Naomi Watts posted the selfie above to Instagram on Wednesday. On a superficial note, that sweater is to die for in general but look at what it’s doing for her eyes. The point of Naomi’s post was shockingly not how amazing she looks in that sweater, though. She wanted to talk about menopause. And the reason Naomi wanted to talk about menopause is because nobody really does. In her caption for the post, Naomi talked about how we, for generations, have passed down an “unwritten code of silence” when it comes to “the M word.” So Naomi’s asking us to get the discussion out in the open. Menopause is a part of life that if we are lucky enough to age into, we should all be talking about to remove any shame about it.
Does the word menopause freak you out? 😱
It did me… But, why? It’s just a natural phase of life and something half the population will be directly affected by and the other half will feel indirectly (so please stick around … even the dudes!).
When I was in my late 30s, I was finally ready to start thinking about creating a family. Then the M word swiftly blew my doors down, it felt like a head-on collision with a Mack truck. 🚚💥
How could I figure this out when no one was talking? I was earlier to it than my peers. My mentors and mum didn’t seem up for discussing it, I didn’t know how to ask for help and they didn’t know how to provide…. even doctors had little to say. It’s oddly like an unwritten code of silence: women should suck it up and cope, because that’s how generations passed have done it.I think it’s time to see women in this phase of life or this age group be well represented. We’ve been under-served in media, stories and marketing far too long. Particularly since more than 1 billion people worldwide will be menopausal by 2025…
When you spotlight uncomfortable conversations, they get easier. Progress is made. Why has this particular one taken so long?Let’s conquer the stigma and address the secrecy and shame we’ve felt and help create a healthier foundation for future generations.
Getting older is a privilege and a time for us to feel proud of our cumulative experiences — to feel empowered, unapologetically so. I think being part of a change-maker generation is exciting. No more walking through this alone.
I’m working on something I feel super proud of. I hope you follow along as I share more in the coming weeks.
Drop a 🔥 in the comments if you’re with me! I want to hear your stories. – What are your thoughts on menopause?
[From Instagram via People]
If Naomi went through menopause in her late 30s, that is early. Perimenopause usually lasts four years but can last 10 years. She had her kids at 39 and 40. Like Naomi, I generally just call both phases menopause. That goes back to discussion, too. I was spending too much time explaining – mainly to men – what perimenopause was. I shouldn’t have lumped them together as it was a disservice to menopause. Peri was much worse than Momma M.
But I’ll bet Naomi’s friends refused to talk about it at that age, as if it was contagious. Women have been taught to fear menopause. Not even as a health concern but as a sell-by date. The public perception is that the minute a woman admits that she’s entered that phase, it’s the last of her as a sexually viable creature. It’s part of my beef with comments about women who look good “for their age.” Like they somehow defied the menopause erasure to be still desirable – but obviously less so because they’re still old and stuff. There are so many negative connotations just mentioning the word. No joke, if you put “menopause” into the thesaurus app, they give you “midlife crisis.” Look at Naomi rocking that blue sweater above. Anyone would be a fool to write her off as a woman because she’s post-menopausal. I agree with her, I’m ready to be a change maker. I’m ready to redefine who I am, let alone my generation. I feel somewhat empowered. I’m ready to sign up for Naomi’s Climacteric Crew. And let’s talk about the good, the silly, and the bad but definitely stop telling women that life ends for them after 50.
Photo credit: Instagram, InStar Images and Avalon Red
Me too! Let’s talk about it and share experiences!
I have a friend here in the UK who has set up a whole ‘Make Menopause Matter” campaign after she nearly killed herself due to depression caused by menopause. There is a whole host of physical and psychological symptoms far beyond hot flashes including brain fog, severe anxiety, exhaustion, depression, heart palpitations, mood swings (including rage flashes) and joint pain that presents like arthritis. Most doctors are hopelessly uninformed.
I’ll link a helpful website below this.
https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/symptoms.php
I am in the States. MenopauseMatters has been lifesaving to me. I feel like the UK discusses menopause more than the US. All the best meno forums and sites have been in the UK.
Peri has been hard on me. Naomi is right about how our Mothers & Grandmothers won’t discuss it.
I had some bad pelvic pain early on in peri. Tried to discuss it with my Mom and she got angry at me. She hung up the phone on me. I was just trying to get info from her for my doctor. How dare I discuss something so taboo.
I remember the women in my family would set around fanning their face laughing about hot flashes. I also remembering them with terrible itchy skin while they practically bled themselves from scratching. I caught myself doing that this Winter. Looked it up and it’s a meno symptom.
I am glad my generation is speaking up, We will all go through it. A lot of us it will be debilitating in some way.
Thankful to stars like Gillian Anderson and Naomi for talking about this.
Also onset of diabetes, prediabetes (especiallyif you go thru early and have it in your family tree). Joint pain, arthritis, cardiovascular risks…. We need to know and have tools for prevention and proper support from medical community. And not when its too late…..
I fell thru cracks in my 20s and 30s w PCOS and Endo. Physicians now better watch out for me b/c I will not be dismissed and advised its in my head. Unite and Advocate Ladies, our health matters.
I guess I’ve been lucky. The women in my family are nothing if not pragmatic. I didn’t know much about menopause but asked my sister and mom questions and it was fine. My doctor has been pretty great too.
In peri right now, early 40’s. It is a weird and bittersweet life change to think about though. The end of youth, in a way.
I can’t even find a gynecologist who is willing to talk about menopause, it’s very isolating.
I went through it when I was around 54. I had an easy time once I figured out that hot spells can be stopped by cutting out sugar. I had no depression as I worked full time and didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself. The only side effect that bothered me was less moisture when having sex. Luckily, I had a husband who adored me and worked with me, so sex was still enjoyable. If you want a menopause that isn’t difficult, keep on exercising, cut sugar out and keep working so you don’t sit home and feel sorry for yourself. I also never took hormones because I believe that they harm more than they help and menopause is a natural part of life not meant to be altered by hormones. Also, keep taking your calcium and have your PAP yearly.
Hi May Bench!
What do you mean by “cutting out sugar”? Do you mean no sugar at all? Just fruits?
I had to take everything out because of miomas. So, I’m turning 47 and entered menopause 8 months ago (when I had the surgery). I’m having some problems with hotflashes but no biggy.
My biggest problem is the increase in cholesterol all of the sudden.
I read it’s normal, the doctor also says it’s common for women because of the drop in estrogen, but I do want to be careful and take care of it without medication. Any advices?
It’s not so easy for everyone though. My older sister had hemorrhaging from peri and had to leave work because her doctors couldn’t stop the blood. She was laid up in a diaper for over a year, had multiple surgeries that didn’t work. She had a good career before that. She used hormones to stop the hemorrhaging but it didn’t work.
I’m glad cutting sugar and exercising worked for you, I am sure that’s good advice generally. Just saying, there are very physical debilitating symptoms for peri for many women and it’s not feeling sorry for themselves.
hiya,
with all due respect I worked full time and I have depression and it was very hard. I did not feel sorry for myself at all. I felt many other things that took all my effort to manage.
Depression is not “feeling sorry for yourself”. Wow.
I’m really sorry but some women suffer horrifically with the menopause and no amount of eating right and ‘keeping busy’ is going to deal with their severe and debilitating symptoms. I’m really done with anyone who seems to think that just because they had it relatively straightforwardly that means that any other woman is being over dramatic. There’s enough shame and silence over this. Far too many doctors (including female ones) that dismiss life destroying symptoms as ‘women’s problems’. We need to start taking this sh*t seriously.
Seriously? I’ll definitely try to stop feeling sorry for myself and that should make everything better with rainbows and unicorns.
And this whole comment is part of the problem. I also have a husband who adores me but sex is so painful it’s not happening. I cut out sugar, chocolate and caffeine and I still get hot flashes. Every. Single. Woman. Is different and we are all going to have different menopause symptoms. What works wonders for you, isn’t going to work for everyone. I’m hoping you didn’t mean to sound like you were better than everyone else but it sure came across that way.
Depression isn’t “feeling sorry for yourself” tho. Nor can it be avoided by “staying busy”…
F all that
Equating depression with feeling sorry for yourself is a shit comment especially in a conversation about how hormones affect our heath.
It ain’t that easy for everyone. I cut out sugar, exercised, and STILL had pre-menstrual migraines that kept me out of work one day a month. I had terrible heart palpitations. I continued to work during this time in a high-pressure job and hot-flashed through meetings. “Keeping busy” didn’t ameliorate the symptoms at all. There is also a very big difference between feeling sorry for oneself and having clinical depression. Every woman’s experience is different. Mine came early at 43….now far on the other side of it, and it’s just a memory. But, the process wasn’t easy for me.
I have menopausal depression and it has nothing to do with feeling sorry for myself. I’m glad you have your shit all figured out but what a rotten thing to say
@May Bench No depression because you worked full-time time and ‘didn’t have time to feel sorry for yourself’? FFS. Right. Because depression is restricted to the lazy and unemployed? That opinion is really something. Are you a scientologist?
@Maybench.
But was your ignorantly smug attitude part of menopause for you, or has it been a lifelong trait?
A lot of OB-GYNs (over on TikTok) threads about how little research, let alone specialists there are in Peri- and Menopause. We need to demand more from Medicine – schools, research, $$$ because it’s ridiculous to live your 40s and beyond in the (equivalent of) middle ages.
For me, the doc did a lab test showing (some hormone) was super high, meaning I’m in perimenopause. I got the results over the phone from a perky 20-something nurse at my OB-GYN. No advice, nothing to do, just that’s it. WTF.
@bananapanda first of all, amazing handle, but secondly, it’s like I said to a male friend recently about healthcare treatment “women are people too.” We get short shift from the male dominated medical system where things that impact women only or predominantly get limited attention. The one saving grace I think is from some pharma companies where they have finally realized women have massive purchasing power and long lives and they can make money off creating solutions for us.
Good for her for talking about it. When I started experiencing peri-menopause symptoms I had no idea what was going on! And when I mentioned what I was feeling, my doctor wasn’t much help.
I didn’t think “oh it’s peri menopause” because I didn’t know that was I thing! No one ever talked about that … it was all just “menopause… you’ll hate it … hot flashes, weight gain, can’t sleep, but at least your period will stop so YAY”
But no one mentioned the crazy periods leading up to it (periods of time and the no longer monthly actual periods… which became irratic and gruesome at times), the palpitations, waking from a sound sleep in a panic, going from feeling fine to feeling exhausted like a truck hit me in moments, breakouts and whatever other spin the dial skin changes that took place, including hives, rashes, unquenchable dryness alternating with super oiliness, discomfort during intimacy, pain in random places at random times, crazy blood work, lack of my previously rock solid emotional resilience. After a couple of visits to the ER for intense palpitations thinking I was having a heart attack (aka a herd of erratic elephants in my chest demanding to break free, through my neck if necessary) a doctor finally said “have your periods been erratic lately? Yeah? Any other changes? Yeah? We’ll run some tests to be sure your heart and lungs are fine … they were the last time … but those palpitations you’re experiencing are a really common occurrence during peri menopause. “
I was so confused! There’s a *peri* menopause? Why did no one tell me that!?! Why did no one mention the palpitations and ALL the other stuff (and why did no one mentioned those to the EMT who told me “don’t worry ma’am, it all sounds like a just panic attack to me”)
My doctor had no clue about any of it.
I asked older women in my family and they were all like “oh yeah, I remember that phase … the palpitations were awful… but they went away after the hot flashes started up”. It was like a code of silence, that no one talked about it to anyone who hadn’t already experienced it. (Aside from hah hah, look at Aunt Martha with the cold washcloth on her head … hot flashes they’d acknowledge… so the only thing I’d expected was to have to buy one of those Wilma Flintstone necklaces that you keep in the freezer and get a good fan)
Thank you so much @NorthofBoston for sharing this! I have palpitations occasionally and I had no idea it could be related to perimenopause
Same! I have always been emotionally stable and healthy. I also ended up in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack! For me, the worst parts of peri have been the anxiety (with heart palpitations) and the hot flashes. And it is so hard to find a good doctor. Still dealing with both symptoms, but it’s been a few years now, so I’m hoping I’m near the end of this time. People don’t talk about it enough. It can be rough!
Ok WHAT?!?! I just turned 40 a couple of months ago and I’ve been having heart palpitations for about 3 years. I’ve had to wear heart monitors three different times and been to a couple of cardiologists. I do have a small heart murmur that was discovered when I was pregnant with my last 3 years ago but was told it should go away after giving birth but it didn’t so I really thought all of these palpitations and everything had to do with that. Not a single doctor said anything to me about it maybe being related to peri menopause. I have been experiencing irregular periods for probably a year now along with exhaustion and mood swings but I’ve always been kind of moody, this has been extreme though. I have also blamed it on the stress of the pandemic and being home 24/7 with young kids for so long. I actually went to an ENT at the beginning of the pandemic because I had been experiencing dizziness all the time and he basically said i was physically fine and that i was probably just stress, so super helpful. I wonder if that is part of my symptoms too because it has come back over the last month.
I go to a new OB next week and was going to bring this all up to here and now I’m going to have even more questions and hopefully she won’t just brush them off like my last one.
No one in my family discusses it and I feel like a lot of my mom friends are younger than me because we started having kids later so this isn’t even on their radar. Heck it wasn’t on mine until my periods started getting all weird. I feel like I’m too young but that’s the problem, I grew up thinking this was just for “old ladies” and that needs to change.
I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much testing, but I’m glad you’re OK. I started perimenopause symptoms early, and my OB put me through SO much testing because she kept saying, “It can’t be perimenopause. You’re too young.” I was 41, which is on the young side for symptoms, but not unheard of! And I’ve been dizzier since I started perimenopause…not sure why, as it’s never bothered me enough to ask about!
As a naturally overheated person, I think I’ve only had one hot flash but the weird bleeding schedule that has kicked in over the last few months is annoying AF.
I’m sure my mother would LOVE to talk about it endlessly but I’m not willing to give her the satisfaction. I’ll just take my answers from the interwebs.
Honking for Naomi Watts but mostly for articles that bring “womens issues” I to the mainstream. Love this!
Yes let’s talk about it. I am ready to tear a phone book in half. I am considering antidepressants. Anyone have any improvement with those?
I’m on antidepressants and those work, but the thing that was life changing was going on a low-dose birth control pill. I felt as physically low and emotionally volatile as I did as a teenager—it was awful.
I also changed within my practice from an OBGYN to a nurse midwife. Her body of knowledge surrounding the experience and treatment of menopausal symptoms is extraordinary — highly recommend.
I was prescribed antidepressants to treat anxiety when I was perimenopausal 10 years ago. I was anxious, itchy, foggy, and exhausted because hot flashes woke me up 8-10 times a night. I stopped the antidepressants after 6 months because I experienced some awful side effects.
After a careful screening, my wonderful family doctor prescribed HRT. I felt almost back to normal after the second dose. If you are suffering, please talk to your doctor — there is help and HRT may be an option for you. Also, insist on an appointment with a doctor who specializes in menopause.
There are also two terrific channels on youtube: Menopause Taylor https://www.youtube.com/c/MenopauseTaylor and Dr. Heather Hirsch’s channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrAeWep_qZiP7QeR7ogcCPA. Both are doctors and menopause specialists. Dr. Taylor’s videos tend to be long, but Hirsch’s videos are shorter and more succinct. You can also read “Menopause Manifesto” by Dr. Jen Gunter.
Omg the itchiness! It recently started and I think it’s triggered by caffeine and a cup of coffee in the morning brings me so much joy but not enough to deal with being itchy the rest of the day. 💔
Have you also considered HRT? I’m on it and it has been like a miracle for me. I had terrible insomnia, as well as hot flushes that went for 5 or 6 hours each day and heart palpitations.
Anti-depressants do work, but there’s a price. They “flatten” reactions, and you may become a different person (my sister says I wasn’t “me” when I was on them). My issue with them is that they don’t fix your world, they just dull your reaction to the crap. I had allowed my world to fall into a self-pitying miasma of unworthiness, and that was what I need to change.
I know women who literally say that you can take their anti-depressants “over their dead body”. Good on them! I wish I found that solace in a pill (it’s quicker and much easier than taking a good, hard look at yourself and making changes).
I would suggest that you get your hormone levels looked at as well. If I had known that I should have gotten a full blood panel in my twenties just to have an idea of what my “peak” hormone levels were, I would have that information. In my 50’s, my medical provider and I are just guessing what my levels should be (yes, he is a naturopath, but pretty much all he does is bioidentical hormone replacement).
And did anyone mention that you lose the ability to climax on anti-depressants? That bit sucked balls.
Good luck with everything. You are not alone in this.
@Roast, While your last comment can be true, it’s not universal. Not sure whether it’s a common side effect or not.
In my experience, it’s actually a lot of other women who support the idea that you are “nothing, invisible, ignored” after 50. And aren’t fond of listening to women who don’t share that same point of view.
That has been my experience but then again it depends on 1) your family unit 2) your group of friends 3) and especially your work context. Some areas of work are just ageist and misogynist and after a certain agency just gets awful.
Moreover it depends on you too. If you’re in tune with your age and are not expecting to have the same kind of attention you did in your twenties. Some people really grieve that.
In that aspect I think I’m lucky. I’m a teacher and many teachers are women my age, so sometimes we talk about it… No one is ageist because most teachers in my country are over 40… 🙂 I also talk about with my friends, even male friends…
Sad but after 50 most of these younger people at least in the Pharma industry are complaining about you still being in the workforce.this is where it hurts.It isn’t about no longer being the hot chick on the block.
I tell all the young women out there what it’s about. The hot flash thing is such a reduction of the ride Perimenopause is! I don’t even have them. I suffer from heavy bleeding, pain, brain fog and migraines, not to mention weird pelvic pain. I tell everyone who wants to listen to me.
Strangely what has been working for me is eating healthy and in small-ish quantities except the first day before my period when I need a lot of carbs. My body just tells me. Tracking put cycle is something we should all do at a young age so that when it comes to this time we know how to listen to ourselves.
Me too! I am about l5 years older than many friends and I tell them all the time about the TRUTH of peri/menopause. It’s time for this to be discussed amongst us women, so yay for this thread!
Perimenopausal at 49, but thankfully no symptoms. I joined a Facebook group about it to inform myself and was shocked to see how terrible it can be. Hot flushes, insomnia, anxiety, brain fog, mood swings and a whole host of other issues.
Most of my friends are my age and yet nobody mentions it at all. My mum passed away 10 years ago and I didn’t have anyone to ask about it, but now I understand that the experience is very different for everyone. I do remember my mum bitterly complaining about it at the time, but her lifestyle was completely different to mine, so who knows.
Ahhhhhhhh Menopause!!!
I was thrown into it in my late 20’s after my hysterectomy (severe cervical dysplasia found after my last child was born. (It was spreading pretty fast and at that point I really had very limited options.)
Then I was put on hormones which messed up my system not to mention my brain causing all sorts of problems. Think Dr Hyde on steroids. I found a female gyno who straightened me out and was absolutely livid I was put on hormones because I still had my ovaries and they were working. I was getting way too much hormones.
My system settled down fairly quickly and I did well but when I hit my 50’s I started getting hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings and I couldn’t figure out how this could be happening after all this time, but apparently MY biological clock decided to go another round and it was miserable for a time.
I’ll be 65 soon and haven’t had any more of the above so I believe it’s over and done.
I applaud Ms. Watts for speaking out. It’s a common denominator for all us women and we need to not make it such a taboo thing.
I used to feel invisible too. Then a friend pointed out that we were “the target demographic” in a particular situation – a college reunion where they wanted our money. That completely shifted my point of view in SO many situations. I swear since that day I walk taller and have more confidence. YMMV …… but yeah, peri was the worst. My moods were insane, which was totally not like me. Ativan became a good friend.
I’m 57 and my peri menopause started in my mid 30s and lasted about 10-12 years. During that time my mood swings were off the charts and I made a point of letting those around me, family and coworkers, to please don’t take what I said personally.
I am a huge proponent of talking openly and honestly about menopause and all the various things that can happen during this time. In fact, I’m sure that many wish that I would shut up about it but I won’t 😃.
If anyone here needs someone to talk to, share with or have some mutual support, please let me know and I’d be happy to give you my contact information.
This is so topical for me! I’ve recently been advised (due to genetic tests) that I need to have my ovaries removed and I’m in my ears 40s. My GYN was very reluctant to throw me into early menopause and advised I should keep them just to delay it. The genetic counselor was aghast at that recommendation… and said to get them out asap. I’ve been looking and there just isn’t a lot of info out there about menopause.
I had an ovary removed after my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer just to be safe. I had already had an ovary out because it twisted and a hysterectomy because of deep fibroids. It’s way better to get the ovaries out and not worry about cancer.
I’ve been in peri for nine years, and I *think* I’m almost to menopause…last year I didn’t have a period for 11 months, and then wham! So fingers crossed. I don’t talk about it a ton, but I will casually mention things like how I can’t drink much coffee anymore or how much my joints hurt and attribute it to menopause. The reactions from people when they hear the word are like I’ve just uttered the most vulgar curse. And most of my friends are progressive, feminist people in their late 40s and 50s. I hope Naomi’s project does open the conversation a bit wider, because it’s ridiculous.
I am post menopausal and I really had no idea what was happening to me. I had a hysterectomy when I was 36 so I didn’t have my periods to know what was happening. The insomnia and brain fog really sucked. I was so emotional (and still am) as well as so exhausted.
There is a great book written by Dr Jen Gunther called the Menipause Manifesto that I am currently reading. It’s great really explains things well.
My mom passed away a few years ago but I know she suffered from hot flashes for many years because she complained about them frequently and they started mid to late 40s.
My periods have started to get wonky and I’m aging in fast forward it seems. I don’t think I’m having major mood swings but I’ve had bad anxiety my whole life so being on edge isn’t anything new.
There really is no one to talk to about it. I have one friend who is seeing a neuropath for hormones and all I know about it is that it’s crazy expensive.
Maisie Hill’s 2 books Period Power and Menopause Power are great guidelines. Also she’s just found out that she’s autistic and she also talks openly about it on her Instagram account (neurodivergent Perimenopause is not the same – I have adhd) and she has a podcast as well called Period Power.
She’s a cool lady.
Yes, let’s talk talk TALK about menopause! I’m 46 and even my closest friends are reluctant to share their experiences.
I’m someone who got unexpectedly pregnant at 46 during perimenopause. Learned I had been pregnant at the emergency room during an incredibly painful miscarriage. Had a hormonal IUD put it, that knocked out my periods. Doctor recommended leaving it in for 10
years (the EU lifespan of the device) and seeing what happens then. I’m at that point, but in a bad spot insurance wise, so it’s still in there. Haven’t had much in the way of symptoms.
However, my ADHD symptoms are off the chart, which is something else that happens with the lowering of estrogen levels that happens with menopause. Want to find some sort of ADHD coaching situation, but finances are precarious.
Also, HRT helps a lot of women, but among my mother’s friends, those that did opt for HRT were the ones who got breast cancer. This would have been 20-30 years ago and I’m sure the protocols are safer now, but really study your family’s health history when making these decisions.
Yes, mother and her aunt both developed breast cancer after starting HRT. Maybe it’s different or safer now?
A close friend started HRT after a hysterectomy and her cancer doctor felt that was the cause of her breast cancer. I can’t remember how many years she was on it.
There have been a lot of changes since then. People with a history of breast cancer can take hormonal replacement but will be slightly different to people who haven’t. There is no evidence that HRT cause breast cancer, but HRT makes it more likely to be detectable. Some of the resources peoe have posted above go into this. HRT can be a life saver just unfortunately suffers from really bad PR.
I’m sorry you experienced all that. I just came to commiserate with you about the ADHD situation. I had managed ADHD med-free for most of my life, but when I hit peri-menopause my symptoms were off the charts also. At the time, maybe 15 years ago, we knew even less than we do today about the effects of hormones on ADD. I HAD to take meds, which I did for a while. Helped a lot. Off of them now and managing life/work through”organizational systems” etc. But, I am past menopause, so it’s a lot easier. I hope you can find a good medical doctor who can help you manage it! Good luck!!!
I’m almost 50 and I’m thinking that I am now beginning premenopausal. But I need to get to the gyno and get the official official. It is something we should be able to talk about freely. This has been happening to women since the beginning of humankind and we should be able to discuss it.
Why is it deemed so important, unfortunately by women too, that we remain “sexy”, “desirable” and “f**kable” until our last day on earth? Who says? One of the most important things I have gleaned over my years on this earth, is that I will NOT be defined by my physical body. I look after it, and try to stay in good shape…for MYSELF. How others may perceive me is the very least of my concerns. Why do they try to tell us that a very insignificant part of life, sexual attraction, should be the most important in women’s lives? We are so much more than that, and giving credence to the male gaze is such a waste of time and life! Go Naomi, I am with you on your crusade to be seen as a full human being, and not just a set of secondary sex characteristics.
As a 50 year old woman, who’s menopause symptoms are fairly mild, I’m shocked at the lack of information out there to help. It’s seems to me that the patriarchal medical system has just said, welp this is a natural process so we can ignore it. No! Help your patients with proper testing, give them options and stop leaving female patients out in the wilderness to fend for themselves. I shouldn’t find more information on this blog (thanks BTW) than I do in my doctor’s office.
It is time to discuss. There are solutions for peri-menopause and menopause symptoms. We don’t have to suffer through hot flashes/night sweats, sleepless nights, brain fog, fatigue, etc. The weight gain is difficult.
Three places I have found answers are:
– Hit Play Not Pause podcast.
-www.feistymenopause.com
-www.drstacysims.com
Also, search for a gynocologist on North American Menopause Society website: https://www.menopause.org/
Good luck. There are some answers.
Let’s discuss this with all women over 40 or who get medically-induced menopause early.
Patty
Glad people are talking about this more. Perimenopause hit me like a truck two years ago and it has been miserable. Have to admit that I’m not coping well at all. Can’t sleep, painful and irregular periods, moody, heart palpitations, anxiety, exhausted in the afternoons, weight gain when I used to be pin thin, hot flashes. The whole shebang. And I was someone who never even had painful periods when I was younger. Couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. Well, now I get it. To women who find perimenopause/menopause not a big deal, I’m very happy for you!! But you’re probably one of the genetically lucky ones as I was with my periods back in the day.
I read this while having a hot flash.
That is all.
I read this knowing that my hot flashes are in the rear view mirror, thank goodness. Kinda wondering about hair loss now.
I just watched the latest season of Borgen on Netflix and it’s the first time I’ve EVER seen a realistic portrayal of menopause in a movie or TV show.
Dr Jen Gunter (ob gyn) wrote the book on menopause- Menopause Manifesto.
Came here to recommend this! I bought the Vagina Bible for my teenager and the Menopause Manifesto for myself.
54, in perimenopause and thankfully, have a group of friends who have NO filters. My college roommate is a social worker in an urban ER, and has seen and heard it all. She has no issue talking about mood swings, hot flashes, weight gains, irregular cycles . . . My internist is a woman two or three years younger than me; when I described my symptoms, she just looked at me and said “you’re in perimenopause” She asked if I felt like I needed medical intervention or if I was doing OK without it and to talk to her if I ever changed my mind.
I haven’t read all the comments yet, but I’m so ready for these conversations! yes, finally we’re allowed to talk about it
Dang, I’m 44 with a Mirena IUD and now I’m a little worried that I might miss more obvious signs of perimenopause. My MD is an obstetrician so she specializes in delivering babies, not treating “older” lady shit, though she is only like 3 years older than me.
Thank you for the links and information, maybe my dr and I will go on this journey together! Dang!
I had my Mirena IUD taken out at 49. When I asked my Gyno if I was in menopause. If I would get my period. She shrugged and said she had no idea. And told me to take a tampon on my way out. I was beyond annoyed with her. I didn’t get my period for 11 months. I thought I was done. But it just came back with a vengeance. I am 51 now. I have had a few hot flashes. Of course at the most inappropriate times at work events. Nothing like flop sweat when you are speaking to a CEO.
It’s a frustrating and confusing time when you find out you are pretty much on your own when you go to Doctors for guidance.
I hit peri-menopause mid-30s, but my (male) doctor literally told me it was in my head. Actually, it was in my feet – which sweat so much my toes would prune and I could wring water out of my socks.
No one warned me about period weirdness, either – Aunt Flo dropped in whenever it was convenient for her, to the point I had to keep extra clothes in a word drawer. Then I had my last period, which was excessively heavy flow for 35 DAYS. As in, burning through an overnight, heaviest-flow pad once every HOUR, sleeping on a pile of towels and still staining the sheets (while also using said pads), and passing out from the blood flow.
I ended up in at urgent care, told them my period had last three weeks (at that point), and was asked – I kid you not – “Are you pregnant?” (Uh, no.) Gave me iron and sent me home. A few weeks later, the Big M arrived. four years later, I still occasionally soak my socks, and I’m dealing with a migraine now. But I’m not sleeping on towels anymore!
@GAMERGRRL that’s a bonkers story. I’m sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing because I’m 37 and I think I’m starting perimenopause and feel like I’m the only one my age dealing with it.
I was on birth control for my 20s and got off it at 33 to try to have a baby. My period didn’t return which lead to lots of doctor visits. Turns our I have premature ovarian failure. I wouldn’t have known had I not got off birth control, which masked my issues. I guess I was born with less eggs than the average woman so was going into menopause much sooner. It was a devastating diagnosis. It required years of fertility treatments to try to get eggs. After 4 years, I am finally pregnant. I was always told that I had years to figure things out. Menopause was such a scary word. I wish we learned more about all of these stages earlier in life. I feel like my school system (who made it seem I could get pregnant from doing anything) and my doctors (who didn’t run one fertility test in any of my annual checkups) failed me.
Just wanted to say congrats on the pregnancy and wishing you an easy and joyful 9 months and safe delivery. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that though. I had IVF with my first two and it’s just wretched.
@MISSM I found out at 30 that I also have a low ovarian reserve or very few eggs left. You’re not alone. I was able to have two kids with IVF. Now at 37 I think I’m going through perimenopause, but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it (my mom is dead). I should probably try to find an online group.
Night sweats will be a major contributing factor to my villain origin story.
I think it would also be beneficial for spouses, partners and teenage/adult children to understand menapause and how support during this time is crucial. The hot flashes, mood swings, tears, etc. I feel alone at times bc they just don’t understand and that I need to get over it.
I’m 39 and pretty sure that I’m in peri-menopause. Doc refuses to test me because I’m “too young” and my maternal family history only has women in their late 40s/early 50s having menopause. I’ve been having mood swings galore, hot flashes, heart palpations, and my periods are so wonky it’s a disaster, particularly living in TX. I tried to show my doc (a woman BTW) the calendar I kept, and how it had changed, to no avail. When the SCOTUS brief hit, I deleted the app. I am incredibly lucky and incredibly grateful for the women in my family, however, because they are very open and upfront about it. Even my late grandmother, who hated talking anything medical at all, was open and honest about menopause and menstruation in general to the other women in my family. Even with those women as a resource, I didn’t know some of the symptoms that fellow Celebitchy commenters wrote about. My family admits they mostly had very mild symptoms.
The absolute worst symptom I have right now – even beyond the mood swings and clinical depression – is what has happened with my periods. They used to be awful and heavy and I was bedridden the first two days. NOW, it’s like I have food poisoning the entire time plus bleeding like a stuck pig. Vomiting for the first 18-24 hours, food-poisoning-esque diarrhea, going through overnight pads like crazy, the pain is unbearable. The only up-side is that they have gone from once a month like clockwork to once every 4 months or so – but it’s a complete surprise when it happens. The only warning I get is food tasting “off” about 6 hours before it hits. Fun times.
I’ll honestly be glad when it’s all over and I’m officially in menopause. It can’t come fast enough for me, despite my age. Despite feeling “over the hill” and like I have a “use-by” date stamped on my head by society. But there is also a part of me that is afraid of and mourns what society (men) will think of me after I’m officially menopausal. Because Naomi Watts is right, there is this code of silence around it, and society also acts like it’s shameful to go through a natural body phase. That we should just stay young and hot and then once we are no longer “useful” we should become sexless recluses or something.
So good for her for starting this conversation!
Sounds like the symptoms I had in my early 40s — turns out I had fibroids, very deep rooted ones, and had to have a hysterectomy. I was never happier to get rid of periods! I hope you can get this checked out, your doctor sounds like she couldn’t care less 🙁
Please, please see a different doctor. The one you describe here is, frankly, an atrocious doctor if she is ignoring serious symptoms, dismissing your concerns, won’t run any tests etc. Don’t feel like you can’t do anything about this or should just “put up with it”: women shouldn’t put up with sub standard medical care. Ever. Sadly women doctors can be very dismissive of women’s pain and concerns. They’ve been trained in a patriarchal medical system, too!
I’m on HRT btw in my mid 40s. Not for everyone but I love it. Feel much more like myself now.
Menopause can be sooo difficult. However I felt far worse in my 30’s/40’s when my periods were heavy (clots, had to use a super tampon + overnight pad in the morning then change within a couple hours) so I looked forward to menopause. At age 50 I had an endometrial ablation whilst on vacation in Hawaii. I was DONE. The ablation does not bring on menopause to be clear. I’m 63 now and so happy no periods. I had minor hot flashes once onset of menopause and wore tank tops to work with light cardigan over so I could cool down quickly. This in midst of Canadian winter. I had lots of support from friends and colleagues of similar age. A friend who’s 10 years older found HRT a godsend. All I’ve used is small vaginal tabs that I insert weekly. They have hormone in them and if you are consistent the vaginal dryness goes away. I had one night sweat where I was sure I’d wet the bed. I was also grappling with recent diagnosis then of inflammatory arthritis and that took priority over menopause and kind of took my mind off it. I love being post menopausal. Freedom. I feel fortunate that I haven’t needed HRT. Other than friends and colleagues the info out there 15-20 years ago was sketchy.
VagiFem is a godsend for me. I also use some supplements that diminish the hot flashes (black cohosh and a few others) and take ashwaganda and 5-HTP to help with insomnia. The super heavy period thing was AWFUL, I’d have to take a couple of days off work, and was finally diagnosed with massive fibroids. A hysterectomy fixed that!
Went through menopause relatively early at 46. Had hot flashes nightly for about a year. Sleep definitely got weird. But I found the process relatively chill. Just sharing this so that folks know that sometimes it’s not a big deal.
Biggest menopause pro tip:
Apply coconut oil to your vulva multiple times a day!! An obgyn friend gave me the advice that it’s super good for you … not just as lube, but for daily moisturizing! It has mild anti microbial and anti fungal qualities, too! Great for keeping your mucus membrane hydrated, but also keeping your ecosystem happy.
At the very least, slather some on your bits after a shower (when you do your body lotion) but I have bottles of fractionated coconut oil near the toilet that I put on multiple times a day… And also some next to the bed for pre bedtime.
Basically, even if you’re not menopausal or perimenopausal, coconut oil on your vulva is awesome. (The only caveat is that it’s not smart if you’re using condoms because oil + condoms = fail)
It is so sad to fear ‘how my mother became’ and not think about just me and my body. I’m constantly fearing becoming irate if not unmedicated, and getting breast cancer from horse piss. There’s just nothing comforting anywhere, especially from the doctors!!! I always feel like it’s going to get worse as my period has now surpassed a year and what’s to come but a woman I loathe, definitely want more examples of normalcy instead of lunacy
I’ve always enjoyed Naomi’s work. I’m a bit bummed to see she is friendly with Katie Couric, who is despicable.
Menopause is weird. I was medically induced at 43 y/o and the saddest parts for me have been a decrease in my sex drive and needing lubrication. I took those things for granted! 🙁
Not one woman in my life prepared me and most have been uninterested/uncomfortable talking about it, sadly.
I’ve always enjoyed Naomi’s work. I’m a bit bummed to see she is friendly with Katie Couric, who is despicable.
Menopause is weird. I was medically induced at 43 y/o after breast cancer. I am also on hormone therapy, which further depletes any estrogen. Needless to say, for a good year+ I was a mess: hot flashes, insomnia and wild mood swings (I took celexa for a while, and that helped significantly with my moods). I was quite upset also by the decrease in my sex drive and needing lubrication. I took those things for granted! 🙁
Not one woman in my life prepared me for this process, and most have been uninterested/uncomfortable talking about it, sadly.
I’m grateful to be alive! And more determined to bust my ass being healthy and relishing my strength and abilities!