Rupert Everett used to give interviews with some regularity. It was a lot like interviewing Morrissey – journalists know that they’re going to get some crazy quotes or soundbytes, so they basically just bait Rupert or Morrissey to talk their sh-t. Rupert sees himself as a charming older man who knows everyone and talks sh-t about everyone. More than a decade ago, Rupert’s mouth kept getting him into trouble, which is probably why he hasn’t made headlines for years now. Well, he has some new projects, so he sat down with the Telegraph to talk about straight actors playing gay characters, how he’s decided to leave the hair dye behind, and most significantly, he chats about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. He’s not a fan.

He gave up vampire facials, fillers & hair dye: ‘Because there’s a point where either you go for the full…’ he mimes the slice of the surgeon’s knife across his neck, ‘and I’m terrified of a five-hour anaesthetic – or you own it. Anyway, the parts I’d like to be playing now are 80- and 90-year-olds: King Lear-ish parts. I’m really enjoying pretending to be more decrepit than I am.’

He wants all the awards & honors: ‘Oh, I’d adore to win an Oscar.I care about all that stuff. I’d like to be a lord, a sir, have the Oscar: all of it.’

The reckoning of MeToo was long overdue: ‘For years men have been very entitled in the way they think of and behave towards women, and I think it’s great that it has been addressed. Of course, now every man is just terrified of women, so that has dealt with that… Still, some women have been terrified of men forever, so…’

On the Sussexes: ‘I have to say, Meghan’s a better actress than I thought she was,’ he says. But as for the book, ‘It’s made me change my view. I was angry before, and now I just feel very sad – sad for Harry. I felt so sympathetic towards him for years and I still do now. Honestly! As someone who has put his foot in it quite a bit, I feel particularly bad for him about the Taliban thing. That changed everything and loses him the one group that still loved him. I think he’s deranged. Although, of course, nobody is giving him good advice.’ As for what will happen to the Sussexes now, all Everett will say is: ‘Really, it’s been the most disastrous bumping of privates since Cleopatra and Caesar.’

On Harry’s story, in ‘Spare’, about losing his virginity in a field as a teenager: ‘By the way, I know who the woman he lost his virginity to is. And it wasn’t behind a pub. And it wasn’t in this country.’ So Harry deliberately set the whole scene elsewhere? Everett gives me a Cheshire-cat smile. Who is she? ‘I’m just putting it out there that I know.’ Because he knows the woman? ‘Yeah.’

[From The Telegraph]

Rupert’s thing about Harry’s first time has gotten the most headlines, but really, the comments before that should be the headline. I trust Harry to know who was his first and where, although in Spare, he didn’t really treat that moment in his life like it was particularly significant (and yes, I’ve seen the current other story, I’ll cover that separately tomorrow and please don’t threadjack). I would guess that Rupert probably knows someone who slept with Harry, but she wasn’t his first. As for the other comments… Rupert is such a nasty old bitch, my god. “I think he’s deranged. Although, of course, nobody is giving him good advice” – what advice should he be taking, according to Rupert? “Go back to the abusive cycle of your cold and distant family, abandon your loving wife and two children?” Probably. This feels threatening too: “Really, it’s been the most disastrous bumping of privates since Cleopatra and Caesar.” Caesar was assassinated. Marc Anthony had to step in and move Cleopatra and her son out of Rome so they would not be assassinated as well. It’s an extremely disturbing reference.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.