I think that acting is acting, and the rest of the time, you should be you, but he called us all by our character names. He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?” I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, “It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.” Very, very strange.

Years and years later when people started to torment him with that, I used to think “God, that’s really fitting, because he tormented a lot of people as a 20-year-old.” He made such a big deal about it. Same thing with Eddie Murphy—I remember somebody calling and saying, “You’ll never guess who was just caught with a transvestite!” [Laughs.] And I remember thinking that seemed fitting, because there are certain people in showbiz who make it an agenda, every third sentence has to have something knocking that life choice, and you think, “What are you doing?” Like, these women came up to me in a restaurant—I was wearing a bright red shirt, and I was with some friends, and they said, “Would you like to join our club? We wear red.” What kind of choice is that? If you spent many years in the theater, and then you show up in movies, and people have on their to-do list for the day that they’re going to make a comment every third sentence, it strikes you as very strange. I just thought it was very funny that years later, that became his bugaboo. Which is a nice 1930s term I thought you’d enjoy.

I thought the movie would disappear. It just goes to show you, I obviously don’t have the antennae for that. I didn’t see it at all, but neither did any of the actors. All of the actors who talked about him were like, “What is this guy all about?” And you know, honestly, I never got it, and I don’t get it to this day. But it was his breakout film. He always talked about himself like he was a mega-superstar; that was weird, too.

BP on Denzel Washington and his “burning ambition”:
It’s just a different kind of animal, like a racing greyhound versus a mutt that sits in your lap. I guess I’m a mutt that sits in your lap. I don’t know what that is, but I’ve seen it many times. I think Denzel Washington has it—he’s one of the most unpleasant human beings I’ve ever met in my life, but he’s this mega-superstar.

BP on Tom Hanks:
He is a wonderful and genuine and lovely and down-to-earth person. I don’t know how he does that. I first met him when he was doing his spate of not-successful movies. There was a period in the ’80s when he did The Man With One Red Shoe and Joe Versus The Volcano and all those movies that weren’t doing well, and that’s when I first met him, and I would run into him on and off over the years. Then two years ago, I did a play with his wife, and there he was at his absolute height. He’s always been a delightful person, so it’s not really true that big stars need to be driven and repulsive, because he’s anything but.

BP on working with Denzel Washington in Courage Under Fire:
That was a low point, because Denzel Washington was behind the incredibly cowardly bullshit of “This is my character, not me.” He was really abusive to me and everybody on that movie, and his official explanation was that his character didn’t like me, but it was a dreadful experience. I spent my salary on time with my shrink just for helping me get through it, and what that led to was the very next big movie that I did. I should have said to the producers, “You get that guy in line, or I’m out of here.” Life’s too short.

[From The AV Club]

I’ll totally believe all of the Tom Cruise stuff. I love how Bronson makes it seem like no one liked Tom and they all thought he was a total dork. But isn’t it disappointing to hear that about Denzel Washington? I don’t want to believe that he’s a bastard. Anyway, the whole interview is an interesting read. Bronson is, after all, a Yale graduate who either f-cked or gotten high with everybody. Or both. So he’s got a lot of dirt to dish on. He should write a book.