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Remember last year when Ryan Reynolds filmed his colonoscopy to raise awareness for colon screenings? He and his Wrexham AFC co-owner, Rob McElhenney, bet each other that they couldn’t learn Welsh (Wrexham is in Wales), with a filmed colonoscopy on the line. Well, now Rob is going public with another personal health moment, tweeting this week that he was “recently diagnosed with a host of neurodevelopmental disorders and learning disabilities! At 46!” The exclamation points tickle me. He’s a comedy guy and it’s a great way to own the story. And just like Ryan’s colonoscopy, where altruism was snuck in under the cover of humor, so it is here, with Rob noting that he’s sharing the news for all the people who also have similar diagnoses that they’re not dumb and they’re not alone:
Rob McElhenney is opening up about his new diagnosis of “neurodevelopmental disorders and learning disabilities.”
The It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia star, 46, shared the news on Twitter on Tuesday and admitted he was revealing his diagnosis to remind others that they’re “not alone.”
“I was recently diagnosed with a host of neurodevelopmental disorders and learning disabilities! At 46!” he wrote. The Wrexham AFC co-owner then went on to explain that he will go through “the full diagnosis/prognosis” on The Always Sunny Podcast in two weeks’ time.
He continued, “It’s not something I would normally talk about publicly but I figured there are others who struggle with similar things and I wanted to remind you that you’re not alone. You’re not stupid. You’re not ‘bad’. It might feel that way sometimes. But it’s not true :).”
McElhenney’s tweet was met with a positive response from his 1.1 million Twitter followers, with many thanking the star, who is married to his It’s Always Sunny costar Kaitlin Olson, for being open about his diagnosis.
“So amazing Rob, thank you for sharing and helping thousands who may be struggling,” wrote one fan, while another added, “Thank you for being so open and honest. Looking forward to listening to the podcast.”
According to Mayo Clinic, a learning disability is “present when the brain takes in and works with information in a way that is not typical. It keeps a person from learning a skill and using it well.”
“It keeps a person from learning a skill and using it well.” Rob McElhenney has created and costarred in two comedy series–It’s Always Sunny and Mythic Quest–that are still running (well, when once-in-every-60-years double-union strikes aren’t happening). He is co-owner of the Welsh football team (soccer, for us Americans) Wrexham AFC that he and Ryan Reynolds have shepherded into a boon time–the team has rejoined the English league after not qualifying for 15 years and its value has increased by 300% since Rob & Ryan took over in 2020. In his personal life, Rob has been happily married to wife and costar Kaitlin Olson for almost 15 years and they share two sons.
Yeah, I’d be adding an exclamation point to that tweet too.
I was recently diagnosed with a host of neurodevelopmental disorders and learning disabilities! At 46!
I go through the full diagnosis/prognosis on the @thesunnypodcast (which drops in 2 weeks)
It’s not something I would normally talk about publicly but I figured there are…
— Rob McElhenney (@RMcElhenney) July 11, 2023
I spent 20 minutes crying in the bathroom at my then-job when I got the formal AD/HD diagnosis at the ripe old age of 34. I’d always known, of course, that something was up (growing up hearing variations on “if your head wasn’t on your shoulders it would roll off” and “you have so much potential, if only you’d apply yourself”), but that diagnosis was a game changer, because it gave me permission to advocate for myself in a way I hadn’t been able to before, and to understand that I wasn’t self-sabotaging – I just had (have) a neurobiological condition that makes me have to work 200 times harder than people who don’t in order to be 73 percent as good as they are at some things. Wishing Rob all good things as he moves forward, and gratitude to him – and Kaitlyn – for being so open about his diagnosis.
Same.
The “live up to your potential” is devastating as a child.
That and “lazy”, “over sensitive”.
Late diagnosis (autism for me) was a relief, I understood I wasn’t alone anymore & my potential is just fine.
I have heard this so many times. I wish the “try harder” folks knew how hard I was trying. You wouldn’t chastise someone in a wheelchair for “not trying” harder to walk. I’m so tired of having to work so much harder for a fraction of the reward.
I hear you. Try harder was something I heard a lot.. Also just an assumption I was stupid. I haven’t been able to work since my 40s because I struggled so much with learning and concentration. Diag add 60. Bit late for me. I likely have other diag but I’m not really bothering (possibly asd as well and /or other things) . I’m medicated but my concentration, ability to learn is shot. Partner diag asd at 60. There’s no cut off age for these diagnoses.
@amyT wow. I got my ADHD diagnosis as a middle schooler and thank goodness. Even when I was dealing with adults who refused to accept the diagnosis and called me bad (simply bc I couldn’t sit still) I knew better. I don’t know where my confidence would be right now without that. I also learned how to work around the diagnosis to accomplish what was needed bc I knew what was going on. I feel like I’d be a shattered person if I had no answers till five years ago (I’m 39).
Steph try being 60! I never had a career because of learning /concentration issues. Ended up with random part time jobs till I’ll health put me out late 40s. I couldn’t progress in anything. Useless, wasted life. I was suicidal many times.
How frustrating, @The Old Chick! I hope you’re remember that life is a lot more than work. I’m sorry that piece hasn’t worked out well for you.
Tealily thank you so much. But it’s affected a lot more than work, it’s affected me socially, family wise. And even trying to learn a hobby. I had a range of issues that caused decades long depression and now it seems the root of it was add / possibly asd.
Steph, Tealily. OldChick -everyone on this thread – what a tribe we are. I’m doing okay, and grateful for where I am now -in my 60s, working at a job I love and somehow managed to write an entire book (it even has a real publisher!). I still struggle with stuff that other people do effortlessly, and my house will never be tidy (sigh) but I’m still here. And I would hug all of you if you were here with me.
@Amy T, I posted my comment before I read yours, and now I’m sitting here marveling at how much I identify with your experience. You said it much better than I did, but our experiences sound so similar (except that my ADHD diagnosis came at age 56). I see you, and I see the younger you who felt so misunderstood and unsupported. Hugs to you.
Well said. Totally relate! Boy, that “have to work 200 times harder than people who don’t in order to be 73 percent as good as they are at some things” comment sure resonates. I live that every day.
I was 45 when I got my ADHD diagnosis. It drives me around the bend that people just see it as a negative. Yes, I have time blindness. Yes, I have a hard time doing things that I find boring or don’t want to do. Yes, I get really jazzed about things and that can be overwhelming.
HOWEVER, I can take on and slay projects that are way too big and complicated for a non-ADHD mind. I can hyperfocus and I enjoy the things I’m hyperfocused on, that includes work tasks. If I’m given positive feedback, in a safe environment (good coworkers and bosses), allowed to do things in a way that I enjoy, and the dopamine boost of completion can be baked into my work day, I am the best employee in the world.
I love my ADHD, my favourite friends also have ADHD. We’re passionate, capable, and creative. What needs to change is the world – a few tweaks and we thrive. We deserve that shot, it’s not right that we have to pretzel ourselves to function when a few small changes would make a huge difference for us. The burnout is real otherwise.
I’m a late diagnosed autist.
I mean, it’s a moment frozen time, but the it all begins to make sense.
Going all the way back to childhood it all makes sense.
There’s a much needed conversation about changing criteria for diagnosis for a whole range of things, it’s woefully outdated. For autism, it really still centres around young boys, girls are far too often overlooked because we present differently.
So good for him, there’s a new learning curve but having a starting point is life changing.
My son is autistic; he was formally diagnosed just before he turned three, and he’s now almost six. My husband and I are both experiencing that phenomenon of realizing we are both likely autistic as well. We “get” my son in ways that we hear are sort of unusual. My husband’s childhood speech delay, my sensory issues that I”ve just tried to ignore for decades…all of a sudden lots of things come into focus. And women and girls are so ignored in diagnosis and treatment! I’m trying to figure out if I want to pursue a formal diagnosis, but honestly I worry about being disregarded, disrespected, and overcharged by the medical establishment, and I question if I have the bandwidth to deal with that on top of trying to get my son’s needs met. But I have to say, sharing my inner experience with my husband and a few trusted friends has been a relief.
When the Wrexham deal came out there was soooo much attention on Ryan Reynolds and I do get why, his star power was the entire point, but it always frustrated me Rob was often treated as a second thought when it was truly his doing. The man is a genius, and he clearly cares so much about everything he puts his time, energy and money into.
Rob is the star of that show to me (well, him and the team.) He’s funny, engaging, and interested/interesting.
ADHD/autism – in my 50s.
Such a relief to know that I’m not just a f_up, but also I wish someone had gotten me meds and therapy 4-5 decades ago. My life would have been a lot better.
I wish more people would speak out about late in neurodivergent diagnoses. I think it would take away so much of the stigma surrounding it. My husband who is 41 was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. He believes he outgrew it. He definitely didn’t and doesn’t want to treat it because I think he would see it as a failure. (Our 8 year old son also has ADHD, which he definitely inherited from his dad.) It affects so many aspects of our lives together. I’m not necessarily angry at him for denying it, but I’m not sure how to help him understand that many things could be so much improved if he treated it, whatever way that may be.
I hear this. My husband has recently accepted that he probably has ADHD. He talked to his doc, who agrees, although they haven’t pursued a full diagnosis. He goes back and forth between not wanting to take meds and thinking that he probably will (at some vague time in the future), but as of now he is untreated so I feel you. It’s really hard to navigate and it often makes me feel like I’m crazy. I can only take care of myself. No amount of me trying to work around his diagnosis is going provide treatment for him. I’m not sure what to do.
This is. My husband as well at 44! In the process of getting our daughter diagnosed it has become clear he could also benefit from a diagnosis and treatment. It is very hard to feel like you are modifying all your communication and behaviors to accommodate time management memory ect esp with young children. I hope he moves forward with some type of treatment and diagnosis that will help him take it seriously because not acknowledging it increases the stress for everone!
Same. Diagnosis for adhd at 33. One I had to fight for because I was instead diagnosed at 28 with a mood or adjustment disorder and put on Lamictal. So many stupid comorbidities attach themself to you when you spend you entire life masking. And as a black Christian woman, help was never coming from my corner, I’ve been going out alone. I see it in my daughter but she is thriving and happy so I’m not sure if I even need to get her help at this point? I’m barely helping myself. The process of finding a good therapist isn’t conducive to my condition lol. I got Adderall for 2 seconds before it became impossible to find so I’m back to coffee and a micro dose mushroom company.
My marriage is teetering and I worry that even though it’s him (emotional abuse, narcissist tendencies) it’s also me and will be me in future relationships because am I not easy to live with? Idk. Sucks. Just trying to figure out. I’ve been told it’s just a fad because of tiktok but finding community, finding out that my experiences are normal for people like me has been wonderful.
Finally received a diagnosis of ADHD at age 33, after a lifetime of being told what a disappointment I was for not measuring up to the level of achievement people expected of me. The most challenging thing may have been telling my parent about my diagnosis and having her reply, “Oh. You know, I always thought I probably should have had you tested for that” when she had been harder on me than any educator or employer had ever been. Like… you knew it wasn’t my fault but you spent decades making sure I hated myself for not being everything everyone thought I could be? That’s… certainly a parenting choice.
Anyway. Getting my ADHD diagnosis was literally life-changing in the way it helped improve my mental health and self-esteem, but now more than a decade after my initial diagnosis I frequently wonder if I’m not autistic instead of or in addition to having ADHD. There’s a lot of commonality in the way autistic people and ADHDers experience the world, and it’s not uncommon for autistic women to be misdiagnosed or underdiagnosed, and it’s only recently that the medical world (for lack of a more precise term) allows for dual diagnosis of ADHD and autism. Unfortunately I don’t have the energy or the finances to devote to seeking out a new evaluation.
I really like that Rob’s being so open about his diagnosis, he’s going to help so many people.
AuDHD is the term I’ve been hearing and yea I think I have some of that at play as well but I don’t want to guess or diminish from others that have it. But I also feel crazy telling a therapist I think I might have it as well. But I’ve been masking pretty much every moment of my working memory. It’s time to let it all go and breath
As someone who is not neurotypical this has me sitting on the couch crying. I have been told so many times throughout my life that my brain doesn’t work like orher peoples. I have been made to feel stupid and small. I know there is something wrong with me, but I don’t have the time or money for a diagnosis. Reading the comments was heartbreaking to see how many other people struggle.
To anyone here that does not struggle, please try to show a bit of compassion to the people around you. That coworker that you think is stupid, that neighbor that you find awkward may be struggling more than you know. And you judging them for not being normal is only going to make it worse as we beat ourselves up or go even further into hiding.
@Lady Keller There’s nothing wrong with you. I knew my whole life that my brain didn’t work the same way as the brains of other people around me. I was finally able to get evaluated at 36 & sure enough, I have ADHD.
I was fortunate enough to get evaluated, but there are other resources. I recommend the book A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden & Michelle Frank. Even if you don’t have ADHD, it’s a good book for reframing being neurodiverse with needing to be “fixed.”
My son was just diagnosed with autism/ADHD at 15. He also has a generalized learning disability specifically in math. It’s been a relief to him to finally understand himself and now hopefully we can get him more help at school. He’s well behaved and quiet and so far has fallen through the cracks. I am 47 and I know I am undiagnosed ADHD (my oldest son is also ADHD and when I went through the testing with him I was like OMG that is me to a T). I sure would’ve loved to be diagnosed and able to get help earlier life would’ve been so much easier. It’s tough when you always feel on the outside.
We are living in a weird in-between time when neuroscientists no longer consider kinds of neurodivergence as “disorders”, merely different ways of processing and analysing information, with their own strengths and weaknesses, just like a neurotypical brain. However, the term “disorder” is still used in dictionary definitions. Makes me think of a not so long ago time when homosexuality was considered a mental disorder. Many people would have understood that was incorrect, but nonetheless, that was the definition.
I gently, warmly request that people stop referring to autism/ADHD/dyspraxia/dyslexia etc as “disorders”. And as they are not disorders, they can not be “diagnosed”. One is “assessed” as dyslexic etc. Also: “She is autistic.” Not “she has autism”. It is not a disease. Same as you would say “she is gay” not “she has homosexuality”.
Even as recently as the 1970s, teachers were “correcting” left handed children and forcing them to write with their right hands, resulting in them appearing “stupid”, “lazy” and in some cases causing seizures. We are in the early days of learning to treat neurodivergent people with respect, grace and understanding.
Two recommendations!
1. The highly researched, science-based book “The Dyslexic Advantage”.
2. The book and CBBC tv show “A Special Kind of Spark” featuring autistic characters, actors and writer. My neurodivergent kid scream-cried watching it, as the bullying teacher was all too familiar. But the ending is happy and the characters feel very real, rather than based on typical tropes.
My father was 92 when he died. He was left handed and not only went through having teachers tie his left hand down, but was also told that being left handed was a sign of the devil.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I appreciate you
As for nomenclature, I find this interesting. I was just in a training yesterday about working with people with disabilities, and we were told, people first. This is a person with a disability, not a disabled person.
Absolutely people first. At our work, we were trained to think of these clients as “People LIVING with a disability” and to not pin a label on them. They are people; not a label.
@beaniebean
I’m disabled physically (and likely autistic). Most disabled people prefer identity first (i.e. I am disabled, I am autistic) language but most institutions still teach person first, mostly because the able-bodied teach those classes and want to make themselves comfortable. We only use people first language around things that are perceived as negative. We don’t say « person with melanin » we say Black person; because there’s no negativity associated there (or, there shouldn’t be!). Likewise we say bankers, teachers, doctors. Not people who bank, people who teach, people who medically care for others. Please extend that same respect to disabled people. Don’t imply you need a reminder of the disabled’s humanity. There’s nothing negative about being called what you are: disabled. And I don’t need to center the comfort of doctors and social workers who insist on person-first.
And let’s remember the tenet of the disability Justice movement: Nothing about us, without us!! If there aren’t disabled people in the room, don’t assume you know the most respectful way to talk about us.
There are some wonderful resources out there on when to use person-first language vs. identity-first language. A lot of autistic self-advocates that I follow prefer identity-first language (e.g., “I am autistic,” not “I am a person with autism”). I love how this link breaks that down:
https://autisticadvocacy.org/about-asan/identity-first-language/
Kindness counts. Tysm.
Go Rob!! 🖖
After one of our sons was diagnosed as AD/HD in first grade, my husband felt it was all so familiar that he had himself tested. It was no surprise to him when he was diagnosed also. Of course when he was in school there weren’t these tests, and there wasn’t any medication,, so he developed his own learning techniques. He knew that he had to study harder and longer than his fellow students, and I am in awe that he graduated from law school with this extra burden.
I strongly suspect I have ADHD and my husband as well. I’m an educator and I see so many signs in my son (6) but his doctor refuses to move forward. I took the Vanderbilt survey and my son most definitely qualifies. We had to really fight for EC testing because my son needed speech services. They realized he is speech delayed. I’ve been knowing this since he was in day care but everyone just said it’ll get better and work itself out. I want to rule out dyslexia but can’t because testing is hard to get done. We can’t do it through the school and our insurance means well have to lay 2k -3k out of pocket. So many in my age range are getting late life diagnoses and it’s life changing for them.
I’ve seen more and more people getting a later in life diagnosis, and almost all of them have talked about being relieved and finally understanding why they’ve struggled.
I like Rob and Kaitlin a lot, I am still bitter the Mick was cancelled, she deserves a bigger career.
The Mick is so good! It deserved more of a shot at success. I just completed a full rewatch, and I loved it even more the second time around. Highly recommended to anyone who hasn’t checked it out yet.
Ocho, I really appreciate what you’re saying regarding the language we use around these labels. While I agree with you in spirit that ADHD and autism are not inherently ‘disorders,’ the society we live in is not kind to those who live with these conditions, so they do often lead to a disordered way of being.
In my family of five, all of us have ADHD, and four have both ADHD and autism. Saying that these conditions are not disorders sounds inclusive and person-centered on the surface, but approaching them as simply ‘differences’ risks limiting access to desperately needed supports and treatments. For those individuals who are able to present superficially as capable (in other words, able to mask well in public), it’s already tremendously challenging to find professionals who take them seriously.
Everyone is unique, certainly, and we are all more than the sum of our parts. But it’s lopsided and inaccurate to cast ADHD and autism as ‘secret strengths’ or to deny the fact that they do lead to ‘disordered’ ways of coping when a person isn’t receiving the support they need.
On a personal level, I have dyscalculia, and I 100% consider it a disorder. It has prevented me from pursuing career paths that I may have excelled in, and it broadly factors into my daily life. A person without this disorder has no idea how profoundly it can shape one’s life. It’s not all bad, but I cannot blithely refer to it as a ‘difference’ and get on with my day.
I have discalculia as well. It has been a struggle my whole life. I never understood why I could get every subject so well but math just never clicked. It’s so interesting to me too but because I can’t understand it I can’t enjoy it. I mean, I can’t even add or subtract without writing it down.
So many good points here! I am a “super-masker”. Only those who know me well would ever have an idea that I have ADD. Not ADHD, but ADD. It’s exhausting! They don’t realize that I spend about three times as much time on a task at work to deliver average results on things like spreadsheets, detailed reports, inventories, attendance, etc. (I’m a teacher.) Sure, certain aspects of ADD/ADHD may be positive, just like with any human attribute, but certainly, in the workplace, it is a challenge. Diagnosed at 45. Meds can really help though. I was very resistant at first, but man, what a difference! And for the ladies, hormones can play a big role in it! When you hit perimenopause, sometimes it really “blossoms”!😉
Our son has ADHD and his meds have been nothing but helpful to him. He is exactly like himself, just able to complete tasks whereas without the meds he is bouncing off the walls and unable to finish his work. (Because of the shortage he was off them for a week and you could tell he was struggling.)
Our daughter is not diagnosed. It’s been a mess fighting to get her a diagnosis because in girls it often presents very differently. She is a great student and very well behaved but is also flighty and forgetful. It takes her ten minutes to make a cup of tea. She just loves so slowly. It’s very clearly ADD or something along those lines. I’ve been fighting for a year to get her evaluated. I want to at least get it done so as a mom I can say I did what I could to help her as much as possible, but I hit roadblocks everywhere.
Edit: she MOVES so slowly. Not loves. Dumb ass phone
My daughter is the same but honestly… she’s happy with herself. I’m the one whose annoyed when it takes her a long time to do something, or gets triggered when she walks in circles. So really I just look for ways to support her need to get energy out, to teach her ways to remember her tasks. I wish I had someone who had patience with me when I was young. I can’t make her fit in anymore than I was able to. So I just try to make it easier to be herself
It’s a problem when her seemingly innocuous issues affect others day to day. It isn’t intentional but even with some intervention – medicated or not – things would be a lot easier for her and honestly all of us. Acknowledging her shortcomings due to her likely diagnosis isn’t me being impatient or unsupportive or making her fit in – while it can be frustrating, it’s still important that she learns to understand why she can’t just leave a door open (the dog is a runner) or stand there moving at a snails pace when she is trying to make toast or cereal (other people need the kitchen too). It’s my job to raise her to be happy with herself – and to make sure she considers how her actions (however unintentional) affect those around her.
To clarify, I’m not fighting HER. She has said this has been difficult for her too because she struggles with her short term memory. We are dealing with unresponsive school staff and a behavioral therapist who cancels our appointments last second. That’s what I mean by fighting.
I’ve seem so many people trying to are getting autism, add, adhd, etc neurodiverse diagnosis as adults. Definitely an uptick it seems? Not trying to disregard them but perhaps most of us are “neurodivergent” to some degree and some are better at masking it than others?
I’ve asked myself do I have a form adhd or is modern society ridiculous and being expected to do mind numbing boring work for 10 hours a day simply not what humans are meant to do?
That uptick is from being ignored or dismissed for a lifetime. From others being brave enough to say it out loud and then others doing the same.
Any disease, disorder,socio ecomonic deficiency, needs attention to get resolution.
Adhd isn’t about being bored. I thrive at work. It’s fine to ask yourself that question but make sure you ask yourself and not a group of people sharing that they actually have it. Go get diagnosed.
Most of the white world is solidly neurotypical. Trust me on that. Everyone is neurodiverse; 1 in 10 is neurodivergent. Don’t co-opt that as well!!!
I really love and appreciate how so many people, especially public figures, are talking more openly about their experiences and diagnoses. It’s such a refreshing antidote to how secretive people were about these topics when I was growing up. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type) at age 56. My entire life, I was told (and I believed!) that I just wasn’t trying hard enough or that I wasn’t applying myself enough. I felt like such a failure because the truth was that I was always—ALWAYS—trying so f***ing hard that I was perpetually exhausted from the constant TRYING SO HARD. No one could see how hard I was truly working. And I couldn’t understand why all of that effort wasn’t getting me the results I wanted. It was extremely confusing and frustrating. I feel as if I spent 56 years spinning my wheels pointlessly, while also constantly disappointing myself and everyone around me. Now that I’m understanding my situation and my brain better and better, life and work are getting easier and making more sense. I try not to focus on how things could’ve been different, but I so wish I had gotten this diagnosis 50 years earlier. Better late than never, though.
My friend who is a psychologist said something very thought-provoking about the number of neurodivergency diagnosis increasing as of late. She said that sure, we have resources now that earlier generations didn’t have, but we also have a very narrow view of what is “normal”.
You get diagnosed because your brain works differently, but it’s only a disability in a world where there is one standard of what a human being is suppose to be like and act like.
No where else in our understanding of nature do we confine a whole species to standards like we do ourselves.
We don’t expect a chicken to fly and catch fish, and we don’t expect an eagle to lay eggs and live like a farm animal on the ground. Yet, they are both birds.
We are different too. And it’s time to start finding the ways neurodivergency (for example) can make our society a richer and more inclusive place.
I’m not undermining the disadvantages and hardship btw. I have ADHD too. But I thrive when I can be myself and act the way that’s normal for me. When I don’t have to fit into a box of what I “should” be like.
Society as a whole is not built for us. So we are the ones being given the “disorders” diagnosis. It will evolve with time. Who knows how future generations look at this 50-100 years from now.
Maybe the chickens and the eagles can co-exist and provide each other richer lives.
My daughter is autistic. My husband hasnt been through an official autism diagnosis process, but his mental health folks are like, dude, you’re autistic. Going through the screening process with our kiddo many professionals would infer that we were both autistic, and we were like, we’re not autistic…. and they would be all, mmmmkay. So, my husband says i should just admit im autistic and identify as autistic. And im like, you cant just call yourself autistic unless you have gone through the process. There are rules and standards to meet
And he’s like, are you listening to yourself? So, i would love to get an official diagnosis – i feel like my life would make more sense and i could apologize to people whose lives ive made difficult. But even asking my pcp i worry they would be like, eyeroll, eeeveryone is autistic these days. And i get annoyed with people who self diagnose.
I hear you. I’ve suspected that my 21 year old is on the spectrum. Things is, she’s been in therapy with 3 or 4 different therapist and psychiatrists for about 10 years, and nobody has ever brought this up to me. Her latest therapist suggested an evaluation, which we are currently seeking. It’s near to impossible to get an eval as an adult. We are on a waiting list. I suspect my husband is on the spectrum, also, but I won’t bring it up to him. He would be very offended. I keep going. back and forth with my daughter. I didn’t notice any change of behavior until about age 12 or 13. Perhaps it was easier to mask then? It seems like a very difficult thing to diagnose when someone has been thought to be neurotypical their whole lives. I know it would’ t make a different to my husband, but my daughter really wants to know. And so we wait.
I’m comforted by what Rob shared but even more so by the comments in this thread. Earlier this week, my therapist reassured me that everything I believe is “different” about me is actually “normal” for middle-aged women with ADHD. I don’t think the weight of what she said sank in until I read your comments. The masking, the mental exhaustion, the overwhelm . . . the struggle is real (and perimenopause certainly is not helping). I’m so glad to see evidence that I am not alone.
You are not alone, NBP!
One thing that has helped me a lot is a calendar for non-linear thinkers called Hustle & Play. I started using it in 2023, and it has been really helpful.
Thanks, Amy! I’ll definitely check that out.