Every year or two, one of the British papers will do a lengthy article about how much Buckingham Palace sucks. I always read those articles – they are truly a highlight of royal reporting, and I can’t get enough of all of the stories about how Buckingham Palace makes all of its occupants miserable. BP has a rodent problem, it’s drafty, musty and cold, it’s like living in an old museum. Some of the structural and comfort issues are being dealt with in the ten-year, £369 million renovation which began in 2017 under QEII. That renovation was part of the reason why QEII basically moved full-time to Windsor Castle in her final years, and it’s why King Charles and Camilla still haven’t technically moved into BP. They still reside at Clarence House and Charles only uses BP for formal meetings, events, parties and dinners. Chuck and Cam won’t have to move in until 2027 and they’re not looking forward to it at all, but it has to be done. That’s the point of this Telegraph article – like, they don’t have any other options, they will be forced into moving into this drafty, musty old palace. Some highlights:

Everyone hates BP: Elizabeth II and Prince Philip had no affection for the place, and King Charles and Queen Camilla do not, by all accounts, relish the prospect of relocating there from Clarence House once current refurbishment work is completed. Earlier this month, a spokesman for the King said it was “currently the intention” that their majesties would move in when workmen move out in 2027. It was a long way short of saying they could not wait to live in the world’s most famous palace, and will do little to dampen speculation that the couple might never occupy it.

Charles & Camilla can’t personalize BP: By the time the reservicing work is completed, the King and Queen will both be pushing 80 – not the sort of age at which most people are considering a house move. The King has lived at Clarence House for 20 years and made it his own with the help of interior designer Robert Kime, whereas the Palace’s interiors are preserved in aspic. The truth is that Buckingham Palace is the least homely of the 12 residences that the King uses each year, so it is little wonder that it inspires so little affection.

BP is not a home, it’s a workspace: “You are basically living above the office,” said one former servant, “so it doesn’t lend itself to privacy and it’s not an easy place to relax.” Monarchs only stay at Buckingham Palace when they are working, meaning that for them it is a physical representation of the responsibilities that weigh heavily upon them, rather like the Downing Street flat is to the Prime Minister. Conversely Balmoral, Sandringham and Windsor (and Highgrove in the King’s case) represent a chance to get away from those duties, even if red boxes and prime ministerial visits continue.

There’s not much personal space for monarchs in BP: “Ironically, you couldn’t describe the Royal living quarters at Buckingham Palace as palatial,” says one former servant. “When private citizens buy a big house, they use all of it as their living space, but at Buckingham Palace they are confined to a small corner of quite a draughty building. You are talking about a bedroom, bathroom, sitting room, reception area and not much more than that. It has to be said that the King has always operated on the basis that he is happy with a bedroom, study and sitting room, but even Clarence House has more private living space, as the first and second floors are just for the King and Queen.”

An Obama story: The mice were still in residence when the Obamas stayed at the Palace in 2011 (Barack Obama was terrified his wife, Michelle, who is frightened of mice, would find out), and the couple found themselves accommodated for the first and only time in a presidential guest suite that did not have an en-suite bathroom. The Obamas had to cross a corridor to clean their teeth and wash.

How many bathrooms?!?! The majority of the 775 rooms are accounted for by the 188 staff bedrooms, 52 guest rooms, 92 offices, 78 bathrooms, 19 state rooms and various other service rooms, including kitchens, storage rooms and staff canteens.

Camilla really doesn’t want to move into BP: The King likes his homes to be well ventilated anyway, but the Queen feels the cold, and friends of the couple say it is no secret that Her Majesty is even less keen on a move to Buckingham Palace than her husband. “The King is very mindful of appearances and having the monarch living at monarchy HQ,” said one royal source. “He doesn’t view these things as a choice; he just views it as what is done.”

Charles & Cam really want to stay at Clarence House: Part of the equivocation could be down to a realisation that as the King and Queen approach their 80s, their health could be a factor in any decision to upend their lives with a move to the Palace. If for any reason they did not move in, it could mean that the late Queen was the last monarch to reside in the building.

[From The Telegraph]

The Telegraph also says that it will be inevitable that BP will be shifted to more of a tourist attraction, and there are already plans afoot to expand the time frame of when tourists can be welcomed into BP. But the paper also points out that it’s somewhat unworkable to shift BP to a full-time museum, especially since a huge chunk of this £369 million renovation is actually being done to the living spaces and “residence spaces” of the palace. As in, the “taxpayers” are not spending £100 million-plus to renovate the residence part of the palace just to see it unused and unoccupied for a decade just because Camilla’s ass is cold. I mean, I would feel sorry for Cam… but I don’t, so hahahaha. Also: 188 staff bedrooms and only 78 bathrooms? Nasty. Worse than a college dorm. This is why the British papers are so obsessed with those Montecito bathrooms, btw.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.