Normally I would write an article like this with the caveat that “I’m just passing this along because it’s funny.” But Britney Spears is absolutely insane/demented/possessed by a pack of wild beavers that I believe she would do pretty much anything. You could tell me that she was spotted hovering over the Grand Canyon in an astronaut suit she bought on eBay, and I’d be like, “Wow, she has really bad spending habits.” But I would never accuse you of lying, because Britney Spears can and will do anything to get attention/get her way/prove that you can have an IQ of 73 and still get reasonably far in this world.

According to the National Enquirer, Britney is using a love potion to try to win Kevin Federline back. Look, I’m going to be honest with you. Yes you should take most everything from the Enquirer with a grain of salt. But Britney has been reported to have done far crazier things by far more reputable sources in an attempt to win back the love/wife beaters of Kevin Federline. So there could well be a kernel of truth here.

The “Gimme More” singer has been consulting a psychic on the Hawaiian island of Maui who claims she can concoct a potion to make Kevin fall back in love with Britney. “Britney is desperate to change her luck and get her life back on track,” revealed a source. “She is still in love with Kevin and dreams of reuniting as a family.” Britney’s psychic adviser – the same one who told the pop princess it was a good idea to marry the unemployed dancer three years ago – told her she could concoct a mixture using special herbs to create a powerful love potion that would make her irresistible to Kevin.”

[From the National Enquirer, Dec. 24 2007 print edition]

Delicious. And absolutely true I bet. Not the part about the potion working, but absolutely true that Britney’s consulting a psychic to make one. When your IQ is 73 (okay I picked 73 at random, but I defy any of you to prove me wrong… and keep in mind, the average American’s IQ is about 100, and Forest Gump’s was 80 – ever point counts) you’ll pretty much believe anything. That psychic could tell Britney that her kids were not carried in her womb but rather were spit out by the sun and Britney would believe it. And then pay the psychic $10,000 for the privileged information.

According to the Enquirer, the plan doesn’t seem to be working, as it required Britney to get Kevin to agree to come to Hawaii for New Years, at which time one of them would slip him the potion. Kevin apparently isn’t having any of it – and when Kevin Federline is too smart to fall for your tricks, it’s time to check into the state hospital. HEAR THAT BRITNEY SPEARS! YOU NEED TO CHECK INTO A HOSPITAL!!

Picture note by Jaybird: Header of Britney last night visiting a gas station on Sunset Boulevard where she purchased a packet of cigarettes and a lighter before heading to Raffles L’hermitage. Image thanks to WENN.