Ojani Noa in 2005. Credit: WENN.com. The photos we are referring to are on D-Listed

J.Lo’s opportunistic ex husband, Ojani Noa, was again barred by a judge on Tuesday from using any of his 11 hours of alleged “honeymoon” footage of Lopez in what he claims is a personal documentary. The movie was filmed during Noa’s less than yearlong marriage to the star in 1997. Noa has a long and somewhat complicated legal background with Lopez. It pretty much amounts to him trying to cash in on their relationship in every way possible and getting blocked by Lopez’s lawyers at every turn. When Lopez inevitably wins a legal battle, Noa will whine that she’s out to get him while it seems to be the other way around. Earlier this month, he claimed Lopez was “destroying” his “life,” and with this latest legal smackdown he bitched that “They’re trying to stop me from making my documentary and I’m fighting for my rights. They’re not being fair.”

Lopez’s lawyers claim there’s no actual sex on the tape, and that’s consistent with advance reports from the National Enquirer. According to a journalist for the Enquirer who has viewed the tape, the most scandalous parts were some light spanking and a panty-free upskirt of Lopez getting on a motorcycle. If there was real sex on the tape Noa would have sold it long ago and moaned about it when Lopez sued him into the ground.

It’s ok, though, because Noa has a backup plan. He was seen outside the courthouse holding up his new 2010 calendar, which features him posing in only a towel. (We don’t have access to those photos, but you can see them on D-Listed.) He seems to have waxed his chest or to have relied on Photoshop to erase his body hair along with adding significant airbrushed definition to his abs. He still has bushy caterpillar eyebrows, though. The guy can go for a manscaped chest but he can’t be bothered shaping his giant brows. Maybe they’re his trademark feature now. Is there a fetish for that? I tried to google that and the best I came up with was this not-so-serious thread on the matter. It’s a shame there aren’t more eyebrow fetishists, but maybe they’ll come out of the hairy closet to support Noa’s new calendar.