Constance Wu has written a memoir/essay collection called Making a Scene. It’s about her life, her childhood in Richmond, VA, her career, representation for the Asian-American community, and it’s about how she attempted suicide several years ago after a social media pile-on in 2019. As we covered at the time, when Fresh Off the Boat was renewed for one more season, Wu threw a big tantrum about it on social media. The backlash against her was immediate and very harsh, so harsh that Wu attempted suicide and ended up checking into a mental health facility for treatment. To promote her book, Wu spoke to the New York Times about the entire ordeal and lots of other stuff, including how a senior production member on FOTB sexually harassed her. Some highlights from NYT:
The backlash to her Twitter tantrum: “I was so alone,” said Ms. Wu. She publicly apologized, but it wasn’t enough. Her tweets had become a story that began to feed on itself. She was shamed. People demanded atonement. While some wrote to see if she was OK, the silence from others was deafening. One night, upset and isolated, feeling unsupported by even her closest friends, she attempted to take her own life. Fortunately, a friend was there to save her. She spent the night in a psychiatric hospital, under supervision, until she was released the next day. “I was punished for being ungrateful… I’m glad I got through it. It took a long time. I was in therapy every day for a bit, under observation.”
She had a dramatic five-year falling out with her mother: “I didn’t know how to handle the public scrutiny and I took it out on my mom. Paranoia and anxiety made me say regretful things to her.”
Sexual harassment: In her book, Ms. Wu alleges that during her first year on “Fresh Off the Boat,” she was sexually harassed by a senior member of the production team. Naming him only by an initial, she writes that he controlled her, demanding that she run all her business matters past him and telling her what to wear. Ms. Wu put up with it. In the beginning, she tried to see him as her friend and protector. But she was also afraid of the consequences if she didn’t.
She didn’t understand what was happening: “‘Fresh Off the Boat’ was my first-ever TV show. I was thrown into this world. I don’t have parents in the industry. And because I was 30, people thought I knew what I was doing. It made me paranoid and embarrassed.”
She’s not trying to sound like the hero: “I try not to make myself out to be a hero. I try to make myself out to be a pretty normal person who has flaws like everybody else. I’m not really into the actor memoir where it’s like, ‘I overcame the odds, and I’m this person who was humble and just kept working. I was the victim.’ It’s less black and white than simply victim and perpetrator.”
They couldn’t wait to tear her down: “When I spoke beautifully about representation, everyone loved it. But the second they had a chance to find a crack in my facade… It’s funny. It was almost gleeful. It was almost like they couldn’t wait to tear me down. I think the Asian community in Hollywood is still hyper-focused on positive representation, which to me is an illusion. Whole, human representation is more complex. And I think it’s interesting to me how, at that time, when I most could have used their help, they were the people who shamed me.”
She talks about how she pushed back on her sexual harasser after a year, when she grew more comfortable with her place on a network show. Nothing happened to that guy, it seems, other than Wu telling him off and not speaking to him. That experience and other sh-tty experiences which came along with Fresh Off the Boat obviously influenced her sadness and resentment when the show was renewed for a season which no one expected, thus her Twitter tantrum. I think it’s fair to say: what Wu did was a big mistake, and a mistake which affected her career and her mental health and how people perceive her. We can also say: Jesus, what a huge public overreaction to one woman’s mistake.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.
-
- Actress Constance Wu arrives at the 31st Annual Producers Guild Awards held at the Hollywood Palladium on January 18, 2020 in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California, United States.,Image: 563024754, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: WORLD RIGHTS – Fee Payable Upon Reproduction – For queries contact Avalon.red – sales@avalon.red London: +44 (0) 20 7421 6000 Los Angeles: +1 (310) 822 0419 Berlin: +49 (0) 30 76 212 251, Model Release: no, Credit line: Xavier Collin / Xavier Collin / Avalon
-
- Constance Wu attends the 22nd Costume Designers Guild Awards in Los Angeles on Tuesday, January 28th, 2020Photograph: © PacificCoastNews. Los Angeles Office (PCN): +1 310.822.0419 UK Office (Avalon): +44 (0) 20 7421 6000 sales@pacificcoastnews.com,Image: 563171376, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: WORLD RIGHTS – Los Angeles Office (PCN): +1 310.822.0419 UK Office (Avalon): +44 (0) 20 7421 6000 sales@pacificcoastnews.com, Model Release: no, Credit line: PacificCoastNews / Avalon
-
- LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, USA – JUNE 22: American actress Constance Wu wearing Falguni Shane Peacock arrives at the Los Angeles Premiere Of Amazon Prime Video’s ‘The Terminal List’ Season 1 held at the Directors Guild of America Theater Complex on June 22, 2022 in Los Angeles, California, United States.,Image: 702148016, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: , Model Release: no, Pictured: Constance Wu, Credit line: Xavier Collin / Image Press Agency / Avalon
-
- LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, USA – JUNE 22: American actress Constance Wu wearing Falguni Shane Peacock arrives at the Los Angeles Premiere Of Amazon Prime Video’s ‘The Terminal List’ Season 1 held at the Directors Guild of America Theater Complex on June 22, 2022 in Los Angeles, California, United States.,Image: 702148290, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: , Model Release: no, Pictured: Constance Wu, Credit line: Xavier Collin / Image Press Agency / Avalon
-
- LOS ANGELES, CA – JUNE 22: Constance Wu attends “The Terminal List” Los Angeles premiere at DGA Theater Complex on June 22, 2022 in Los Angeles, California.,Image: 702161764, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: , Model Release: no, Pictured: Constance Wu, Credit line: Jeffrey Mayer / Avalon
“ I try not to make myself out to be a hero. ” Girl, no one is accusing you of coming across as a hero, don’t worry…
Right? She’s more of a mess than a hero. I’m glad she’s in a better place, but she really is clueless. I could say more but will leave it at that.
Imagine if she had spit on or slapped somebody.
BB, can you take a breath & acknowledge CW’s humanity before you pile on? She tried to kill herself.
Yes, thank you for saying this.
Agree, TN.
I’m of East-Asian descent myself.
I’m not too sure if this is also true of Constance but my whole life I have had to put a lot of effort into the aggressive/not-aggressive balancing act.
Growing up in a Western country (Australia), by day you’re expected to be more aggressive and assertive; otherwise you’re that quiet Asian girl who’s meek and not the assertive “winner” we’re looking for (this is esp true when you enter the workforce).
At home with relatively and family friends you’d better know your place and be humble and quiet.
I think a lot of Asian women have this added element complicating everything. You’re either too aggressive or too quiet. I see this in some of my East Asian friends as well.
It’s a constant thing to stop and scan the environment and adjust your approach. Very tiring. Can imagine it’s even worse for Constance where in the US you have a much more aggressive, hustle-focused, and streetwise culture. Add in the onling mob/crowd-opinion + celebrity/public-figure thing and it’s all too much.
Hence I sympathise with her though I haven’t followed this story very closely. This is no doubt a PR rehabilitation but I believe her account of her suffering and trauma.
@CoffeeFirst I think you’re describing a phenomenon familiar to most women, but especially women of color. It manifests in slightly different ways for all of us — for instance, as a black woman, I am very aware of being perceived as “aggressive” in a negative way whenever I have an opinion or a boundary that conflicts with someone else’s desires; I don’t think I’ve ever experienced “aggressive” in a positive sense.
I think the stereotypes are applied to all of us differently, but the effect is the same: we are forced to manage of the emotions of others with *our* actions and reactions, rather than being allowed to have the full spectrum of emotions or be complex, complicated human beings.
We all deserve more empathy and understanding than that, especially from each other.
And no one is accusing you of being an understanding person
I have a lot of sympathy for this lady, but oh boy does she come off as unlikable (to me at least). Having compassion for her I’ll just leave it at that.
It’s fascinating to me when women call other women unlikable, because so often what they’re labeling as unlikable is something so incredibly mild. Ms. Wu has made herself extremely publicly vulnerable in talking about her mental health struggles, and it’s pretty obvious that the workplace sexual harassment she endured was behind the bad tweet that everyone uses as a cudgel against her. For that, she’s unlikable? Oof. I’d hate to see how you talk about a woman you don’t claim to have compassion for.
Brad Pitt should be rotting away in prison for his criminal, disgusting actions instead of making movies.
Will Smith should have been arrested for assault on Chris Rock instead of getting a standing ovation.
Kanye West should have been cancelled for his cyber stalking Kim and attacking women on social media instead of designing clothes.
Constance Wu should not have received backlash over stupid twitter comments that almost drove her to commit suicide, poor woman.
Women can’t get away with actions men can get away with, because we live in a patriarchal society, sadly women are treated a lot worse than men.
Agree with you, Lia. No doubt it’s a PR rehabilitation move but you’re absolutely right women have to be likeable while men get away with a lot more.
She’s admitting she’s not perfect and make mistakes, and you mock that? Really?
But Kanye West is acting on and off for years like a massive a-hole and nothing happens to such a horrible human being, right?????
Guys get AWAY with so many horrible things, Brad Pitt comes to mind, T.J. whatever his name is assaulting women or Jon Hamm or Tiger Woods or TRUMP and the list goes on and on for days and days…..
Agreed. One significant way that white supremacy works is allotting who gets more chances than others. BIPOC people and poor people as well only get one, maybe two, chances; if they screw up, it’s over for them (eg Constance Wu, Will Smith). White men get a gazillion chances at redemption if they screw up (eg, Johnny Depp).
I don’t know if there will be a separate post for this week’s Archetypes episode in which Constance is featured, but she touches on this. The sentiment that a BIPOC person should be eternally grateful that they are even allowed in certain spaces and shouldn’t be allowed to have their feelings. Or allowed to make mistakes and be forgiven.
It was a mistake to tweet it out, but Constance was entitled to feel the way she did, especially knowing now what she was dealing with behind the scenes.
I’m glad Constance Wu is now able to tell her truth. It’s sad she had to carry such a weight all by herself for such a long time.
This is making me think of Katherine Heigl. Who is, you know, white.
Yep.
@Naomi, see also Brad Pitt. Yikes! Now there is a white man who is utterly shameless and incapable of self reflection.
Yeah, she behaved poorly and made a mistake. But the backlash against her was so huge and immediate. It was kind of a good advertisement for why celebs should NOT have twitter. She tweeted her immediate reaction, which she had her reasons for, and people destroyed her for it. I enjoy her as an actress so I’m glad to see she’s starting to come back from all that.
There had been other rumors that she was unpleasant on the set of the stripper movie with JLo (Hustlers?), which probably also made it easier for people to feel comfortable piling on. But the point is well made: you never know what someone else is going through to make them behave in a way that is (hopefully) out of character. And if it is their character, there are probably better ways to deal with them and get them to change their behavior than flaming them on social media. Maybe?
Why repeat Dragon Lady “rumors”? She was really good in Hustlers. Here’s what was said at the time.
Associated Press Videos
Jennifer Lopez on Constance Wu: ‘We had to have that bond’
September 5, 2019
“The Hustlers” stars Jennifer Lopez and Constance Wu talk about creating their bond on and off screen, while Lili Reinhart and Keke Palmer say it’s fun to be on all-female set. (Sept. 5)
This is timely, coming on the heels of the Archetypes episode on the Dragon Lady stereotype and Asian/Asian American woman’s experience and fetishism (is that a word?). It’s very sad that the Asian American community turned on her, didn’t support her. Was her SM rant a mistake? Well, yeah, but the situation was more nuanced, and no one gave that possibility a chance. That it drove her to attempt suicide is tragic. I hope we’ve gained a better understanding and more empathy about a woman, woman of color, being hounded into suicidal ideation, but being held to an impossible standard of acting normally, at best, and being grateful for whatever advantages they’ve been given, at worst. I wish her well.
Maybe she thought she was “big” enough to say what was really in her mind. The community seeing the drastic reaction could not support her because they also probably feared being cancelled? There was already a veil of shade about her behaviour on the set of hustlers if I remember correctly, that didn’t help…
It’s complicated for me. I believe her. I know that sexual assault can make you a very different person and lonely as hell to boot, but…the fact that NONE of the crew/castmates of any of her projects (Crazy Rich Asians, Fresh Of The Boat, Hustler) came to her defence after the tweet, showing receipts of her being difficult/nasty instead…It also tells me she’s probably not a very nice person. but even nasty people don’t deserve to be sexually assaulted or severely bullied, so again, it’s complicated for me.
Well, the Fresh of the Boat cast and crew still had to get through another season with said abuser. And maybe, just maybe, everyone else was wary of getting their own asses jumped like Constance for appearing like another ungrateful Asian if they defended her. Like you said, it’s complicated.
@Snuffles. It’s one thing to stay silent, but it’s whole another thing to show receipts of how difficult/diva/liking tweets on how she was, so I think both things can be true. She was powerless and a victim of sexual assault on the Fotb show, but also not a nice person to work with. Michelle Yeoh, Awkwafina, Gemma Chan, Henry Golding and the director of Crazy Rich Asians, Jennifer Lopez all had sufficient star power to say at the time, ‘I don’t know about all the rumours, but I had a lonely time working with her’ and the fact they didn’t, speaks volume imho. surviving rape/sexual assault still doesn’t make it okay for being mean/nasty to other people either. Was the reaction to her tweet inappropriate, nasty and outsized? Still yes.
I don’t remember that at all, what did people accuse her of? Who has the “receipts”?
@r
I disagree. Just look at Meghan’s situation. Literally everyone who has stood up for her immediately had to deal with a torrent of online abuse. Hell, just working with her for good causes would ignite abuse. Strangers on social media saying nice things about her get swarmed. It takes a very strong person who is secure in their position in life to stick their neck out like that.
And I’ll give a personal example. At an old job, my department got a new boss. From day one they were signaling that they wanted to get rid of everyone and hire their own people. There were 3 of us. One quit out of frustration and one was fired for no good reason. The only reason I survived was because I was providing a valuable service that wasn’t easily replaceable at the time. The co-worker who was unjustly fired, asked me if I would join her in formerly complaining to HR. I felt bad for her and completely sympathized but I didn’t because I wasn’t in any position to do so. I desperately needed to keep my job and I wasn’t willing to ruffle feathers and put my neck on the line. Even if I agreed that she was unjustly fired.
I’m just saying, we don’t know the whole story.
@emme
Yeah, I don’t recall hearing any specifics. Just that she’s difficult to work with. Are there receipts?
@Snuffles. Meghan and Harry is a total different situation. Meghan married into an age old racist royal institution and she had plenty of powerful friends coming to her defence. Oprah, Serena Williams, Tyler Perry come to mind. Hell, even Beyonce paid tribute to Meghan in her Apeshit video. No one ever defended Constance. None of her castmates, none of the crew.
@Emmi, I don’t know remember the specifics anymore but the crew on Hustlers and FOTB were pretty harsh on her after the tweet. Didn’t variety or holloywood reporter reported on the tensions in the Hustler set because Constance Wu was difficult and either a crew member on FOTB or Hustlers said she let her bunny poop everywhere and didn’t clean up afterwards, which is pretty specific. You can probably look it up yourself, it being the internet and all.
Honestly, I don’t why it’s so hard to believe that she was sexually assaulted AND difficult to work with AND the backlash against her after the tweet was out of proportion. Anyway, I wish you both a good day, I’m peacing out✌️.
“Oprah, Serena Williams, Tyler Perry come to mind. Hell, even Beyonce paid tribute to Meghan in her Apeshit video.”
All of the above are EXTREMELY powerful people and therefore could handle the smoke.
So Constance’s great sin was that she let her bunny poop everywhere on set? Therefore she deserves no support or sympathy? Seriously?
@ snuffles It’s clear we don’t see eye to eyes. It’s fine. You feel free to let Constance Wu be rude and awful to you because she was sexually assaulted and if her bunny poops in your house or on your work desk , feel free to clean up afterwards, cause allegedly Constance Wu con’t bother with it. Have a nice day, truly. ✌️
This part. She absolutely deserves empathy and the backlash to her behaviour was extreme. At the same time, her own behaviour(due to trauma or not) can also be horrible. She can be a victim/survivor/ and an a#$hole. The fact that non of her colleagues supported her on either of her major projects indicates something.
Glad she is sharing her truth and that she is in a better place overall.
@R – Oh thanks for the “receipts” I can look up myself. So no actual receipts but I can google. The “difficult” rumours were from Page Six. Every other publication referenced Page Six. The allegation that she let her pet bunny poop in a rented penthouse? Also Page Six. Not crew members but allegedly a landlord and cleaning lady. Those aren’t receipts, those are rumours.
I know people who worked on CRA, and no one associated with that film provided “receipts of her being difficult/nasty instead”.
The general consensus was that it was a group of people that got along so well, and while Constance didn’t always join group activities, that was OK. She wasn’t rude or mean or bad to work with, she just wasn’t into being super buddies with everyone she worked with. Which is 100% totally OK, it’s a job! And everyone on set understood that.
Sadly, we haven’t gained a better understanding or more empathy. You can see that from many of the comments on this site every day. We continue to eviserate people for thoughtless remarks – even if it’s a one-off – or our interpretation of responses, often not taking context into account. We judge from photos – a split second in time – and decide we know best. We hold anyone in the public eye to an impossible standard that we wouldn’t want applied to us. I like Constance Wu very much and I wish this was a reckoning… but it’s not. It continues to happen every day.
Beautifully said Lady Baden Baden. Hearing what Constance felt has opened my eyes to the times that I have been quick to jump on the bashing bandwagon, bashing someone that I don’t even know, without taking a moment to consider what else might be going on, what else they might be struggling with. With this being said, I’m going to return to my pre-social media stance of “if I can’t say something nice, then I won’t say anything at all”. I know that this is better for me and my mental health.
It’s so easy to be judgmental, opinionated and one-sided from the safety of a computer keyboard. It’s easy to be rude, intransigent and stubborn using the flimsiest of information from dubious sources to aid in what amounts to veiled racism and misogyny. There are always 2 sides to every story and this story is one of them.
You are completely right and we should all behave better and think before we post.
But…
The difference I see is that we are not going into anyone’s DMs or tweeting at them or posting on their IG pages that we think they should die. We are sharing our opinions on a gossip site with other people and listening and learning and, hopefully, improving ourselves. I’ve honestly learned so much about everything by being on this site. I’m not always kind online, I’ll admit, but that doesn’t mean I might not think twice the next time I post.
Yep. This woman tried to kill herself. She told us that a member of the Asian community who I think was a fellow actress told her how she brought shame on them all! At this point I don’t blame her if she’s a bit prickly when getting interviewed or if she has up walls around her fellow actors. It drives me crazy that Katherine Heigl got blacklisted for this same type of thing with her being honest about not loving the writing/direction on Grey’s (she was right!) and that she didn’t love the overall message of the movie she was in with Rogen. Considering Appatow and everyone came out for her, but continue to defend Lena, he can be quiet.
This feels like a really nuanced conversation needs to happen here.
1. She did throw a tantrum publicly.
2. The double standards are glaring for people of color vs white men when they behave like normal flawed humans. Forget about criminal behavior- the white dudes will always get a pass.
3. The media feed into these black and white (pun intended) tropes of perfect celebrities and their PR certainly helps. (Reese Witherspoon comes to mind.)
4. Constance had a rep as being difficult on set so that complicated things- I’m sure some were happy to see her own actions thank her career.
5. I have no doubt she was harassed on set and was a victim.
In our current system she and others like her have to be flawless in order to succeed. I wish we could talk more openly about mistakes (that are not criminal) and how we make amends, change for the better and move on with our lives and work. The celeb culture does not have a good template for it.
I don’t know Constance, but piggy backing on the topic of being a BIPOC working in rarified spaces. “Difficult on set” could be “How dare this Asian woman stand up for herself. She should just be grateful she’s here.”
Again, I don’t know her and maybe she is a bitch, but there is more than one possibility happening here.
The people that gave her the hardest time are Asian so are you saying that Asians are racist against their own people? She only thought about herself when she did that stupid tweet. She could have quit the show instead of hurting the show and hoping it would get cancelled and put people out if work. She is way too sensitive to be in show business since people will get bashed. It’s not fair but that is public life. What bothers me the most is that she took it all out in her mom who is elderly and caused a rift between them.
I agree, I think it’s a complicated situation, and several things can be true at once.
I’m sorry she was so deeply affected by the backlash, I hope she’s doing better now and has good support.
Was it a tantrum? I’ve seen multiple men from Kanye to Elon throw honest-to-god tantrums online, and unless they are egregiously racist or anti-Semitic, no one raises a brow. She succinctly expressed her very real disappointment, but it was far from a tantrum. But all women have to be eternally grateful and never stand up for themselves or they are automatically labeled as throwing tantrums and difficult to work with. Jared Leto is very obviously difficult to work with but he has less of a label for it than Constance. It’s wild how women are treated in the United States–and how women continue to help men re-enforce the cycle time and time again.
@Fabiola
Asian Americans gave it to Constance the hardest because we’re so desperate for mainstream media representation that any representative who makes it up there is put under enormous pressure not to screw it up for the rest of us.
The lack of opportunity that has created this unhealthy mindset is an effect of racism, and our community is overdue for a conversation about it.
As for Constance’s relationship with her mom, we don’t have the details for what happened. It’s entirely possible Constance “took it all out” on her mom and caused the rift. But given my and my Asian American friends’ experiences with our parents, it might be more nuanced than that. I can imagine a scenario where Constance’s mom would not be able to tolerate her daughter’s perceived failure during a time when Constance was extremely vulnerable and needed support. Achievement for our immigrant parents is associated with survival after all.
As a first gen Asian American with many first gen Asian American friends, I don’t know a single one of us that hasn’t grown up without generational trauma. The constant demand for perfection, the repression of self and fear of failure that we experience behind every single one of our choices. Whenever we experience a setback you can bet our parents will be there, giving it to us harder than the rest of the world can.
I’m going to guess if it was a white male star who did what Constance did there there wouldn’t be anybody telling him he was ungrateful
Stephen Dorff was going to be the next big thing. Young, good looking and a great actor. Then he did an interview Entertainment Weekly where he basically trashed all of his contemporaries and showed his entire ass. That one interview ruined his career. JLo did the same kind of interview in that magazine and managed to come out of it unscathed. It happens to anyone, I think when no one in the industry particularly likes you, they decide that your talent isn’t enough to put up with your crap. Add Alex Pettyfer to the list also.
OMG, are we really going to cherry-pick the few instances in which white people were punished for saying dumb things?
We can cite those few instances BECAUSE they were the exception, not the rule.
Asian women are stereotyped and punished for not fitting the stereotypes, for not being perfect and quiet and meek, for not being model minorities. Just as African Americans, especially Black women, are punished for asking to be treated with dignity and respect.
White people get passes all the time that aren’t given to people of color.
What did Jlo say?
@ Quite Contrary- Amy Bee asked, I answered . I’m not cherry picking just giving Amy Bee examples that I know. Please do not police others when someone asks for information and someone shares what they know. Isn’t that what we do here? Kathryn Heigel is another example, guess what? You don’t get to be a jerk because some white people get away with it. Seriously? Is that we want to do now? You don’t get to take your hurt out on other people, I didn’t think we were doing that either. Whether you or anyone else likes it or not, TV and movie sets are small places in the world and if you make it your business to be unpleasant/ unprofessional, people will talk, you WILL get a reputation and no one will hire you because they run on tight schedules and no one has time for it. You don’t have to be the friendliest person but you have to be professional. Why would anyone hire someone , in any business when they think the person is going to turn around and bite them when it suits them? She burned her bridge but I believe she’ll survive to walk across another one.
Was Tweeting what she did dumb? Yes.
Did she deserve the torrent of abuse? No.
Do I think [doing interview rounds/doing televised teary mea culpas] is a healthy exercise? Also no.
Why do actresses have to be put through their paces like this? Why is she throwing herself at our mercy like this just so she can re-establish where she was in the Hollywood paradigm? RDJ spent years acting the fool and all it took was an Elton John music video and then all the sudden he was Iron Man…it’s incredibly unfair.
i feel like when it comes to the public eye, women hold other women to impossible standards.
For sure the corporate world is very male driven but the majority of celebrity gossip/tabloid consumers are women. We see examples of this everyday, if as a woman you speak out over X , but not over Y, you are a hypocrite, if you are not sufficiently and performatively outraged over the cause du jour, you are eviscerated. This is one of the reason i cannot get on board of cancel culture, because one day it will turn inwards and eat itself. As a WOC myself , i’m not even going to say that this is a white women thing, it’s not, ive seen the same thing in Indian media, we are brutal to one another. Social Media has amplified it to the point that it is deafening, everyone on twitter has an opinion and is determined to make themselves heard.
@Dominique
I totally agree. I mean just look at Olivia Wilde vs David O’Russell. People were so happy to tear her down but they completely over look David. People might have a genuine reason to dislike a woman but they let misogyny (internalized or otherwise), heighten that dislike to hate
@Roxy
No one overlooked David O’Russell the difference is he kept quiet and did give people an additional reason to go after him. Even then I still saw people calling him out on social media. People’s actions did speak louder than your words when it came to David that was not watching his movie did badly at the box office and It stands to lose $100 million
@Coco I know the movie is bombing BUT the movie isn’t bombing because of David. Most people aren’t movie buffs, they don’t know who David is, the reason Amsterdam bombed was because the trailer sucked and critics rated it badly.
I also know some people called him out and I know that David kept quite but personally I’ve seen more people give sh*t to Margot Robbie, Taylor Swift and Anya Taylor-Joy then they did to ANY of the male actors or David himself. Bale co-produced the film, he convinced O’Russell to write it over a period of 5 years. Rami Malek too a pay cut just to be in this film. I totally believe that everyone involved deserved criticism but you CAN’T deny that women are given more sh*t.
Women are supposed “to know better” but men are given a free pass time and time again. What’s the harm in pointing this hypocrisy out? I’m not saying let women off scott-free, I’m simply pointing out that women are held to a higher standard then men, especially white men
@Dominique: Agreed. I think some of is a paranoia about “reverse discrimination”. People feel this NEED to show that they’re not letting women (especially marginalized women) get away with anything. That obsession often trumps showing compassion. There’s no, “Hey, we’ve all had our say on why we don’t like this person and been heard loud and clear. Maybe we can put that aside for now and not beat that dead horse while she’s talking about being sexually assaulted and almost killing herself, and maybe not drag that up to discredit her?”
@ Roxy, additionally I’m not sure we can so easily parse out the sexism or lack thereof in the situation you describe when women are often derided for staying silent AND derided for speaking up. And our patriarchal society tends to be far more accepting of men who choose to react in either of the aforementioned ways. Women just can’t win TBH.
Okatu fairy
Yes there may be some of that but i feel like often times (maybe it comes from millenia of oppression from the patriarchy) women not only have a tendency to see other women as competition and also we were seen as the moral guardians of the home so to speak since we are the ones that educate the children , so someone especially a woman, who gets ahead « unfairly » or behaves incorrectly i.e. in a way that doesn’t suit our moral compass will be pilloried. Men have rarely had to meet these standards in the past, so they are judged less harshly, it is only in the past decade or so that they are being held accountable to « moral » actions often by women to be honest.
I think we need to collectively re-learn to look at a dumb mistake and go “Oh jeeze, pull yourself together and don’t be a d*ck. Now what’s for dinner?” instead of having every publication publish a lengthy treatise on how it was ungrateful and HORRENDOUS what that person did/said and lose our shits in the comments under every article, on social media etc. People were nasty. Overreacting seems to be the norm these days.
Agreed. I definitely miss the old internet when people just interacted and there wasn’t this rage over every little thing someone does. People make mistakes; many on the internet think they’re on this high horse judging everyone else.
When was this because it was a lot worse years ago.
@Coco: This. The internet was never that utopia, especially for certain groups of people.
Totally. I think if we granted people in the public eye the same level of grace and understanding we grant most of the people in our lives, we’d be a better, more understanding society. Like, yes call out the bad behavior but the subsequent cancelling is getting really tiresome.
I agree that what happened to her was over the top, but her recent “sort of apology tour” is not doing her any favors. I believe she was harassed but I’ve never heard her take responsibility for saying something dumb (the Tweet about her show). Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. She was also super irritating on Celebrity Jeopardy earlier this week. “Look at me! Look at me!” Ugh.
She has addressed the tweet.
It wasn’t just her tantrum that derailed her career, she has a reputation of being difficult to work with.
One of the real problems is we now know that abusers spread the word that their victims are “difficult to work with” in order to preemptively lower their credibility should they decide to come forward.
Constance Wu seems talented but messy. Unfortunately too many charismatic people think that if only they can get their stories out, everything will be better. It rarely works out that way.
I will never ever believe to be true any statement about a woman being difficult to work with.
““When I spoke beautifully about representation, everyone loved it.” This is spot on, because it’s pretty much one of the only two things women of color are allowed to be, and usually the only thing we’re allowed to have a problem with (to an extent.) The minute a flaw is on display or a woc is upset about toxic behavior and bad things happening a little outside of that box, there goes all the grace.
I don’t know if I’d say the complaining in and of itself is what hurt her mental health. Now that we know what was going on behind the scenes, it sounds like things had been building up for a while. Feeling like you have to keep quiet and stay positive/ be good PR in a toxic workplace or in an abusive situation can be bad for mental health, and being publically punished when you fail to maintain that facade perfectly can be damaging too.
Yeah, I am not buying it, it’s not just what she said on Twitter. She has been a colossal a$$h*le for a long time. I am struggling to understand her “fallout” with her mom. So, she didn’t know how to handle everything therefore she took it out on her mom? The running theme here is her inability to take responsibility and transfers her aggression onto others. For the rest of it, IDK, something sounds off about her story, it just does.
< Breitbart is that way.
Read what you wrote and think about how sad it was.
This is the most believable thing, to me. I am incredibly close to my Mom, we even share a duplex, so she lives downstairs from me, and there is absolutely no one on the planet who knows me better, and no one who I can get angry with faster. It’s because I feel safe with her, and she does with me, too, it goes both ways. Election season is always rough for us, but we know that we can show all the ugly emotions to each other, and one of us may be pissed for a bit, but we always come back around.
Two things can be true at the same time. She was harassed but she wasn’t a great person to work with. As a Black woman I know that when we stand up for ourselves we’re marked as difficult but I’m not going to trash all my co-workers and the people who work in the office to the public and think it’s going to end well for me. There was an arrogance that made her do that, thinking that she was bigger and better than everyone else. I’m not buying her woe is me tour. I always find it telling when no one, not one single person ever comes to your defense. See Kevin Spacey. Also no on is going to want to work with you if they think you’re going to trash them as soon as you don’t get your way, would any of you keep an employee who was constantly dismissive of your product, you and the other employees? No you wouldn’t because that person makes the environment toxic.
Aside from talking about her harasser, who she never named, who did she trash? She never even named the person who told her to kill herself. The way you are raging, you act like you know details. So, please enlighten me.
@Otakufairy. It’s fine. I’m doing fine in my life. I don’t need sympathy. I’m just very wary of people sweeping all rumours of alleged bad behaviour under the rug with ‘I was sexually abused so that explains my behaviour at the time’. My spider senses tingles at that.. And as I have said numerous time, it’s very plausible that shitty people get abused, it’s very plausible abused people turn into bullies/abusers themselves and it’s very plausible that shitty people get unfairly treated as well. (which honestly sound like it was Constance Wu’s case. A person who wasn’t particularly liked, getting abused by a higher up, in turn lashed out to people with even less power than her and then getting out of proportion of shit unloaded on her her and now she’s getting a second chance again) I don’t understand the need to whitewash a person’s personality/history 🤷🏻♀️. Also there were Asian American child actors on the FTOB show and I can only imagine what a mess it must have been for them cause the adults there couldn’t get themselves together🤷🏻♀️. If anyone got my sympathy and my concerns, it’s them, and the crew 100%.
She trashed the show by tweeting out how disappointed she was that it got renewed.
@Mel. This! Totally agree with you. I know everyone deals differently with abuse and sexual assault, but you can’t put everything and everyone on it. You’re still responsible for your own actions, it sucks, but it is what it is. Just as Constance Wu doesn’t owe her abuser/ network anything for putting her in that horrible situation, a crew member/castmate doesn’t need to forgive Constance Wu for her alleged bad behaviour because she was going trough an abusive situation.
The problem is that people are giving her past rude, whiny, or snarky comments just as much weight as the sexual assault, harassment, and her almost losing her life. Just like rude and racist are not the same thing, rude and assault are not the same thing. Rudeness and misogyny are not the same thing. Rude and death are not the same thing. Nobody is saying that a woman being abused gives her the right to be rude, unprofessional, or anything else. But the minute a woman discusses trauma, people fall all over themselves to bring up every rude and allegedly rude thing she’s ever done, even when it’s stuff she’s already been called out for. It’s a pattern.
People say worse things about women and other marginalized groups on sites like these than anything Constance Wu said about her job or the people she works with in that tweet. I don’t even remember her insulting any individual co-worker or staff directly in her rant. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t also rude behind the scenes at times.
@otakufairy
Exactly! It’s giving me “she had it coming/she deserved it” vibes.
@otakufairy. okay screw my own dignity, I have time today. imma let loose. I honestly do think that people should go more after men like Brad Pitt’s ass for being a terrifying abusive asshole and I do think internet’s reaction to Constance Wu’s tweet was out of proportion and riduculous, but here is my personal feelings about it. I grew up Asian in a white neighbourhood. Kids broke our windows and threw stink bombs through the broken window every single halloween. I got beat up by white kids and I wasn’t allowed to call it racist. I have been sexually abused and I have been verbally abused since I was 9. My sexual abuser was bullied at school. The one who called me fat, ugly and a waste of space and my parents’ money, was abused by her ex husband. Do I feel sorry they went through those things? Yes. Do I think my abusers deserve my forgiveness? Maybe i’m a cunt, but no, I don’t. Constance Wu went through a terrible thing, the reaction to her tweet was out of proportion, but the people who was affected by her alleged awful behaviour, don’t need to feel sorry for her. End rant.
“but the people who was affected by her alleged awful behaviour, don’t need to feel sorry for her”
They don’t “need” to feel sorry for her but I imagine a lot of them do. Why? Because they’re human beings capable of basic empathy. Throughout my 43 years I’ve known many awful people who have experienced terrible, tragic things in their lives. I might still think they’re awful, but I absolutely do empathize for the horrible things they’ve gone through. I also understand how terrible experiences can shape a person into someone they wouldn’t have been had they not had the misfortune of bad circumstances.
Wu may or may not be terrible on-set but surely that doesn’t preclude us from sympathizing with her for what she endured at the hands of her harasser.
@Kitten, look im sorry, I’m losing my mind here. YOU can feel sorry for her, I feel sorry for her. I do. Point is, people can feel however they want about Constance Wu and her behaviour. People who were affected by her behaviour can forgive her, but they don’t have to forgive her. It’s their personal choice. She’s not entitled to their forgiveness. That’s my point. My point is, I absolutely hate it when people use their trauma’s to be awful to others. My abusers made my life hell because other people had been awful to them and for some reason that justified their abusive behaviour towards me and (I was a child back then). It’s not. You reap what you sow. You seek help to get better, you take accountability for your own actions and you learn to live with your regrets and mistakes. I don’t expect people to forgive me when I have disappointed/wronged them and I don’t use my survivor of abuse card to get away with bad behaviour. I hope she is in a better place mentally and I hope she doesn’t keep getting punished by hollywood for that one tweet.
@R: I’m sorry you experienced that kind of behavior and agree with you about situations like that. A survivor doesn’t owe their abuser forgiveness. Constance Wu’s behavior (that we know about) doesn’t seem to have gone that far.
Several things are true at once here — her tweet was unprofessional, came across as bratty and was much better suited for a vent session with a friend rather than telling the whole world about how she felt. But it’s also true that women and people of color are held to entirely different standards than cis white men, and that the pile-on was grossly disproportionate to the mistake.
I wonder where her boyfriend Ryan Kattne was all this time? She talks about being alone and her friends not being supportive and no one checking on her.
I’m on the team that shows this lady a little grace. She’s a public figure, she apologized, she’s not my boss/mom/sister/leader of the country/running a business, so while what she said was not the most grateful thing I’ve ever read, I can tell you, there are actors out there who have said and done much worse….and wow, she had a breakdown and harmed herself, nearly to the point of no return. And if at the end of the day she ends up being a jerk (though I really don’t think she is), I still have all that good karma 🙂
I don’t know anything about this woman. I only saw her in one movie and liked the performance. What I find interesting is how many people here commented on her reputation of being difficult but with not one example of her being difficult or how she is difficult. But said often enough and repeated often enough people believe it to be true.
Yea good point.
But for the sake of the argument-let’s say it’s true she was difficult to work with. Why must it be brought up when we are talking about her experiences with sexual assault and her suicide attempt? Why do we feel the need to preface our ‘empathy’ with “I never liked her but…”? I’m guilty of this sometimes but I’m just realising how ridiculous it is.
People with mental health struggles or who are silently abused may be difficult-outbursts/being a bitch etc. This doesn’t mean you should accept poor treatment for them or that they are not responsible for their actions, but it explains their actions and show it’s a lot more nuanced than someone being a straight up a**.
I didn’t like her before but now knowing what I know, I just feel like we need to look at her with a more holistic lens you know? A little benefit of the doubt. Or at least be wary of what she says without dismissing her valid feelings?
this is my issue. There are so many comments about how she is “difficult” but with no specifics. We’ve heard of too many WOC described as “difficult” (and women in general) only to find out later that the issue was with other people, not the woman. That particular term is one way Harvey Weinstein derailed women’s careers, by branding them “difficult” when they didn’t give in to him.
I feel sorry for what she went through. It sounds like she was in a really bad place and I’m glad she’s doing better now.
Yeah, if I had a man controlling everything I did at my workplace, I’d be “difficult to work with” too. The lack of empathy for this woman is telling- I hope she keeps speaking up to drown it out.
Well she’s not a white blonde woman crying her white tears, so ofcourse there is a lack of sympathy for her. It’s racist and bullsh*t.
By the way I just watched her on Celebrity Jeapardy and she was incredibly likeable, funny, and a joy to watch. I’m rooting for her and hope she finally gets treatly fairly.
I watched an interview she did about everything including the book, and I came away thinking how very complicated and layered this particular situation is. How Asians treat other Asians and a history of expectations and demands, her show and what that meant for the community, social media, her words and actions, how the public reacted, mental health, societal norms with growth and changes…. It’s quite a lot to tackle. And certainly not with one sentence.
She didn’t deserve the abuse but my god get the F off of twitter! You can literally stop the abuse by deleting your account and living your life. Why do people not realize this?! She is around my age and we grew up without any social media so I don’t get why she didn’t realize you can still breathe without a twitter account. The obsession with social media with these celebs is crazy. Your mental health is more important than sharing every thought you have with the world.
She did get off of social media for 3 years. She’s only recently got back on it, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has someone else handling it.
You can stop abuse that way but SM companies should take some accountability for stopping abuse by suspending more people who contribute. I have reported some with vile tweets and they were removed. I have reported other accounts just as awful and nothing done. Makes you wonder who runs certain accounts.
I am happy she found her voice, I saw her interview on the View.
I see her.
I get her.
She’ll alright with time and effort.
I feel like she’s making things up especially re FOTB now to help justify why she wanted off the show. I don’t believe her and don’t like her at all.
I’m really glad Constance Wu is still here, that she was able to take time off to work on herself, and that she has the fortitude to make a comeback. That takes a lot of guts. It also takes a lot of courage to call out likability as a fairy tale when you’ve acquired a reputation of being a witch. She seems to flop whatever she’s thinking off the tip of her tongue, which comes with consequences and it’s sad that she’s all too aware of that. If I remember correctly, one of her issues with Hustlers was that JLo got higher billing—which, yeah, JLo was more famous and more likely to bring in money, but CW was carrying the movie. JLo is not known for being nice, but she’s someone who gets a pass for it. CW seems to speak out when she perceives inequality, but isn’t given the same grace.
It was poor judgement for her to tweet what she did when the show was renewed, but that didn’t warrant the vitriol that got spewed at her for it. I get the sense she reacted in the moment, venting her frustration in a place that wasn’t safe and not thinking about the possible backlash. For her own sake, she should have been more careful. But that doesn’t mean the backlash was fair or proportionate.
As for her being “difficult,” I have no idea. Maybe she wasn’t a picnic on the set of FotB, but it wasn’t bad enough to keep her from being cast in CRA, so how bad could it be? No one who got on the wrong side of her at work is obligated to come out and defend her, and it seems they didn’t. But maybe if they had known she was literally suicidal, they would have given her some grace. I like to think I would have.
Anyway, I’m glad she got help and is OK. She has a daughter too. Thank the stars she still has her mother.
Social media can be such a mine field.
This is the problem with bite sized media. She was reacting to something that was so much bigger than anyone understood at the time. But she didn’t have the ability to express it. Since the backlash was so fast. And the stories people ran with she just wanted off to be a movie star. And a hit show canceled would mean a lot of below the line people out of a job. So she was silenced and wanted to end her life. It’s heartbreaking, but the internet can be a sewer system. Never look for validation from it.
I’m glad she can take the time and space to speak to her point of view at the time. And honestly FOTB started out so funny. Then it just got to be so dumb and campy and a shell of what it used to be. She wasn’t wrong to want off it. But that is what lawyers are for. Not Twitter.
She is absolutely correct about repression.
She could no longer control her feelings and had outbursts in inopportune moment(s).
As stated deal with your feelings or they’ll deal with you.
I know very little about her, but I do know that if I was in a work situation dealing with someone who was sexually harassing and controlling me, I’d hate going back to my job too and I would definitely find another job elsewhere, if something couldn’t be done at that job. That’s it. That’s all I got. I know little about her, but if her work environment was toxic due to someone else, I get it.