Chris Evans makes me so happy. He is a beautiful combination of someone who wears his heart on his sleeve but also chooses chaos in interviews. Which is exactly what he did while speaking with Mariel Turner at Shondaland. Mariel asked Chris if there was any area of his life on which he was as “laser-focused” as his character in The Gray Man. Chris, under the guise of giving his most earnest answer, said his current pursuit would be a life partner, someone whom he could “really pour (himself) into.” Whatever he said next was drowned out by the thundering sound of footfalls as people ran to Chris.

Chris, your character is pretty obsessed with tracking down Sierra Six. Is there anything in real life that you’ve been that laser-focused on?

Okay, good question. Thank you for a good question. My goodness. Laser focus — you know what? We’re gonna do this. I’m gonna give you a good answer.

The answer would be that maybe [I’m] laser-focused on finding a partner, you know, someone that you want to live with. I mean, look — I love what I do. It’s great; I pour all of myself into it. But in terms of — even this industry is full of pockets of doubt, hesitation, and recalibration in terms of really trying to find someone that you really can pour all of yourself into. Maybe it’s about trying to find someone that you’re looking to spend your life with. Yes, so maybe it’s that.

[From Shondaland via Page Six]

It’s not that I don’t believe Chris, it’s just that I think he knows full well this is a swoon-worthy answer. Either that or his mom has been on his back to meet a nice someone and he planted this to keep her happy for a bit. But he doesn’t say he wants a relationship or to find a nice person to spend time with – he jumps in the deep end with finding someone to share his life and “someone that you want to live with.” Then he doubled down with his comments about pouring himself into someone? I know more than one of you thought, I have something you can pour into, Chris. I’ll bet Mrs. Evans has set up an inbox for all the martial curriculum vitaes she’s about to receive.

I don’t blame anyone, were I single, I’d be booking a ticket to Boston with a suitcase packed with dog treats by my side. Because let’s face it, whoever wins the key to Chris’ home is going to have to convince Dodger first. Chris’ last known relationship was Jenny Slate. That ended in 2018. Now, I like Jenny and I actually liked Jenny and Chris together. But I still theorize that Dodger was the one who vetoed her, mostly because she didn’t understand his connection to Lion. So if you are currently brushing up on the Patriots’ stats to win The Captain Formerly Known as America over, make sure you also Google ways to a dog’s heart. It’s not difficult, a few well-placed belly rubs and some forbidden treats secreted under the table should do it. Coincidently, those tips also work on Chris! But whatever you do, hurry. Because this grand pronouncement in the wake of Minka Kelly’s breakup with Trevor Noah makes me nervous. There are certain areas where Chris is just blind, and Minka’s one of them. Unless they’ve both grown, in which case, maybe they can be our next year’s Bennifer.

Photo credit: Avalon Red