Troian Bellisario, mostly of Pretty Little Liars fame, did a detailed interview with Yahoo Life’s parenting series to correspond with the release of her latest film, Doula. She was actually pregnant with her second child during filming and switched from a fake bump to the real deal. She’s been with Patrick J. Adams forever and they’re pretty private about their family, which includes two daughters. They didn’t post about or announce either pregnancy until the babies were born (they even attended Harry and Meghan’s wedding with Troian five months pregnant and no one knew). And from what I can tell they have never shown their daughters’ faces. They didn’t even announce the name of their first daughter until she was like a year old and even then it was just a mention at the end of an Instagram caption and not a formal announcement. All this to say is, I think this interview is the most detail she’s shared about her thoughts and feelings about pregnancy, though she has mentioned her second daughter’s birth story before. They didn’t make it inside: Patrick delivered the baby in the car, in the parking lot.
Not feeling like a glowing goddess: “It was one of the most authentic depictions of pregnancy that I had ever read, because my experience during my two pregnancies was not, like, the glowing goddess of fertility,” the actress, wearing a “Hysterical Female” T-shirt, tells Yahoo Life’s So Mini Ways over Zoom. “I was not floating through the air in a maternity shoot. I was sick and hot and confused and in a crisis. … Your identity is in crisis. You don’t know who you’re going to be; you’ve never experienced having a child before. And so what I loved so much about this movie was that it really just sort of dug into that and didn’t shy away from it. And it didn’t shy away from showing a woman that was having a difficult time during the journey of pregnancy.” Bellisario’s own experience with that loss of identity, coupled with morning sickness and uncertainty about the future, contributed to her opting to keep her pregnancies out of the public eye. Though they attended the 2018 royal wedding of Adams’s Suits co-star Meghan Markle about five months into Bellisario’s pregnancy with older daughter Aurora, the couple didn’t share any baby news until after both their daughters were born, in October 2018 and May 2021, respectively.
Why she didn’t share her pregnancies publicly: Given that mindset, the prospect of sharing her pregnancy publicly felt overwhelming and inauthentic. “I didn’t feel immediately, like, I’m pregnant! I want the world to see it! This is my bump. I feel good in my body, I feel happy, I feel proud!,” she shares. “I was really struggling. I was scared. I was like, I don’t know if I’m ready. “I knew that there would be a very, very positive response,” Bellisario adds, “but it felt like an outward pressure that I didn’t want to add to the mix. Being a public figure, I think people expect you to behave a certain way. And maybe I was wrong, but I thought that if I was public about my pregnancy, that then people would expect the bump pictures and expect the updates and expect the ‘I’m so happy’ and expect the ‘this is going amazing.’ And I was like, I don’t feel that way. I still feel sick and I still feel scared and I don’t want to share this right now. So I was really private about it, and then it just kind of became something that I loved being private about, because I got to protect the beginnings of my daughters’ life.”
Having her second baby in their car: Baby No. 2 came with her own surprise: a sudden arrival in the family car — henceforth known as “the Birth Mobile.” “Me and my husband didn’t make it to the hospital,” Bellisario says of the dramatic birth. “So he became my doula and delivery doctor and delivered our baby in our car. “I felt like I was on Jupiter,” she recalls. “I was mentally on a different planet. I remember the sensation of her coming out and I remembered when my first daughter was in my birthing canal and I was like, oh, this is what it feels like when she’s coming out. So if this is happening right now. Even though this was the most excruciating pain I’d ever experienced, because I didn’t make it to the hospital, I didn’t have an epidural. … I was like, OK, I know it’s about to be over. So like, I might pass out, but I also know she’s on her way out, so I’m almost done. And I just remember just, like, non-verbally using every ounce of my energy to communicate to Patrick, like, ‘just catch her, don’t pull, just catch, I will push’ because I couldn’t say anything. I think I probably sounded like a demented cow at that point. And he did. He intuited my wishes and he caught her.”
The car story is pretty wild. That must have been stressful! I wonder what kind of car they have (had?) because one of my friends was actually born that way and it was… not an SUV. Space was limited. And in the one video I recall of Troian talking about it, she sort of mimed the positioning and it looked difficult. What Troian says about why she didn’t share her pregnancies publicly makes sense. There is (obviously) a lot of public pressure on pregnant women and mothers to begin with on the “right” thing to do and way to behave, so that must be even more magnified for a public figure. Even if there is the positive response she mentioned, there’s always the pressure to share more and be “on” all the time, when sometimes you just feel like crap or want to keep things for yourself. I have a few pregnant friends right now and when I ask how they’re doing and they tell me the not-so-pretty truth, they apologize for not sounding ecstatic 24/7. And I’m like don’t apologize, I want to know how you’re really feeling, not some faux-positive face you’re putting on because that’s how you’re expected to behave. Troian does echo what her costar and friend, Shay Mitchell, recently said, about not being a “glowing goddess.” They have very different approaches to pregnancy and raising children in the public eye, but they’ve obviously talked about this and have similar thoughts. The glowing goddess be grateful at all times messaging is so damaging to women and mothers.
Photos credit: Instar, Getty Images and via Instagram
Aaaaah, coool! I was born in a car on a highway a month before term! My mum was with her friends and it just happened so quickly. Her best friend caught me, she is the first one who saw me in this world 🙂
It was crazy for my mum but she also said it was quick and that’s the benefit of it.
Ironically, I suffer from a HUGE car sickness, I have a theory that’s why I went our earlier. 😀 and every time I dream about something meaningful, there is always a car in the dream.
This is so true. I’m 22 weeks pregnant and I’m an older first time mum (40). Lots of miscarriages and then IVF. It’s been so tough to get pregnant, then I had Hyperemesis gravidarum for the first 15 or so weeks. It was horrific. I hated every second of being pregnant and I felt so ungrateful because all I wanted was a baby. I even had thoughts of ‘well at least if I miscarry this time, the nausea will end!’ I hated myself for that.
I now have horrific heartburn and am in pain quite a bit. My husband asked me ‘when does the glowing start?’!!! He was joking and it made me laugh and made me think what BS that whole message is.
I like that she’s sharing how she felt, it really helps hearing these stories.
They’re a very gorgeous couple. I bet the kids are sweethearts too.
Yes! I did not like pregnancy at all. And the one time I expressed my displeasure about pregnancy in public I was actually shamed by another woman.
The technician doing my routine bloodwork asked me how pregnancy was. I jokingly told her I’ve been nauseous for 3 months and it hasn’t been rainbows (true). She responded by telling me that I was acting ungrateful. I will never forget that, if only because I had only told my few close friends how tough pregnancy had been. And it was somewhat tough–I had pretty terrible nausea for months, then fainted and bled at another point, and eventually had to have an emergency c section after 24 hours of labor.
I’m with you, sis. I had 3 miscarriages and then did IVF to have my daughter. Aside from all of the shots throughout the pregnancy (hormones in the beginning and blood thinners the whole time), my pregnancy was physically good. But, I was mentally terrified except when I could feel her moving. As long as she was moving, that’s how I knew she was okay, in my mind. I am just starting to process the trauma of the miscarriages in therapy.
Oh man the heartburn is REAL. I am here to tell you that it does go away as soon as the baby is born. I remember eating so many Tums in my third trimester.
I know it’s been ages since PLL ended but sometimes I can’t believe both Shay and her are moms. Time’s crazy! I’ll always have a soft spot for Troian. Along with Lucy Hale, she was my favorite Liar.
I’m glad she’s sharing that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, because that expectation is damaging to other women. But I think sometimes we forget that the thought that pregnant women are being ungrateful is not only coming from “blissful” pregnant women- it’s also felt, either out loud, or not, by women who are infertile or struggle with fertility. I’m not saying it is fair if women with fertility issues resent pregnant women who are honest about their experience, but at the same time I think I can be compassionate for the pain women who want to be pregnant but can’t be feel.
Just trying to say that this thought isn’t just “oh glowing pregnant women bash anyone who doesn’t look thrilled.” It’s more complicated than that.
All I can think about is all the women in the US who will be going through all of that involuntarily now.
Pregnancy is not always a walk in the park and neither is childbirth itself. She’s so lucky she didn’t have any complications and that her baby didn’t need immediate medical care.
She didn’t mention it in the interview but she has struggled with an eating disorder in the past. Pregnancy can be MASSIVELY triggering for people with EDs so to have a difficult pregnancy on top of that? Gosh, poor thing!
I just had my second baby a week and a half ago and I didn’t post on social media or anything. I’ll probably post about her in a few months. Idk but it does feel like too much pressure to give updates and people feel entitled to your pregnancy. My pregnancy was pretty good but I was so tired and had low grade nausea throughout. Childbirth is hard but reminding myself I don’t have to pregnant once this baby is out helped! I did a homebirth with both kids so luckily no car babies, especially since I have a tiny Corolla! I’ve known a couple people who had car babies though.