Hulk Hogan is such a great father. Even though his fugly wife left him and his fugly daughter is a laughingstock who performs at malls shows, the only thing that matters to Hulk is his fugly, moronic 17-year-old son Nick. You know, the one that left his friend in a permanent vegetative state after slamming into a tree while drag racing. And then the whole family blamed the poor friend, John Graziano, for his injuries since he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. You can see why calling them fugly is the nicest thing I can say. I can’t even begin to dissect the makeup of their characters – that assumes they have character.

Hulk’s wife Linda has filed for divorce, prompting many to wonder if the Hogans are only divorcing to protect their assets from the massive civil litigation that’s coming from John Graziano’s family. Who knows what their reasons are – and I don’t like to give any of them an inch of credit for anything – but I first read about divorce rumors last winter, at least six months before Nick’s August car crash. Anyway, the Hulk is stepping up and just being the greatest father ever, and showing us that he really has his priorities in line.

“I had some crazy days, and some things that caught me off guard,” the former wrestler and star of VH-1’s Hogan Knows Best, 54, admitted at an American Gladiators press gathering. “[I’m] riding the highs, surviving the lows, and leaning into the wind. It’s all an attitude thing to me. Being positive and knowing that things are going to get better.” After son Nick, 17, was involved in a car accident last summer in which the passenger still remains in critical condition, “My main concern in life is my son, and his situation with the boy in the car,” says Hogan. “Everything seems to be getting better in that situation.”

Despite the difficult time he’s going through, “There is no other choice but to be okay,” says Hogan. “Just crawl up in a hole or jump off a bridge – that’s not an option for me. So I’m doing much better.”

[From People]

Thank freaking goodness you let us all know how well you’re doing, Hulk. We were all really worried. I’m sure the Grazianos would love to be doing that well too. Of course while your son is realistically facing a few months in jail at most, their son is facing a lifetime in a bed, unable to blink or breathe or communicate. But I’m really glad to hear that you’re not going to jump off a bridge.

Lest you think Hulk Hogan shouldn’t be held financially responsible for his minor son’s car accident, here’s a brief note from an article written about the 110 page deposition father Hogan gave recently in Nick’s case. Nick is charged with reckless driving with serious bodily injury.

Hogan also told Assistant State Attorney Scott Rosenwasser that he was with his son when Bollea [the Hogan family’s legal last name] was stopped twice for speeding along Alligator Alley in a black Mercedes-Benz. The Florida Highway Patrol said nothing about Hogan being a passenger when it confirmed the stops to The Tampa Tribune in September.

In the deposition, Hogan is nonchalant about the back-to-back stops on Sept. 17, 2006 – one putting the car at a speed of 100 mph and the second at 107 mph. A trooper let Bollea go after the first stop, but another trooper, in communication with the first, gave him a ticket after the second stop.

“We were pretty much going with the flow of traffic,” Hogan said, describing the drive on Interstate 75 east of Naples. “You know, getting passed occasionally by a truck going 90 or 100, or a car.”

[From the Tampa Bay Tribune]

I almost think I can’t write about this case anymore. I get so angry I can almost see my heart jumping out of my chest. So I’ll leave the rest of the tirade alone, and just say I hope the Hogans lose every penny they ever made, and hope John Graziano has a miraculous recovery. And if not, that he rests comfortably on a hospital bed made of pure gold the color of the Hogan family’s hair.