On Wednesday, Prince Harry made a surprise appearance at BetterUp’s Masters of Scale Summit in San Francisco. He looked fit and lean in black jeans and a black button-up, and according to people at the summit, he was a huge hit. People were really excited to see BetterUp’s Chief Impact Officer, and to hear what he had to say about the company’s coaching services and mission. Quotes are still coming out from Harry’s discussion with BetterUp executives, and here are more highlights:
He has a coach: “I have a coach. I wish I had two.”
Therapy opened his eyes: “The moment I started doing therapy, it opened my eyes. I was moving through life thinking there was only one way to live. And therapy burst that bubble. Then when I found my way to coaching, the next bubble burst, and all of a sudden I realized that now I have perspective and a great understanding of my value. I regained confidence that I never thought I had.”
He never heard about therapy or coaching: Harry, also reportedly shared that he had never even heard about therapy or coaching while growing up in the royal family or serving in the military. “Prince Harry says growing up in the royal family & and then spending 10 years in the military, he never heard the words ‘therapy’ or ‘coaching,’” Doron Weber, VP and program director of the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation, tweeted from the event, adding, “Then the blinkers came off and his life changed.”
Unlocking potential: “It’s exciting to know what the human potential is for every person in this room and across the entire world. But we’re also at a point where we actually need to unlock that potential. The only way we can do that is to individually grow ourselves, but also help the people we are responsible for grow as well.”
Consistently, the narrative of Harry’s therapy journey has been kind of weird. It feels like Prince William wants to take credit for encouraging Harry to get help in 2015-16, and in fact Harry spoke about getting help before he even met Meghan. But Harry has always credited Meghan and how his whole perspective changed when he met her. I’ve always thought that Harry was already on this righteous, healing path even before he met Meghan. In fact, I think he was already opening himself up to new ideas, to the power of his own growth as a man, and that’s what made him so open to Meghan when they first met. As in, he was ready to meet her and he was open to the change she would bring.
Photos courtesy of BetterUp’s social media & videos.
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I think he’d be a great coach except I’ll fall for him sorry Meg 😄
Does anyone else read this and sort of become confused? I’ve been in and out of therapy my whole adult life – and it’s often me going “oh! Shit” then having to drag the therapist along through all the jumps my mind made (I’m neuro divergent) and explain then break down my epiphany. If that. I’m 40. Been in therapy since the second I got away from my family at 18. The thing that has helped me the most is medication and the proper diagnosis of my add.
I guess I’m saying – are there like rich people level therapists out there that are outstanding? A number of mine have been good. But most of my inner work just happens as I think through and process different situations.
I think rich people have way better therapists and access, definitely. They can talk to them whenever and get appointments. I’m kind of sick of all these celebrities acting like therapists are the answer to everything and so easy for people to access. Yeah therapy is great for your mental health but so is having a living wage, a stable housing situation and healthcare and help with your kids and all that other stuff that they don’t seem to ever realize is a struggle for many normal people these days. I was talking to my good friend the other day who has three young kids that is a stay at home mom and really struggling in her marriage and with her life right now and has zero outside help. She kept saying that she knows Her and her husband need therapy because their communication is so unhealthy but they literally don’t have the time or can afford it or have any child care. It always seems like people that could use is the most are the least able to access it. I live in a state that’s basically a desert of health care services and most therapy wait lists are eight or nine months long which probably means they’re never gonna actually get to you. I’ve tried to find mental help a couple times in my life and I always just gave up because when you’re struggling the last thing you wanna do is call dozens of mental health professionals to be told there’s no way anyone can fit you in.
I’m glad Harry was able to find therapy and happy that it helped him but it’s just so unattainable for the majority of people at this point. Seems like therapy is always the first option for wealthy people and it’s probably the best option for most people but the rest of us just have to get meds or deal with it some other way because we don’t have the time and resources to go the other route.
I do think that rich people have access to top quality therapists. Most of us are stuck going to someone who takes our insurance or who has capacity to take on new patients when we need to get in. Someone like Harry could shop around for a good fit without worrying about the cost — and they’d make room for him in their schedule.
I’ve never been to an amazing therapist. They’ve all been fine, but most of my progress has happened on my own reading books and doing the work. Transforming your worldview from the ground up like Harry has is a LOT of work and deeply painful. It’s worth it, but you have to be willing to endure that pain and effort, and you have to be pretty committed and go deep. Therapists, who might be limited by insurance to 10 sessions (or less!) can’t make that happen, even if they are really great.
I think they’re also able to go as often as they want bc they can afford it and aren’t going off of how many sessions, however far apart insurance will cover. I bet it’s also easier to get an emergency apt, or get squeezed in, or even to fly your therapist out to you if you’re wealthy and famous. I think they’re also able to get the top people in their fields and they’re not just stuck with talk therapy, they can get specialized therapy and they can get the person who invented that therapy.
For instance: CBT, IFS Parts therapy, EMDR, hypnosis, DBT, someone who specializes in trauma, or addiction, or recovering from narcissistic abuse. Someone who also incorporates body work, meditation, music therapy, mindfulness, grounding skills, aromatherapy, whatever. And they can have an expert in each one of those things, and easily incorporate those things into their life bc people will come to their home and they can afford to buy all the equipment or extra stuff that you need for those sorts of “extras.”
But who knows, maybe what Harry is talking about is sort of the same kind of talk therapy, having breakthrough stuff you’re talking about, but because he was literally at the point of “therapy wasn’t even a thing I was ever told about ever,” now even just the basic “you are worthy, you are in charge of your own life, these are what boundaries are and you can do them,” seems radical and life changing to him.
The privileged definitely have a different experience with therapy. There’s no worrying about insurance coverage, who will watch your kids, or can you get time off work, etc. I appreciate discussions about mental health issues, and I think we could all stand to work on ourselves, but when you’re struggling to pay the power bill it falls to the bottom of the list.
I’d love to be in therapy but I can’t find time to do my laundry or clean my house. I can barely afford a babysitter for when I’m at work. It makes it hard to justify therapy which might make it easier to cope with my circumstances, but those same circumstances are putting up barriers to me getting the help that would make me feel better about my circumstances.
I definitely think wealth grants access to better therapy. I did an intensive outpatient program and I had to take a LOT of time off work for it; it was 9 hours a week for 8 weeks during work hours. On top of that, it cost thousands. My parents supported me through it. I’m not wealthy myself but your average person can’t take 3 hours off work 3 days a week for 8 weeks AND pay the thousands.
That therapy changed my life. Individual therapists in the past helped but hadn’t done enough; I clearly needed the more intensive program.
I mean…as a therapist, that’s kind of what we want to happen? It’s not really about us laying out our *incredible* wisdom on folks, it’s way more powerful when we can guide people and they make their own discoveries. I think of myself as a guide for people, sometimes a teacher, not as a lecturer. People tend to take things in better and have better outcomes when they get to to that place by themselves rather than being dragged.
I’ve never been to therapy but there have been so many times I’ve blurted something out and people have looked at me like “um, what?!” and I’ve just had to tell them to trust me on it because if I had to explain the route my brain took to get there we’d be here all day.
I say this only because I thought it was just me. To see you write it exactly as I think it is 😭
karkopolo what was the name of where you went? I’ve been wanting to do this for my depression, but the only things I can find are rehabs.
It can be true that he started therapy at the urging of his brother but it seems that he “really started” therapy once he met Meghan, started taking the process more seriously and started seeing the real, tangible benefits.
That’s how I read it too. William recommended therapy to deal with his acting out/poor judgement/F-it attitude. (Later Harry talked about that time being tied to his PTSD from his childhood trauma and military experience.)
It wasn’t until Meghan came along and was like, “yo, these people who are supposed to love you are kind of dicks. They’ll always pick The Firm over you, and they’re happy to throw us both to the wolves these days. Might not be the healthiest relationship. You should look into that with a therapist.”
Yep, agree. Just because someone recommends therapy, doesn’t mean they aren’t doing that for selfish reasons. “You’re making my life difficult, so go to therapy and fix yourself so you’re not a problem for *me*… Your therapist is saying *I’m* the problem?!?!? Therapy is crap.”
W needs therapy as much as anyone does in that family, but I’m sure he’s never even considered it because he thinks *he’s* not the one with problems.
I don’t know the guy, but William reads as a bit of an asshat. I think his version of “you should go to therapy, it could really help” would be more like, “go see a shrink, you’re crazy!”
Actually, as H himself said on the Dax Shepherd podcast in May 2021, the kinds of “recommendations” he received from folks (i:e family members; i:e william) was being told: “You need Help!”
As H said, if you think someone needs help, the most ineffectual way to get them that help is to say to them: “You need help!” Because the standard response is: “No I dont!”
Anyhooo, folks always conflate the time when H went thru therapy for his own mental help with the time the palace forced him to do behavior modification work in the wake of the infamous Las Vegas shenanigans and etc.
In The Me You Can not See. Harry stated he was encouraged to do therapy by others prior to meeting Meghan and he went through a number of mental health procedures but was not committed to any. Upon meeting Meghan he became serious because she suggested he needed to seek help and he did not want to lose her. Therefore, I credit Meghan with getting him started on the path to discovery and recovery.
Harry also said in TMYCS that he knew he needed therapy to “fix himself”. There is a huge difference between being interested in therapy having occasional talks and being “committed“ to transform one’s life. Although he did therapy numerous times before, he was never ready to fix himself until Meghan came along.
And it’s not practice in British culture to talk about therapy openly. So I understand that only the closest persons in his private circle addressed his behavior and advised therapy. I also understand why Harry doubted their sincerity, because a “dysfunctional Prince Harry” fit perfectly in the “spare”-model to protect the heirs and they only thing they wanted was to keep him in his subordinate royal role. They didn’t care about his personal interest.
So happy that Harry broke out of the royal model and found a better life abroad with his Sussex family.
Yes. It’s possible to have an acute problem and go to a therapist and say “please help me control my anger” or “please give me some techniques to manage panic attacks” and then decide go deeper and find a therapist who will help you delve deeper into the “whys” of all of it and help you see a different future for yourself. Like if someone has a long-term physical ailment and goes to the ER to manage acute symptoms, but then starts going to a specialist to help manage things in a more comprehensive, long-term way that prevents symptoms from flaring up. Does that make sense?
Absolutely.
I’m of the kind that he reluctantly started therapy before he met Meghan but didn’t take it SERIOUSLY until he met her and was afraid of losing her.
I always saw it worded as William saying “you need help, maybe you should talk to someone,” and we don’t actually know if that someone was a therapist. Maybe “talk to someone” is like “go tell your friend whatever’s going on and see if they can comfort you.” Especially since Will and Kate seem to stress a lot of like “call a friend, visit a neighbor for some tea, go for a walk with your dog” as mental health help.
There’s “starting therapy” and there’s being a in a place where you’re ready to commit to the healing process. It seems Meghan was the real turning point for him, probably because he was truly happy for the first time, but also because she comes from a background where there’s no shame or cynicism about needing therapy. His public transformation from party prince suppressing his trauma to public advocate for mental health is pretty unique. Lots of celebrities are open in talking about their trauma and healing process, but there’s very few people whose lives we’ve watched from birth through unimaginable tragedy to personal discovery like this. I’m still amazed that he’s embraced that and used it to be a role model. It would have been his right to say “this is personal and not for public consumption,” which is why I guess I’m still awed at how he has decided to share his healing process with us.
Yes. It seems as though Harry made the decision to get therapy before meeting Megs but she encouraged him to go deeper. He shares the story of him getting angry about something and Meghan challenging him to talk to someone about that. He says something like “If I didn’t take it seriously, I would lose her.”
Will didn’t do shit but use his brother as a shield for his bullshit.
It’s funny that Harry is often referred to as the TOB but Harry has become an icon, over shadowing the other one and bringing the Diana gene with him. The future king is, in fact, just an afterthought.
Harry has never been referred to as TOB. That moniker belongs solely to bulliam only. It was given to him proudly by one of his own RoyalRota. They thought they were doing something when, as everyone saw immediately, it relegated bulliam to his rightful place as the less-accomplished, less-interesting, less-important and overall the lesser brother to the most charismatic and fascinating windsor male, Prince Harry.
The quote about “the blinkers coming off” — annoys me.
It’s Blinders…
Blinkers coming off would just cause chaos, non?
No, it’s blinkers. Like the blinkers used on a horse that only allows it to see going forward. By removing them you seem more.
Blinkers is the UK word for blinders. Harry is probably still adjusting to the differences between UK English and American English!
Blinkers are also known as blinders, they’re a piece of horse tack that prevent the horse seeing to the rear and, in some cases, to the side, typically used in races.
He’s British. Blinkers is the UK word for Blinders. Nothing to be annoyed about. Just a difference in a common language.
TIL blinkers = blinders!
Thanks for lesson. Now I can unhear what I thought was a mixing up of aphorisms
😀
@EasternViolet, I’ve always assumed that was an “eggcorn” too! (Eggcorn =acorn, well it doesn’t, but searching the Eggcorn Database will take you to many other examples which are interesting to read the history of.
I agree with you, blinkers are signal lights. I get that there are different meanings for words in different places, but this one makes no sense. See also boot instead of trunk. At least a trunk holds something, a boot is for your foot.
My thought has always been that Harry started therapy to deal with PTSD from serving in the military. Maybe to avoid self medicating his PTSD with alcohol/drugs? Or maybe to learn how to adjust to civilian life?
But Meg got him into therapy to aid him in self growth and independence from his family. For dealing with toxic generational traumas.
I ‘ve always sort of thought that when William took credit for Harry going to therapy in 2015ish, it wasn’t anything long term, it was maybe a few sessions to manage his grief or adjust to life post military or something. I think with Meghan, she helped him realize that he needed something more to help deal with *everything* that had happened in his life and how that had affected him. And I think he’s come to see therapy as a basic tool of self-care or something, the equivalent of going to the dentist or your annual check up with your PCP or something – something that he views as ongoing and just part of his life now.
There wasn’t too much time between Harry leaving the military and dating Meghan – maybe a year? And during that time he was traveling and doing various projects. It could be that William said something and then Meghan said something. In the end, Harry gets the credit for actually following through and doing the work.
William should have taken his own advice on therapy. Both of them suffered a traumatic experience and while Harry saw even more trauma because he served in a combat zone, it doesn’t mean William is as well adjusted as his sycophants tell him he is.
All the mentions of incandescent with rage done by the rota certainly suggest he’s not adjusted. And his dithering around and not working on the same level as his father managed to do since his twenties really suggests William needs more help than he realizes.
About the therapy journey, from experience I know that sometimes it takes awhile to find the right therapist and recovery path. He may have started before meeting Meghan that doesn’t mean that it was actually making a difference. I learned the hard way that some therapist are not the right fit and can do more damage than good. I am just glad he found what he needed.
It sounds like he didn’t take it seriously until he realized there was still lots of trauma to unpack that affected how he reacted to certain situations especially in relationship to Meghan. Before that he mainly stayed in a privileged bubble..
in an interview he said he thought he was good but realized he actually wasn’t…
But being betrayed by your family brings a whole new level of sh*t you have to work through. Phew!
Knowing this from experience…
I feel like since meeting Meghan and having to deal with the press bullying and his family betrayal he’s fully in and it shows.
He is very articulate and knowledgeable about mental health/fitness and it shows he’s walked the journey himself
When he said he’d never before heard of therapy does he mean that exact word? I think he had heard of professional help but not in the positive way the word therapy conveys. Even in the 90s it was understood that eating disorders were a mental health issue. So Diana probably was seeing a therapist. She was so gaslit and ridiculed by them though and that’s probably what Harry learned as therapy.
I think he means that therapy for him was never brought up.
First of all, he said “[while] growing up.”
I take it to mean that during childhood, teen years and young adulthood he never heard of therapy and definitely never heard of “coaching.” Which, given that H’s life had been almost a completely open book, it was obvious.
William advising therapy for someone ELSE is a bit rich, no?
This right here👆🏾
Yup. Being incandescent with rage all the time isn’t exactly well adjusted. Both of them suffered a massive trauma when they lost their mother and they did it in a fishbowl. Both of them should have been going to grief counsellors from the outset and they never did.
I saw some royalists being offended by what Harry said, bringing up Heads Together and accusing him of lying. But what Harry says is all his life up until he left the army therapy was never mentioned. Harry left the army in 2015 and I believe that being made to leave by his family sent him in a spiral that led him to seek help. He’s always said he’s tried things but he never really stuck to them and he was not receptive to people. which most likely included William. telling him that he needed help. He says that it was only when he met Meghan that he realised that he needed therapy.
I was listening to TLo’s latest podcast where they talked about this appearance, and it was weird because it’s like they either didn’t realize or forgot that Harry is now literally a c-suite executive himself because they were talking about how ill-suited he is to speaking about mental health at a corporate conference because he’s not part of that world. When he’s literally the CIO of a huge mental health coaching company and has been for a couple years now. That was the capacity in which is was speaking, but to hear them talk it was like “Prince Harry was randomly invited to speak about mental health at this corporate conference in Silicon Valley, how cringe”.
We should’nt be surprised to (soon) hear ( in his memoir?), that Prince Harry silently has gotten a degree in a mental health field from distant learning, like Psychology. Or that he is taking a distant learling study in this field at the moment, privately guilded by a uni professor. Maybe his MIL Doria, who has a bachelor degree in psychology, a Masters in social work and a career and now business in gereatric/elderly mental care, has encourage him to do so.
Doria seems wonderful. I wish Doria and Maghen would collaborate on a parenting book. I would take their advice… or maybe an episode of her podcast on mother-daughter relationships. There’s lots to unpack about the mother archetype.
On the other hand…Harry seems like a great example of someone who started out with some challenges, and was seen as the problem child, did the work, and then became more emotionally mature than the rest of his family of origin.
Harry’s comment about William suggesting he get help was in the same interview where he suggested that Kate came up with the idea for Heads Together. Given what we’ve seen from the early years project. Does anyone believe Kate thought it up. IMO. It was BS to prop up the Cambridge’s because they had been taking heat for being lazy. In fact, William was exposed for not even fulfilling the the part time hours he was supposed to. Go back and watch the video where he talks about this. It’s parts of the Heads together launch. His wording on both things is very vague. There is other instances of the Cambridge’s being attached to Harry’s work. And remember how they tried to give solo credit to the Cambridge’s for Shout. I agree with the above posters who point out specifically what he said about his therapy journey. He says that he tried it multiple times. That people around him suggested it but he resisted. That some things were helpful but he had reached a point where he was really struggling. That specific moment with Meghan was the final push for him to commit more intensely and really work things out. There is no contradiction or confusion in his words. Oftentimes therapy is not a one stop, one time solution. It can be layered.
Only here to say: can you IMAGINE being a therapist, getting a new client and it being HARRY????? I would be shook!
It is wonderful to live life in the present. He could trust his instincts to move beyond his comfort zone and marvel at his abilities.
Therapy helps by emphasizing clarity of reality and emotions. Harry is in a loving environment and can be his whole self as he healed. He was committed to do the work and luckily was in a supportative space, and had the drive to meet his maritial and parental obligations.
It must be freeing not having to shrink oneself to not exceed lower standards especially when one is expected to take care of oneself.
Harry has joy, he no longer have to seek pleasure to dull the emotional pain, irregardless of its orgions.
He no longer needs a happy place, he has good old reality.
Good on him. I hope the rest of us who are so inclined, can join him in our respective lives.
Can I just say, damm Megs, your husband is hottttt.
They’re such a beautiful couple.
And it’s great to see the love between them.
I understand what some commenters are saying about therapy being mostly accessible to the wealthy — it’s sadly true. I’m one of the lucky ones — my employer covers therapy services and has a strong Employee Assistance Program, and that’s great.
But as annoying as it might be to hear a wealthy person wax on about the benefits of therapy, I think Harry’s openness about his experiences is a net positive, because some men — still, in 2022 — don’t think they can talk about mental health. They think it makes them look weak. So a guy’s guy like Harry talking about it is helpful.
If you’re in the U.S., remember you can reach the crisis hotline by dialing 988.
I love that Harry and Meghan are sharing their lived experiences and promoting therapy. 🤞 💕 🖖
Anyone in USA can also use the crisis text line here by texting ‘HOME’ to 741741or online info is avail at crisistextline.org for what’s app and other ways to access
💕
However it came about, I’m really happy that Harry has benefited so much from therapy. I, too, was lucky enough to get into therapy back when it was better covered under insurance. I had many issues to deal with, and it really helped me.