The New York Times has an epic profile of Madonna’s boy-toy/lover/in-house-deejay Jesus Luz. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on with the NYT lately, because their celebrity coverage seems all over the place. Two examples: this weekend’s strange, overly-critical piece about Brad Pitt and the Make It Right Foundation, and secondly, the weirdly complimentary profile of Megan Fox and her dumb, vapid media strategy several weeks ago in the NYT Magazine. Now comes this Jesus Luz piece, which is just fluff, legitimized as some kind of exploration of how and why Jesus became famous. I’ll boil it down for everyone: because he’s bangin’ The Gristle.

The NYT goes on and on painting a picture of The Epic Rise of Jesus, and much of it is pretty boring. But there were some interesting pieces of info. Like, all this time I though his name was pronounced Hay-soos Looz. Not so much. Jesus corrects everyone, and claims the Portuguese pronunciation of his name is actually “Zhay-ZOOSE. Loose.” Seriously! Here are some of the highlights (complete NYT piece here):

Before Madonna: Jesus made $500 a day as a model in Rio de Janeiro, said Sérgio Mattos, his agent at the time. Then in December 2008 he landed a shoot with Madonna for W magazine in which the two played lovers in a Rio hotel. “At the moment he met Madonna, I never see him after that,” said Mr. Mattos in a telephone interview. “I sent him to the job and after that he changed phone numbers and I never see him again.”

Deejaying for $15,000 for 90 minutes: Jesus enrolled at a D.J. school in Manhattan and in no time has landed high-profile gigs. For the 90-minute set he was spinning Nov. 12, only his second professional D.J. outing in the city, he was being paid around $15,000, said Matthew Isaacs, a promoter who had booked him, at a lower cost, to spin two nights later at Hiro in the meatpacking district.

Jesus on deejaying: “I love the energy of the crowd,” Luz said, stepping away from the D.J. stand to pose for photos with admiring female fans. “It’s good to have two careers going on, modeling and D.J.ing. I feel good.”

Jesus on his name: Before Mr. Luz, muscular and curly haired with piercing blue eyes, returned to the laptop and mixing board, he explained the proper way to say his first and last names: “Zhay-ZOOSE. Loose.”

Jesus on Madonna: “I don’t talk about my girlfriend. Let them come to their own conclusions.” (Through a spokeswoman, Madonna declined to comment for this article.)

Jesus on Kabbalah: “When I was a teenager, I thought I couldn’t do nothing in my life. I felt very hopeless. And then something started to happen.” He studied Buddhism and yoga and an ex-girlfriend introduced him to kabbalah. “I’m just looking for something to make me strong, and kabbalah has given me that,” he said. “I’m looking for something to make me comfortable and happy in my life.”

Does Jesus get an allowance from Madonna? Although some gossip Web sites have reported that Madonna pays Mr. Luz an “allowance,” he said that was ridiculous. “I’m laughing so loud,” he said.

Jesus on his love of New York: “I like the strong energy of the people in the city and how they work and run behind your ideals here,” he said. “It is very contagious in a good way. Sometimes when I look at the Statue of Liberty, I feel a sensation similar to when I look at the statue of Christ in Rio.”

[From The New York Times]

They go on and on about the deejaying career, but they do note that people are only hiring Jesus with the hope that Madonna will show up to support him. Which is sad, I think. I mean, sometimes I do feel for this kid, especially now that he’s said Madge doesn’t even give him an allowance. I shouldn’t be surprised though – Madonna is famously cheap, and she’s also delusional enough to think that Jesus should be grateful to be with her and she shouldn’t have to give him money. I’m starting to get the feeling that Jesus works his ass off to try to keep Madge happy and keep the modeling and deejaying gigs coming so he can save enough for a rainy day. Zhay-ZOOSE!!

Jesus “Zhay-ZOOSE” Luz deejaying in Rio De Janeiro on October 22, 2009. Credit: Bauer-Griffin. Also, Jesus in Rio on November 11, 2009. Credit: Fame.