The past two weeks have been full of gleefully nasty reporting about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s business, and the reporting has absolutely not been limited to the British media, not with Rupert Murdoch’s media outlets in America doing a lot of the heavy lifting, and the trade papers piling on. Given that the British media has always been utterly clueless about how American celebrity works and how Netflix and Spotify work, the British media’s hive-mind has come back to their familiar talking point, which is that Prince Harry solely is somehow desperate to “come back” to his abusers and tormentors and desperate to reconcile with his family (all evidence to the contrary). Camilla Tominey wrote a lengthy and delusional piece about how the Windsors feel about all of this, and how the Windsors will “solve a problem like Harry.” Well, we saw how Charles solved a problem like Diana, and I suspect Charles has planned the same for Diana’s youngest son, especially given what already happened in New York.

Solving a problem like Harry: Having pulled off a successful Coronation and even managed to persuade the public to accept “Queen Camilla”, there is only one more pressing conundrum for the Firm to grapple with: how to solve a problem like Prince Harry? Yet while the Sussexes may be impatient for an apology, their royal relatives appear in no hurry whatsoever to bury the hatchet.

Charles & Meghan’s letters: The emergence of a letter written by Meghan to the King, expressing her concerns about unconscious bias in the Royal family, seems to have put paid to any imminent hope of reconciliation…Sources close to Meghan say she feels that she has not received a satisfactory response to her concerns, which is one of the reasons why she did not attend the Coronation. The King, meanwhile, remains “sad” and “disappointed” that his son and daughter-in-law felt the need to make such high-profile and damaging allegations in the first place. It is understood that Meghan’s letter was sent in reply to one from the King, believed to be the only senior member of the family to make contact with the Duchess after the interview.

The Windsors are forever salty: According to one source, the royals were “only just coming to terms with the Oprah interview” when the publication of Spare, Harry’s tell-all autobiography, in January, “took everything right back to square one”. “There’s a sense of high irritation about everything they’ve done. The Netflix documentary was viewed as largely anodyne and nothing much to worry about – it’s the book that, for the family, has really cemented the view that all Harry ever seems to want to do is air his unhappiness.”

Harry could write another book: Referring to Harry’s suggestion that “there’s enough for another book”, but that he “cut the memoir in half to spare my family”, the insider added, “There’s not a lot of trust left to allow the family to maintain a good and open relationship. How do you speak openly without it ending up in volume two?” Or, indeed, Meghan’s memoirs, when the time inevitably comes. If the Duchess is minded to finally name the royal “racist”, then all hell will likely break loose again.

LMAO: For the couple’s part, they are sticking to the narrative that the press is in cahoots with a palace that constantly briefs against them – which is why there was no official “recollections may vary”-style statement in response to Spare. As one former aide explained: “One of the reasons you haven’t heard a peep from the King or the Prince of Wales about this lately is because the couple in California are incredibly sensitive about briefing to the media. They hate it. So, people at the palace are having to be punctilious in refusing to speak in any way about the relationship.” An irony, perhaps, when you consider just how many beans have been spilt by the Sussexes about their nearest and dearest – but it seems one royal’s briefing is another royal’s “truth”.

How Camilla feels: Royal watchers could have been forgiven for thinking that the Queen was getting her own back on Tuesday when she appeared at Royal Ascot dressed in Dior – just as the French fashion house was distancing itself from reports of Meghan becoming a “brand ambassador”. Yet while there is no doubt that the Queen was upset by Spare, friends insist she isn’t the type to bear grudges. One former employee added: “If you think of all the years when she nearly had a bread roll thrown at her – how did she respond throughout that period? She was just really stoic. Her most admirable quality is certainly her sense of humour.”

The Sussexes won’t visit the UK for a while: With the Duke and Duchess having no reason to return to the UK (sources close to Harry say he is unlikely to make another High Court appearance any time soon), there is no impetus to initiate peace talks. “In the run-up to the Queen’s death and the Coronation, there had to be an institutional response,” explained one insider. “But with no major royal events on the horizon, the Sussexes are no longer the subject of strategy meetings.”

Charles is a dogsh-t father: One school of thought is that the King will eventually start the ball rolling again. “Most parents ultimately love their children a tremendous amount, and reconciling with them is something they want, although not necessarily at any cost,” said a source. But the dynamic has shifted since Charles became King. “A deference is suddenly introduced that is much more than a conventional father-son relationship,” explained one source. “You’re effectively disrespecting not just a person, but a sovereign. The monarch’s need to protect the institution as its only head figure makes everything more challenging.”

William & Kate act like children: It seems unlikely that a white flag will be raised without William’s approval, however, and the Prince and Princess of Wales appear determined to play the long game. “It’s a 1,000-year-old institution and they have long horizons,” said one source. “It’s a case of ‘Let the work speak for itself.’ The working family is working hard and it is working. The birthday parade was well received and no one seems to be missing the Sussexes on the Buckingham Palace balcony.”

Peg & Buttons are more concerned about Prince Andrew & Royal Lodge: While William and Kate, both 41, acknowledge that the impasse will eventually have to end, they believe that there are more pressing issues that remain outstanding, not least the future of the Duke of York. The couple, who are currently living in Adelaide Cottage, on the Windsor estate, have earmarked Prince Andrew’s much larger mansion, Royal Lodge, as a future family home – but the Duke is refusing to budge, despite reportedly receiving his marching orders from the King. “Having no contact seems to be the right answer for everybody right now,” said one insider. “At the height of it, it was all-consuming – and that’s not healthy for anyone.” Determined “not to be sucked back into the psychodrama”, the Waleses are very much in “keep calm and carry on” mode. “You need a level of distance in order to be detached and do your job. In that respect, the Waleses are a bit like Queen Elizabeth II – they actively avoid conflict. If you avoid the drama, it allows you to be stoic. The Princess is always very good on these things. Ultimately, it’s a relationship that’s probably worth saving, but it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” It perhaps also helps that there is “less anger than there was”. “It’s like a form of grief,” added the source. “There’s anger at what happened, but sadness at what could have been.”

[From The Telegraph]

TL:DR version: the Windsors continue to obsess over the Sussexes constantly and they, alongside their media partners, are uncomfortably focused on what the Sussexes do and say, all while the Sussexes live their lives in sunny California. Immediately following the coronation, there was a sudden realization among these morons that they no longer had any “big events” to hold over Harry’s head, to force him to come back. If it’s true that Harry won’t have to return to the UK to testify in any of his civil trials for a while, then how will the British media explain their continued obsession with a family who has not lived in the UK for three-plus years? At what point will the Windsors stop obsessing over the Sussexes and briefing about them on a weekly basis too?

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.