July and August are usually the “silly season” when it comes to royal gossip. The Windsors are squirreled away in Balmoral or some undisclosed holiday location, and the royal reporters get bored and start writing up weird stories. Some summers, the gloves come off and the Mail or the Times will choose to do a very critical royal story too, something pointed and vicious. This is just an FYI: the summer silly season is upon us, and that’s why we’re getting some really random stories. Like this one! Page Six has a lengthy write-up about how Prince William and Kate are the New Camelot, only better because they’re not the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. I sh-t you not. First off, the Windsors need to stop obsessing over the Kennedys. Secondly, Will and Kate need to stop obsessing over their completely one-sided war with Harry and Meghan. Some highlights:

A masterclass in branding for the Waleses since QEII died: The couple’s lives — and those of their three children — changed in a heartbeat as they moved one rung closer to King and Queen and ushered in what royal watchers are describing as a “new Camelot.” Indeed, Kate and William have mounted a charm offensive like the one that saw President John F. Kennedy and First Lady Jackie Kennedy bewitch America and the world with their young family and style.

The New Kennedys: “William and Kate have created numerous official and informal photo opportunities, projecting a positive and united image as a couple,” global PR and branding guru Mark Borkowski told Page Six. “This curated and idealized image indicates their determination to own the narrative of hard-working, empathetic young royals…William and Kate’s image far outweighs Harry and Meghan’s social media issues and their attempt to conquer Hollywood.”

Winning the PR war!! And sources say that William and Kate, who like to document their lives with the help of glossy “home” videos made by filmmaker Will Warr, have figured out what it takes to win the PR war. “Kate and William have given us a master class in introducing the children to ‘The Firm’ [the nickname for the royal family industry],” one palace staffer told Page Six. “It’s a delicate way for the children to experience official engagements and get used to the public profile — and a careful balance when they’re of an age that they and their schoolmates will be aware of when their pictures are in the papers.”

The Wimbledon outing: “The recent appearance of Kate pre-tournament with the ball boys and girls was a great stunt,” said Borkowski. “So was filling the Royal Box [at Wimbledon] with the kids and the endless long lens shots of the children’s reactions. They clearly know there is a phony war with Harry and Meghan.”

Butt-touching like the Kennedys: There has even been a change in William and Kate’s body language — whereas they barely touched each other in public before, Kate can now be seen giving William a cheeky pat on the butt. “A lot of people remarked to me how relaxed they look out and about, they’re not just ribbon cutting,” said a source who knows the couple: “They’re both trying to deliver impact. They’re excited about the work they’re doing and with that is a sense of ease and confidence, they can get out there and really be their authentic selves.”

Will & Kate don’t employ consultants: “It was a big deal for them,” said the source, who confirmed the couple has not hired image experts. “There’s no army of marketing and branding people behind the scenes shaping everything. There’s a constant dialogue with their team about what’s important to them. But every element of what they do is thought about.”

Hugo Vickers, royal historian: Since the coronation, “Everything [Kate and Wiliam have done has been perfect … They get on with their duties, working within the system — unlike the Sussexes.”

Peg’s shadow court: One British socialite who knew both Charles and Diana intimately believes William will create his own Camelot-style “shadow court” of friends and “thinkers” — just like Charles did with Camilla at his country estate, Highgrove, before he was king. “It’s a chance to play king without the responsibilities,” said the source.

Camelot didn’t end well for the Kennedys: “I do believe they have some challenges ahead — the hamster wheel has an infinite cycle demanding positivity weekly,” said Borkowski. The source who knew Charles and Diana added: “They need keep on the right track. After all, Camelot did not end well for the Kennedys.”

[From Page Six]

This was especially bonkers, right? Several things are absolutely clear: Harry and Meghan live rent-free in Peg & Buttons’ heads; Peg and Buttons refuse to hire or listen to seasoned professionals and that’s why they keep f–king up; Peg and Buttons are desperate to appeal to Americans without bothering to actually learn anything about America or the American people. They think they can just declare themselves the new bewigleted Camelot and everyone will fall to their knees, crying over the keen comparison. Something I’ve always found a bit funny is that, to me, it was clear that Meghan was a big fan of Carolyn Bessette Kennedy, and if we’re drawing Kennedy comparisons… Harry and Meghan are much more JFK Jr/CBK-coded than anything else, and once you put that together, the idea of Peg and Buttons as JFK and Jackie… well, there’s nothing there. Will and Kate can’t PR their way out of a wet paper bag. Imagine citing Kate’s incessant attempts to grope William’s ass as evidence of their new Camelot status? These people (all of them) are so f–king tacky.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.