There are a lot of inequalities in the world. Straight people have it easier than gays, men have it easier than women, tall people have it easier than short. Of course none of these things are strictly a given, it all depends on your perception, experience, and beliefs. But one thing is certain: there are a lot more naked lady parts than male parts in films, and something MUST be done about it. Get rid of the lady parts? Ridiculous, you crazy puritan! Add more of the man meat! “Knocked Up” director Judd Apatow says America has a penis phobia, and he’s determined to make us get over it. And I, for one, am totally behind his plan. Just because I’m an equal opportunity offender.

The filmmaker placed a penis behind actor John C. Reilly’s head in an orgy scene in Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story and watched as audience members stormed out of a test screening in disgust. Undeterred, Apatow kept the penis footage in the film–and then made a “c**kumentary” about shooting the scene, which will appear on the DVD.

“The original shot was way longer, where the penis is in close-up, and then one night we showed it to a test audience and 22 people walked out. I think we went too far with too much penis. We went with different angles to make sure there weren’t too much testicles being shown… America fears the penis and that’s something I’m going to help them get over. I’m gonna get a penis in every movie I do from now on. When this writers strike ends, that is my dream. It really makes me laugh in this day and age, with how psychotic our world is, that anyone is troubled by seeing any part of the human body; that is amusing to me.”

[From Hollywood.com]

I’m pretty sure Judd Apatow is on a mission to make me love him. Not that I really want or need to see more penises in film (I write that rarely enough that I was trying to figure out if it was penises or penii. I like penii better, so we’re going with that from now on), but I like the equality of it. I remember the first movie I saw that had a naked lady in it – something horrible with Michael J Fox – and actually asking my mom why there wasn’t a naked man. I think she thought I was crazy and/or totally f***ed up (a question that probably hasn’t been wholly answered in her mind) but it really bothered me that it wasn’t a tit for tat situation. So to speak. So I say it should be all or nothing. And Judd Apatow seems to be going with all, so let’s go with that. If you think about it, it probably hurts men’s self-esteem. Being told that a woman’s naked body is perfectly appropriate for the big screen, but that there’s something so inherently offensive about the male form that we can’t look at it in a movie – well that’s got to do something to you psychologically. So men, I think you should champion this cause too. It’s a male pride issue. Tee-hee.